Original subtitles

Good night, sweet heart.

All my prayers are for you.

Good night, sweet heart.

I'll be watching over you.

Tears and parting may make us alone.

But with the dawn, a new day is born.

Mrs Gregg? Four and ninepence for liver?

Ah, it's on account of the German submarines.

I said ox liver, not cod liver.

On the bright side, I'm about to receive some venison from Windsor Great Park

following a motor car collision between a stag and a royal equerry, one of whom

had too much pork with his dinner. Put you down for a haunt, shall I? Oh, would

you? The general loves his haunt.

Well, I'll bid you good day.

Yes, good day.

I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

I should hope not. I'm a married woman.

I simply meant I hadn't seen you in my shop before.

Oh, well, we just moved up this way.

Ever so nice, isn't it? With all the trees.

Makes you want to get a dog, doesn't it?

I already have a dog.

Lovely tiles.

Pardon me for asking, but why does no -one seem to pay here?

There's all my clientele are account customers, of course.

Of course.

Well... I was wondering if I could, you know, if it wouldn't be too much

trouble, be an account customer too.

Well, it's feasible.

This venison you were talking about.

Er, no, most of it's already spoken for.

I wouldn't want an old orange.

Half an orange would be heady for us.

Yes, may I ask for whom the meat is required?

Yours truly, of course.

No, no, I mean who is your employer?

I don't have an employer.

It's a baby in that pram, not a bag of coal.

Me and my Gary have just moved into Cornwall Mansion.

Ah, I didn't know they had a new porter. What happened to old George?

Porter?

My Gary's not a porter, he's... I'm not a liberty to say one. He's not a

blooming porter.

We have just bought the first floor flat for cash.

Ah.

On closer consideration, I don't think I can accommodate any more customers at

the moment.

On account of the German submarine?

Yes, quite.

Not good enough for you, am I?

Don't want the likes of me chewing your gristle, eh?

May I remind you, there's a war on. I know there's a blinking war on my

husband's, innit?

Well, I'm off.

And you can stick your haunch up your Harris.

I... Ow!

Hi, honey, I'm home.

Oh.

What's the matter?

I've had it up to here today.

Oh, who's a lucky girl, then?

What are you talking about?

Oh, nothing. Just a bit of harmless innuendo.

And what does that mean?

Why does everyone want to make me feel stupid?

I don't.

What's wrong?

Well, first, I try to sign on with this butcher.

Treats me like a ton of condemned horse meat.

Then I take Michael for a walk round Green Park.

One of those newly old nannies with their uniforms and posh prams says

eyes are too close together.

Oh, well, of course they aren't.

Everyone says he's got his father's eyes and my eyes aren't too close together,

are they?

Well... Well, of course they're not.

No, I knew they weren't.

Gimlet, gimlet eyes, that's what I've got.

Watchful, steady, secret agent's eyes.

Eyes that miss nothing.

I wish you wouldn't leave these toys lying around all over the place.

Now you're saying I can't even tidy properly.

I don't like living up west no more, Gary.

I knew where I was at the Royal Oak.

In Stepney, people think I'm posh. They make you feel so common. You are not

common. Yes, I am. And I sound common. You don't. Not to me.

But look, if it's that important to you, why don't I teach you how to speak

better? Better?

You just said you didn't think I sound common. Oh, I can't win. Phoebe, I love

your voice.

When I said better, I didn't mean better. I just meant... Well, more like

way other people speak in this part of London.

You mean elocution lessons?

Well, something like that.

I don't know.

When I was at school, there was this girl, Maisie Jackson.

Her dad worked in an office, so they thought they were better than the rest

us.

She took elocution lessons.

And we used to bash her up.

Not a particularly pleasant story.

I know.

So, are you teaching me how to speak proper?

Ah, proper -ly.

And who says you can speak proper -ly?

Well, excuse me, I have been trained to fit into any stratum of society.

I can be as posh as you like.

Ah, good afternoon, Lady Kilnard. I must say, you looked absolutely spiffing at

the King's Garden party.

Oh, I can do cockney?

Go on, laugh at that, lady, say. Where did you get that tit for?

