Original subtitles

Good night, sweetheart.

All my prayers are for you. Good night,

sweetheart. I'll be watching all you.

Tears and parting may make us alone.

But with a darling, a new...

Oh, go on, Gary.

Don't be mean.

You can afford it. I'm totally skint. I knew you were on the scrounge. I just

knew it.

You couldn't have been more obvious if you'd come round with a bunch of

Sorry, flowers are out of the question. I couldn't afford them.

Gary, I need dosh.

It's for a good cause.

It's so as you can take your bird out.

Bird? You're talking about Flick, the woman I admire the most. The woman I

after, the woman I dream of.

I notice love isn't exactly a chart topper. Love?

Sorry, mate, these are not poetic times.

Lend us a monkey.

500 quid? You're kidding.

200, then.

Ron, I can't finance your lust life.

You're jealous, aren't you?

You're jealous of my high -flying lifestyle.

Restaurants on the King's Road, parties in Belgravia.

Claridges. Gary, we did it in the lift in Claridges. How about that for a

memory?

Oh, yeah, that's something to tell the kiddies, isn't it?

Grandad did it in the lift with a member of the aristocracy.

I want to hang in there, Gary.

I'm looking ahead to Ascot and Glyndebourne.

I've even got a couple of tips for Glyndebourne.

Tips for Glyndebourne?

It's an opera house, Ron, not a dog track.

Yeah, I knew that.

Don't let me down, Gary.

I want to live this to the full.

It may be the only chance I ever get.

Well, of course it will.

She just sees you as her bit of rough.

OK, but a successful bit of rough.

What?

That noise again outside.

It's that smell again.

It's like, um... It's deltabacco.

That's it.

This has happened before, you know.

It's probably just some kids.

So what's that?

It's just a girl, but somebody must... Ah!

Ah! Ah?

Still hot.

Oh, well done, Sherlock Sparrow.

Where did it come from?

Hello?

Shop? As they used to say in 1945.

Hello?

I'm looking for some memorabilia from my wedding.

My husband, in fact.

There he is. Wrap him up.

Yvonne, what are you doing here?

Oh, I had to get out of the house. Away from the phone calls and the begging

letters. Well, that's the newspapers for you. Now, everyone knows exactly how

much you sold the company for.

Fifteen million.

Sounds like a lot to some people. Well, you know how impressionable we can be.

Have you been getting many begging letters?

Hundreds.

Do you get mine?

It's in a used inland revenue envelope.

I thought that conveyed a sense of broken under pressure.

You didn't really write to Yvonne, did you?

You did.

You actually did. You creep.

Just ignore him, Yvonne. He just wants you to finance his over -ambitious

romance. Each according to his needs, I say.

Ron, in all the time we've known each other, have I ever done anything,

at all, that has ever given you any pleasure?

Never, Yvonne. Never. She never has, Gary. Honest, mate.

I've never been especially nice to you, have I?

Well, here we go.

It's not much, but it might cheer you up a bit.

5 ,000 quid?

Yvonne, that's brilliant.

Yvonne, that's outrageous.

No, Gary, that's charity.

Ron is less fortunate than most. We've always said that.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I can live again.

All charity began at home.

Oh, don't worry. I haven't forgotten you.

There's a couple of parties this week. On Saturday, there's the Time Stand

party. Fancy dress in any era you like.

Or to you, it'll be the Come As You Are party.

Oh, and don't forget, tonight it's Phil Collins' do.

He's booked Madame Tussauds. Oh, that's shrewd.

So it'll be packed with celebs even if no -one turns up?

David Chinilla, Emmanuel Petit, the Arsenal crowd.

Oh, and not forgetting Zoe, Denise and Ulrika, so it might get a bit laddish.

Yeah, it might, mightn't it?

If you like that sort of thing.

I'm signing some papers to finalise the deal tonight, so I'll join you there

later.

Your name's on the guest list.

