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1
00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:07,106
CBS presents this
program in color.
2
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,270
All right, everybody. All right.
3
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,371
Mach schnell, schnell, schnell,
4
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,639
schnell, schnell,
schnell, schnell!
5
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,207
All right, everybody.
Everybody, all right.
6
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,708
Hey, Schultz,
what's going on here?
7
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:06,864
We're not having a party.
8
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,366
Order of Colonel Klink,
9
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,403
all prisoners from Barracks
3 have to be moved in here.
10
00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:12,854
Do these guys
have a reservation?
11
00:01:12,889 --> 00:01:14,856
This is no way to run a hotel.
12
00:01:14,891 --> 00:01:16,524
I'm writing a letter
to the Red Cross.
13
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:17,938
And I'm going to write a letter
14
00:01:17,962 --> 00:01:19,139
to The Times, straightaway.
15
00:01:20,897 --> 00:01:23,198
All right, all right,
hold it, hold it.
16
00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:25,533
Hold it. Hold it.
17
00:01:25,569 --> 00:01:27,035
What's our jolly
innkeeper up to now?
18
00:01:27,071 --> 00:01:28,381
Komm... Well...
19
00:01:28,405 --> 00:01:30,572
Kommandant Klink
wants to make room
20
00:01:30,607 --> 00:01:32,207
for three more prisoners.
21
00:01:32,242 --> 00:01:33,541
That's all I know.
22
00:01:33,577 --> 00:01:34,876
Is that all?
23
00:01:34,911 --> 00:01:36,744
For goodness sakes.
24
00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:42,062
Oh, I'm sorry, Schultz,
would you care for some?
25
00:01:42,086 --> 00:01:44,064
I can't eat it
all... I'm on a diet.
26
00:01:44,088 --> 00:01:45,387
On you, it wouldn't show.
27
00:01:45,422 --> 00:01:47,222
Chocolate, huh?
28
00:01:47,257 --> 00:01:49,724
Mm, chocolate.
29
00:01:49,759 --> 00:01:52,727
What about those three
new prisoners, Schultz?
30
00:01:52,762 --> 00:01:54,062
Three Americans.
31
00:01:54,098 --> 00:01:55,563
They're on their way
32
00:01:55,599 --> 00:01:58,066
to a maximum
security prison in Berlin.
33
00:01:58,102 --> 00:01:59,579
They need a whole
barracks for that?
34
00:01:59,603 --> 00:02:02,670
The Gestapo doesn't
want them to talk to anyone.
35
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,507
They must know something
pretty important, huh?
36
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:09,677
Maybe they do, but
me, I know nothing.
37
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,880
Noth...
38
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,383
Mmm, nothing.
39
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,580
Come in, come in.
40
00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:31,382
Ah, Hogan.
41
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,351
I understand you wish
to register a compliant
42
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:35,553
because we're moving
more men into your barracks?
43
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:36,788
Yes, sir.
44
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,557
Well, if you're not happy here,
45
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:42,460
why don't you try
another foolish escape?
46
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,729
Escape?
47
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,274
Who'd want to leave all this?
48
00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:46,732
Hogan, you're wasting my time.
49
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,001
Your men will have to
suffer a little inconvenience.
50
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,670
You know, overcrowding is
against the Geneva convention.
51
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,905
Also under the rules of
the Geneva convention,
52
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:56,942
I am not obliged to
share my cookies with you.
53
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,421
I forgot to read that part, sir.
54
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:00,090
Come in, come in.
55
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:01,379
Herr Kommandant.
56
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,182
Captain Heinrich is here
57
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:07,185
and the three Americans
are waiting in the truck.
58
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:09,260
What? What?
59
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:12,557
Women.
60
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,126
Women?
61
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,388
Women!
62
00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:16,412
Women.
63
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:19,014
The prisoners are women?
64
00:03:19,049 --> 00:03:21,194
We are not set up for women.
65
00:03:21,218 --> 00:03:22,701
Why wasn't I notified?
66
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,202
This is impossible.
67
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:26,971
Always Berlin sends
their problems to Klink.
68
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,441
That's what you get
for being Mr. Nice Guy.
69
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:32,010
Schultz, take these
women off the truck
70
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,912
and move them to Barracks 3.
71
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,625
There's plenty of room
in my place, Schultz.
72
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,660
Move the girls in with me.
73
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,061
Jawohl... Schultz!
