Original subtitles

Tonight on the Beaverton.

After their Olympic ban, Putin urges athletes to compete for Russian puppet

regimes like Ukraine or the U .S.

The Golden Globes are scrambling to deal with the fallout of sexual harassment

accusations against Boss Baby.

And citing a viral video of a starving polar bear, experts are concerned the

planet is running out of animals that can stop us.

Welcome to the Beaverton, Canada's only bilingual news show that broadcasts

primarily in English.

Je m 'appelle Miguel Rivas.

I'm Emma Hunter, and that concludes the French portion of the show.

With the Ontario Liberals taking their first lead in provincial election polls,

Premier Kathleen Wynne is making her boldest campaign promise yet, to govern

every year like it's an election year.

Wynne noted that her party does its best, and indeed only, work when faced

the threat of losing power.

Like lowering hydro costs and replacing pee stink on the TTC with a less

objectionable pee stink.

Economists say if Wynne actually does call an election every year, it would

taxpayers roughly a billion dollars per decade, making it the most financially

prudent proposal of her administration.

A failed trade deal between China and Canada has left Prime Minister Trudeau

furious that China gave him a bunch of platitudes on the environment and human

rights only to immediately backtrack, sort of like he's been doing to

for the past two years.

Said Trudeau, leaders don't give each other vague, over -the -top promises

never intend to follow through on. They only do that to their citizens.

Trudeau added that as a result of the acrimonious negotiations, he also

believe China will introduce electoral reform or solve boil water advisories on

indigenous reserves.

However, Justin is still hopeful that the deal could be saved and is currently

spending most of his time refreshing Facebook to see if China had accepted

trade request.

Recently, Canadian and American militaries prepared for a simulated

attack. The U .S. Army practiced stealing all our natural resources, and

Canadians practiced not being able to do anything about it.

The possibility of nuclear war continues to grow as troll -in -chief Donald

Trump eggs on Kim Jong -un, pictured here making an upside -down smiley emoji

with his hair and eyebrows.

The PMO is also bracing for North Korean warheads missing their targets and

instead hitting Canadian cities, a scenario called a nuclear whoopsie.

If that happens, Canada can rest assured there are two bunkers where Justin

Trudeau can remain safe and still retain command of his Twitter and Instagram

accounts.

From bankers to baristas to ballet dancers, everyone needs a house, but

some people deserve one.

For more on the housing crisis, here is Marilla West.

Since 1985, Habitat for Humanity has helped people the world over find safe

affordable housing.

Now a new, similar organization is helping the Canadians who need it most,

-something professionals who can't quite afford to buy a house in Toronto or

Vancouver. We are so proud of the work we've done. If it wasn't for us, many of

these six -figure earners would have to rent for several more years.

Exactly.

We're here to help them achieve the unthinkable, buying a downtown starter

without the assistance of their parents.

After an unprecedented surge of requests and some disturbing data trends,

Jennifer's organization knew it had to intervene.

And with major housing developments already underway, it's poised to not

offer homes, but hope. We turn people's lives around.

With our help, a doctor can now afford that one -bedroom condo.

Plus debt.

At their latest Toronto build site, the community has rallied in support of the

underprivileged upper middle class.

And as you can see, we have a number of student volunteers assisting people in

need. And it's good for them that they support the program, since they're

to use it in the future.

With minimal room to develop within city limits, and with baby boomers adamant

that their condo views not be obstructed, there's been nowhere to go

Literally.

Subgrade condos help us keep our costs down, so we help more people.

Cool. And while these low -sink condos promise such unusual amenities as extra

moisture and views of nature, Jennifer says it was totally worth spending the

$100 million that could have gone towards solving actual homelessness.

After all, how else could you see the look of joy in two graphic designers'

as they move into their new penthouse on the negative 37th floor?

For the Beaverton, I'm Marilla Wex.

President Trump formally recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel,

it was his Christmas gift to the Jewish people.

When Israeli politicians tried to explain that Jewish people didn't

Christmas, and this wasn't even on the negotiating table for the peace process,

Trump became confused, saying, Christmas is the greatest holiday. Believe me,

there's Santa, eggnog, and Ivanka always dresses up like a sexy elf.

He also sent Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas a Christmas basket of

jams, jellies, and cakes, which will hopefully see him through the war Trump

just incited.

