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1
00:00:03,554 --> 00:00:08,056
CBS presents this
program in color.
2
00:00:58,942 --> 00:01:00,619
All right, three
minutes till roll call.
3
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:02,055
Let's make sure
we're squared away.
4
00:01:02,079 --> 00:01:03,356
Olsen, what's this?
5
00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:04,858
Dynamite's buried
there, Colonel.
6
00:01:04,882 --> 00:01:06,359
How far from the
railroad station?
7
00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:07,383
400 yards.
8
00:01:07,417 --> 00:01:08,527
And the train is due when?
9
00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:09,617
3:16 this afternoon.
10
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:10,864
Newkirk, how does he get out?
11
00:01:10,888 --> 00:01:13,255
Rides out with the dogs,
Colonel, in the truck.
12
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:14,856
How's the truck get out?
13
00:01:14,892 --> 00:01:16,535
Carrying the dogs that
are out looking for Olsen.
14
00:01:16,559 --> 00:01:17,926
After you report him as missing.
15
00:01:17,961 --> 00:01:20,439
During the diversion.
Which is set off when, Carter?
16
00:01:20,463 --> 00:01:22,708
When you give the signal,
raising the bill of your cap.
17
00:01:22,732 --> 00:01:24,099
Like this.
18
00:01:24,134 --> 00:01:25,711
It's a pod, Colonel.
Ain't no sweat.
19
00:01:25,735 --> 00:01:27,035
What do we do for an encore?
20
00:01:27,070 --> 00:01:29,204
You're good.
You're all very good.
21
00:01:29,239 --> 00:01:30,872
We work together good.
22
00:01:30,908 --> 00:01:33,219
So good, in fact, you're
beginning to pad your parts.
23
00:01:33,243 --> 00:01:36,044
Having so much fun,
we're beginning to ad lib.
24
00:01:36,079 --> 00:01:37,879
Well, hear this.
25
00:01:37,915 --> 00:01:39,881
All I want is a
simple diversion,
26
00:01:39,917 --> 00:01:42,050
a simple escape and
a simple dynamiting
27
00:01:42,085 --> 00:01:43,385
of an ammunition train.
28
00:01:43,420 --> 00:01:45,564
Stick to the script...
Is that clear?
29
00:01:45,588 --> 00:01:47,889
Guard coming, Colonel.
30
00:01:47,925 --> 00:01:51,445
All right, Olsen, get your gear
together, get ready and go out.
31
00:01:57,234 --> 00:01:59,234
Now...
32
00:01:59,270 --> 00:02:02,404
this is a woman.
33
00:02:02,439 --> 00:02:04,907
W-O-M-A-N.
34
00:02:05,943 --> 00:02:07,575
What is this?
35
00:02:07,611 --> 00:02:09,689
This is a lecture I have to
give every six months, Schultz.
36
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:10,813
It's army regulations.
37
00:02:10,848 --> 00:02:13,182
Ah, ah, ah. I don't believe you.
38
00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:16,018
You want to know what
we were really doing?
39
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,854
No! I want everybody
out, out, out, out, out, out!
40
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,533
All right, some
other time, Schultz.
41
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,358
Roll call! Everybody out
but you, Colonel Hogan.
42
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:26,028
Kommandant Klink wants
to see you in his office.
43
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:27,863
It is urgent.
44
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,364
All right.
45
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:30,532
Trouble, Colonel?
46
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:31,912
Yeah, I'll be able to handle it.
47
00:02:31,936 --> 00:02:34,369
Look, uh, change the
signal for the diversion.
48
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:37,272
When you see me come
out of Klink's office, that'll be it.
49
00:02:37,308 --> 00:02:39,875
Then Olsen takes off and
blows up the choo-choo train.
50
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,877
When you come out
of Klink's office, that's it.
51
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,890
Yeah. What if you
get held up in there?
52
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:47,415
I'll tell him we have
a train to catch.
53
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:04,182
Colonel Hogan, does the
name General Von Platzen
54
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,517
mean anything to you?
55
00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:07,519
Von Platzen...