74
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,718
When do I get to
interrogate them, sir?
75
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,564
You seem to forget
they are my prisoners.
76
00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:42,916
Now, Schultz,
77
00:03:42,940 --> 00:03:46,074
I want you to put them
under maximum security,
78
00:03:46,109 --> 00:03:48,143
and send Captain Heinrich in.
79
00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:49,728
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
80
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,097
Hogan, dismissed.
81
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,679
Hold it a minute, will ya?!
82
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,181
Come on.
83
00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:10,682
It's only temporary.
84
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,718
Say, who are those three
new prisoners, anyway?
85
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,197
Well, they've
got to be officers.
86
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:17,189
Blimey, they always
get the icing off the cake.
87
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:18,857
No offense, sir.
88
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,025
They're not officers.
89
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,370
They're maximum
security prisoners.
90
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:23,106
They must have some
valuable information
91
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,208
or the Krauts wouldn't
be moving them to Berlin.
92
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:26,710
Information about what?
93
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,377
We won't know until
we make contact.
94
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:29,879
How are we going to do that?
95
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,370
By digging out that
old tunnel to Barracks 3.
96
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,374
Dig and dig. That's all we do.
97
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:38,722
All right, hold it,
hold it, will ya?
98
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,890
Now we've dug an
ingenious tunnel system,
99
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,058
and I'm proud of you.
100
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,326
And I know you'll pitch in
101
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,528
and dig just one more
with the proper spirit.
102
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,720
I didn't join the RAF to
become a ruddy gopher.
103
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:49,899
I hate tunnels.
104
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,235
I never even rode on the Metro.
105
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:54,559
Look, I can't order
you to dig this tunnel.
106
00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:56,594
I'm asking for volunteers.
107
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,565
Oh, I see.
108
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,345
That's the way it's
going to be, huh?
109
00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:05,336
All right, I'll just have
to figure another way
110
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,839
to make contact
with those three girls.
111
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,018
Girls? Girls? Girls?
112
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,176
Sir, I hereby volunteer
for King and Empire.
113
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,343
Moi aussi.
114
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:13,812
Lafayette, I am here.
115
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,413
I could be trampled to death
116
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:17,515
by this sudden
display of patriotism.
117
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,328
We British, sir, have
always felt very friendly
118
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:20,696
towards you people
in the colonies.
119
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:21,865
Oh, yeah?
120
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,199
Where were you when we sent them
121
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:24,503
the Statue of Liberty?
122
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:26,636
How long did it take us
123
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,805
to dig that tunnel to
the barbed wire fence?
124
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,940
Well, we used eight
men, and as I remember,
125
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,363
it took us about... 16 hours.
126
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:33,364
Yeah, 16 hours.
127
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,033
All right, this is
twice the distance.
128
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,935
How long will it take
to get to the girls?
129
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,870
About an hour-and-a-half, sir.
130
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:40,817
I wouldn't let
you dig this alone.
131
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,507
Well, with help, 20 minutes.
132
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:47,879
Look, this is a
military mission,
133
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,380
not a friendship club.
134
00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:53,051
So, I'm going to
talk to the girls.
135
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:56,054
That's a bit cheeky,
even for an officer.
136
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,317
Do you know how long its
been since I've seen a woman?
137
00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:00,141
It's been even longer for me.
138
00:06:00,177 --> 00:06:01,475
Yeah, but I'm French.
139
00:06:01,511 --> 00:06:04,045
Couldn't we just
shake hands with them?
140
00:06:04,081 --> 00:06:05,281
It would be the firing squad
141
00:06:05,315 --> 00:06:07,093
if you fellows were
caught with the girls.
142
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,495
You weren't... I'm not going
to let you risk your lives.
143
00:06:09,519 --> 00:06:10,551
You weren't that worried
144
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,821
when you sent me out
there to cut that barbed wire.
145
00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:15,501
Making contact with those girls
146
00:06:15,525 --> 00:06:17,436
could be the turning
point in the war.
147
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,061
It would be for me.
148
00:06:20,097 --> 00:06:22,008
Then I can count on
you to dig the tunnel?
149
00:06:22,032 --> 00:06:23,431
You can count on me, sir.
150
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,233
With me bare hands if necessary.
151
00:06:25,268 --> 00:06:26,500
Me, too.
152
00:06:26,536 --> 00:06:28,447
Just digging within
four feet of a woman
153
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,571
is better than never
to have loved at all.
