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Tonight on the Beaverton, with Trump's travel ban upheld by the Supreme Court,

Americans are now safe from the 713th leading cause of death.

Explorers discovered a 15 ,000 -year -old Montreal cave containing the oldest

known Islamophobic graffiti.

And with Greg Zahn fired, is this the end of toxic masculinity in sports?

All our experts say no.

Welcome to the Beaverton, the show future archaeologists will watch to see

it all went wrong.

I'm your host, Miguel Rivas. And I'm part of the problem, Emma Hunter.

Our top story. As Robert Mueller closes in, sources say the Trump administration

is positioning Jared Kushner to be the fall guy, in the hopes that Jared cannot

be tried as an adult.

Mueller has had to alter his methods of interrogating the president's son -in

-law by using an unconventional technique, the marshmallow test.

Mueller presented Kushner with the option of eating one marshmallow or

over on five campaign staffers and receiving a reduced sentence and two

marshmallows.

The results may be skewed, however, as FBI stenographers are having

transcribing due to Kushner still having trouble pronouncing his R's.

The White House, meanwhile, is criticizing Mueller for taking Jared

his important task of boning up on Mideast peace talks by learning all of

names of the countries on his coloring maps.

In a series of angry tweets, President Trump attacked the FBI over the Russia

investigation, saying its reputation is in tatters. When reached for comment,

the FBI were in tears.

Trump's sassing of the FBI didn't end there. He went on to tweet, the FBI is

fugly, huge hips, big pores.

Nobody likes them, and they will never get a boyfriend.

Said one devastated FBI agent, I've been shot at by drug cartels and seen

partners die, but ending up in Trump's burn book? That hurts.

President Trump's attorney, John Dowd, is claiming he made an incriminating

tweet from Trump's account, and also if the video ever surfaces, he's the one

being peed on by a Russian prostitute.

Some critics insist Trump authors his own Twitter feed, citing the spelling

mistakes and overall incoherent, petty tone.

But Dowd maintains that the Trump feed is curated by a team of lawyers and PR

people who carefully craft messages that call Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas.

Dowd went on to claim that as president, Trump cannot obstruct justice, is

legally required to collude with foreign powers, and has the executive privilege

to disappear if things start to look a bit prison -y.

For years, Canada has lagged behind Scandinavia in international rankings,

forcing our nation to evaluate just how much more herring we need to pickle. But

in 2017, that all changed. For more, here's our own Aisha Alfa.

Excitement swept the nation this morning as the UN named Canada the most livable

country in the world, after granting the government's request not to count

indigenous Canada.

This year, Canada scored much higher marks on infrastructure, health care,

education now that the third world conditions that exist within our borders

aren't taken into consideration.

Which, of course, as far as the government is concerned, they aren't.

According to the Association of First Nations, this just confirms what we've

always known. Canada is the best country in the world, except for the

environmental destruction of treaty lands, racialized incarceration, the

of genocide, and of course its continued indifference toward addressing any of

those issues.

Justin Trudeau agreed with the statement, adding that the world needs

water advisories.

I mean, more Canada.

But while most of the country is celebrating, the Liberals are refusing

on their laurels. They're already exploring ways to pad their stats for

cutting loose swaths of northern Canada, the Maritimes, and all of the Toronto

suburbs they're too afraid to visit.

For the Beaverton, I'm Aisha Alfa.

Thanks, Aisha. I guess we don't need these anymore.

Canadian progressives are blasting Trump over his proposed merit -based

immigration system, which they assume is different from the one we've had in

Canada for the past 50 years.

Many of these liberals have never looked into Canada's restrictive point system,

other than inquiring how long they can pay their undocumented nannies under the

table. But Trudeau is worried Canada's immigration policy is being

misrepresented in comparison to Trump's agenda. The PMO clarified, from our

years -long backlog of asylum applications, to the indefinite

refugees. Canada's system isn't the same as America's. It's much worse.

Meanwhile, the Ministry of Immigration is telling Haitian border crossers that

they can't just show up unannounced and claim Canadian citizenship.

Said one indigenous rights group, this is what we've been saying for the past

300 years.

The ministry explained there are two ways to get into this country through

proper channels. Prove that you're escaping certain torture, starvation,

death. Or torture, starve, and kill your way in.

The ministry says Haitian refugees who enter Quebec through the correct

will enjoy resettlement benefits like temporary housing, financial aid, and

choice of which hate group will target them.

When we return, Donald Trump says repealing the estate tax will put

the hands of those Americans suffering the most, the ones raised by him.