56
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:09,554
Yeah, the Inspector General.
57
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,190
Inspector General of the
armies of the Third Reich.
58
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,593
Now, he is due to
arrive here any moment.
59
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,228
Here? Why wasn't I notified?
60
00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:17,795
Why should you be?
61
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:20,599
Why shouldn't I be?
62
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,367
I, of course, have no anxiety.
63
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:26,238
Everything at Camp 13
is in perfect order, perfect.
64
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,440
Up till now, that's true.
65
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:31,209
But I am well aware,
Colonel Hogan,
66
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:33,389
there is nothing you and
your men would not do
67
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,225
to try to undermine
my position here,
68
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,359
even to have me replaced.
69
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,533
Replace you? Are you kidding?
70
00:03:38,568 --> 00:03:40,068
We'd do anything
to keep you here.
71
00:03:40,104 --> 00:03:41,536
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
72
00:03:41,571 --> 00:03:45,540
I am not a vain man,
so do not try flattery.
73
00:03:45,575 --> 00:03:48,721
You would like someone
less strict, less vigilant,
74
00:03:48,745 --> 00:03:50,090
less efficient, is that not so?
75
00:03:50,114 --> 00:03:51,880
No, you suit us just fine.
76
00:03:51,916 --> 00:03:54,316
Ah! My record is perfect.
77
00:03:54,351 --> 00:03:58,053
In over 200 attempts, not
one successful escape...
78
00:03:58,088 --> 00:04:02,157
but I warn you... during
this inspection visit,
79
00:04:02,192 --> 00:04:05,171
I shall keep my eyes upon
you, so do not try anything.
80
00:04:05,195 --> 00:04:06,472
Is that clear?
81
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,996
Sure, it's clear.
82
00:04:08,032 --> 00:04:10,198
It just may be a little
too late, that's all.
83
00:04:10,234 --> 00:04:12,301
What do you mean?
84
00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:14,369
Herr Kommandant.
85
00:04:14,405 --> 00:04:16,682
Did I ask for you,
Langenscheidt?
86
00:04:16,706 --> 00:04:17,973
Kommandant Klink,
87
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,885
General Von Platzen
and his party are here.
88
00:04:19,909 --> 00:04:21,609
Here? Where? How?
89
00:04:21,645 --> 00:04:23,061
Just outside the building.
90
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,107
I gave strict instructions
I was to be notified
91
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,543
the moment they
came in the gate.
92
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,878
Now, I will find those
responsible and...
93
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:32,370
Did you say just
outside the building?
94
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:33,871
On their way in,
Herr Kommandant.
95
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,043
Every hair in place.
96
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:40,378
Out!
97
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:41,646
Oh, I'll wait here.
98
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,415
Out!
99
00:04:51,908 --> 00:04:54,720
General Von Platzen,
Colonel Klink reporting, sir.
100
00:04:54,744 --> 00:04:56,377
Colonel Klink, ja.
101
00:04:56,413 --> 00:04:59,046
Things look very
good here, ja, ja, ja.
102
00:04:59,082 --> 00:05:01,483
Very... very good indeed.
103
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,151
Thank you, Herr General.
104
00:05:03,186 --> 00:05:06,499
May I present Colonel Hogan,
senior officer of the prisoners of war.
105
00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:08,823
What? Who? Oh, ja, ja.
106
00:05:08,858 --> 00:05:10,336
As long as you're
inspecting, sir,
107
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,105
I'd like to complain
about the food here.
108
00:05:12,129 --> 00:05:13,328
Ah, you are confused, Ogan.
109
00:05:13,363 --> 00:05:16,498
I am his inspector
general, not yours.
110
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:17,843
Yeah, well, it's Hogan, sir.
111
00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:19,134
Under international law,
112
00:05:19,169 --> 00:05:20,846
I could stay right
here and make a list.
113
00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:23,004
If the prisoners do not
complain about the food,
114
00:05:23,039 --> 00:05:24,672
then I know there
is something wrong.
115
00:05:24,707 --> 00:05:28,510
You have passed
your first test, Klink.
