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1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:05,547
Hang on, hang on —
You're not supposed to be here either?
2
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,508
You're a mistake, just like me?
3
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:08,884
Yeah, and I'm freaking out, dog!
4
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,926
There's so much thoughts in my brain
it's like my head is filled with rocks.
5
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:15,057
How have you managed
to stay undiscovered?
6
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:18,685
Because I have had to dodge and weave
and barely escape with my life
7
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:23,232
and you don't seem... like a super genius.
8
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:27,569
Hello, jianyu, I'm Michael.
9
00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:32,699
Before we start, I know you were
a Buddhist monk and kept a vow of silence.
10
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,285
Would you prefer
to remain silent here, as well?
11
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,581
You literally haven't said a word
since we got here?
12
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:43,085
Yeah. When I say I'm meditating,
I'm just trying to figure out
13
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,336
what the fork is happening!
14
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,046
I think we might be in an alien zoo.
15
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:47,339
Or on a prank show.
16
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:49,216
No, jianyu, we're dead.
17
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,134
Whoa, that's a dope prank.
18
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,511
Whew, gotta give it up.
19
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:57,391
Okay. I need to make sure
that this isn't some sort of weird trap.
20
00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,351
Is your real name "jianyu?"
21
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,186
No, it's Jason mendoza.
22
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,772
And, by the way,
everyone here thinks I'm Taiwanese.
23
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,441
I'm Filipino. That's racist.
24
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,818
Heaven is so racist!
25
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:10,362
But tahani said that you helped Michael
26
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:14,116
by putting your hand on his chest
and doing some sort of healing magic?
27
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:18,537
Yeah, a nurse did that to calm me down once,
when I crashed my jet ski into a manatee.
28
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,914
You crashed your jet ski into a manatee?
29
00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:23,875
Yeah. I'm from Jacksonville, Florida.
It happens a lot.
30
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,003
What did you do for a living?
31
00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:28,380
I was an amateur dj.
Specialising in edm.
32
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,173
Electronic dance music?
33
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,843
I was also an amateur
hip—hop backup dancer
34
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:35,971
an amateur body spray inventor,
um... I did pranks on vine...
35
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,180
None of those are jobs.
36
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,408
What did you do to make money?
37
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,392
Oh, I sold fake drugs to college kids.
38
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:43,186
Okay. Good.
39
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,105
Okay, here's my biggest question.
40
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:48,692
How did you know
that I didn't belong here?
41
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:55,115
I figured it out the very first night,
at the party, using my powers of deduction.
42
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,075
I heard you don't talk.
43
00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:02,456
Well here's something for you
to not talk about — I don't belong here!
44
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:07,169
They made a mistake.
Total phony. So, shh!
45
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,214
Okay. Later, man.
46
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:15,052
Okay, I vaguely remember that.
47
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,971
I believe you, Jason.
48
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,598
You're not supposed to be here.
49
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,683
Welcome to the bottom of the barrel.
50
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,151
Hello, tahani!
51
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,028
Oh! Hello, Michael!
52
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:36,406
I was just picking out some fresh orchids
for my nightly orchid bath.
53
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:40,619
So, tahani, one of your fellow residents
is opening a new restaurant tonight.
54
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,330
This neighbourhood could use
a real morale boost...
55
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,457
And since you're an expert
at event planning
56
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,834
I was hoping that you would help
with the grand opening.
57
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,795
Oh, Michael! Say no more!
58
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,672
I wasn't going to! I was done!
59
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,508
Well, good! Because of course I will.
60
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:55,801
Janet? — hi there.
61
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,094
Oh! Hello, darling.
62
00:02:57,135 --> 00:03:00,889
I would like to model tonight's event
on my most successful gala.
63
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:06,269
That would be 2006 fundraiser
for stem cell research in Barcelona.
64
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,021
“Barthelona,” actually.
65
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:09,898
Oh, it was a perfect evening.
66
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,317
Princess Stephanie was there,
as were posh and becks.
67
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:16,279
You know, international sophisticate
magazine gave us five gwyneths!
68
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:17,321
He laughs
69
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:20,325
tonight I'm going to select
my jauntiest suit.
70
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:23,120
And I may even wear suspenders.
71
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,121
Ah!
72
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,915
It's one of the human clothing items
I'm most eager to try.
