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I don't know why everyone makes such a big deal about these low -budget

independent movies.

I know. The sound was terrible. It was so dark. And then there was that long,

boring wedding sequence where I had no idea who any of the characters were.

What made you rent this?

I didn't rent it. I found it.

Well, at least we didn't have to get a babysitter.

You know, I think that last one was snooping around in our special drawer.

Oh, hey, Christine. I think there's some space in the Mommy and Me group

tomorrow. You think Logan and Dominic might enjoy it? Oh, God, yes. I could

a day with them out of my hair.

No, Christine, you have to come, too. You're the mommy in Mommy and Me.

Oh. Okay, I'll go. You're going to love it. Greg's been coming with us every

week since Sammy was born.

Yeah, but gosh, if Christine and I are both going, it's going to be kind of

crowded. I guess we'll have to take more than one car.

Greg, save it. You don't have to come.

I was just thinking about the environment, that's all.

I can't believe this.

A free Saturday to relax and do nothing.

I haven't had one of those since the Saturday before I met Kim.

We're getting a whole Saturday off?

What kind of mommy and me group is this? Oh, no, it's not just mommy and me.

Then Kim drags you to the merry -go -round. Then there's jimboree, fun

connection, music together.

Oh, Christine's going to be pissed when she finds out about this.

Are you going to tell her?

She's not going to be pissed at me.

Dominic, honey, someone needs to be talking into the other one.

Hello, hello, hello.

No, sweetie, you need to use both of those to make it work.

Hello, hello, hello.

Don't worry. Maybe you'll be good looking.

All right.

I'm almost finished packing up.

Where's all your stuff?

Aren't you at least bringing diapers?

A diaper is like a piece of gum. You smell bad enough, somebody will give you

one.

Are you guys heading out? Yeah.

I bet you are going to enjoy your day off.

A day off? It's not like I look forward to a day away from my wife and kid. I'm

just going to be rambling around this empty house trying to find something to

do.

Greg, you're smiling.

What?

Oh, sorry.

Have fun. You have fun. Bye, Sammy.

All right. We've got the whole day to ourselves, my friend. We can do whatever

we want. Oh, no. I've been looking forward to this for a long time.

What are you doing?

Reading.

Why?

I happen to enjoy it.

I've got a new book.

Greg, reading's what you do when the kids are asleep and your wife wants to

talk. Hey, I thought we'd do something together. Like what?

How about a little wrestling?

With each other?

On TV. Man, it's been a long time since you've been alone, huh?

I don't want to watch TV.

All right, then let's go out. You know, it's a beautiful day out. It's L .A.

Hey, you want to play some golf?

Oh, yeah, like we can just play golf. We don't have a tee time.

People in L .A. make reservations weeks in advance.

Yeah, hi.

My foursome has a tee time at 11 .16 today, but I forgot what name it's

Could you?

Yeah, that's it. Rob Stoker. Yeah, could you cancel that for me?

Yeah. Yeah, okay, thank you.

What are you doing?

Yeah, hi, my name is Jimmy Hughes.

Yeah, I was wondering if you had a tee time, say, around, I don't know, 11 .15?

11 .16?

Let me check.

Yeah, I guess that'll work. All right.

to do is pretend we got a goofy accent, we're in.

That's stupid. I'm not pretending to have a goofy accent.

Yeah, just like that.

Like what? This is how I talk. Perfect. Cut it out.

Oh, man, that was great.

I love golf. I just can't believe it takes six hours.

Yeah, I know.

Every guy out there has a wife and kids at home waiting for him.

You think they'd come up with a way to stretch it out a little longer.

So, um,

To be honest, that was a little bit better than reading a book, huh?

Yeah, it was.

Yeah. And if Christine wasn't there to fill in for you today, you probably

would have gotten to do this, huh? Yeah, that was great.

So, anything you want to say to me?

Like what?

Like, thanks, or I'm glad you moved here.

You're a little needy, aren't you?

Come on, man. I mean, you're always calling me.

No, I guess it's not.

What are you doing?

I'm going to give you a big hug. Why?

Because I feel like it. See, this is your problem, man. You're uncomfortable

showing affection.

No, I'm not.

Enough, enough.

You smell like you're sweating Fritos.

We're back.

Hey, how was it? Oh, it was great.

Everyone was at Mommy and Me.

And then we did the merry -go -round on the beach.

Music together was so cute.

And then the best part, at Gymboree... Where's Christine?

Oh, she was right behind me.

Did, uh, Christine have fun?

I think so.

family. Oh, shush. I'll be right back. I'm just gonna go put Sammy down for a

nap. Here, Christine, I'll put the guys to bed.