116
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:29,777
Shall we go outside?
117
00:05:29,812 --> 00:05:31,190
Well, by all means,
Herr General.
118
00:05:31,214 --> 00:05:34,682
I will inspect your
personal staff later.
119
00:05:34,717 --> 00:05:36,017
Come, Brogan.
120
00:05:36,052 --> 00:05:38,197
Uh, Hogan, sir, and I
don't go outside much.
121
00:05:38,221 --> 00:05:39,532
I have a chest condition.
122
00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,189
Out! Out!
123
00:05:41,224 --> 00:05:43,224
Out.
124
00:05:44,294 --> 00:05:45,710
Raus, everybody, raus!
125
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,390
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes!
126
00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:48,591
Everybody, raus!
127
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:50,548
Raus, everybody, raus!
128
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:52,617
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes!
129
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,252
Raus, everybody, raus!
130
00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:57,055
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, everybody, raus!
131
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,723
Raus, everybody!
132
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,959
Eins, zwei, drei, vier,
133
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,760
funf, sechs, sieben, acht,
134
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,007
neun...
135
00:06:12,089 --> 00:06:13,988
B-l7's.
136
00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:15,490
Barbarians!
137
00:06:15,526 --> 00:06:17,659
Now they're bombing
prison camps!
138
00:06:17,694 --> 00:06:19,161
It is our leader's fault.
139
00:06:19,196 --> 00:06:21,829
He told us that German
soil would be sacred.
140
00:06:21,865 --> 00:06:23,331
What am I saying?
141
00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:24,977
I think it's a thunderstorm.
142
00:06:33,043 --> 00:06:35,009
Any more firecrackers, Carter?
143
00:06:35,045 --> 00:06:36,478
Yeah, one more.
144
00:06:38,282 --> 00:06:42,200
Oh, person'd think there's
a war on, wouldn't they?
145
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,536
Hey, Schultz! Schultz!
146
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,038
I think we got a man missing.
147
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,708
Who cares?
148
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:53,211
It's all over. There's
been an escape.
149
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:56,214
It's Olsen, Schultz. He's gone!
150
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,916
Did you have to tell me?
151
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:05,323
I beg to report. A
prisoner is missing!
152
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:07,670
Sound the alarm!
Let loose the dogs!
153
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,062
Get on your feet, you cowards!
154
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,999
The truck with the dogs.
155
00:07:15,034 --> 00:07:17,335
After them! Go!
156
00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,212
What'd you do that for, Colonel?
157
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,864
It's a complicated war, Olsen.
158
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,870
Thanks.
159
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:41,842
Now, let us see
what we have here.
160
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:45,846
Explosions...
161
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,515
escapes...
162
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,016
cigars?
163
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:52,553
It is locked. Allow
me, Herr General.
164
00:08:01,864 --> 00:08:04,482
Oh, ja, ja, ja.
165
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:08,152
So, you... you keep
them locked up?
166
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:11,456
It's a very interesting
trait of character, Klink.
167
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:15,460
They are... my little prisoners.
168
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,662
Excuse me, Herr
General, would you wish me
169
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:18,663
to take all this down?
170
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,498
As you wish.
171
00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:24,101
Mainly, you just sit
there and look pretty.
172
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,281
Thanks, I will.
173
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,771
Not you.
174
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,441
Oh, sorry.
175
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:32,354
Do you have an
explanation for these, mm...
176
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,946
occurrences, Klink?
177
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,515
It is a plot to discredit
me, Herr General.
178
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:41,519
This man would do
anything to have me removed.
179
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:45,022
I have never trusted him. Never.
180
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,558
Well!
181
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,961
What steps have
you taken, Klink?
182
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:53,864
The escapee, Sergeant Olsen,
is in the cooler for 30 days.
183
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,367
The entire camp will be punished
184
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:59,837
by having their exercise
period canceled for three weeks.
185
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,473
The barracks are
being torn apart
186
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,741
in a search for
further explosive.
187
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:06,897
Further... This man
is an inhuman beast.