154
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:39,848
I'd sure like to know what
they're going to do with us?
155
00:06:39,883 --> 00:06:41,060
I wouldn't.
156
00:06:41,084 --> 00:06:43,118
I'd feel a lot better
if we didn't have
157
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:45,253
that Captain Heinrich
for a den mother.
158
00:06:45,288 --> 00:06:47,873
Yes, he's seen too many
Erich von Stroheim movies.
159
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,541
Who's Erich von Stroheim?
160
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:51,721
He was before your time, dear.
161
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:52,878
Shh.
162
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,212
Quiet.
163
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:04,005
Okay, come on.
164
00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:12,647
Hey!
165
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,149
Wait a minute, hold it.
166
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,151
I'm an American and a veteran.
167
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:17,786
We thought you were a German.
168
00:07:17,821 --> 00:07:19,170
Germans come through the door.
169
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,683
Americans come
through the floor.
170
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:23,468
Now look, mister,
we... Hold it, hold it.
171
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,100
Hi. Colonel Robert E. Hogan,
172
00:07:32,135 --> 00:07:34,247
U.S. Army Air
Corps, semiretired.
173
00:07:34,271 --> 00:07:37,471
I'm Charlene Hemsley,
adagio dancer.
174
00:07:39,509 --> 00:07:42,677
I'm Ginger Wilson,
and this is Kathy Pruitt.
175
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,012
She certainly is.
176
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,281
Has anybody
interrogated you yet?
177
00:07:46,316 --> 00:07:48,044
That one guard sort
of got a little fresh.
178
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,700
No, they just
179
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,964
dumped us in here, and
we haven't seen anybody yet.
180
00:07:51,988 --> 00:07:54,305
Good. Look, according
to the Geneva convention,
181
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:56,841
you're not required to give
anything but your name,
182
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,555
your unit and the
key you sing in.
183
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,961
Should I tell them
I'm double-jointed?
184
00:08:00,997 --> 00:08:03,198
Only under extreme torture.
185
00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:05,933
How long will they keep us here?
186
00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:07,502
They'll be moving
you out any minute.
187
00:08:07,537 --> 00:08:09,448
All right, now, listen,
this is important.
188
00:08:09,472 --> 00:08:12,640
Why are the Krauts so
interested in you three,
189
00:08:12,676 --> 00:08:14,809
aside from the obvious reasons?
190
00:08:14,844 --> 00:08:15,976
Beats me.
191
00:08:16,012 --> 00:08:17,312
We don't know.
192
00:08:17,347 --> 00:08:19,013
We really can't figure it out.
193
00:08:19,048 --> 00:08:21,633
You see, we were doing
our act for this infantry outfit
194
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:22,867
when there was an attack.
195
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,168
Well, we jumped into a jeep,
196
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:26,504
and we thought we were
heading for headquarters.
197
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,673
Well, the next thing
we knew, there we were
198
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:32,176
hiding in an underground
shelter surrounded by Germans.
199
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,378
What was in the shelter?
200
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:37,082
A lot of very fresh soldiers.
201
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,344
Boy, was it scary.
202
00:08:38,368 --> 00:08:40,379
There were these
long, thin shells.
203
00:08:40,403 --> 00:08:41,980
They looked like torpedoes.
204
00:08:42,004 --> 00:08:43,221
Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
205
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,533
With, like, little
wings on them.
206
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,535
Sort of like something
out of Buck Rogers.
207
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:47,692
Torpedoes with wings...
208
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,694
Buck Rogers...
209
00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:52,530
Rockets.
210
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:55,767
I was with them for two years.
211
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,686
Not Rockettes, dear.
212
00:08:58,721 --> 00:09:00,154
Rockets.
213
00:09:00,190 --> 00:09:01,456
A rocket base.
214
00:09:01,491 --> 00:09:02,957
That's what the
Krauts are hiding.
215
00:09:02,992 --> 00:09:04,237
Where was it? Don't ask me.
216
00:09:04,261 --> 00:09:06,794
I couldn't even find my
way out of a telephone booth.
217
00:09:06,829 --> 00:09:08,563
How long did it
take you to get here?
218
00:09:08,598 --> 00:09:10,309
It was about four
hours. Yeah, right.
219
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:12,467
By autobahn? Highway?
220
00:09:12,502 --> 00:09:15,803
It was a very bumpy road.