Right, thanks.

What time do you call this?

Waiting for you, Gary Sparrow? It's like waiting for the water to end. You know

I've got to be down at club tonight.

Fine, I'll take you, OK? No, you can't. You're supposed to be here looking after

your son, remember?

Anything you say, Phoebe. Just tell me what you want me to do.

I want you to take some responsibility, Gary.

Take some of the weight.

Michael went to sleep without seeing you again.

Did I hear the all clear?

Talk about in hot water.

It's a wonder you ain't gone all pink like a... What's his name?

King Prawn. A what?

I didn't know fish had their own royalty.

Mind you, bees do, don't they?

I said bees do, don't they? Yes, I heard you, Reg. Sorry, it's been a long day.

I'm not really ready for an intellectual debate.

Oh, good. I just felt obliged to be stimulating.

Reggie, you on duty all night?

Oh, yes. At me post till two.

I'll see Phoebe in safely.

Good man.

That's why I employed an ex -copper.

Security, see?

Reliability. Diligence.

Hello, Moneypenny? Put me through to M.

M? Yes, just checking on the Phil Collins gig.

Mm -hm.

And you want me there right away?

Roger, will do.

Rat,

there's something on, Reg. The Phil Collins gig.

The Phil Collins gig.

Is Phil Collins code?

Phil Collins is code to me, Reg.

Listen, I need a favour. Actually, your country needs a favour.

Reg, your country wants you to babysit.

She's never wanted me to do that before.

Well, perhaps it didn't like to ask, but we're asking now.

Can you hold the fort while I go and... Phil Collins.

Phil Collins.

Oh, um, just a minute. I said I wanted Duckett's Passage. This is Duckett's

Passage. So where's the Royal Oak? You should have said you wanted the Royal

Oak. That's down the other end. This is the Canal Bridge end.

Oak Musical.

Oh, God, I've time -travelled the wrong way.

What's the meaning of coming in here dressed like that?

I'm not sure.

That's very, very unprofessional, turning up in your stage costume.

Stage? Oh, you're rather comic we've been waiting for, aren't you?

Certainly look like one.

Do I?

Then I... Yes, I'm him.

Oh, well, what is it then?

Champagne Charlie what?

Gary. Gary Sparrow.

Gary? No, no, don't you mean Harry?

No, Gary.

Are you serious?

No, I'm the comic, remember?

Ladies and gentlemen.

Brace yourselves for a real treat, we hope.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Champagne Harry Sparrow.

I

say,

I say, I say.

Yes? No, no.

Yes.

A funny thing happened to me on the way to this theatre.

Theatre?

Well,

that's a bit of luck. Punchlines haven't been invented yet.

Give me the chance here.

Right.

Yes. How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

What's a lightbulb, mate?

Well, no, it doesn't matter.

There's...

Should have brought a pop -up to this or I could have started a new religion.

All right, then, gather round. I want to tell you about my wife. Ha!

My wife, honestly. She is so... What about your

wife, mate?

It can't be.

Hey, speak up!

Um, sorry, yes, my wife is a terrible driver. Get on with it.

Driver. No, I meant horse and cart driver.

No, that's not going to work, is it?

Something older. Something older. Ah, yeah. My wife's got no nose.

Oh, no, that's the dog. Sorry.

Okay, forget the wife. Come on.

Do the magic lighter trick again. They like that.

Oh,

ladies and gentlemen, don't worry, we won't book him again.

Now then, to continue with the real entertainment, ladies and gentlemen, I

you the wonderful, the beautiful, the cockney nightingale, Matt!

Reg. Don't anybody panic.

That Ray Warden will be on shortly.

Oh, Phoebe.

It's all right, Reg, relax.

Michael's fine.

Keep a bit longer if you like.

No, Phoebe, duty calls.

Got to make my late night tour of inspection.

Where's Gary?

He had to go, love. Bit of a flap on.