I can even do German.

You refuse to answer my questions.

That's just putting it on, though.

I'd want lessons from someone who was really classy.

Oh, thanks very much.

I suppose we could always ask Mr Coward upstairs.

You don't think Noel Coward would have the time to teach a like than me?

Yeah, he's not that busy. Quite often bump into him in the lift.

He's there with some young chap or other.

I know.

I think he might be running a boys' club up there.

I suppose there's no harm in asking.

Who's that?

That'll be Reg.

Reg?

Supplies! Ah, I like your lovely supplies.

See, Chinese as well.

Thanks, Reg.

I hate making a fool of myself in Fortnum and Mason's.

You're a good gent.

Oh, I don't mind fetching a few errands.

Coppers don't have to pay on the buses.

Oh, I like coming up west.

Usually I only come up on me birthday.

You know, for a nice look in the shop windows.

Oh, you sophisticated devil.

Oh, birthday then Christmas.

Gee, and I've had a lovely father Christmas in Selfridges before the war.

Used to kick you on his knee, pat you on the head, ask you if you'd been a good

boy. Oh, I used to really love seeing Santa.

I'm surprised you stopped going.

Oh, I didn't want to.

Only Sergeant Wilkins said I was bringing a police force into disrepute.

You're a tonic, Ray. I know.

Wincarnis is my middle name.

Is it really?

No. Not really.

It's a sort of joke.

Oh, got you.

Point of fact, I've got lots of middle names.

Oh, that's nice.

Eleven, to be exact.

Why? Oh, don't ask him.

You see, my dad was a fanatical Spurs supporter, and 1901 they beat Sheffield

United 3 -1 in a cup final. So, when I was born, nine months to the day

Having been conceived in a post -cup final outburst of marital passion, eh?

Do you know, that never occurred to me before.

Anyhow, since you asked... I don't think we did.

My name in full is Clawley, he was in goal, Errant, Tate... Anyone fancy a cup

of tea? Jones, Hughes, Morris... And a biscuit?

Smith, Cameron, Brown, Copeland, Kerwin, Didman.

That's very original, Reg. Thank you.

Now, the sharper -witted amongst you may have noticed that the name Reginald

does not appear in my full moniker. To be honest, my attention started to

during the midfield.

You see, when me dad sobered up, Mum said, you can't expect the poor kid to

through life called Clawley. I wouldn't call a dog Clawley, said Mum. Well, as

fate would have it, we did have a dog.

Island Cross Terrier.

Why was he cross?

No, I don't mean... Well, luckily, the dog was called

Ridge. So I took his name and he had mine.

They'd all come out right as night, Princey.

Except he never came when you called him.

Have I told you this story before?

Did you see Yvonne last night?

No, I was with Mel Coward. I mean, on the telly.

Well, she's always on the telly. Those cable lifestyle channels have to fill up

with something.

No, I mean on the proper telly.

Well, Channel 5, anyway.

I sent it for you.

What did she say?

I've no idea. I was watching a challenging documentary on BBC One.

I thoughtfully wound that forward to the right place. Oh, right.

On Breaking Out, Breaking In is Yvonne Sparrow.

Now, Yvonne, barely two years ago, you were a redundant personnel officer.

Personnel director, Esther.

Suffering from depression.

Today, you're a millionaireess, nationally famed for having set up the

Boy Cosmetic Company.

And amongst your clients, you've got Baby Spice, Chelsea Clinton, Yasser

It's been some years.

How did it all begin?

Well, as you said, Esther, I was feeling very low. I'd lost my job and a baby.

But there was one man who really believed in me.

Someone who told me that I could do it, Esther. That I only had to believe in

myself. She's right, Esther. That's what I said.

Are you talking about your partner?

Yes, I am, Esther.

Without Clive Lezouche, I don't think I would have approached him.

Clive's backed me all the way. And he's always been on hand to give me a damn

good... A damn good...

A damn good what?

Ron, what's happening? The tape's rewinding. I'm sorry, I thought it was a

longer tape. I recorded it on the end of Liverpool Wrexham.

What? Coca -Cola Cup.