221
00:09:15,838 --> 00:09:18,806
A few minutes after we started,
we passed through a small town.
222
00:09:18,841 --> 00:09:21,809
There was a cathedral
with, like, a real tall spire.
223
00:09:21,844 --> 00:09:23,278
Yeah, that's Hofberg.
224
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:26,347
It's about 80 miles
due east of here.
225
00:09:26,383 --> 00:09:29,951
By truck, four hours
would be just about right.
226
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,672
Welcome to Stalag 13, ladies.
227
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:36,807
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
228
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:40,345
Newkirk's the name, ladies,
but you can call me Peter.
229
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,347
Voilà.
230
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:45,283
A little bouquet to
brighten up your room.
231
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,429
He's a magician.
232
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:49,187
I was held over two
weeks in Blackpool.
233
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,356
Don't tell me, I know.
234
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,425
Back in the tunnel.
235
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,867
♪ Yankee Doodle came to town ♪
236
00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:04,202
♪ Riding on a pony. ♪
237
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,538
We don't need a concert, LeBeau.
238
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,039
Both of you, back in the tunnel.
239
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,419
Now, sir, I'm not
going to let you
240
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:10,708
take the risk all on your own.
241
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:11,876
We're in this together...
242
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:14,045
The Union Jack and the
Star Spangled Banner.
243
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:16,559
And let's not forget
the Statue of Liberty.
244
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,649
You're cute.
245
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:21,052
Hey, Colonel,
246
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:23,721
are you authorized to
perform wedding ceremonies?
247
00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,223
Newkirk?
248
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,392
Will you give the bride away?
249
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:30,195
My pleasure...
250
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,398
The door.
251
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,378
Who is it?
252
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,535
It's me, Sergeant Schultz.
253
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:44,109
Oh. Oh, come in, Sergeant.
254
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,250
Guten Morgen, Frauleins.
255
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:56,387
I'm Sergeant Schultz.
256
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:59,485
Very happy to
meet you, Sergeant.
257
00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,843
Eins... zwei...
258
00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:05,513
Where is drei?
259
00:11:05,548 --> 00:11:08,649
Oh, uh, well, she's
changing, Sergeant.
260
00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:19,027
I brought you a bottle of wine
261
00:11:19,062 --> 00:11:21,496
to make your stay
here more pleasant.
262
00:11:21,531 --> 00:11:24,571
It was very thoughtful
of you, Sergeant.
263
00:11:34,310 --> 00:11:36,544
Eins... zwei...
264
00:11:36,579 --> 00:11:39,247
drei... vier.
265
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,416
Drei is here.
266
00:11:43,086 --> 00:11:44,230
Oh, Schultz, you're too late.
267
00:11:44,254 --> 00:11:45,398
We already voted.
268
00:11:45,422 --> 00:11:46,565
Colonel Hogan,
269
00:11:46,589 --> 00:11:47,733
what are you doing in here?!
270
00:11:47,757 --> 00:11:50,324
Schultz, we heard the
guards were having a party.
271
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,071
Thank you for bringing the wine.
272
00:11:52,095 --> 00:11:53,739
Please, Colonel Hogan.
273
00:11:53,763 --> 00:11:54,907
I'll bet you Commandant Klink
274
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,730
would take a very dim
view of this, Schultz.
275
00:11:56,766 --> 00:11:58,210
But if you don't tell
him we were here,
276
00:11:58,234 --> 00:11:59,412
we won't tell him you were here.
277
00:11:59,436 --> 00:12:00,579
Where's the corkscrew?
278
00:12:00,603 --> 00:12:01,680
The corkscrew.
279
00:12:01,704 --> 00:12:03,003
No corkscrew!
280
00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:04,683
Back to the barracks
where you belong.
281
00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:07,186
Back, back, back, back!
282
00:12:14,584 --> 00:12:17,029
Frauleins, this is
Kommandant Klink.
283
00:12:17,053 --> 00:12:19,053
Come in.
284
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:26,127
Good morning, Frauleins.
285
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,645
Good morning, Kommandant.
286
00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:30,682
I hope you're enjoying
your stay with us?
287
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,595
Oh, yes, yes, it's a
very nice place to visit,
288
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,029
but we'd really
hate to live here.
289
00:12:34,053 --> 00:12:36,232
You see, I think we're
allergic to barbed wire, dogs
290
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,522
and German guards.
291
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:38,889
Ah, ah, ah!
