Original subtitles

How's the cabbage soup coming, Dad?

Great, except you're low on spices, but I think I have some cumin in my

suitcase.

When he visits, he brings spices from faraway lands. What is he, Marco Polo?

Hello! Hi!

How was your day at work? Anything exciting happen at the studio?

Uh, we had a 402, but I defused the situation before it escalated into a

-blown 501.

Speak English.

The bottled water guy parked in Clint Eastwood's spot. I told him to move.

What is that smell?

Oh, my dad flew in this afternoon.

Did he go bad?

He's making his cabbage soup for dinner.

Kim, you know why he's making that cabbage soup? Because he knows I hate

Then don't eat any. Look, he's only going to be here for a couple of days.

we try not to have this visit end in a fist fight?

He attacked me.

Then you bit him.

And what was with that whole windmill thing?

I was defending myself.

Jimmy! Hey, Dad!

Hey!

How you doing, Don?

How you doing, Brick?

I hope you're hungry.

I'm making a lot of cabbage soup.

Thanks, but I think I'm just going to have a sandwich.

Sandwich? Oh, tell me you're allergic to cabbage, too.

My God, get this boy a bubble.

Come on, Christine, it's just a few hours on Saturday afternoon.

I mean, I don't want to watch you play softball. Don't you always watch me play

sports in high school?

Yes, because I could sit in the bleachers with my girlfriends and drink.

do that with the kids. They get grumpy when they drink.

So you're playing softball?

Yeah, the security guards on the lot got a team. We're playing the security

guards from the mall.

Losers.

Why can't you just go by yourself?

Because Dominic's at that age where I want him to start taking an interest in

sports. This is a chance to see how good his old man really is.

If you want to show him something you're good at, just spit milk out of your

eyes like you did at our wedding.

Ah, crap.

Here,

Dad. Here, try these.

What are those?

They're sleeve guards.

I'm always splashing stuff on my sleeves when I'm cooking, so I made these one

day. Oh.

What's that? These are great.

Thanks. You made these yourself?

Did I raise a smart daughter or what?

A couple of smart daughters.

Remember that dessert you made, that pudding that I love so much?

What was that called?

Instant pudding.

You made a special topping on it. What was that?

Cool whip.

I love you, honey.

I love you too, Daddy.

Flatter me, come on. Oh, Dad, I don't want to... No, no, try it. Flatter me.

Come on, let's go.

Do it, do it.

Dry as a bone.

I think you got something, honey.

Yeah, Cam, you should sell these.

You know, people buy anything. Jimmy, remember when we bought that toilet seat

with all those coins in it?

Remember when we cracked it open and paid the pizza guy?

Thanks, but I'm a little bit too busy changing diapers and cleaning up spills

start my own business.

Hey, look at this. Some poor guy jumped off a building.

But his family wishes they spent more time with him. You know, spending

at the park together, showing an interest in the things Dad does.

Yep, every day with your kids is precious, folks. You don't get this time

Oh, the cat's in the cradle and a silver spoon.

The little boy blue and the man in the moon.

Shut up, I'm going to the softball game.

Thank you.

But we'll get together then.

It's not the same game anymore. The refs don't call anything.

It's anarchy out there.

Traveling.

Traveling.

Palming.

Oh, cool. The game's on.

Traveling.

Hey. Hey, what's all that stuff?

Well, I was at the fabric store, and I started thinking about how much my

dad loved my sleeve guards.

You know, maybe I really could sell them. Anything you put your mind to?

You can do.

Really? Where are you going to sell them? Out in the front yard like a

stand or something?

No, no. There's a craft fair at the Civic Center this weekend.

I'm going to stay a few extra days. I'll help you set up the booth.

Oh, this is going to be so much fun.

Oh, I have to go to a few more fabric stores.

So I need you to watch Sammy.

He needs dinner and a bath around 7 .30.

Bedtime is at 8 sharp. Read three books and make sure you leave on the

nightlight. Here you go.

Nightlight?

When are you going to be back?

It's not like I just put a bomb in your hands. It's your son.

Well, Kim, I know that. I can take care of Sammy. Well, good, because I'm really

going to need your help every night this week. I've got a lot to do between now

and Saturday.

Well, yeah, of course.

Oh, thank you.

Just think, if this goes well, a year from now, you could be a stay -at -home

dad.

So you guys really think she's going to sell a lot of these sleeve guard things,

huh? Not a chance.

I smell a stinker.

Then why would you encourage her? For the same reason you should, because I

her. She's my daughter. Any idea she has, I support it.

No matter how stupid it is?

