Original subtitles

Good night, sweet heart.

All my prayers are for you.

Good night, sweet heart.

I'll be watching over you.

Tears and crying may make us alone.

But with the coming,

a new day is born.

Sorry, sir, can you hear that? There's a moron on the line talking gibberish.

Yes, Mortimer, I do mean you.

How long have you been working for Nature Boy Cosmetics?

Six months.

And you still haven't learnt that I run a can -do company?

Go do Mortimer.

Oh, that was so sexy.

You find a woman being abusive on the phone sexy.

Some men pay a lot of money for it.

You should see Ron's quarterly bill.

So you don't mind having a successful wife, then?

No. I love seeing you so independent, self -reliant and motivated.

I really enjoy it when you're on top.

You've stopped talking about work now, haven't you?

I'm sorry it took me so long to get used to the idea of you being the next

Richard Branson, but just promise me you won't grow one of those silly little

beards.

You know, like your mother's.

me the last couple of days. I've loved being with you two.

Well, stick around, then. We'll do lunch with some legal people at the Savoy

Grill, and then tonight I'm closing a deal over dinner at the Ivy.

Well, I'd love to, but I really ought to spend some time here.

Oh, why?

Well, there's people who are relying on me being around, you know, but I'll

certainly make it for dinner tonight.

I've brought you a little present.

It's a palm -top computer in a customised antique silver case.

Oh. Wow.

Well, this must have cost you a fortune.

I think you're worth it.

Thank you.

All we need now is soft light and some music.

Hmm, well done.

Gary!

Sorry, sorry, I forgot. It's my Sound of the Blitz tape. I got it in to give the

place a matmos.

New Prodigy album.

It's mood music.

Hardly up there with whale song, is it?

Successful trip?

Very. Do I detect romance blossoming in your lives?

Two. Two?

Due to judicious investment, I have procured myself a date.

You bought a tart.

Do I look desperate?

I joined a dating agency.

Yeah, I'd call that desperate.

Look, to use football parlance, I haven't been in the opposition's hearth

over a year.

Let alone got anywhere near the box.

So, like Kevin Keegan, I've reached for the checkbook. Yeah, and look what

paying for it did for him. He caught Fulham.

Yeah, well, I'll take precautions.

So, have you got any handy hints for me? You're my best friend. Only friend.

Only friends?

So you can't be brutal.

Well, knowing you as I do, Ron, I'd say your best bet is to spend much and say

little. I pass a cash point on the way.

I've got to go. Take care, love. Oh, you too.

Oh, your skin feels very dry.

Try this.

It's Nature Boy's new moisturiser for men.

Tea tree and jojoba.

Oh, right. Thanks.

Bye. Bye.

You're going to use that?

Well, you reckon it's too girly?

I use peach nut facial scrub.

You don't.

I'm back on the market.

Apparently, women put a lot of store in personal grooming.

Have you noticed any difference?

Well, yeah.

Now you mention it. I think it's really opened up my pores.

Nobody hears about this conversation, right? No.

I gave up the Savoy Grill for this.

I've just had a quick look at the books. This place is doing really well.

Yeah, well, it's Tuesday afternoon.

We're always quiet Tuesday afternoon.

Here, can you go through these for me?

Um... I'm sorry, am I keeping you?

Well, I told you I've got to be back for seven. It's work.

Well, I at least can have time to go and see little Michael.

Remember? Two foot high, calls you Dada.

Um, I don't think I'll make it to the West End and back in time.

Well... Thanks for all your support.

Well, I wish you could be a bit more independent, you know, self -reliant.

I beg your pardon?

I'm single -handedly managing this pub, keeping up a West End flat and bringing

up your son.

And cooking and cleaning and keeping house for you. On the odd occasion,

there to appreciate it. Phoebe, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Well,

everybody, everything's under control.

Just keep calm.

There's no need to fret.

No one is, Red. Well, you're blooming with order, B. Come on out. There's a...

What's the name?

In the... Duda.

Reg, I've never run from a waster name before. I don't intend to start now.

Look, just take a deep breath and see if you can lapse into English.

Everybody's got to evacuate to the school hall.

They found an unexploded bomb in Duckie's passage.

Ah, you see, all he had to do was re... What?

He won't be able to see anything that closes the street off.

Cool.

Excitable, isn't he?

Reg, I've asked you before not to bandy my name about willy -nilly whilst I'm on

duty at Constable Deadman. Anything else undermines the deep respect I've built

up in the local community.