Of course, violent clashes in the area caused such a sharp drop in tourism to

Bethlehem that for the first time ever, there is room at the inn.

This year, Hurricanes Harvey, Irma, and Maria left many areas ravaged, causing

billions of dollars in damage and leaving people without power or even a

to live.

For more on how these areas are recovering is Caribbean observer Sadie

Hi, guys.

These storms devastated some Caribbean nations.

Repairs continue and supplies are being distributed.

But the big question remains, will all -inclusive resorts ever recover?

That is emphatically not the big question.

It's the big question for Canadians looking for a romantic getaway or a

from the cold weather.

What about the people who live in these countries? 30 % of Puerto Rico still

doesn't have electricity.

That may be, but the good news is that much of the debris has been cleared

between the region's airports and resorts, so tourists can get a week of R

without having to see the conditions their servers are enduring.

Are you a monster?

Why are you so obsessed with resorts?

Because if Caribbean all -inclusive resorts don't recover soon, Canadians

be in danger of missing out on a last -minute deal on their Christmas

Who cares? Canadians can barf in the pool in lots of places.

I do it at Great Wolf Lodge.

The Virgin Islands, Barbuda, St. Martins, these places, they still need

supplies, aid, and drinking water. What can Canadians do?

The most selfless, heroic gesture you can make is haggling with a local for a

seashell necklace.

For the economy.

This is shameful. I can't believe you would suggest this.

So you're cancelling your trip to Anguilla?

Well, I didn't actually get cancellation insurance, so I have to go. That's for

sure. It's not in my control.

Guys, don't worry. The parts of Anguilla you can see from the resorts are

beautiful.

All right.

Sadie, thanks for your time.

After the break, Toronto FC's MLS championship win was marred by Dylan's

forgetting to bring orange slices.

You've got to bring the slices.

Coming up later.

The NRA unveils a new silencer that muzzles the sound of studies linking

gun violence.

Are New York City Ghostbusters only busting black ghosts?

And scientists have determined patient zero for this year's devastating office

cold is Kathy.

An Edmonton judge has temporarily blocked Suncor's plan to perform random

tests on its employees as it would infringe on their right to get super

work.

A union representing workers at a Fort McMurray mine requested the injunction

despite numerous drug -related mishaps and all the drugs found stashed in

offices, excavators, and tailing ponds.

Suncor has expressed disagreement with the ruling as they can't believe the

courts would turn a blind eye to anyone who recklessly exposes themselves to

chemicals that clearly cause long -term damage.

Vladimir Putin confirmed this week that he'll seek re -election in 2018, an

announcement he immediately followed up with his victory speech.

In a statement, Putin praised his opponent in advance for waging an

campaign that was tragically derailed by a poison to be named later.

By the time his next term ends, Putin will have served as Russian leader for

nearly a quarter century, during which time he transformed the country from a

lawless mobocracy to a thriving lawless mobocracy.

Cocaine, the thin white line that separates addicts from cool addicts.

But can it be cooler? To find out more is our own Laura Silovitz.

With marijuana legalization in process, a group of young disruptors is bringing

the indie spirit to a whole new industry, cocaine.

Founder and co -entrepreneur Taylor Mona says that the kind of people who use

cocaine, young progressive city dwellers, are fed up with the corporate

doing business.

So that's how we knew the market was ready for a paradigm shift towards

grown ethical blow. So you're selling violence -free cocaine?

Well, no, not exactly. It's still cocaine, right? So people are still

their faces cut off so that you can have fun at the office Christmas party. It's

just that their local face is getting cut off. By local enforcers, that's

While still technically against the law, Taylor thinks cocaine legalization

should come as early as 2019, thanks to her team's persuasive lobbying slash

kidnapping efforts.

In the meantime, the RCMP has seemed unwilling to raid your dispensary. Is

because of a legal gray area?

No, not really. Actually, you would be shocked by how chill the RCMP can be

all of your employees are white.

But beyond the perceived legitimacy, there are other reasons La Cocaina is

to position itself as a premium brand.

It's higher quality because they only cut it with premium laundry detergents.

Plus, the human cost is just four or five lives per ounce, so I'm voting with

dollar. Because what else are you going to do? Stop creating a demand for the

product?