Wow.

Sir?

Here's the latest research on the Neskintango water supply.

A boil water advisory.

We need to take this right away. You know what? Call the Prime Minister.

Wait. Oh, my God.

OJ was acquitted?

Clear my schedule.

It's crazy.

They have to boil their water every single day.

There's hardly any food.

Oh, that.

And then there's this total weirdo Richard Hatch wandering around.

I could talk about Survivor all day. It's that good.

Neskintaga. Bill?

Okay, let's get to this after Olympic hockey.

Ignoring the Neskintaga Boiled Water Advisory, a part of our heritage for 22

years. Well, we did it.

Finally, we've received the necessary federal funding to fix Neskintaga, the

only boil water advisory in Canada.

Uh, sir?

Let's take lunch.

Yeah?

That's a lot.

Coming up later.

The Toronto District School Board just voted cops out of schools, even though a

lot of them were just about to graduate.

Both the Farmer's Almanac and Breitbart predict a white Christmas.

And President Trump is under fire for retweeting Triumph of the Will.

Ontario is planning to ban eye tattoos on the grounds that putting a needle in

your eye and injecting it with ink may have harmful consequences for your eyes.

Said one official.

People continue to tattoo their eyes and implant jewelry onto their optic

membranes, despite the fact that this frequently, and I thought, obviously

to eye damage.

So I guess we have to regulate this now.

Eye tattoos join other body modifications on the province's do -not

along with lung piercing, rectal spike, and decoratively hanging yourself from a

bridge.

Sex offender Brock Turner is appealing his conviction on the grounds that the

court said no to his defense. But they really meant yes.

Says Turner, I came of age when all the rules about consent and raping

unconscious women were different. That was the culture in 2016.

The grounds for Turner's appeal is the alleged location of the rape. He claims

it did not take place behind the dumpster, as the court found, but

plain view, a fact that could open him up to an even longer sentence, because

America, indecent exposure is a far more heinous crime than raping a woman.

When it comes to political influence, what's more useful, one vote or several

million dollars?

To find out how it's definitely the latter, here's our own Marilla West.

Months after being forced to reform rules around their cash -for -access

the Liberal Party has restarted the controversial practice.

Thankfully, the gas and or ask -for -access galas have stopped.

But I decided to investigate whether money was still corrupting our politics.

Have the new fundraising rules done enough to curtail the influence of big

money? You know, my memory's a little hazy on that. Maybe my friend Wilfrid

Laurier could help me remember.

Oh, when it came to cash for access, it was clear that I would need cash for

answers.

So, the new rules don't make expensive fundraisers illegal.

Really? How else are the wealthy donating to politicians?

Twenty up front.

Five now.

Fifteen after.

So, even though the maximum donation is $1 ,550, Elections Canada only records

donations over $20. You could send $19 to all 338 ridings and donate four times

the legal limit, and no one would ever know.

Any other loopholes I should know about? I would never accept your $50 bribe.

Fifty's a bit steep.

I would, however, gladly accept your $40 donation.

Many cash -for -access galas charge $1 ,500 a plate. So if a host can round up

300 guests, they can effectively raise a half a million dollars by a huge

government influence.

Hey, wait.

Maybe for another 50, I could have you chat with the minister about a new tax

break for journalists?

What about a patronage appointment?

So while political funding in this country continues to benefit wealthy

at least I've got mine.

For the Beaverton.

I'm Senator Marilla Webb.

Thanks, Marilla. HR has just informed me they will not be reimbursing you.

Ontario's minimum wage goes up to $14 on January 1st. To discuss the issue is

Shonda Birch, a frontline worker with the Wage Fairness Association.

Miguel, this is great.

$14 an hour will give millions of low -income earners the ability to afford

only rent, but also a small to medium amount of food.

And representing the other side of the issue is Todd.

Hey.

I'm sorry, what are Todd's qualifications?

I don't know, but he has a lot of opinions about stuff, so... More job

less job takers. Am I right?

Are you a business owner?

No, I'm in IT.

Shonda, should we worry that employers will hire fewer people? I've made up my

mind that we should, but I'm phrasing this opinion as a question.

Oh, come on, that is not fair.

Hey, lots of people agree, right, Todd?

Big time.

Actually, most economists believe small businesses will hire the same number of

people because their needs stay the same. And big businesses can indeed

to pay a living wage.

No, I disagree.

Well put.

Okay, you've clearly just stacked this panel with a yes man to give voice to a

mostly disproven opinion.