Oh, do whatever you want with them.

Greg, you do this every Saturday?

Except for the Saturday I broke my collarbone.

That weekend we did it on Sunday.

She is non -stop.

You know she made us walk the entire Venice Beach boardwalk?

I almost got my nipple pierced so I could sit down for 15 minutes.

She's got so much energy.

You should see her when it rains and she's trapped in the house. She's like a

hummingbird in a shoebox.

She can get a little crazy.

I thought having a kid would slow her down, but this has made her worse.

You know what one of the other ladies in Music Together calls her? Oh.

Genghis Mom.

To tell you the truth, Sammy's lucky to have a mother like that. My mother's

idea of a mother -son activity was a little game called Find Mommy's Lighter.

What are you guys doing?

Hey, just talking about how great a mother you are and how lucky Sam is to

you. That is so sweet.

They are out cold. Hey, Christine, we can do whatever we want tonight without

worrying about waking him up.

Jimmy, I am so tired. You can do anything you want tonight without waking

I'll take it.

I think you wore Christine out.

No, that's just because it was her first week. Next week she'll do much better.

Next week?

There's not going to be a next week.

What?

I'm not going next week. Why not?

Because it's a little too regimented for me. I don't want that kind of structure

for our kids.

Oh.

That figures.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing. No, no, no.

I know what it means.

You're judging the kind of parent I am.

We just have different ways of raising our kids, that's all.

Yes, but you think your way is better.

Yes, I do. That's why I've chosen it to be my way.

You know, look, everyone has different ways of parenting. You know, Kim has her

way. You have your way. I have my way.

Your way is to let me do everything.

Look, don't get mad at me. She's the one calling you a bad mother.

You know what? This is just like you. You're always trying to tell me how to

live my life. Christine, I'm just trying to help you make good decisions,

especially now that they don't just affect you. They affect your kids.

Yeah, well, don't worry about my kids, okay? Because somehow, miraculously,

they're happy and healthy without having every minute of every day scheduled for

them by some control freak.

Control freak?

At least I try to be a good mother. Yeah, you try to the point of driving

everyone else crazy. Your own husband says you're crazy. Hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey.

I said a little crazy.

I said a little crazy.

What?

You know, in a good way.

Like a fun crazy.

Like, you know, she's so crazy.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Tell her what her nickname is. Christine, please.

What? My nickname, Greg?

Genghis Mom.

Genghis Khan did a lot of good things that people don't know about. I think he

brought horses to Western Europe.

Okay, well, how about this? I have a nickname for the kind of mother that

Christine is.

Lazy Duke.

As in Daisy Duke?

From the Dukes of Hazzard?

Oh, like Genghis Mom was so funny.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you raise your kids your way, and I'll raise my kids my way?

Fine! Fine!

Come on, Jimmy.

See ya.

I think Genghis Khan also brought spices to the Netherlands.

I can't

believe the kids are still asleep.

Having a day with Kim is better than when the doctor put him on Benadryl.

Where are you going?

In the house. Grab some breakfast.

Oh, so what? You can eat their food and Kim can judge us some more?

Just some cereal.

Look, I've got your breakfast right here.

From now on, we're eating in the guest house.

Well, we can't eat in here.

There's no TV.

Yeah, well, get used to it. because we're not going in their house anymore.

Christine. Look, it's bad enough that we're stuck in their guest house, but

now on, we're living our life as separate as possible.

Okay? I don't need her constantly watching the way I do things.

We can have a perfectly nice breakfast here.

Now, what do you want?

Cinnamon or strawberry?

We can't even heat them up.

Don't get warm in your mouth. Eat.

What are you doing?

Same thing I do every Sunday, watching the Redskins game. What are you doing?

Well, I was going to take Sammy to the amazing corn maze.

What's that?

Oh, it's this great maze that's cut through a cornfield. You can get lost in

for hours.

Why?

For fun.

I don't know how much fun it's going to be, though, with just me and Sammy.

And I'm definitely not asking Christine to go with me.

So, stay home.

Or...

come with us.

I'll get the keys.

Great. Could you pack some juice boxes and goldfish for Sammy?

How long do you think we're going to be?

Oh, well, it depends on how long it takes Sammy to get through it.

The big kids do it in an hour and a half.

Maze took longer than we thought.

But the other activities were fun.

You were in the petting zoo for a long time.

I fell asleep in the petting zoo.

I only woke up because the llama spit on my face.

God, I hoped I was spit.

Thank you for being so good about this. I appreciate it.

Well, Sammy had a good time. That's all that matters.

Are you hungry?

No, I'm starving.