292
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:42,227
It's all necessary to
maintain the reputation
293
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,761
of Stalag 13
294
00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:46,909
as the toughest POW
camp in all of Germany.
295
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:50,534
Trick or treat.
296
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,908
What are you doing here?
297
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,910
K-Kommandant,
298
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:02,613
I-I was inspecting the barracks.
299
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:05,950
With a bottle of wine?
300
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,686
You came for funny business
301
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:09,966
with these girls?
302
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,072
Sure, and I suppose you're here
303
00:13:12,108 --> 00:13:14,041
to hold a religious service?
304
00:13:14,076 --> 00:13:16,555
Colonel Hogan, I am holding you
305
00:13:16,579 --> 00:13:18,390
personally responsible for this.
306
00:13:18,414 --> 00:13:19,691
And you, Schultz, will be...
307
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,186
Ah, Captain Heinrich!
308
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,420
Captain Heinrich, I-I...
309
00:13:27,823 --> 00:13:29,056
I suppose you're wondering
310
00:13:29,091 --> 00:13:31,359
why I'm holding this
bottle of wine in my hand.
311
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,211
You are aware, Colonel,
312
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:36,214
of the non-fraternization
regulations?
313
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,715
I was just explaining that
314
00:13:37,751 --> 00:13:39,595
to these women,
Captain Heinrich.
315
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,287
Say, why don't we all
drink to that regulation?
316
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,554
Silence!
317
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,773
In the interests of
security, Colonel,
318
00:13:45,808 --> 00:13:47,408
I think it is wiser
319
00:13:47,443 --> 00:13:49,843
if I take these girls
out of this camp
320
00:13:49,879 --> 00:13:51,179
as soon as possible.
321
00:13:51,214 --> 00:13:52,908
We will leave tomorrow.
322
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:54,766
And by whose orders?
323
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:56,334
They are my prisoners.
324
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:59,203
I get my orders
directly from Berlin!
325
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:00,338
Oh, I know him.
326
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,213
He wrote "God Bless America."
327
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,712
I can also tell
you, Colonel Klink,
328
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:12,283
that my report to Headquarters
will not be flattering to you.
329
00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:25,363
I thought they'd never leave.
330
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,731
Hey, the wine steward is here.
331
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:27,965
Did you bring the glasses?
332
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,301
Raus!
333
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:31,302
Killjoy.
334
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:32,704
Raus!
335
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:34,383
Last time you work
at one of my parties.
336
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:35,373
Raus!
337
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,574
Do drop in again.
338
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,843
Raus!
339
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,924
I, uh, just got
radio confirmation
340
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,091
from London, Colonel.
341
00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:44,293
It's all set.
342
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,994
Good. When do they
bomb the rocket site?
343
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,996
Tomorrow at 2300 hours.
344
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,620
Colonel, if they bomb
the emplacement,
345
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:50,688
they're sure to know
346
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,189
the information
came from the girls.
347
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,391
It won't matter by them.
348
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,993
The girls will be out the
tunnel on their way to London.
349
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,440
Yeah, as soon
as the sub calls in,
350
00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:58,708
I'll arrange for a rendezvous.
351
00:14:58,732 --> 00:14:59,831
Good, good.
352
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,577
You know, I kind of
hate to see them go.
353
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:05,135
I like the idea of a
coed POW camp.
354
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:13,255
Hey... Come on up.
355
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,045
Uh-huh. What happened?
356
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,046
It's a cave-in, sir.
357
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,727
Oh. Oh.
358
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,316
Here, sit down.
359
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:21,797
Are you hurt?
360
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:26,891
Boy. Where?
361
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,604
It's the new section
of the tunnel,
362
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,194
right near the girls' barracks.
363
00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:31,996
How bad is it?
364
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:33,564
Complete washout.
365
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,165
You guys didn't brace it enough.
366
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,846
With girls at the other end?
367
00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:38,280
Who stopped for braces?
368
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:39,270
Can we still reach 'em?
369
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:40,872
Not without a ruddy bulldozer
370
00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:41,972
you can't, sir.
371
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:43,274
It'll take days to clear.
372
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:44,787
If they're going
to bomb tomorrow,
373
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,955
how are we going to get
those girls out tonight?
374
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:48,112
Well, don't look at me.
375
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:49,881
I can't help us.
376
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:53,718
When all else fails, there's
always Colonel Klink.