Do you want to come help me fight a girl in the parking lot?

Most coca leaf is grown by overseas narco -serf, but you're saying your joy

powder is farm -designers.

It's grown by forced labor right here in the Niagara Peninsula.

Wow. It really tastes the richest scarpment terroir.

Yeah.

Even though Taylor sometimes has to mail a severed toe to send a message, we can

all take comfort in knowing we're doing our part for the Earth by getting a

hundred mile high.

For the Beaverton, I'm Laura Silivas.

Great report, Laura, but I have a feeling we're really going to need

in about 15 minutes.

The holiday season presents a number of obstacles.

Shopping, office parties, seasonal depression.

Creepy children's choirs, remembering eggnog is disgusting, and heightened

security at malls.

But mostly the amount of street fundraisers who harass people for

donations. Even though this is one of the least effective ways to donate.

Here to discuss the issue is one such fundraiser, Mark Allensby.

Thanks, Miguel.

Mark, let's cut right to the chase. Why are there so many street fundraisers

when such a large percentage of the money raised goes to covering corporate

overhead? Well, let me answer that question with another question.

Do you care about sick kids?

What? Yes, of course I do, but that's not what we're talking about. Because

by donating five or six minutes of your time to a street fundraiser, you could

help dozens of young men and women hit their monthly quota.

So are you saying we shouldn't cross the street if we see one coming up ahead?

Absolutely not.

Make eye contact with them.

Respond to them if they talk to you.

Compliment them on the weird dance they do to try to get you to stop.

Because for less than the price of bread and milk, you could help a young street

fundraiser survive the winter.

I'm pretty sure you get paid regardless of whether you solicit any donations.

Hmm. What if I threw in a free subscription to the Walrus?

You're really only hurting your cause here.

Okay, look, guys, I know what you're saying.

I know people find us annoying or an eyesore, but we're part of the city's

ecosystem, just like anybody else. No, you're not. You're just a guy who gets

paid to harass people on their way to work.

Most of us would rather actually donate to people who need it.

Well, you could do that, but what if we start with you just giving me your phone

number, and then we'll go from there. All right, thank you for your time.

When we return, just in time for Christmas, a B .C. company launches a

vegan handbags made entirely out of dead vegans.

That's funny.

Coming up later, WikiLeaks says their calls with Donald Trump Jr. didn't mean

anything since they were making the jerk -off hand motion the entire time.

Small knives are now allowed on planes, which is a slippery slope to tiny guns.

And Quebec is spending $25 million to warn the public about cannabis use by

reshooting that episode of Saved by the Bell.

As China and India vie for global cultural dominance, the emerging powers

embroiled in their most tense standoff yet.

whose cuisine Jewish people will order in on Christmas.

India is engaged in a heavy flyer campaign, while China is hoping to win

and minds with strategic two -for -one coupons.

While Jewish families are flattered by the attention, the high number of IBS

sufferers in the community are concerned over the fallout of the dispute the

next morning.

Buying holiday gifts for people you don't know very well has always been

difficult, but Shoppers Drug Mart is making the process easier by unveiling a

seasonal gift card that allows the recipient to purchase any gift card in

store. Now you don't need to worry if the second cousins and work colleagues

your life use iTunes or eat in restaurants.

You can just give them the card and let them choose.

The gift card gift card is the perfect present for when you think cash is too

impersonal, but you still want to be very impersonal.

The product is expected to be one of the most popular gifts this year, alongside

SportCheck's new All the Sports jersey.

With telephone surveys showing 68 % of Canadians support a ban on face

coverings, pollsters warn the results may be skewed by the fact that the only

people who still have landlines are your racist grandmothers.

Lead researcher of Argos Polling suggests, according to our outdated

majority of Canadians identify as socially conservative, while two -thirds

strongly disagree. approve of that darn rap music, particularly if performed by

someone wearing a niqab. But while technological changes and manipulative

questioning may undermine the efficacy of polling, one thing was clear in this

survey. 90 % of respondents were just happy that someone called.

The FCC will vote tomorrow on repealing net neutrality laws implemented to

ensure that all websites have equal access to America's 252 million internet

masturbators.

American table giants say abolishing the rule will provide a better online

experience. Opponents call it the end of free speech, while the rest of us are

still pretending we understand what net neutrality is.