I recognise you, Ronnie.

Or is it Reggie?

I should be having words with your mother.

What have you been round here for, Gary?

Come down to school. There's a piano. You can play everyone one of your songs.

Uh, no. I think I'd be of more help here.

Know a bit about bomb disposal, do you?

You going to give the chaps a bit of a hand?

No. No, um, too many cooks and all that.

Many hands make light work.

Shut up, Reg.

Sorry, Constable Devlin.

I would be grateful, though, if you could just nip down and see how they're

getting on.

Don't like interrupting sappers.

Oh, please.

I just want to know how long they think they're going to be.

Why are you so concerned?

We're so special about Duckett's passage.

Sorry. Can't say.

I hate having husband in a secret service.

Too many secrets.

Rex.

Not again, Margie.

We'll think that'll be OK.

Are you joking? That passage is completely blocked.

I was talking about the bump on Reggie's head.

Oh, yeah, right.

Mind, you've got to take your hat off to those sappers.

Yeah, yeah, they certainly know when to take a tea break.

He looks a bit vacant.

Oh, do you think so?

No, that's good. That's his normal look.

How do you feel, Reg?

Very queer.

It's like a light's gone on in me head.

Well, we always knew there was a light on, Reg. We just didn't think there was

anyone at home.

Don't be facetious, Gary.

There was a big word for me.

Tommy Arbor.

Oh, no.

He's concussed. No.

No, I've just worked out who's running the dodgy petrol coupon ring.

Suddenly it's all as clear as day.

Could a... Could a bang on the head make him?

You know, bright.

That bigger miracle will make this place more popular than Lourdes.

Well, look, Reg, seeing as you're OK, do you think you'd just nip outside and

see how long it's going to be before they clear Duckett's Passage?

He's not going out there.

Why? You think the bomb's going to go off again? Go on.

Is that a nasty shock? He needs rest.

What's the panic?

I told you, I've got to get to work.

So go down Columbia Road or use the tram.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Single to 1998, please.

What? Well, nothing. Ignore me. I've got to go.

Oh, look, don't try and get up west. There's a raid due here tonight, but you

should be safe in the cellar. But Michael needs... Well, Michael's being

after, isn't he? He'll be fine.

When will you be back?

Tomorrow.

Maybe sooner.

There's something fishy going on there.

How do you know?

Trust me on now.

Please let me get back.

I don't want to be stuck here for the duration.

I must have woke up.

I get to that restaurant where I'm going to have the biggest double brandy.

Harry?

What's up with you?

You look like you've seen a ghost.

Where am I?

One minute I'm scrambling over rubber, ripping me nylons to shreds, and the

I was in that yard with those gates.

This can't be happening.

Eh?

My God, you're real. Look, that's unreal.

What is the matter?

No, no, no, wait a minute.

This must be because of the bomb.

You're shell -shocked.

Oh, yeah, I have no idea.

I don't understand this. I've never seen those gates out there before.

What is this place?

Um, well, like I say, it's the bomb. You know, buildings being blown up.

walls coming down, and naturally you're going to see things you haven't seen

before, like my secret headquarters.

This is your secret headquarters?

It looks like a shop.

It's clever, isn't it?

Look, you have no idea how much you shouldn't be here. You've got to go

Oh, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh,

Gary, is this really necessary?

Oh, definitely.

Why didn't you tell me your secret headquarters were in Duckett's Passage?

because, um... Well, because then it wouldn't have been secret, would it?

on.

When this war's over, we're not going to have any more secrets.

No, no, I promise.

Oh, mind the wheelie bin.

What's the wheelie bin?

It's a sort of dustbin on wheels.

Why have you got your dustbin on wheels?

I'm a spy. I need to be mobile.

I'm putting you in position, and I want you to walk straight forward, OK?

I think I can manage that. OK.

Ow!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You must have drifted off course. Try again.

Ready?

And... Ow!

Do it to me!

Oh, my God.

I'm going to have a bump on the head.

No!

Nothing, nothing. Come on, I'll get you back in the shop.

HQ. What on earth is that?

Well, just someone playing some music.

What sort of music is it?

Vera Lynn.

That has never been released.

Look, she's changed labels, all right?

Ow! Ow!

Can't I take this blindfold off?

Yes, yes.

Sorry.

Oh,

that's better.

What's going on out there?