I let her marry you, didn't I?

Is Sammy still sleeping? Yeah, I hope he doesn't wake up soon. I gotta do the

dishes and two more loads of laundry.

Okay, who left the milk out?

What do you people think this is, a restaurant?

Oh, my God. Give me a glass of scotch and a cigarette and I'd be my mother.

Here, sit down. I want to show you some of the arm prints.

The what?

Arm prints.

Great name, huh?

I don't get it.

Arm prints.

Aprons for the arm.

Arm prints.

That doesn't make sense. I mean, aprons aren't prints for your ape.

Don't be so literal, honey. It's just a catchy name.

I used to come up with them at the ad agency all the time.

You sure didn't make a lot of them, huh?

Well, I didn't want to run out.

Here, look at some of the patterns they come in.

We've got sports themes. Wow.

Holiday themes.

Formal wear.

And cow print.

Oh, cow prints.

Those are very hot affairs these days. Some of those crazy old ladies would buy

a bag of dog crap if it had cow print on it.

So you're... pretty excited about this, right?

Oh, yeah. I can't wait.

Yeah, yeah. Let's just see how you do today.

I mean, I hope it's a huge success, but, you know, if it doesn't work out, at

least you know you gave it a good try, right?

What does that mean?

What?

Greg, you think this is a good idea, right?

Yeah.

Your voice went up.

What are you talking about?

When you said, yeah, your voice went up. It sounded fake.

You're hearing things.

Greg, do you think my armpits are a stupid idea?

No.

Oh, my God. If you think this is a stupid idea, just tell me.

All right. You think it's a stupid idea?

It's not that big a deal. Everyone has stupid ideas. Apparently, me being

with you a few seconds ago was my stupid idea.

So I'm just stupid?

No, you're not stupid. The arm prints are stupid.

And when I say stupid, I just don't know how practical they are.

Oh, I see. So now you're the expert when it comes to cooking. And this is from

the genius who cooks hamburgers in the toaster. Well, I'll tell you one thing.

They fit, they're hot, and once I put out the fire, they were delicious.

And for your information, I have fed Sammy by myself every night this week

you were out saving the world from arm stains.

You'll see who's stupid when my arm prints are the hottest thing at the

fair. Well, yeah, I'm sure they'll sell like hotcakes. I know I would spend $10

on something to protect my sleeves. And wait a minute, maybe I could just do

this. Maybe that would work.

Seems like they just keep lowering the ground every year, huh, honey?

Can you stop making fun of me? Here comes my boss. Hey, Lloyd. Hey, Jimmy.

Hey, this is my wife, Christine.

This is Dominic. This is Logan.

They're here to watch their dad hit a home run.

Yeah, nice to meet you.

Christine, have you ever played softball?

I played a little bit in high school. We need two women to play before we

forfeit. And one of our women just called and said she couldn't make it.

What about your wife? No, she stinks.

Christine can't play. I mean, who's going to watch our kid?

Jimmy, I'm sorry. We've got more than enough guys. We need a woman.

Here.

All right. Okay.

All right.

Everybody, team, huddle up. Let's go.

Christine?

Yeah?

Here's my balls. You might as well take these, too.

All right, Sam.

Let me just sit you down for one second, and I'll be right back.

I know mama doesn't like you to watch TV unless it's an emergency, but daddy

hadn't gone to the bathroom in six hours and I've had four ice peas.

Believe me, we have an emergency.

So glad you're here. Lou and I just discovered something amazing with our...

Okay, let's turn it off. Can I turn it off?

What?

Oh, you want to see it one more time?

But how about maybe we can read some books now?

Okay, well, look, you can watch it one more time, but that's it, okay? Just one

more time.

How does everything look?

Beautiful, sweetheart. Beautiful.

I just hope we bought enough of them.

Do you really think people are going to buy these, Daddy?

Of course they're going to buy them.

Look at some of these other nut jobs they're selling.

Those darny hangy things. Well, who's going to buy one of those?

Well, they're macrame, Dad. They're for plants.

What?

You put a potted plant in that and then you hang them.

Oh, you mean like from a ceiling or a roof?

Yes, exactly.

I'll be back in a minute.

Dominic, remember, that guy's going to throw the ball to Mommy, and she's going

to swing the bat and try to hit it as far as she can.

Go on,

Mommy! Hey, Jimmy, there's two outs in the last inning, and we're down by a

You want a bat for Eddie? He stinks.

Sure. You watch my kids for me? Sure.

All right, Dominic, watch this. Enough talking. Daddy's going to show you how

it's done.

I did hit it kind of far, didn't I?