Great. Why don't you light the grill and we'll have a picture? in the backyard.

Oh, great.

What?

Kim, we're bound to bump into them once in a while. They live in our backyard.

Hey, guys.

Ow.

You know, there's places I can go where they'll protect me from you.

I'm looking at them.

Stop throwing rocks in her bucket. You're making us look stupid.

Where are you going?

I'm not staying back here with her. We'll have our picnic at the beach.

The beach?

This is ridiculous. You guys are acting like children.

I want to watch TV.

Too bad.

Christine, you can't keep avoiding them, okay? We live in their guest house. Why

don't you just go inside and talk to her?

Why don't you just get a job so we can find our own place?

I can't talk to you when you're like this.

I'm just saying, when I see two sisters who I know love each other fight like

this, it makes me sad.

Uh -oh.

I think I better change Sammy.

want me to make up with Christine so you don't have to do all our family

activities. Kim, I got spit on by a llama.

At best.

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Pass that stuff in the car and I'll go get your swimsuit in case you want to go

in the water with Sammy.

Yes, I hear you.

Greg, can you read me?

I said yes. Quit messing around. Kim's going to be back any second. You idiot.

Greg, if you can hear me and are talking into the walkie -talkie, remember, you

have to push the red button.

Hello.

It's about time, man.

Christine won't let me go into your house.

I tried talking to her, but she's being so stubborn.

I know, Kim, too.

Look, I can't talk long.

Who won the Redskins game?

I don't know. I've been out all day, and now I've got to go to the beach.

This sucks.

I know. How long do you think they're going to stay mad at each other?

I don't know, but we've got to come up with something. And talking to them

working. Well, what are we going to do? Monday night football is tomorrow night.

I'll think of something.

Well, I hope so, because I've got nothing.

Look, I've got to go.

I don't know.

I miss you.

What?

Nothing.

Listen, put the lock button down on the walkie -talkie and put it next to the TV

so I can listen to the late game.

Okay, sure.

I want to go to Hermosa Beach.

They have the cleanest water.

Well? Sammy, I'll take care of that, won't you now, buddy?

I got here as quick as I could. Is Christine okay?

Did you call Kim?

Yes. Where's Christine? What happened? Nothing happened.

What? You told me on the phone that she was in an accident. Yeah, she's fine. In

fact, she's on her way here right now.

Then why did you have me call Kim and tell her Christine was in an accident?

For the same reason I called Christine and told her Kim was in an accident.

Because I'm a genius.

Jimmy, were you in an accident?

Kim and Christine are in their cars right now, driving as fast as they can

the emergency room, both worried sick that their sister is seriously injured.

When they get here, they'll be so relieved to see one another, they'll

all about their fight.

Hey, you said you had nothing.

Well, this is worse than nothing. Kim's gonna kill me. I gotta find a payphone.

Maybe she hasn't left the house yet. Payphone?

Have a little faith, buddy.

Oh, God, what happened? Where's Kim? Hold on, hold on. How do you feel right

now? How do you think I feel? I'm worried... about my sister?

Because you love her, right? Well, of course I love her. Now, shut up and tell

me what the accident was.

The accident?

The accident was you and Kim got into a fight.

Where's Kim? In her car, wiping the tears from her eyes as she races here,

worried about her sister, the sister she thinks was in an accident, the sister

she loves.

You?

What did you do? You're kidding.

My name is Kim Warner. My sister Christine Hughes was in an accident. I'm

to see her. We have the same blood type and I'm willing to donate a kidney.

To my sister.

Kim, I'm right here.

Oh, thank God. Everything's fine.

Jeez, you must have been wearing your seatbelt. Your makeup isn't even

I wasn't in an accident.

geniuses we married, stuff that shows how much we love each other by making us

think each other was dead.

I never said dead. I wouldn't do something like that. I said injured.

Jim, I was just trying to call you.

Why? To tell me my mother and father were mauled by bears?

Hey, hey, hey, this was not my idea. This is all Jimmy.

You called me and told me that my sister was in an accident. How could you do

that? You know what? I should have listened to you when you warned me not

marry this pinhead.

You're a much better judge of character than I am.

Me? Look at what I got.

You'd think that since we didn't go for looks, we might have gotten someone

smart.

See,

it works.

What are you talking about? They're furious with us. Of course they are. We

a horrible thing.

Which made them realize that their petty differences are nothing compared to our

outrageously stupid behavior.

So the fact that you're an idiot was your plan?

You work with what you got.

What are we going to do now?

We're going to watch Monday Night Football. Remember, that's the whole

did this thing. If we go home, they'll kill us. We're not going home.

Move over, buddy.

But again...