There was penalties, extra time, public failure, pitching break. I'm sorry.

Well, I don't need to hear any more, do I? I can guess what Clive gave Yvonne. A

damn good fee and two.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

You think not?

No!

They'd never let us say that on Channel 5.

I love controversy on these chat shows.

I bet that was her way of telling me she doesn't need me anymore.

She knew that even if I didn't see the interview, that would get back to me

somehow or other. Gary, you're overreacting.

OK, it's a bit of a downer when your wife humiliates you on national

but Prince Andrew managed to keep smiling through.

No, she's almost forgotten I exist.

She's got her business, she's got her celebrity friends, she's got Clive's

stupid ponytail azush.

I never knew his full name.

God, you know, all these years, I have tried to juggle two lives.

All these years, I have strived... Striven, surely.

Striven? Striven to keep two women happy.

All these years, I've been knackering myself. They should strike a medal.

You know, if I had any sense, I would just slip quietly out of Yvonne's life.

Then I could give Phoebe and Michael all the attention they deserve.

But you tried staying in the past before. You hated it.

Yeah, well, that was the East End. Mayfair's different.

What about me?

I'm a lonely bachelor. You're my best friend.

I'm sorry, mate, but your wife hasn't just announced on Channel 5 that she's

screwing Clive Lezouche.

To 3 .8 % of the population, I'm a laughingstock.

Or we could steal a meter off the swimming pool and have both.

Yeah.

Could you complete the following phrase, please? Clive was always on hand to

give me a damn good... Excuse me a moment, Ram.

Ram? Which boyfriend are you talking to now?

He's an architect. His family are from Bangalore.

Oh. Now, about my study. Could we build in a video conference facility before

the oak panelling goes on?

Yeah. Oh, get that, would you, Gary?

At least you're looking for a blonde kleptomaniac businesswoman after a

raid on the Cricklewood branch of Dixon.

Hello?

No, Clive, she's not.

She's decided to give it all up and enter a convent. Thank you. Bye -bye.

Can I get back to you on that one, Ram?

OK, bye.

So what's all this?

This is our new house, Gary. At least it will be.

What new house? You said you don't want to move. Oh, that was Tuesday times.

Wingard Charius has moved on. Look at the new development.

Seven bedrooms, an acre of garden, only 700k.

A mere 700 ,000. Well, that's petty cash.

Gary, we can afford it.

Then where do I fit in?

You fit in there. That's your satellite TV viewing room.

You fit in there. That's your snooker room and bar.

And you fit in there. That's the swimming pool and fitness complex.

Do I fit in there?

The guest cloakroom.

Right there. The master bedroom.

Gary, what the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about your Channel 5 interview. The way you were singing

praises. Well, of course I was. I owe him everything.

Oh, I see.

So when you said Clive gives me a damn... Oh, Gary, I cannot remember

single detail of every interview.

Those TV shows are like marital sex.

They last a few minutes, there's nothing in it for you, and they're finished

just as they start getting interesting.

Oh, that'll be my limo.

Where are you going?

Brazil, I told you.

Brazil? Yes, Brazil, where the nuts come from.

It's only for the weekend.

All right, well, have a lovely time, live.

Oh, don't be so childish.

Well, you certainly put her in a place, Gary.

Better, better, but I want to hear rounded vowels and crisp consonants. How

brown cow.

How now, brown cow.

How now, Noel Coward. How's she doing?

Your utterly attractive wife has got a very good ear.

Well, just the one.

Now,

let's try something a little more ambitious.

Oh, I know a good one.

I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son, and I'm only

pheasants till the pheasant plucker comes.

I'm... I'm not a... I'm not a... Terribly amusing. I must teach that one

king. Just knock her out to speak, old plummy. Neither was Eliza Doolittle, yet

she conquered all.

Who?

Eliza Doolittle, the heroine of George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion.

I knew... she rang a bell. Do you know, a few years back, Gary turned Pygmalion

into a musical.

Really?

Well, I'm sure Noel doesn't want to hear about my amateur efforts.

Amateur? He was only going to do it on Broadway until the war come along.

It came along, dear. Came along.

He used to caught me by singing songs out of it that were lovely. My favourite

one was...