188
00:09:06,929 --> 00:09:10,281
Ah... and your explanation,
Colonel Dugan?
189
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:11,461
Hogan.
190
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:14,786
For the boom-boom
and all of that?
191
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,649
A legitimate escape attempt
192
00:09:16,673 --> 00:09:19,907
by men tortured beyond
the limit of their endurance.
193
00:09:19,942 --> 00:09:22,994
Ah, so... a strange coincidence
194
00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:25,530
that it should occur
during my visit.
195
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,666
To be honest with you, it was
a slip-up in our intelligence.
196
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:30,835
You were plotting against me.
197
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:34,872
And your... how would
you say it... your, um...
198
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:38,342
grandstand gesture
in stopping the escape,
199
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:41,779
from our side, of course,
very commendable.
200
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:42,875
Thank you.
201
00:09:42,899 --> 00:09:47,118
From your side,
you would be a fink.
202
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:49,354
That's show business.
203
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:54,942
You see, Herr General, he
admits that it was play-acting.
204
00:09:54,978 --> 00:09:58,195
Colonel Klink. Yes,
Herr Inspector General?
205
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:02,901
In Berlin, your record has
been under review for some time.
206
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,637
There have been
unfortunate occurrences, yes.
207
00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:07,705
20 years in parade,
208
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:11,976
longer than any colonel
in the whole German Army.
209
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:14,211
Were I given my
Luftwaffe pilots back,
210
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:15,691
instead of having
to deal with men
211
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:17,214
like this!
212
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,200
20 years with an
efficiency rating
213
00:10:19,235 --> 00:10:21,869
one degree above miserable...
214
00:10:21,905 --> 00:10:26,040
until... you were put
in charge of Camp 13.
215
00:10:26,075 --> 00:10:29,727
Herr Inspector General,
I take full responsibility
216
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:31,541
for the shameful
happenings here.
217
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:33,498
It is a stain upon my honor,
218
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:36,901
and I realize the Inspector
General has no other choice
219
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:39,937
but to relieve me of my post.
220
00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:45,176
Klink, do you realize what has
been going on in other camps?
221
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:46,244
What is going on?
222
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:49,080
Wholesale escapes, breaks,
223
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:51,082
tunneling like gophers.
224
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:54,118
Only in Camp 13 have
there been no escapes.
225
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:57,288
You mean I'm to be retained?
226
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,206
No.
227
00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:58,773
No?
228
00:10:58,809 --> 00:11:00,241
No?
229
00:11:00,276 --> 00:11:02,355
You're making a
big mistake, General.
230
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:05,112
Get off my side.
231
00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:11,068
Colonel Klink, when I get back
to Berlin, I shall recommend
232
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,782
that you be transferred there,
233
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:18,059
and be put in charge...
of all prison camps.
234
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,380
You have finally
found your niche.
235
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,801
You can't do that!
236
00:11:26,836 --> 00:11:28,436
Why not?
237
00:11:33,242 --> 00:11:36,878
Congratulations, Klink.
238
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:40,280
And, of course, you will
bring along your personal staff.
239
00:11:40,316 --> 00:11:42,583
Of course, Herr General.
Thank you, Herr General.
240
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,797
I am most gratified,
Herr General.
241
00:11:44,821 --> 00:11:46,253
General?
242
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,890
Ja, Colonel, um...?
243
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,825
Fagin.
244
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:53,895
Ja, Colonel Hogan, might I say
245
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:56,230
that it was your hostility
and fear of Colonel Klink
246
00:11:56,265 --> 00:11:59,266
that convinced me
he was our man.
247
00:12:01,004 --> 00:12:04,005
Now, you wish to
make a statement?
248
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,858
I don't think so.
249
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,894
Sometimes, I just talk too much.
250
00:12:15,551 --> 00:12:17,551
At ease.
251
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:25,860
All right, all
right, so I blew it.
252
00:12:25,896 --> 00:12:28,040
If I told you once, I told
you a thousand times,
253
00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:29,364
don't overdo it.
254
00:12:29,399 --> 00:12:31,165
Don't oversell, right?