There's always a bit of a flap on.

Always something to drag him away just when I need him.

I know I'm lucky, really. A lot of women have had no man around for years now.

That's easier in its own way.

Get used to managing on your own.

Most women say goodbye just the once.

I've had a whole war of goodbyes.

Still, we all got our cross to bear, eh?

You won't tell Gary any of this, will you, Rick?

Good.

I knew I could rely on you.

It's a very pretty garden.

And Chingford to the eastward could be seen.

With a ladder and some glasses, you could see to acne marshes.

If it wasn't for the asses in between, oh, let me tell you.

Wait, wait. I have to see you again.

All right.

Tomorrow. Here.

Same time.

Same time.

Same time as what?

PC Deadman, I presume?

Sparrow. Harry Sparrow, apparently.

Isambard Randolph Deadman.

Can I buy you a drink, or are you still on duty?

What's that got to do with it?

Besides, how can you afford to buy drinks? They don't pay you to do that

yours, do they?

Well, the act is coming along.

Let's hope it gets here soon.

You can use that if you like.

Thanks. That'd be a penny, ain't it?

What? Three ounces a joke. Or do your whole page for a bob.

Usually I work for cheeky Charlie Monks, but I can always spare a page for

anybody in need.

Shouldn't you be looking for Jack the Ripper?

What for?

He always disappeared straight away.

Famous for it.

Well, shouldn't you at least look at the body?

Do you mind? I've just had me dinner.

Besides, I don't find people so interesting when they're dead.

Here, you doing business?

No, I bloody ain't. Oh, that's a shame.

I've just had a shock to the system.

Fancy another.

Honestly, Mr. Deadman, I'm all right, seeing as it's you.

Good night.

Hope to see you again soon.

You will.

Same time tomorrow, remember?

At the

end of 1888, the Ripper murder stopped as suddenly as they'd started.

Weird. I wonder why. Books?

You're reading books while all this is going on? Can't you help?

The police don't need any help. It's a simple robbery.

No, it's not that simple. I can hear what the police are saying. Reg is

the blame.

Phoebe, they are not going to frame Reg for breaking into Noel Coward's flat.

I didn't mean that. They reckon the burglars must have walked straight in

through the front door.

Reg is supposed to be down there to stop that happening.

Well, he didn't, did he?

Well, he couldn't, could he? He was up here babysitting for us.

Babysitting? You said he was kipping on the sofa.

Well, so you babysit.

Come on, Gary.

You know people high up.

Put in a word for him. All right, I shall put in a word for Reg.

I shall consult my dictionary for a good one. I mean it, Gary.

Reg was helping us out last night and now he's made himself look really bad.

He's worried he'll get the sack.

Look, I know you need it at the embassy.

Can't keep General Eisenhower waiting.

Look, I'll be back as soon as I can. I've sorted it all out then, all right?

If you ain't going to do it, Gary Sparrow, I suppose I'll have to do it

This was the wrong end last night. Well, to the right end tonight.

Good night.

Oh, Harry, Harry, what is this?

I've never felt like this before.

Or the future.

What?

I don't know.

Oh, Harry.

Oh, Murray.

Oh, God!

Yes,

but what I don't understand, madam, is why you didn't notice this last night.

Well, I've been very highly strung and somewhat depressed on account of my

husband constantly being called away in important war work.

Yes. But if this happened late last night, as you suggest, and the thieves

entered through here... Instead of downstairs, through the front door.

Instead of downstairs, through the front door. Why didn't you notice all the

broken glass and the big hole with the gale blowing through?

I must have been lying down, having one of me hot flushes.

All day?

They do go on a bit. The more highly strung I'll get on account... Account of

your husband being constantly called away on urgent war work, yes. But if the

thieves entered through here, why didn't they steal anything from you?

Oh, they did.

You never mentioned this earlier, madam.

No, I was coming to it.

Well, what exactly was taken, madam?