Todd, it's clear Shonda and Miguel hate jobs. What's your opinion?

Buddy, I hate to break it to you, but you gotta have jobs.

What does that even mean?

Shonda, won't this drive business away, tanking the economy? No matter what you

say, I'm going to make a doubtful noise afterward.

I really don't think so. Huh.

By raising people's purchasing power, you put money back into the economy.

You know what I think.

No, and I don't care.

Minimum wage workers having enough to live off has literally nothing to do

you. I think Kathleen Wynne is bad.

Very insightful.

Huh.

Well, that's all the time we have.

Wow, we've never had a worse guest. I know, that lady was nuts.

Good work, Todd.

After the break, every single climate scientist in the world has weighed in on

global warming.

But what does Todd think?

We spend ten minutes finding out.

Thank you so much. Thanks for having me on the news.

Last week it was revealed that Uber paid hackers $100 ,000 to keep a massive

online data breach quiet.

57 million users had their personal information leaked, including their

addresses, and worst of all, their embarrassing Uber history.

One customer worried, my wife will leave me if she finds out every time I took

an Uber to the gym, I was actually just spending $15 to have some me time and

drive around in circles.

In the hopes of avoiding lawsuits, Uber is scrambling to suppress leaks on how

little you tipped, how many times you barfed in the back seat, and that

night you ordered Uber Eats to the Uber you were already in.

The ongoing revelations about workplace harassment have prompted the world to

look more closely at what it's really like for women in the workplace.

Here to talk about it is one of our own writers, the wonderful Alana Ryok.

Hi, Alana. Hi, Miguel.

Thanks for the thoughtful introduction, Emma. Oh my gosh, you're welcome.

Thank you for thanking me.

In any field dominated by men, it can be really hard to get an idea out without

being interrupted or having that idea retold to you by a man who thinks he's

come up with it himself.

You know, I bet it can be a real challenge to have your voice heard in a

full of men.

So one thing we do is repeat the contributions of the other women in the

while giving them credit for their input.

That sounds like something everyone can do.

Doesn't it?

We've also developed a kind of nonverbal social shorthand as a way to check in

with one another covertly about, you know, male co -workers that make your

go like, bleh, get away from me.

Wow, I had no idea it was so pervasive.

Yeah, well, you know, there's plenty of men that do subtle things that make you

feel uncomfortable, but still fall within the gray area of disputable

Yeah, like hugging for too long or wearing too tight bicycle shorts in the

office. Yeah.

So after some trial and error, women started whisper networks to warn one

another. Trial and error.

Yeah, like, literal red flags were too obvious.

Yeah, and the graffiti on bathroom stalls was slanderous. Yeah, and going

is, well, you know.

So, after all that failed, we had to get creative.

Oh, my God, I can't believe that.

I know. It is crazy that she didn't get that promotion over Steve.

What? Who? What?

Oh, Emma was just filling me in on some of the workplace gossip you always say

you're too above listening to.

When?

This entire time.

Well, with all the energy that we put into protecting one another, women have

evolved to have our most intimate conversations telepathically.

Telepathically. That seems a little far -fetched, doesn't it? I mean, it's not

really... Oh, my God.

That is exactly what he sounds like.

Exactly how who sounds.

Thanks, Elena.

Thank you.

I will.

From drinking problems to concussion problems, it's getting harder and harder

casually enjoy sports.

To blissfully ignore all of those topics, here's our sports guys, Luke and

Tonight on BSN, the NBA has pre -ordered this year's Golden State Warriors

champion T -shirts.

To find the odds, a lacrosse game happens.

And football players suffering CTE are excited for the upcoming breakup.

Welcome to BSN. I'm Luke. He's Pat. And the next best thing to watching sports

is watching us talk about them.

But first, after the Cavaliers eliminated them from the playoffs the

seasons, the Raptors have signed a surefire LeBron stopper, a large pit

in lead.

While LeBron normally looks like a man playing amongst boys, there's something

about this rudimentary trap that he can't seem to figure out, especially

it's obscured by foliage or a shrub.

So far, The Pit has averaged only zero points a game for the Raptors this

season, but it's become a fan favorite for its workmanlike attitude and

charitable efforts in the city.

Fed up with the team's losing ways, Edmonton superstar Connor McDavid has

demanded a trade to last year's Edmonton Oilers.

McJesus says he's tired of playing with bums like Dreisaitl and Lucic and wants

to stay in a line with people who actually know how to score, like the

versions of Dreisaitl and Lucic.