255
00:12:31,201 --> 00:12:34,369
Then I went out and did it.
256
00:12:34,404 --> 00:12:35,870
It's everybody's fault, Colonel.
257
00:12:35,906 --> 00:12:37,038
We made him look too good.
258
00:12:37,073 --> 00:12:38,206
Right.
259
00:12:38,241 --> 00:12:39,540
Now we have to go the other way.
260
00:12:40,877 --> 00:12:43,211
Make him look bad.
261
00:12:43,246 --> 00:12:45,013
How hard can that be?
262
00:12:45,048 --> 00:12:46,547
Blow up his headquarters?
263
00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:47,882
No, no, think small.
264
00:12:47,918 --> 00:12:50,062
Just enough to louse
up the promotion.
265
00:12:50,086 --> 00:12:51,386
Set fire to his headquarters.
266
00:12:51,421 --> 00:12:53,221
Think small.
267
00:12:53,256 --> 00:12:55,734
Inspection party on the way,
Colonel... Von Platzen and Klink.
268
00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:57,236
All right, look, we
don't have a chance
269
00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:58,226
to plan this thing.
270
00:12:58,261 --> 00:12:59,738
LeBeau, get down to
Tunnel Number Four.
271
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:00,907
Put Plan Alpha into action,
272
00:13:00,931 --> 00:13:02,674
right next to the ventilator
in the barracks, right?
273
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:03,664
Now, remember we're going
274
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,411
to have to wing this
thing, so keep it small.
275
00:13:05,435 --> 00:13:07,595
Right? Right.
276
00:13:11,975 --> 00:13:15,043
Achtung! Attention!
277
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,458
Colonel Robert
Hogan, senior officer
278
00:13:19,482 --> 00:13:21,193
of the prisoners of
war reporting, sir.
279
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,351
Ja, ja. We have met, I believe.
280
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,853
You may stand at
ease, gentlemen.
281
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,856
So, Colonel Klink, shall
we review your troops
282
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:32,026
for the final time?
283
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:35,563
For the final time,
Herr General.
284
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:40,734
Jawohl.
285
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,072
Jawohl.
286
00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,374
Oh, oh, excuse me, sir.
287
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,209
You've got a bit of
a loose button there.
288
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,678
I notice these sort of
things in my line of work.
289
00:13:50,713 --> 00:13:52,347
It's tailoring, you
know, sir. Tailoring.
290
00:13:52,382 --> 00:13:54,515
I'll fix it up for
you right as rain.
291
00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:56,062
Don't worry... Take
your hands off me!
292
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:57,229
Take your hands off him!
293
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,553
There's no call to
get huffy, governor.
294
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:02,991
Where's my monocle?
295
00:14:03,026 --> 00:14:06,995
It seems to be in my
hand, Herr General.
296
00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:11,432
Does your hand need a monocle?
297
00:14:11,468 --> 00:14:14,068
I believe I have an
explanation for this, sir.
298
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,223
No, I haven't.
299
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:21,036
This is the overseas service
300
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,359
of the BBC with a...
301
00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:24,194
What is this?
302
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:25,529
Herr General.
303
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:26,742
Schultz!
304
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,699
Where is that radio?
305
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:31,035
They didn't tell me.
306
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:32,937
Find it at once.
307
00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:35,806
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
308
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,207
Hogan.
309
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:38,509
Hmm?
310
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:42,079
Where does that voice come from?
311
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,726
The evaluation of
yesterday's raid...
312
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,850
From the accent,
I'd say England.
313
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:01,482
So, a model camp, Klink.
314
00:15:01,518 --> 00:15:06,020
Explosions for arriving
guests, a funny kommandant.
315
00:15:06,056 --> 00:15:09,323
And now prisoners
tuned into the BBC?
316
00:15:09,359 --> 00:15:13,194
Maybe you could get them
all weekend passes to London?
317
00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:15,641
Hey, as a matter
of fact, General...
318
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:16,997
Silence!