I have often walked down this street before, but the pavement always stayed

beneath my feet before.

All at once have I... Lovely, dear.

Charming, charming.

You have a delightful voice, my dear.

Get it?

I never realised you were so enormously endowed with talent.

Do you have a publisher?

Well, I used to, in America.

I keep telling him he should get one here.

But I've sworn not to return to my musical career until we've crushed

his hideous crew.

An honourable attitude.

Very well, Phoebe, on with the motley. Now, try and get your tongue around

I'd far rather lather father than have father lather me because when father

lathers, he lathers rather free.

I'd far rather lather father than... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'd far rather

lather father... I'd far rather lather father... Good.

Don't have father, lather me. No, no, no.

Rather, lather.

Rather, lather. Rather.

I've always wanted a 1928 Lord Nelson.

And in mint condition, too.

Well, wish fulfilment is our business, Mr Hornby.

So... Which one?

I'll have the lot.

Oh, right.

Good idea. Well, I'll just top that lot up.

I've got a calculator.

Oh, no, no, no. None of those newfangled post -war gadgets in here, if you don't

mind.

Right, that comes to... I'm afraid that's £1 ,275.

Shall we just call it £1 ,200 for cash?

It's a deal. Right.

Look at that. 1 ,200 in reddies. Told you this place was a goldmine.

It's probably using you to launder drugs money.

So, how was Brazil?

Same as usual.

What are you doing slumming it in Whitechapel? I'm on my way to the

house for the Woman of the Year dinner.

What, dressed like that?

Don't be silly.

Stella McCartney's meeting me there with a new frock.

It's a bit short notice.

I've got a darts match tonight.

That's all right. You're not invited.

Taking Clive, are you?

No men are invited, Gary. It's ladies only.

Well, that's sexist. Now you know how it feels.

Oh, so that's why you came round, is it? To tell me I can't come with you? Look,

Yvonne, I think things have gone far enough.

I can't stop. Paolo's on a double yellow. What I came to say is that

party after the dinner and you're invited to that.

Oh, smashing, yeah.

Me, you and 99 other overachieving ball breakers, no thanks.

See you just now.

It's at Cherie's place.

Cherie? Do we know a Cherie?

Cherie Blair.

Cherie Blair?

You mean number ten?

Yeah, Tony said it would be right for us to have a few mates round.

I'll leave your name on the gate.

Yeah, but hold on, hold on. Oh, do you want to wish me luck?

No, I've still got a bone to pick with you about that TV interview. Complete

phrase, please. Clive gives me a damn good... Well, if that's how you feel,

frankly, I'm insulted.

Yeah, I suppose he isn't that much to look at.

Insulted by your lack of faith?

Well, I have found time in my busy schedule to get a hold of that tape. And

you'll find that what I actually said about Clive is that he gives me a damn

good kick up the backside whenever I'm feeling sorry for myself.

It's just a pity you haven't got anyone to administer a dose of Doc Martens to

yourself, pitying buttocks.

Hello. Shh.

I've just got him to sleep.

Oh, sorry.

Where's Phoebe?

Apparently, she's frying your tea.

Hello, darling. Sit down and I'll mix your cocktail.

Bye, George. I think she's got it.

Oh, Gary, you look knackered.

She's almost got it.

Your son is sleeping like a top.

What? Well, you certainly seem to have the knack.

Well, I do have a plethora of got children, you know.

you never thought of getting married?

Well, how could I?

Well, no, I suppose not.

I mean, so many women adore me, how could I disappoint all but one of them?

Oh, right, yes, see, fine.

Still, that way they're all as happy as Larry.

Yes, but is Larry really happy?

Well, you know him, no? What do you think?

Well, it's terribly hard to tell. You see, he's the most striking actor of our

era, married to Vivien Leigh, the most glamorous woman in the world, and yet...

But second most glamorous after Phoebe.

Oh, you stop the ape -er.

I hate the ape -er, my dear. Don't think of the H.

Talking of Laurence Olivier, I was thinking, he's gone back on the stage,

he? And no -one's writing a new film, even though the war isn't over.