Um, the... Security gates. They're on a time lock. We'll have to wait for them

to open.

How long will that be?

I wish I knew.

What's a Game Boy?

No, no, no, you can't see that.

Why is your tea in little bags?

Rushing.

The Sunday Sports.

Ah! No, no, no, no, no, no.

I just buy that for the articles, you know.

There's a lot of stuff in here you really mustn't see, and I'm going to

clear it all out, so you are going to have to sit in the toilet.

Oh, Gary.

Look, do you want to jeopardise national security?

Of course not. Then get in that toilet.

By rights, I should shoot you.

Hope it doesn't come to that.

Now, if you're post -war, you get in this box.

No,

no.

No,

no, you'll break it.

Moisturiser, moisturiser.

I don't fancy having to explain jojoba to somebody who thinks coal tar soap's a

bit upmarket.

A watch calendar.

That's three years out of date. I don't know why I keep it.

Oh, yes, I do.

You OK?

It's okay.

It's okay. You can come out now.

Why do we have to wait for the time lock?

Why can't we just go out through the front door?

Uh, will you remember that air raid I told you about?

Do you just start any minute now?

See? Told you.

So, we couldn't have just climbed over the gates then?

More than my drops must.

I hope Michael's OK.

I'm sure he's fine.

I should be with him.

Are you sure we're going to be all right? I don't like these Morrison

Trust me, as air raids go, this will be one of the safer.

I'm hungry.

I suppose you've got anything to eat.

Oh, actually, I might have some mint.

What's that?

No, that... It's just an old...

Cigarette pit.

Spider.

I know how much you hate them.

Oh, is it supposed to rustle?

Well, like I said, it's old.

Oh, God. What's that?

Answering machine.

You've got a machine to answer your telephone?

That's your voice.

Oh, it's my phone.

Oh, my God.

Just stay there.

Hi, Ron. Hi, hi.

Yeah, sorry I couldn't make it to the restaurant. I got held up.

Yeah, yeah, the tape is a bit loud, isn't it?

Oh, oh, good. Great. Well, I'm glad it went well.

Yeah, well, I wish I was with you too.

No, no, no, no, no. You can't come here.

Why?

Because I'm coming home to you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can't wait either.

Well, I'll see you in about an hour then. All right.

Bye. Bye -bye.

Why did I say that?

No, Gary.

I'm waiting for my date. I don't care what sort of crisis you're having.

will... What?

So Phoebe's where?

I'm on my way.

Who is this Yvonne again?

Yvonne Gilligan.

She's our number one. You know, the big boss.

If she calls, I have to go running.

Even in an air raid?

Well, man's got to do, you know.

But you'll be fine with Ron. He'll look after you.

Not to worry.

That's the all clear.

There's another side.

I mean, there's another wave coming. That's a mistake.

Plumineck. Some trigger -happy ARP warden, I expect.

Well, you could use the lull to nip to the toilet, if you like.

Yeah, I think I will. Back in a tick. OK.

How much longer can I keep this up?

Oh, I'm glad to see you.

Look, I'm sorry I spoiled your date.

Don't worry about it. She's probably a dog anyway.

So where's Phoebe?

She's in the loo.

But look, there's a few things you need to know before she comes out. She thinks

there's an air raid going on, but there isn't. It's just my blitz tape, which I

turn over before I leave. Gotcha. Right, now I'll be back as soon as I can. But

all you have to do is keep Phoebe here until I've sorted Yvonne out. Right.

So how come she's here? Why can't she go back? What?

A bomb went off in Duckett's passage. Maybe it's disturbed the fabric of the

space -time continuum. Do you think?

No, I don't know. I'm guessing.

Who am I, Stephen Hawking?

It might be a celestial bank holiday for all I know. All time portals are closed

for the day.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm under stress.

What if it never reopens?

Shut up.

Right, just shut up.

Is your little boy here too? No, he's at home. No coward's looking after him. Of

course he is.

All right, all right, here she comes, here she comes.

Hold on, who am I? What?

Oh, you work in the Secret Service with me.

Oh, except she's met your grandfather, Albert, when Phoebe and I went to

Liverpool, remember? So to stop her making any family connections, you have

change your surname.

What about Bond?

You're not going to go over the top with this, are you? What?

Hello? Oh, Phoebe, this is my colleague, Ron Bond.

It's Commander Bond, actually.

P .S .C. and Bob.

of them actually meeting you.