319
00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:19,800
General, I can assure
you, I will find that radio,
320
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:23,037
if Sergeant Schultz will have
to take the barracks apart
321
00:15:23,073 --> 00:15:25,940
by tearing out each
nail with his teeth.
322
00:15:25,975 --> 00:15:29,177
I hope so, Klink, for your sake.
323
00:15:29,212 --> 00:15:33,614
Shall we go before they
decide to steal my wallet?
324
00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:37,851
Nobody leaves the room.
325
00:15:37,887 --> 00:15:39,698
I can assure you,
Herr General...
326
00:15:39,722 --> 00:15:41,855
I am getting very shaky
from your assurances, Klink.
327
00:15:41,891 --> 00:15:43,191
Search everybody.
328
00:15:43,226 --> 00:15:44,692
Search!
329
00:15:44,727 --> 00:15:46,026
Search the prisoners.
330
00:15:46,062 --> 00:15:48,196
What are you doing?
331
00:15:48,231 --> 00:15:51,566
Herr Kommandant,
sometimes they...
332
00:15:55,071 --> 00:15:57,405
I assure you, Herr General, I...
333
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,374
I assure you, Klink,
334
00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:03,644
pickpockets to be
running our prison camps,
335
00:16:03,679 --> 00:16:06,314
we don't need.
336
00:16:06,349 --> 00:16:07,648
Herr General, I...
337
00:16:07,683 --> 00:16:09,161
Uh, by the way, Kommandant,
338
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,651
I haven't had a chance
339
00:16:10,686 --> 00:16:12,998
to congratulate you
on your promotion.
340
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:26,250
They're headed in the
right direction, Colonel.
341
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:27,963
Figure about ten feet more, huh?
342
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,699
But everything else is in
perfect order, Herr General.
343
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,222
Everything else...
344
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,127
What is it?
345
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,864
A tunnel is what it is.
346
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:44,735
Get me out of here!
347
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:51,887
Herr General, I
do not understand.
348
00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:55,312
Take your hand off my wallet!
349
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,158
Boy, you're a
shrewd one, General.
350
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,616
You discovered our tunnel.
351
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,050
So, you admit it.
352
00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:01,485
I shall trace it back
353
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,821
to whatever
barracks it came from,
354
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,296
and the guilty men
will be put in the cooler
355
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:07,691
for at least six months.
356
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:10,127
As a matter of fact, sir, it
comes from your headquarters.
357
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:13,163
Just thought it
was easier that way.
358
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,498
So...
359
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,802
This camp, Klink, this
camp is a black page
360
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:21,172
in the glorious history
of the Third Reich,
361
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:25,209
which I shall report
when I get back to Berlin.
362
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,181
I certainly hope this
won't stand in the way
363
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,682
of your promotion, sir.
364
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:37,154
How you must hate me.
365
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,197
You did what to his staff car?
366
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:48,544
Oh, it'll still run, Colonel,
367
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,067
if you push it.
368
00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:52,703
What made you think
of taking out the motor?
369
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,382
Well, you told us
to think big, Colonel.
370
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,039
Or was it small?
371
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:59,042
We even went too
far with the tunnel bit.
372
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,479
Now, what happens when
Von Platzen gets in the car?
373
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,481
We got the starter
wired to this little gadget...
374
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,983
I know that. What
happens to Klink?
375
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,663
Yeah, you got a
good point there.
376
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:09,665
All right, all right, this
is what we've got to do.
377
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:10,999
Carter, got into a
German uniform.
378
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:12,823
I need another German.
379
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,492
How about me?
380
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,326
Don't be funny.
381
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:17,495
LeBeau.
382
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,341
Newkirk, fix him
up with a uniform.
383
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:20,776
Kinch, get over
to the motor pool.
384
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,344
Requisition another
staff car. Right.
385
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:27,170
Carter, what made you
think of taking out the motor?
386
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:29,974
I guess because it was there.
387
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,623
Perhaps the inspector general
388
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,013
could spend another day,
389
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,015
just to see how
smooth things run here.
390
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,529
Another day here, and
I would order you shot.