73
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:28,667
Oh. Well, good luck.
74
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,544
Thank you, yes, yes.
75
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,671
I'm excited and... a little nervous.
76
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,006
I'd say that I'm "cautiously optimistic."
77
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,049
He laughs
78
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,343
I hope I don't chicken out
at the last second.
79
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,929
Sorry, we are talking
about suspenders, right?
80
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:42,597
Like, these?
81
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,307
You can do that with them?
82
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,017
Oh! I cannot wait!
83
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:47,643
Excehent
84
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,813
Eleanor:
So tahani has no idea about me?
85
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:53,191
No. She thinks I'm a monk,
and she thinks you're her best friend.
86
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,943
Great. I mean, for us.
87
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,403
That's a huge bummer for her.
88
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,489
We need some place
that we can talk in private.
89
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:00,532
I agree.
90
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,285
Let me show you my bud—hole.
91
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,371
What?
— I should warn you, it's a little messy.
92
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,750
Bumping music plays
93
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:10,876
this is my bud—hole.
94
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:14,588
It's just like a hole where me
and my buds can hang out.
95
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:18,133
Oh! "Bud—hole." Okay, now I get it.
96
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:21,427
I wrote down on a piece of paper
that I needed a private "meditation area."
97
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,054
Tahani will never come in.
98
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:27,225
Pretty unique decorating style
you have here, jianyu.
99
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:31,146
It's like, "12 year—old boy"
meets "13 year—old boy."
100
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:34,608
Thanks! Janet helped me get all this stuff.
She rules.
101
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:37,819
Is she single?
Or is she married to Michael?
102
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,071
No, no, dude. You cannot date Janet.
103
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,531
“A,” she's not human
104
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:44,826
and “b,” you have to keep pretending
to be tahani's soulmate.
105
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,537
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.
106
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,123
Okay, just sit tight, dude.
I have a class to get to.
107
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,666
What? A... a class?
108
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,169
I... I didn't know there were classes!
I was sick.
109
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,129
I have a note. — no, no, no.
110
00:04:56,171 --> 00:05:00,467
Chidi is trying to teach me
to be a good person, and it's really hard.
111
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:03,303
Also, Michael has asked me to be
his "assistant," whatever that means.
112
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:06,515
My whole situation here is getting
like more and more dicey.
113
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:10,685
So I'm actually really glad to have a place
I can come when I just want to be myself.
114
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:15,440
Yeah. I miss being myself.
Myself was the best.
115
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:18,819
Rave music plays
116
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,782
whoo!
117
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,079
What's up, man? You Jason?
118
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,081
You got two minutes.
119
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,209
Fred durst is throwing an orgy
on a partially capsized yacht.
120
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,419
My dad just texted, it already started.
121
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:40,173
So I'll get right to the point,
I listened to your demo. You're terrible.
122
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,800
Really? — yeah.
123
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,719
Okay, you just don't have any...
124
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,763
What's the word? Talent.
125
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,617
But don't worry, you got something
better than talent, man.
126
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,768
You got my approximate size and weight.
127
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,247
I'm supposed to play this club
for the rest of the week
128
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:57,023
but I just got an offer
to dj Scott disick's after-party
129
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,859
for the amateur porn awards in Reno.
130
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,528
Whoa! Congrats, bro! That's the dream!
131
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,196
It's your dream, man. It's my Tuesday.
132
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,739
I just need somebody to fill in.
133
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,176
Put on the helmet,
press “space bar” on the computer...
134
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,720
Those idiots
won't know the difference.
135
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:11,997
For the next week,
Jason, you are “acidcat.”
136
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:16,585
Whoa! There's a lot
of old gum in here!
137
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,022
Tahani! How are things going
in the front of the house?
138
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:23,258
Because to be perfectly frank,
things in the kitchen are going great!
139
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,427
Okay, I am right on schedule!
140
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:29,389
Chef Patricia, I have triple—checked
every single detail.
141
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:32,809
Your restaurant opening is going to be
the talk of the entire neighbourhood!
142
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,145
Thank you for your thoughtfulness
and hard work!
143
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:37,022
I could not have done this without you!
144
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,315
Ah! Hello, tahani.
145
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,526
Sorry, I should've warned you.