377
00:16:00,076 --> 00:16:01,170
Schultz, here is a list
378
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,504
of punishments and restrictions
379
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:03,672
for the prisoners.
380
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,462
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
381
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,766
And they can thank you for that.
382
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,046
Shouldn't you check that
with Captain Heinrich?
383
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,703
Check with Captain Heinrich?
384
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,883
You don't want to go
over his head, do you?
385
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,140
Hogan, may I remind you
386
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:18,142
that I am the
Kommandant of this camp.
387
00:16:18,177 --> 00:16:19,321
Don't remind me.
388
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:20,522
Remind him.
389
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:22,046
Dismissed.
390
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:23,291
Ah, it's no skin off my nose,
391
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:25,594
if your men are laughing
behind your back.
392
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,351
Hogan, no one laughs
393
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:29,765
behind Colonel Klink's back!
394
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,255
Look, face the facts.
395
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:33,858
Since Captain Heinrich has
been running this camp, your men...
396
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,938
Captain Heinrich has not
been running this camp.
397
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,862
All right, but he doesn't care
398
00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:41,431
if those women cause trouble
and ruin Stalag 13's reputation.
399
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:42,745
What? What?
400
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:45,169
Forget it.
401
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:46,670
So what if he did
go over your head
402
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:48,438
and order those girls
to Berlin tomorrow.
403
00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:49,840
When you know
it would be smarter
404
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:51,275
to have them
shipped out tonight.
405
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:52,743
What? What?
406
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,479
It's not important if
those girls cause a riot.
407
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:57,081
Important?
408
00:16:57,116 --> 00:17:00,384
I will decide what's important.
409
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:03,553
They're going out tonight!
410
00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:05,000
Schultz, tell Captain Heinrich
411
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,002
that I order him
to move those girls
412
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,237
to Berlin, tonight!
413
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,693
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
414
00:17:09,728 --> 00:17:12,129
As for you, I...
415
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,769
Evening, Fritz.
416
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,615
Lovely weather we're having.
417
00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:22,550
Nice night for a
raid on Berlin, what?
418
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,310
Schnell, schnell!
419
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:27,956
All right, no need
to get huffy, mate.
420
00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:31,816
Just hope to stay
alive, that's all.
421
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,188
All set?
422
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,322
Worked like a charm.
423
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:39,534
All right. Let's get going
424
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:42,998
before they load
the girls in the truck.
425
00:17:57,594 --> 00:17:59,026
Sergeant, a bomb!
426
00:17:59,062 --> 00:18:00,561
Sergeant!
427
00:18:00,597 --> 00:18:03,664
A bomb, a bomb.
428
00:18:05,868 --> 00:18:07,001
Sergeant...
429
00:18:12,609 --> 00:18:14,675
Turn off the...
430
00:18:16,879 --> 00:18:18,112
Oh, come on, Bearheart.
431
00:18:18,147 --> 00:18:19,313
Shame on you.
432
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,314
What's all that jazz
433
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,493
about man's best friend?
434
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:26,801
Don't pad your part.
435
00:18:31,928 --> 00:18:33,171
Hi. Oh, hi, fellas.
436
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,162
You're just in time for
the going-away party.
437
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,163
You're not going.
438
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,409
Tell that to Captain Heinrich.
439
00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:38,866
What do you mean,
we're not going?
440
00:18:38,901 --> 00:18:41,013
Look, I think we can help
you to escape to England
441
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,514
if you're willing
to take a chance.
442
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,116
Anything's better
than being booked
443
00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:45,985
in a German prison
camp for three years.
444
00:18:46,009 --> 00:18:47,108
I'll go along with that.
445
00:18:47,143 --> 00:18:48,109
Me, too.
446
00:18:48,144 --> 00:18:49,276
What's the plan, Colonel?
447
00:18:49,311 --> 00:18:51,439
This is the way it stacks up.
448
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:53,308
We're going to change
places with the girls.
449
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:54,765
What?
450
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,578
The three of us go
out in the truck tonight
451
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:57,913
while the girls hide back here.
452
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,186
Brilliant.
453
00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:01,133
Fantastic. He always
comes up with...
454
00:19:01,157 --> 00:19:03,668
Colonel, what good
does it do the girls
455
00:19:03,692 --> 00:19:05,137
if you guys escape?
456
00:19:05,161 --> 00:19:06,627
Yeah.
457
00:19:06,662 --> 00:19:09,096
After we escape, we
sneak back into camp.