391
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,353
Perhaps I could write a
letter to the inspector general.
392
00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:46,524
I would first soak it
in water, then bury it.
393
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,526
Herr General.
394
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,361
Is there nothing I can do?
395
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:53,564
Pray.
396
00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,237
Drive on.
397
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:11,965
Klink, you are
trying to kill me.
398
00:19:12,001 --> 00:19:14,468
I could not be more fond of
you if you were my brother.
399
00:19:14,504 --> 00:19:15,803
Schultz, see what it is.
400
00:19:15,838 --> 00:19:17,137
M-M-Me?
401
00:19:17,173 --> 00:19:19,340
Yes, you, now.
402
00:19:36,859 --> 00:19:40,695
It is only a smoke bomb.
403
00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:42,007
Good.
404
00:19:42,031 --> 00:19:44,376
Any damage to the motor?
405
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,434
What motor?
406
00:19:53,476 --> 00:19:55,020
I assure you, Herr General, I...
407
00:19:55,044 --> 00:19:58,512
Klink, do you consider
yourself competent enough
408
00:19:58,548 --> 00:20:00,848
to undertake the task
of arresting yourself?
409
00:20:00,883 --> 00:20:02,182
Jawohl.
410
00:20:02,218 --> 00:20:03,684
Arrest myself?
411
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,353
Only until I get back to Berlin.
412
00:20:05,388 --> 00:20:07,521
Then I will have
professionals arrest you.
413
00:20:07,557 --> 00:20:09,868
But I assure...
Do not assure me.
414
00:20:09,892 --> 00:20:12,693
Order a staff car to
take me back to Berlin.
415
00:20:12,729 --> 00:20:14,027
Schultz, a staff car.
416
00:20:14,063 --> 00:20:16,029
Jawohl.
417
00:20:16,065 --> 00:20:17,698
Uh, I think I see
one coming now.
418
00:20:17,734 --> 00:20:18,699
Who asked you?
419
00:20:18,735 --> 00:20:20,368
No one, it's just that
he may get luckier
420
00:20:20,403 --> 00:20:21,535
with the next staff car.
421
00:20:21,571 --> 00:20:22,536
What do you mean?
422
00:20:22,572 --> 00:20:23,537
But I... Forget it.
423
00:20:23,573 --> 00:20:24,705
I've changed my mind.
424
00:20:24,741 --> 00:20:26,974
Have the car drive me
to the railroad station.
425
00:20:36,218 --> 00:20:39,052
Usually, things run
very smooth here.
426
00:20:39,088 --> 00:20:40,855
Drive on.
427
00:20:55,237 --> 00:20:59,239
Well, looks like
you're one of us now.
428
00:21:02,712 --> 00:21:06,179
The peculiar thing is,
I don't even hate you.
429
00:21:06,215 --> 00:21:08,348
I feel somehow beyond that.
430
00:21:08,384 --> 00:21:10,350
You're big, sir.
431
00:21:10,386 --> 00:21:12,185
Very big.
432
00:21:12,221 --> 00:21:15,589
Were I in your position, I
would've considered it my duty
433
00:21:15,625 --> 00:21:17,625
to get rid of a
kommandant as hard,
434
00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:19,359
as coldly efficient as I am.
435
00:21:19,395 --> 00:21:21,862
The only thing is, you did it.
436
00:21:21,898 --> 00:21:23,041
Colonel Klink...
437
00:21:23,065 --> 00:21:25,032
But even now,
438
00:21:25,067 --> 00:21:27,200
my career gone,
439
00:21:27,236 --> 00:21:29,047
my life hanging by a thread,
440
00:21:29,071 --> 00:21:30,704
I don't hate you.
441
00:21:30,740 --> 00:21:32,651
Perhaps had we
met at another time,
442
00:21:32,675 --> 00:21:35,375
another place, we might
have even become friends.
443
00:21:35,411 --> 00:21:39,713
But it is all over now.
444
00:21:39,749 --> 00:21:43,551
Colonel Klink, you've
read Napoleon, of course.
445
00:21:43,586 --> 00:21:44,730
Naturally.