146
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:46,531
Patricia is actually very happy
but she's also very intense.
147
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:47,782
It can be confusing.
148
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,701
No, no, no, that's not
what's bothering me.
149
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,869
It's just that, well...
150
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:54,539
I looked at the guest list earlier
and jianyu isn't invited?
151
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:56,457
Right.
152
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,835
Jianyu is a beautiful spirit.
153
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,046
But he literally doesn't talk.
154
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:04,299
And since this will be
an evening of lively conversation
155
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,051
and you'll be busy working,
156
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,511
I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.
157
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,472
I totally understand.
158
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,432
Well—reasoned, Michael.
159
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:17,103
As us brits are fond of saying,
“try your best to hide your sadness.”
160
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:24,653
So the concept of the "self" is a
key subject for a lot of great thinkers.
161
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,613
In the tao te ching, Lao tzu wrote...
162
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:30,325
"Knowing others is wisdom.
163
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,495
But knowing the self is enlightenment."
164
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,914
Ah! "Knowing yourself?”
165
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:39,042
Is he talking about
what I think he's talking about?
166
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,169
No, Eleanor, once again
167
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:44,839
none of these philosophers
is ever talking about masturbation.
168
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,343
Let's, uh... move on
to this week's main event...
169
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,721
David hume's
"a treatise of human nature."
170
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,390
You read this, right? — I did.
171
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:54,849
Well, I tried to.
172
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,476
Well, I tried to want to.
173
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,145
Um, actually,
could we postpone this lesson?
174
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:03,984
I've befriended jianyu from next door,
and I thought I could learn from him.
175
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,568
That's a great idea.
176
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:09,489
Hume's "bundle theory" of the self
is fairly close to buddhism.
177
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:12,409
Yeah, no “durr!”
that's why I'm doing it.
178
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,369
Muffled dance music plays
179
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:15,912
do you hear music?
180
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,664
That's not music.
181
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,376
That's edm!
182
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,212
Thumpy music blasts out
183
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,589
what are you doing?
184
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,466
Eleanor, you were right!
185
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,677
No more pretending!
It's time for me to be myself!
186
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,344
What's up, homey?
187
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,348
Eleanor? You broke jianyu!
188
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,353
She sighs
189
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,188
okay, did we miss anything?
190
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,149
Ugh! Take that Jersey off,
you goofball!
191
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,444
Okay. This is not my fault, I swear.
192
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:51,031
Eleanor, one hour ago,
that man was a silent Buddhist monk!
193
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,824
Right, but here's the thing.
194
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,617
Jianyu is actually...
195
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:57,871
A guy who is nice! Hi, tahani!
196
00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,290
Eleanor! Chidi! What a lovely surprise.
197
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,309
Don't mind me, I'm just dropping off
my afternoon gloves
198
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,085
and picking up my early evening gloves.
199
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,588
How are you, soulmate?
— I'm cool.
200
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:14,971
I'm sorry, am I going mad
or did I just hear you say, "I'm cool?"
201
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,515
Mmm. Mm—mm. I don't think so.
202
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,597
I don't think that happened.
You're... you're wrong.
203
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:21,763
Oh, I see what's going here.
204
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,647
You've got a whisper
in your snicker box!
205
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:29,027
You're both helping jianyu
to regain his confidence
206
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,820
to be able to speak again!
207
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,991
As a surprise for me!
— oh, busted.
208
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:35,992
She laughs
209
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,786
my heart is soaring!
210
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,165
So jianyu is talking? Oh, how wonderful!
211
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,210
I will do everything in my power
to encourage him.
212
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,252
Well, not everything.
213
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:48,773
I won't give him a second mouth —
Unless that would be helpful?
214
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,298
No. Better not risk it.
215
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:51,925
I've actually had a better idea.
216
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,677
Oh!
— let's add jianyu to the guest list.
217
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:56,489
Chidi and Eleanor
have been working with him
218
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,240
and they're going to be here.
— what a great idea!
219
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,850
Patricia?
We can fit another chair, right?
220
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:04,229
Change the floor plan?
An hour before opening?
221
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,273
Of course! The more the merrier!
222
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,109
Oh, hurrah!
223
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:13,613
I knew tonight was going to be perfect,
but now it is going to be even perfect—er!