It's such an unexpected not to say you need... Yeah, well, let's not overdo it,

eh, Ron?

Well, I really ought to go. I've just got to do that thing.

Oh, after you, ma 'am.

So, Phoebe, do you want to hear how I saved the world?

Well, congratulations on closing the deal.

You seem a bit hyper.

No, no, no, fine. Just been rushing around, you know.

Well, you're home now.

Yeah.

Oh, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.

What?

Yeah, thought so. I left my wallet in the shop. I'm going to need that first

thing in the morning. I'll have to go back and get it. Oh, Gary.

Yeah, I know, but it's really important. I need it. You know, I won't be very

long. You know I'd rather be with you.

It's all right. I'll come with you.

No.

No, I mean, there's no need.

I want to.

That's silly.

Gary, there's absolutely no reason why I shouldn't come with you.

No, there isn't, is there?

Oh, my God. Gary, what is going on in the shop?

Well,

this is why I didn't want you to come.

You're not going to believe this, but it's Ron and his date.

Turns out she's got a fetish about the war.

And he's a mate, so when he asked if they could have a rummage through my

I felt obliged to say yes.

Can you tell from his shadow if he's naked?

Oh, Gary, please don't put those pictures inside my head.

You're too good to him, you know.

I know. Fool to myself.

Mind you, logic dictates. Any girl who'd go out with Wheatcroft has to be weird.

Well, exactly.

Look, I think you'd better stay in the car. It's not going to be a pretty

So that left just me and Oddjob, the vicious oriental henchman of Doctor No.

Hold on. I tell a lie, it was Goldfinger.

One mission does tend to blare into another after a while.

Oh, charming.

We have a problem.

It's all right, she's asleep.

A bigger problem.

Than all this?

Mm -hm. If Om's outside in the car.

That is a bigger problem.

We can't let them meet. It'll be like matter meeting antimatter. Shh.

If they meet, it'll be my life that doesn't matter.

But it's all right if one thinks that Phoebe is your date who turned out to

a fetish about the war and you're in here playing kinky games.

How did you convince her I'd go out with a weirdo like that?

Wasn't easy.

Look, I've got to go and check if the time portal's open.

please let it be open.

If it is, I promise I'll be good and honest from now on.

Well, apart from the bigamy thing, I'm sort of stuck with that.

Phoebe? Sorry, I'm still closed off.

Is that the all clear?

Yeah, yeah, and the time lock on the security gate's open, so we can go home.

About time.

Stu, I'm going to have lots to tell little Michael when I get back. No, no,

mustn't tell anyone about this place, and you must never try and come here

again. Not that it'll be here, because now security's been breached, we'll have

to move, right, Ron? Oh, absolutely, security war factor six.

Yeah, oh...

Security walk back to seven, probably.

All right, Gary. Keep your hair on.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's important.

Come on, then. Let's go home, eh?

Oh, it's chilly out now.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm Yvonne.

Phoebe.

You're Gary's number one, aren't you?

I sincerely hope so.

What's with your coat?

Very unusual.

I got it in America.

Bloomingdale's. Blooming where?

It's a shop.

Fancy. Not really.

Pardon? Sorry.

Fascinating as this conversation is, I really think we should be getting on.

OK, Commander.

Do you want me to put my blindfold back on?

I think I'll go back to the car.

Nice meeting you.

Likewise.

TTFN.

Did that really just happen?

I think so, yeah.

You should probably be running along.

Yvonne seems very nice. You wouldn't get on.

Hello. You too.

Cool, that bang on the head did me the power of good.

While he was away, I did the Times crossword, I solved two more crimes, and

used the word genre in a conversation.

Well, that's great, Reg. So, where you been?

We, uh, we went for a walk, and then when the raid started, we sheltered down

the tube.

Raid? What raid?

Well, you must have had a raid here tonight.

Yeah. Of course we did.

I was just being provocative.

I can do that now I know what it means.

I always said it and I was right.

What? If he had brains, he'd be dangerous.

Quick word to the wise. I wouldn't let Harry have any more to drink tonight.

He's been seeing disembodied hands in Duckett Passage.

Do you want a drink?

No, I'd better get back to HQ.

You won't try and follow me, will you?

Don't worry.

It's been nice, though, seeing a part of your secret life.

Perhaps we could do it again sometime.

Finally made it, mate.

Good night, sweetheart Sleep will banish sorrow

Good night, sweetheart