446
00:21:44,754 --> 00:21:45,898
Napoleon?
447
00:21:45,922 --> 00:21:47,220
Of course.
448
00:21:47,256 --> 00:21:50,090
Uh, what did he say?
449
00:21:58,367 --> 00:22:00,334
He said that the
commander who almost daily
450
00:22:00,369 --> 00:22:02,837
commits his life and his
career to the fates of battle
451
00:22:02,872 --> 00:22:05,005
will time and again
find himself in situations
452
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,675
where all seems lost.
453
00:22:07,710 --> 00:22:10,010
Yes, yes.
454
00:22:10,045 --> 00:22:12,947
But the commander who
will alter the course of history
455
00:22:12,982 --> 00:22:15,516
will never lose faith in
a mysterious something
456
00:22:15,551 --> 00:22:21,355
he thinks of as his
star, his destiny.
457
00:22:21,390 --> 00:22:23,691
He will think of a miracle,
458
00:22:23,726 --> 00:22:27,194
and his star will
carry him through.
459
00:22:27,229 --> 00:22:28,696
Yes.
460
00:22:28,731 --> 00:22:33,033
Uh, but what miracle could
possibly save me now?
461
00:22:33,068 --> 00:22:37,371
Think that the
train will blow up.
462
00:22:37,406 --> 00:22:39,206
The train will blow up?
463
00:22:39,241 --> 00:22:42,743
Only if you believe.
464
00:22:43,746 --> 00:22:45,880
And you'd better do it quick.
465
00:22:45,915 --> 00:22:48,916
I believe.
466
00:22:49,919 --> 00:22:51,218
Once again.
467
00:22:51,253 --> 00:22:52,720
I believe.
468
00:22:52,755 --> 00:22:54,889
Oh, this is ridiculous.
469
00:22:59,261 --> 00:23:00,828
What was that?
470
00:23:00,863 --> 00:23:03,831
Sounded like a train blowing up.
471
00:23:03,866 --> 00:23:07,535
A train blowing up.
472
00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:15,175
My star.
473
00:23:15,210 --> 00:23:17,011
Either you got
it or you haven't.
474
00:23:17,046 --> 00:23:19,713
You've got it.
475
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:27,871
Oh, hi, Schultz.
476
00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:29,873
Colonel Hogan. Huh?
477
00:23:29,908 --> 00:23:31,375
Colonel Hogan,
478
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:34,044
Herr Kommandant
demands that I find the radio
479
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:36,547
even if I have to take
apart the barracks,
480
00:23:36,582 --> 00:23:38,882
nail by nail, with my teeth.
481
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:40,895
It's all right with us,
Schultz, Go ahead.
482
00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:42,886
Oh, please, Colonel Hogan.
483
00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:45,889
It would make
things so much easier
484
00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:48,058
if you would find
the radio for me.
485
00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:51,061
Any radio.
486
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:53,241
All right. Sounds
reasonable enough.
487
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,909
Kinch, help him out, will you?
488
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,066
Sure, Colonel.
489
00:23:56,101 --> 00:23:58,101
Come on.
490
00:24:02,708 --> 00:24:04,908
There you are. Take your choice.
491
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:07,194
Sheesh.
492
00:24:13,369 --> 00:24:15,502
That will do. Oh.
493
00:24:15,537 --> 00:24:16,848
And Colonel Hogan... Yeah?
494
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:18,005
Many thanks.
495
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,341
That'll be $26 American
money, Schultz.
496
00:24:20,376 --> 00:24:23,177
What? $26?
497
00:24:23,212 --> 00:24:24,511
It's only ten above cost.
498
00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:26,024
You want us to make a profit.
499
00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:28,682
Oh, you are
profiteering by the war.
500
00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:31,518
Look at it this way...
It's tax deductible.
501
00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:34,688
That's different.
502
00:24:36,225 --> 00:24:38,859
Eins, zwei...
503
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:41,362
Drei, vier,
504
00:24:41,397 --> 00:24:44,198
funf, sechs...
35364
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