Oilers GM Peter Chiarelli has not said whether he'll bend the space -time

continuum in order to grant McDavid's request, noting that if he's going to go

back in time, he'd much prefer to kill himself before he made that Taylor Hall

trade.

Finally, fantasy pools are a great way for any sports fan to escape the

ennui of our meaningless lives.

Keeps the gun out of my mouth. Said it before and I'll say it again. Only way

you're leaving this world is beside me as we drive off a cliff like Thelma and

Louise. Thanks, man.

Joining us now with tips on how to get the most out of your lineup is BSN

fantasy expert Hal Dollop. Thanks, boys. This week features some huge on -ice

matchups in Canada's most competitive league.

The NHL.

Timbits hockey.

Specifically, the long -awaited showdown between the Nelson Halfpipes and the

Burnaby Foreign Investors.

Nelson's six -year -old sensation Rory S. is having a breakout season with 36

goals in five games.

What's behind this hot start?

Well, Pat, he's got a wicked wrist shot that scouts say tops out at eight miles

per hour. Jesus.

Yeah, and he's got a pretty sick course, too, thanks to being the only player in

the league that can turn in both directions.

If I'm not mistaken, the last meeting between these rivals saw Burnaby get

out on the strength of Nelson goalie Devin Kaye's four -save performance.

Yeah, that's correct.

But look for Burnaby to put a few more goals on the board this time after

Devin's father pawned all his pads to pay for what sources say is a very

gambling addiction.

Terrible. Yeah,

I mean, there's barely any other goalies to pick up on the waiver wire. Yeah,

and I'd also be wary of starting Burnaby center Jay Ness if he's in your lineup.

from the pink eye he got from farting in his own hand and smelling it, is he?

No, but he hasn't been himself ever since some big kids introduced him to a

site that he was not prepared to see.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to disagree with you there, Hal. I mean, hockey's got a

long history of elite talent propelled by psychosexual trauma.

I told you, man, those boys can't hurt you anymore.

Not with you by my side.

Head off. Thanks for your time. My pleasure.

That's it for this week, but be sure to tune in next time. You've heard of

Backyard Rinks, but we're profiling the amazing mom who built a backyard sports

gambling facility.

You have a really weird job.

In an attempt to boost ratings, the cable public affairs channel is

late -night block of erotic political programming called CPAC After Dark.

Between midnight and 4 a .m., Canadians can get politically aroused with

softcore regulation updates on the hottest new barely legal legislation and

experiment with BDSM, budget deficit surpluses, and management.

CPAC After Dark is part of a growing trend of adult content on specialty

channels, including History Channel's Orgies Through the Ages and Gusto's

You Can Fuck.

A recent decision to remove Toronto police from schools highlighted racism

education. Now an equity task force says gifted programs improve outcomes for

privileged students at the expense of poor and racialized ones.

It's the subject of tonight's Point Counterpoint. Should we abolish gifted

programs as soon as my kid graduates?

Miguel, what do you think? Wait, you have a kid?

Yeah, I have a life outside the show, Miguel.

You've literally never mentioned it before. Well, I have a kid. His name is

Jackson with an X, and I will abandon any principle for him.

Okay, well, it's unfair to give academic advantages to wealthier kids while

placing poorer, marginalized kids into a plight stream.

The task force showed that's what these gifted programs do. We need to abolish

them. Yes, we need to get rid of them immediately when Jackson turns 18.

Emma, when you put all the middle -class white kids together, you essentially

ghettoize everyone else. Sure, and I get that, but sorry, I have a middle -class

white kid, and he needs to know institutionally. that he's better than

kids. And why is he better than anyone else?

Because I made this one. He's my incredible one.

Every kid is incredible.

You are so right, and I would know, because my kid is the most incredible.

Emma, we have to give underprivileged kids the same opportunities, or else we

perpetuate cycles of discrimination.

I completely agree, and that's why we need to let Jackson into the gifted

program so he can become smart enough to one day come up with something better

than the gifted program. And what if he doesn't get into the gifted program?

Oh, well, then burn it to the ground. I don't care.

Get it.

Well, that's our show this week. Tune in next time where we'll show you ten ways

to tell if you're the guy at the party with the guitar.

I wouldn't want to be the gal with the guitar.

I don't want to be seen as musical or artistic.

I play a little tiny decoration with the guitar.

And so I think it's kind of charming.

I do mostly sad songs, but... I think that I can really... I mean, do you ever

go to parties with that thing?

Oh, yeah. I've been to some parties.

Yeah. How many parties?

They're all great. I'm going to party with them.