A patriotic picture, dear, to boost morale.

Exactly.

So what are you getting at?

Well, the war effort doesn't only mean fighting.

It's about keeping up people's morale.

You write lovely songs, Gary. People shouldn't be deprived of them just

of Hitler.

Yeah, but, Phoebe... I just think you should play one of your numbers.

See what Noel thinks.

Noel doesn't want to hear one of my silly songs.

No, no, no, I'm all ears.

That's just the way you slick your hair back.

Sorry.

Go on, Gary.

Go on.

All right.

I think I should tell you the songs I've been writing recently, they're not the

happy, frothy ditties of the pre -war era.

No, no, no matter. Play on.

Um... Hmm.

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour But heaven knows I'm

miserable now I was looking for a job and then I found a job

But heaven knows I'm miserable now In my

life Sorry,

that was terrible, wasn't it?

No, no, no, no, no. It's unusual.

I really must be going. Phoebe, darling, it's been a pleasure, as always.

Gary, let me give you a tidbit of advice from an old theatrical.

Don't give up your day job.

Gary, how... Could you?

Sometimes I don't think you want to be a famous songwriter.

Phoebe...

I'm

a loser.

I'm a loser.

And I'm not what I appear to be.

Come to the party, Gary Sparrow. Your invitation, sir?

Um, I don't have one. I mean, my wife had one. She said she'd leave my name on

the door.

This is Downing Street, sir.

Not the Ministry of Sound.

You mean there's a difference?

No, listen, you've heard of Yvonne Sparrow.

She's the founder of Nature Boy Healthy Cosmetic.

Of course I've heard of her.

I swear by her after dark macadamia nut body scrub.

Right, well, I'm Gary Sparrow, her husband.

Look, my name's there on the clipboard.

Nice try.

But everyone knows she's married to that hippie -looking chap with the pony

tail.

And you won't let me in?

I thought he was going to be working all night.

Yeah, so did I.

Between you and me, and don't tell a soul, there was supposed to be a special

briefing at Downing Street tonight.

Only Mr Churchill forgot to leave my name on the gate.

Gate? What gate?

Well, you know, the big rook... Door, sorry.

Doesn't matter.

Much rather spend the evening with a posh lady like you.

Oh, one's just saying that. No, one means it.

I suppose we ought to go to bed.

Oh, and tomorrow, what do you say we teach that butcher a damn good lesson?

Gary, darling, language, please.

I'm sure the general will enjoy this.

Morning,

sir. Madam.

Morning, my man.

Oh, it's you.

You've got a nerve showing your face in here after what you said about my

gristle. Is that the haunch of venison you were expecting from Windsor Great

Park?

I've told you, it's all spoken for. Now I suggest you take your ration coupons

elsewhere. See, darling?

I told you he was contravening Rule 47B of the Emergency Butchery Act.

Now, look, I... Who are you?

Gary Sparrow, Ministry of Food.

I'm afraid I will have to impound your venison.

It could be brought up in court.

Especially if it's not cooked properly.

Now, look, I mean, there's nothing wrong with me selling this venison. The King

wouldn't mind.

I'm not here because of the venison.

I'm here because you refused to register my wife as a customer.

simply because she was posing as a member of the lower orders.

Posing? Quite. My husband had received several complaints about your

unpatriotically superior attitude to people of humble origin.

So, I was asked to come and test you out. And frankly, you were snobbish,

unpleasant and patronising.

Now, the only reason I'm not taking official action against you is because

very good friend, Mr Noel Coward, spoke up for you.

He particularly esteems your Cumberland sausage.

I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.

I shall be keeping an eagle eye on you as long as rationing continues.

You can consider this an official reprimand.

Yes, yeah, thank you, thank you.

Come, my dear.

Just a moment, my dear.

What about the rest of that illicit venison?

Why, yes.

We'll have to confiscate it all.

Ah, yes, yes, of course I understand.

Norbert!

Good job we bought the prune.

Good night, sweetheart.

Sleep will banish sorrow.

Good night, sweetheart.

Till we meet tomorrow.

Dream then fold you.

In memory I'll fold you.

Good night, sweetheart.