Oh, just a few small things.

Yes, but what were they?

I don't know. They were very small.

My husband brought them back from China.

China? China.

Small... Chinese... Things.

Well, let me recap.

Perhaps not.

I'll write it all up and...

See how it looks in the morning.

Good night.

Good night.

Close the door behind you, if you would, please.

Thank you.

Reg, you can come out now.

Phoebe, what can I say?

How can I ever thank you? If there's anything I can do, anything at all...

there is, Reg.

Pull me another one, quick.

Oh, Harry, Harry.

Look, how long will he be playing? How long have we got?

Oh, this is his last tune.

His last tune?

Well, half a tune's better than no tune at all.

Oh, Harry, Harry.

Harry.

It's horrible.

She's been stabbed like a pig.

He's struck again.

Jack the Ripper's struck again.

Pardon my sign, Mr Sparrow.

But every time you come and call him, we have another murder.

What? Yeah, don't you go accusing no -one. The fact remains.

Well, that is absolute madness.

I thought there was something funny about him. Yeah, I did at first, but as

act went on, I realised there wasn't.

You should have had a few pages off me, lad.

He's clearly masquerading as a comic.

He's an imposter.

Who is he, anyway?

Yes, just who are you, Harry Sparrow?

You leave him alone.

I swear he's innocent. On my mother's life, he was with me all the time.

This is why he always gets away, why he disappears in the thin air. Somebody's

covering up for him. Yeah, like she is.

Exactly. I think we'll find that Harry Sparrow is just one of your many names.

Hey, Jack.

I don't believe this. You're all mad.

Arrest him. Go on. Arrest him. You're under arrest. You're under arrest.

The cigar butts were yours.

You've been here before.

Jack the Ripper has been hiding in my yard.

Thank you.

It has been very handy.

You're a time traveller.

No wonder they never caught you.

What? Never?

They never ever caught me?

No, you simply disappeared.

Did I where to?

Well, no one knows.

My God.

You've got me really worried.

I mean, anything could have happened.

I could have been murdered.

That would have carried a certain poetic justice.

Oh, I see.

I see.

Mr. Judge and jury, eh?

Mr. Goody Goody.

Mr. High and Mighty.

But maybe you know too much. What? In there.

Come on, open that door.

My God, what is this place?

It's a shop.

What kind of a shop?

I feel memorabilia.

Things from the past.

No, they're not.

They're from the future.

I won't argue.

Open that door.

You're kidding. You're not going out there.

I'm not going back there.

It's dangerous.

Besides, I want to retire here.

To 1999?

Yes.

By a little villa in Hastings.

Broadstairs, maybe.

Who's that?

I don't know.

Open the door.

Slowly.

And act normal.

Act normal, he says.

Check the ripper standing behind me with a bloody carving knife.

Hi, Gary. Where have you been?

Who's your friend?

Never your mind.

You get away from that door or I'll slit you open.

No problem, mate.

No problem.

Is this far enough away?

Now, you listen to me.

There's no way I'm letting you loose on an unsuspecting public. You just take

your particular brand of evil back where it belongs.

You get away from that door or I'll have your entrails hanging from that peg and

your vital organs laid out on the doorstep.

Quite a persuasive argument.

One may over.

So I'll just go and stand over by him, shall I?

A new start in a new time.

Yes.

Ah, yes.

1999,

here I come!

Oh, God.

Who was that psycho?

It was Jack the Ripper.

Give over?

Jack the Ripper?

That's why the murder stopped so suddenly.

Are you trying to tell me that the 19th century's most notorious killer, Jack

the Ripper, ended his days under the wheels of a 32 bus?

No, it was. It was... He left his bag in my yard.

What's going on out there?

What's going on in here?

Don't you fancy dress party?

I thought I'd surprise Gary.

Gary!

Somebody here to see you.

Ta -da!

Ain't you the gent? Happy to be walking out with you, darling.

Amen.