458
00:19:09,132 --> 00:19:10,332
We arrange to have the girls
459
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,810
go out in the dog
truck tomorrow.
460
00:19:11,834 --> 00:19:13,367
Of course. I said
it was brilliant.
461
00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:14,902
Don't you see? It will be easy.
462
00:19:14,937 --> 00:19:17,304
Because half the guards
will be out looking for you.
463
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:18,533
He's a ruddy genius,
464
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:20,068
even if he is an officer.
465
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:21,992
Can you get away with this?
466
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,360
I mean, yeah.
467
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,030
Uh, I may not be
Miss America, but, uh,
468
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,898
I don't look like a fella.
469
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,566
You can say that again.
470
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:30,834
Ma'am.
471
00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:33,437
All right, let's get going.
472
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,039
No, no, no. Wait, wait.
473
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,942
If-If we change places
474
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,944
with the girls tonight,
475
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:43,013
then that means that...
476
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,249
I just got it.
477
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:46,650
So did I.
478
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,718
You want us to
wear their clothes?
479
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:50,720
You know a better
way to look like women?
480
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:51,900
Well... Well, that's out.
481
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,257
Forget it.
482
00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:55,137
The articles of war
do not require me
483
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,471
to wear ladies' clothing.
484
00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:58,795
Will you wait a minute?
485
00:19:58,831 --> 00:19:59,964
There's no danger.
486
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,165
It's dark out.
487
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,732
And besides, look what I've got.
488
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:05,902
Private Ninowski, our
wigmaker, does beautiful work.
489
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:08,683
Look, Colonel,
490
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,319
I'd rather grab a machine gun
491
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,287
from the guards
and blast our way out.
492
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:13,621
I'll help you, LeBeau.
493
00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:14,656
Come on.
494
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:15,912
All right!
495
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,048
I didn't want to do it
this way, but I order you.
496
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:21,118
Put on their clothes
and these wigs.
497
00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:25,356
And if I disobey the order?
498
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,551
Court-martial and firing squad.
499
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:32,596
Well, no bandage for my eyes.
500
00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:33,897
Vive la France.
501
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:37,079
Sir, you can hang me
from the highest yardarm,
502
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,247
but under no circumstances
503
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:41,788
will we dress as women.
504
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:50,063
Hey, you guys look
pretty convincing.
505
00:20:50,099 --> 00:20:51,599
Shut up!
506
00:20:51,634 --> 00:20:52,899
Oui, shut up!
507
00:20:52,935 --> 00:20:54,413
If you tell anybody about this,
508
00:20:54,437 --> 00:20:56,781
I will personally
poison your food.
509
00:20:56,805 --> 00:20:58,105
All right, easy, men.
510
00:20:58,141 --> 00:20:59,384
Look, Carter, after we leave,
511
00:20:59,408 --> 00:21:00,952
take the girls back
to our barracks.
512
00:21:00,976 --> 00:21:02,109
R-Right, Colonel.
513
00:21:02,145 --> 00:21:03,944
Keep them out of sight
as much as possible,
514
00:21:03,979 --> 00:21:06,614
because we don't...
515
00:21:06,649 --> 00:21:07,748
You know, Newkirk...
516
00:21:07,783 --> 00:21:09,903
What? You look
good in basic black.
517
00:21:13,889 --> 00:21:15,022
Jawohl.
518
00:21:32,074 --> 00:21:33,274
Fresh!
519
00:21:58,501 --> 00:21:59,501
What's the matter, dear?
520
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:02,197
It must be her
appendix! Stop the truck!
521
00:22:02,221 --> 00:22:03,320
Stop the truck!
522
00:22:03,355 --> 00:22:04,766
Tell them to stop the truck!
523
00:22:04,790 --> 00:22:05,934
Kathy is sick!
524
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:07,257
I believe I'm going to faint!
525
00:22:07,293 --> 00:22:09,293
Quick, quick!
526
00:22:16,202 --> 00:22:17,579
What is this?
527
00:22:17,603 --> 00:22:19,114
LeBEAU: It's Kathy!
She's not well!
528
00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:22,473
I think she has the
vapors, whatever that is!
529
00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:27,110
Keep her quiet for the
rest of the trip, or you will...
530
00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:28,145
Oh!
531
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:32,533
Come on. It's all right?
532
00:22:32,568 --> 00:22:33,712
Yeah, we did pretty well.