224
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:17,283
Obviously, it's impossible for something
to be more perfect than perfect.
225
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,494
Well, it isn't, actually.
226
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:22,288
Any place or thing in the universe
227
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:26,334
can be up to one hundred
and four percent perfect.
228
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,627
That's how you got Beyoncé.
229
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:28,670
Oh!
230
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,883
Oh. "Bud—hole."
231
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,136
Okay. Now, tell me everything.
232
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,514
Okay. Jianyu is a fraud
233
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:41,265
just like me.
234
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,350
His real name is Jason.
235
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,978
He's a drug—dealing dj from Florida.
236
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,106
It's gonna be fine. We just need a plan.
237
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,858
Oh, I got a plan.
238
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,985
We hack into Michael's phone
239
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,613
download all his nudes,
and then blackmail him.
240
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,907
No. What are you ta—— no!
241
00:10:57,949 --> 00:10:59,576
Yo, you should listen to me!
242
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,178
I came up with hundreds
of plans in my life
243
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,602
and only one of them got me killed.
244
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,205
Dude! Be quiet!
245
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:07,208
You are not Jason. You are a monk
named jianyu.
246
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,458
Got it?
247
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,090
Thumping music plays
248
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,551
crowd shout
249
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,012
whoo—hoo—hoo!
250
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,639
Dude, another great set, Jason.
251
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:22,724
They love you, dude!
252
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,810
They don't love me, man.
They love acidcat.
253
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:27,687
These cheers are fake.
254
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:31,107
They hit my ears
like boxing gloves of sadness.
255
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:34,527
Whoa.
That's some poetic thoughts, “b.”
256
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,029
I gotta be myself!
257
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,741
Crowd scream and whistle
258
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,494
attention Jacksonville.
259
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,038
I'm not acidcat.
260
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:52,712
I'm mr music, the dj.
And this is a mr music, the dj original!
261
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,422
Crowd shout "no!" — pow!
262
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,133
Thumping music starts
263
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,848
crowd starts boo—I ng
264
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,892
Jason screams
265
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,021
glass tinkles for a toast
266
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,650
welcome to the opening
of "the good plates".
267
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,569
He wheezes with laughter
268
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:17,861
I just got that.
269
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,864
That's hilarious!
270
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,492
Anyway, at some point or another
271
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:27,830
every resident in this neighbourhood will
fulfill his or her soul's true purpose.
272
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:32,961
Chef Patricia has done that tonight,
by opening this restaurant!
273
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:34,420
Clapping
274
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:38,341
now, if you'd all like
to take a look at tonight's menus.
275
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,594
Tahani: That's right!
276
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,929
With Michael's help
277
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:47,141
chef Patricia has recreated
each person's favourite meal on earth!
278
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,393
Fun!
279
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,478
Clapping
280
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,772
gasping and light chatter
281
00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:57,944
it's my grandmother's maafe!
282
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:01,239
Fresh perch, slow roasted
in a peanut sauce.
283
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,826
Almost makes me forget
how miserable I am right now.
284
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,786
You want to try a bite?
285
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:07,912
Fish and peanut butter?
286
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:08,955
No, I'm good, thanks.
287
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,750
Tofu? Aw, man!
288
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,103
I'm ordering some jalapeño poppers.
289
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,337
Shh! Be quiet and eat your white sponge.
290
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,884
Janet? — hi, there.
291
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,469
Hi. I didn't get a meal.
292
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:24,595
According to our files
293
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,890
your favourite "meal" was
the hunger strike you went on
294
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,268
to protest Bolivian sex trafficking.
295
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,146
Oh, right. Of course I did that.
296
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,065
Tahani? Great party.
297
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,692
Check it out.
298
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:38,734
Oh! — suspenders!
299
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:42,155
So dumb.
So much dumber than belts.
300
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,616
Ah, congratulations, Michael.
301
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,827
How's jianyu doing?
Is he opening up?
302
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:51,289
Mmm... not yet.
But I can tell he wants to.
303
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,124
Don't worry. I've got a plan.
304
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,418
May I have your attention please?
305
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,462
Later this evening,
306
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:00,465
we will be enjoying
chef Patricia's delicious dessert...
307
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:05,094
A stunning, three—tiered cake
that took her a full week to complete.
308
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,221
But first, I'd like to try something fun.