Are you going to run around the bases now?

Yeah, you want to run them with me?

Cool. No, Dominic, that's not the way to... No.

Sammy,

please, no more blues clues. We've seen it seven times.

We've seen it seven times, sweetie.

Okay? Don't you want to play with your blocks?

It's rewinding. You would think you would know the drill already.

Okay, okay. One more time. That's all.

That's all.

That's all.

That's all. That's all.

There it is. It's on.

Oh, hi.

Come on in. We are going to play blue school because it's really fun.

We are gonna play blues, blues, cuz it's really fun.

Oh, hi!

We are gonna play blues, blues, cuz it's really fun.

Oh, hi!

We are gonna play blues, blues, cuz it's really fun.

Oh, hi! We are gonna play blues, blues, cuz it's really fun.

What's going on?

Look, I don't know how the other guy understands you, but I have no idea what

you're saying. Now, how do I get out of here?

Oh, I get it.

That's how I'll figure it out. I have to find clues.

Blue's clues.

I have to find a paw print.

That's the first clue.

We put it in the notebook, and then what do we do?

Blue's Clues.

Blue's Clues.

Come on.

Jimmy, what are you doing here? Come on.

You've lost your mind. Let's get out of here. But I'm about to play Blue's

Clues. I have to find the notebook. Where's the notebook?

I'm playing blues clues.

You used the tape to keep the little guy quiet, didn't you?

Yeah, I was dreaming I was in the show.

Yeah, those tapes will drive you crazy.

Tell you what, Craig, why don't you get out of the house and I'll watch Sammy?

Oh, thanks.

I would like to kind of see how Kim's doing down at the crafts fair.

Yeah, I'll go with you. You want to go to a crafts fair? Look, she's here alone

with three kids. If I don't get out of here now, I'm getting one of them.

Sammy?

I don't understand this.

We haven't sold any.

Not one.

It's like they hate us. No, no, they don't hate us.

They just don't understand the unique product.

All right? They're stupid.

That's what it is. Yeah, you're stupid.

Yeah, you, you, you, you.

You're idiots.

All right?

It's like pearls to swine.

Come on, Dad. They already warned us once.

Let's just go over there. No, she'll be humiliated. Man, I knew this was going

to happen. I've got to do something.

Excuse me, sir. How would you like to make $10?

What do I have to do?

Here's the $20.

Go over there and buy one of those things from that lady there.

She'll give you back $10 change and you can gladly keep it.

No problem.

Wow, that's great, honey. I guess I was wrong.

Yes, you were.

Honey, where do you want me to put the arm prints?

I told you to drop those off at Goodwill.

They wouldn't take them.

Then go find a dumpster.

Okay, honey. And when I'm throwing them in the dumpster, I'm going to wear the

arm prints so I don't get garbage in my... Just go, Dad!

All right, we didn't sell... any of them.

Go ahead. Do your little happy dance.

Kim, I'm not happy.

I didn't want you to fail. That's why I tried to say something to you this

morning. I know.

I was just... I was having such a good time.

I felt like I was planning and doing something. I had a project.

It was exciting.

I felt like I did when I was working.

You miss work? Is that what this is all about?

No, it's...

And working hard and having someone tell me I did a good job.

Kim, you take care of our son and you're great at it. And if you don't realize

that, then it's my fault.

I'm the one that should be telling you you're doing a good job. It's not the

same thing as a real job. No, it's not. I agree. It's harder.

Trust me, I took care of Sammy by myself every night this week and I sucked at

it. Come on, you did fine.

You weren't there. Things were not fine.

I only gave him a bath twice. Laundry got so piled up, I started hiding it all

over the house.

I lost his toothbrush three days ago, and Thursday night, I completely forgot

give him dinner. You forgot to give him dinner?

Well, the night got away from me. I don't know how you do it. I mean, if it

up to me to raise him, he'd be a skinny, dirty, toothless, TB -addicted

hillbilly.

Ken, listen to me.

Sammy is smart.

He's curious. He's aware.

And this is all because of you.

And if you don't feel what you do is special, then it's my fault for not

you enough. And I'm sorry.

I love you.

Thank you.

That means a lot.

Are you going to get that?

I would, but it's just you're so good at it.

you, Sammy won't go to sleep without watching Blue's Clues.

I had to sit through it 20 times.

Oh, sorry about that.

Oh my God.

You're Steve from Blue's Clues. Yeah.

It's okay. You're just dreaming.

I am?

Yeah. It happens to a lot of mothers, but don't worry. You'll wake up soon.

So you want to make out?

Yeah, sure.