Oh, it means... I don't care.

Here now to discuss the merits of Internet freedom are Comcast spokeswoman

Rankford. Thanks for having me.

And joining us via Skype from Miami is net neutrality advocate Sanford Welch.

Sanford, let's start with you. Why is net neutrality important?

Without net neutrality?

Valid.

Agreed. We should be without net neutrality.

Sanford, are you there?

Sorry, for some reason my service provider is throttling my bandwidth.

Which we only do to decrease congestion on our network when people like Sanford

here use up too much bandwidth on One Direction videos.

Why are you watching so many One Direction videos?

That is not important.

What is important is that the Internet is a public utility and should be

compromised by any media conglomerate.

You are cutting out again. Sorry.

You know, I think what he's trying to say is repealing net neutrality helps

consumers and Internet providers alike.

Was that your point, Sanford?

Uh, whoops.

never know. With all due respect, it feels like you just throttled him to

silence an opinion you don't want our viewers to hear.

See, this is why repealing net neutrality is so important.

By giving service providers total control over the internet you rely on

pretty much every aspect of your life, we can provide stronger, more secure

connections. And all it will cost you is whatever we want it to.

Thanks, Gina.

Wow, I'm so thankful that we live in a country where we don't have to pay

exorbitant prices for substandard Internet access. Can you imagine?

Um... After the break, do we need antitrust laws to break up Silicon

ask our expert, Siri.

You don't know the stuff.

Welcome back. In a rare moment of cooperation, Canada, the U .S., and

signed an international agreement to study the high Arctic. Russia noted

excited to investigate ice thickness by placing larger and larger missiles on

it. Russian scientists say it's important to understand how the North is

changing by examining whether tanks can maneuver on melting tundra or if polar

bears can be trained to operate anti -aircraft guns.

However, some are concerned that Russia's 100 ,000 muscular scientists...

may have ulterior motives in the North. The head of Russia's Arctic research

program, Dr. Viktor Coldblood Petrov, explained, We must take a hands -on

approach to studying this new area.

For example, how can we know where to extract resources if we don't first

bomb Baffin Island?

That is science.

When Wilfrid Laurier University reprimanded a TA for airing Jordan

clips in class, everyone felt the need to weigh in on campus free speech, from

right -wing columnists to columnists on the center -right.

But two weeks ago, when a rally and counter -protest were held at Laurier

the debacle, few people actually attended, and even fewer were burning

Which brings us to tonight's point -counterpoint. Our university is doing

to prepare students to succeed in the outrage economy.

Why in the world would we need them to do that?

Because the job market is bleak. Graduates are entering the workforce

record levels of debt. And if I have learned anything from Reddit and 4chan,

only thing students are qualified to do is yell at each other over the very

important issue of free speech on campus.

But in the real world, the so -called attack on college conservative views is

overblown. It's driven by the media.

Well, name me a better authority on contemporary college life than Christy

Blatchford or Rex Murphy.

Literally anyone at all. And can you please tell me why men's rights

are being shouted down just for expressing their opinions during their

exams? If that actually happened, it should be reprimanded for many reasons.

see, now that is the exact elitist attitude that is hampering Canadian

If they are going to compete in the hot take sector, we need to follow... Go

America's lead and invite Richard Spencer to guest lecture on Eugenics

No, we don't. Yes, we do. We need our schools to prepare students for the real

world by encouraging respectful debate.

Face it, Grandpa.

Times have changed. People are angry, and we need to give them an appropriate

target. Each other.

Doesn't that just stoke the fires of hatred and make our society less civil?

I mean, maybe, but in this economic climate, I don't see any other option.

Writing think pieces on free speech and entrapping the Washington Post are

really the only ways to have a career with a humanities degree. Think about

I... Right?

Guess I can't really argue with that.

Well, that's been our show. After a very, very long break, we'll be back

next week's show.

Now...

I wouldn't go to the class.

No, because you don't even have a potty dog.

I don't have a potty dog. You have a long, long, long, long potty dog.

For me, it's all about maximizing the credits you get for food at university

save money, because I wanted to start my woodworking craft.

Oh, so you have a woodworking craft in your repertoire. I do.

Oh, I do, yeah.

Oh my God!