309
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:11,851
Each one of you has a very special memory
attached to the meal you're eating.
310
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,438
Why don't we go around the room
and share our stories?
311
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,689
Who'd like to begin?
312
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,360
I'll start, Michael!
313
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,113
One day, I wasn't feeling so great
314
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:27,992
so I made myself
a bowl of this chicken soup...
315
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:31,662
When it gets to you, say something short
and boring about tofu.
316
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:35,833
No! I'm sick of pretending
to be jianyu the tofu man.
317
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,579
I'm gonna tell the story
about my real favourite meal.
318
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:39,545
Which is?
319
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:42,673
The buffalo wings at stupid Nick's
wing dump in gainesville.
320
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:45,277
Wings were free for ladies
if they took their top off!
321
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,887
Oh, boy. Chidi? A word?
322
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:52,934
Anyway, that's how this simple soup
saved over ten thousand lives.
323
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,811
Michael gasps
324
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:59,357
if jianyu starts talking about topless
buffalo wing restaurants, we're all screwed!
325
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,983
Well maybe we should just let him talk.
326
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,378
He says he doesn't want to hide anymore.
327
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,778
He doesn't know what he wants.
328
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,947
He's an idiot from Florida.
329
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,448
He's a “floridiot.”
330
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:12,662
Jianyu li, Taiwanese monk who took
a vow of silence at the age of eight
331
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,499
and hasn't spoken since,
is ready to share with us.
332
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:24,507
Let me tell you about stupid Nick.
333
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:29,470
We need a distraction!
Right the fork now!
334
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,850
No, no, no, no! Eleanor!
335
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:36,102
Chef Patricia poured her heart
and soul into this.
336
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,062
Destroying it would be
a truly cruel act.
337
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,523
Yeah, no “durr.” — no, no, no!
338
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:46,904
Guests start screaming
339
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,823
plates and glasses smash
340
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,871
Michael: Sinkhole!
Everyone out, there's a sinkhole!
341
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,372
Guests scream
342
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,499
Glenn grunts and cries out
343
00:15:58,541 --> 00:15:59,750
Glenn!
344
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,336
You broke the world!
345
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,422
It's not a compliment!
346
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,717
Guests scream
347
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,719
Glenn? Stay calm!
348
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,179
We're gonna get you out of there!
349
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,182
And we'll put your soup in the fridge,
so it won't go to waste!
350
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:19,479
I know that may not be
your number one concern right now, but...
351
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,939
It was up there. It's real good soup!
352
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,273
Let's go.
353
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:25,901
Hey, buddy!
354
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,153
You okay?
355
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:30,573
No. I was just about to tell
an awesome story
356
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,533
about a wing—eating contest
that I lost
357
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,869
and a barfing contest that I won
358
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,704
but then a hole opened up in the ground!
359
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:40,041
I know. I made the hole,
to save you from yourself.
360
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,294
You cannot let people know
who you really are.
361
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,214
It would be very, very bad.
362
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,511
Beautiful, beautiful Jacksonville.
363
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,890
What's wrong, dog?
You look like you're freaking out.
364
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:57,892
Things are bad, pillboi.
365
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:01,479
Acidcat is suing me
for "bleach of contract."
366
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,814
I should have never pretended
to be someone else.
367
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,858
It could cost me
all my dreams in life.
368
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,444
You got dreams in life?
That's lit!
369
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,238
Course I have dreams, man!
370
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,865
I don't want to be a dj
in Jacksonville forever.
371
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:18,955
I want to dj in Daytona,
Tallahassee, tampa, even.
372
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:20,540
I want it all.
373
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,750
That's big goals, man.
374
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:25,127
I know. But I believe in myself.
375
00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:28,130
Someday, the world will see
what I already know...
376
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:33,302
That Jason mendoza
is a beautiful, unique soul
377
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,763
who has so much to give this world.
378
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,518
Okay, that's acidcat's speedboat.
379
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,960
Hand me the thing that blows it up.
380
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:44,521
That's lit.
381
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:45,815
Jason shouts " portals!"
382
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:47,649
Glass smash es
383
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,700
Michael, I hereby tender my resignation.
384
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:58,744
I can no longer, in good conscience,
coordinate any further events
385
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:01,998
in the good place,
so I am turning in my evening gloves.