533
00:22:33,736 --> 00:22:34,736
You did a great job.
534
00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:35,980
Fine. Let's go! All right...
535
00:22:36,004 --> 00:22:37,137
Wait. Hey, wait a minute.
536
00:22:37,172 --> 00:22:38,305
What's the matter?
537
00:22:38,341 --> 00:22:39,506
Is my mascara running?
538
00:22:39,542 --> 00:22:42,243
Oh.
539
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,745
I don't know. Maybe they
ran into some sort of trouble.
540
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:46,513
Maybe something
happened. I don't know.
541
00:22:46,549 --> 00:22:48,349
Yeah, maybe his
garter belt snapped.
542
00:22:48,384 --> 00:22:50,362
I don't think that would
have slowed him down.
543
00:22:50,386 --> 00:22:52,185
Well, it's hard to win a war
544
00:22:52,221 --> 00:22:54,555
when your stockings
are falling down.
545
00:22:57,326 --> 00:22:58,792
We're home!
546
00:22:58,827 --> 00:23:00,160
How'd it go?
547
00:23:00,195 --> 00:23:03,235
Oh, piece of cake. Fine, fine.
548
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:04,860
LeBEAU: Yeah, fine.
549
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,884
Oh, my God.
550
00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:09,653
Colonel...
551
00:23:09,688 --> 00:23:12,048
how can we ever thank you?
552
00:23:13,692 --> 00:23:15,792
Leave your names and
addresses, and after the war,
553
00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:18,061
I'm sure we can
work something out.
554
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:25,085
Come in.
555
00:23:25,121 --> 00:23:27,254
Now, Colonel Hogan, you
asked permission to see me?
556
00:23:27,289 --> 00:23:28,433
Right, sir.
557
00:23:28,457 --> 00:23:29,735
Request permission for my men
558
00:23:29,759 --> 00:23:31,136
to have extra rations tomorrow.
559
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,692
Why do you want extra rations?
560
00:23:32,728 --> 00:23:34,039
Don't tell me you've forgotten.
561
00:23:34,063 --> 00:23:35,207
It's a holiday.
562
00:23:35,231 --> 00:23:37,231
What holiday?
563
00:23:37,266 --> 00:23:38,698
Armistice Day.
564
00:23:38,734 --> 00:23:41,368
It's the day we beat the
Germans in the First World...
565
00:23:42,938 --> 00:23:44,071
Sorry, sir.
566
00:23:44,106 --> 00:23:45,873
It's in bad taste.
567
00:23:45,908 --> 00:23:47,540
Permission refused.
568
00:23:47,576 --> 00:23:49,187
Colonel, you're
invited to the party.
569
00:23:49,211 --> 00:23:50,343
The men insisted.
570
00:23:50,379 --> 00:23:51,511
Request denied.
571
00:23:51,546 --> 00:23:53,180
I hate a poor loser.
572
00:23:54,449 --> 00:23:56,650
Oh, uh...
573
00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:58,663
what do you hear
from your old boss,
574
00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:00,988
Captain Heinrich?
575
00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:03,356
The Captain you
admire so much, Hogan,
576
00:24:03,392 --> 00:24:05,159
has met with disgrace.
577
00:24:05,194 --> 00:24:07,360
No!
578
00:24:07,396 --> 00:24:11,498
He allowed the three
lady prisoners to escape.
579
00:24:11,533 --> 00:24:12,744
I can't believe it.
580
00:24:12,768 --> 00:24:14,734
And I heard that he was...
581
00:24:16,071 --> 00:24:18,038
overpowered by a lady's handbag.
582
00:24:19,508 --> 00:24:21,086
Did you ever see
what a woman carried
583
00:24:21,110 --> 00:24:22,409
in her purse?
584
00:24:22,444 --> 00:24:24,644
If headquarters would have
left those women with me,
585
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,013
this never would have happened!
586
00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:27,259
What harm can three girls do?
587
00:24:27,283 --> 00:24:29,416
Because of them, the
enemy bombed one
588
00:24:29,451 --> 00:24:31,551
of our most important
experimental stations.
589
00:24:31,586 --> 00:24:33,620
Dismissed.
590
00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:36,089
Rockets? Yes.
591
00:24:37,092 --> 00:24:38,270
Who said rockets?
592
00:24:38,294 --> 00:24:39,592
You did.
593
00:24:39,628 --> 00:24:41,594
But your secret's safe with me.
40637
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