386
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,500
Tahanl_
— don't try to make me feel better.
387
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,669
The launch was a disaster.
388
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:10,131
Poor jianyu was so terrified
that I fear he may never speak again.
389
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,592
My hair is barely
cascading down my shoulders!
390
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,926
Tahani, please.
391
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:18,222
I know your journey
with jianyu has been frustrating.
392
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:22,018
But your situation is
actually very typical.
393
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:25,438
Soulmates sometimes
take months to really click.
394
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:26,897
You have to be patient.
395
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,235
And if anyone should take the blame
for the restaurant disaster, it's me.
396
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,030
I thought this neighbourhood's
troubles were behind us.
397
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,198
Now I fear the worst.
398
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,074
Michael.
399
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:41,370
I hereby rescind
the tendering of my resignation.
400
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,223
We must keep
the neighbourhood together.
401
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,248
What can I do?
402
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:48,002
Oh! Well, the sinkhole should be
repairing itself in about three days.
403
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,364
Well, as soon as it does,
we shall relaunch the restaurant!
404
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,673
I'll hang posters to get the word out.
405
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:55,676
And in the meantime,
I'll host a brunch party, every morning,
406
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:56,927
to lift people's spirits.
407
00:18:57,303 --> 00:19:01,474
While you "re—pair" the universe,
I shall "pre—pare" the eggs!
408
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,309
Oh! Fanciful wordplay!
409
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,812
Indeed! That is the tahani
that you know and love!
410
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,440
Gunfire
411
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,691
so what do we do, here?
412
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:11,817
There's nothing to do.
413
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:16,197
He's just gonna blab and get him
and me both sent to the bad place.
414
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:17,739
It's hopeless.
415
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,992
Explosions on game
416
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:27,291
can't believe I'm doing this but,
Jason, please come to my classroom.
417
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:31,420
I will teach you ethics,
like I'm doing with Eleanor
418
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,173
and if you work hard
and absorb the material
419
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,555
you just might be able
to earn your place here.
420
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,512
Optimistic music plays
421
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:41,222
nah, I'm good.
422
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,936
Dude! Chidi is giving you a lifeline
right now and you need to take it.
423
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,396
Because you suck!
424
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:50,731
You suck! — I know!
425
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,900
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
426
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:55,027
We both suck!
You know who doesn't suck?
427
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:59,073
Chidi. He is putting himself
in danger to help us
428
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:02,118
because he, unlike us,
is an amazing person.
429
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:05,329
I didn't get into heaven
to go to school.
430
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:08,499
You didn't get into heaven at all,
shirt for brains!
431
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,709
I just want to be myself.
432
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,877
That's a very, very bad idea.
433
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,462
Do not be yourself.
434
00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:16,090
You need to be a better version
of yourself, okay?
435
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:17,341
And I do, too.
436
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:21,554
And our only hope right now
is this kind, selfless, amazing nerd.
437
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:22,972
Think about that.
438
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,807
Eh, do you have to call me
a "nerd" so much?
439
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:26,934
I said a lot of other nice things,
okay?
440
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:27,976
Toughen up, nerd.
441
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:33,774
Let's get cracking, teach!
442
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,153
I read this entire David hume book,
and then I read it again
443
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:39,923
because I didn't understand it
the first time, and now I'm ready to go!
444
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:43,534
Wow. Uh, that's really impressive.
Uh, where's jianyu?
445
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,798
Honestly, I don't even know
if he's coming.
446
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:50,040
I am here to learn about "ethnics".
447
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,711
Wow! That's great, man!
448
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,630
Um, I mean, it's "ethics"
but that's great.
449
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,169
Pretty sure it's "ethnics."
450
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,468
Hey, buddy? I'm proud of you.
451
00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:03,262
This is your first step
towards not sucking.
452
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,723
Cool. I just have two questions.
453
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:09,977
When are football tryouts,
and does this school have a prom?
454
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,606
Oh, no. — oh, wow.
455
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,985
For the first time ever,
I'm the smartest kid in class.
456
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:20,654
Crickets chirp
457
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:23,199
rumbling
458
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,995
rumbling continues
459
00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:29,997
sink hole crackles and burns
460
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,419
wood creaks
461
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:38,923
she exhales in shock
33661
