Original subtitles

They want to get my life back, you know?

And I've been so depressed lately.

And my ex has, like, moved in with some girl. And I'm

turning 33 next week.

It's like the age of Christ, you know? I mean, not that that matters because I'm

Jewish, but...

I'm starting therapy today, and I really think that I might need

antidepressants.

Perhaps, yeah.

But tell me, Gigi, how does all this make you feel?

Terrified. I mean, nothing makes me happy anymore. Nothing. I mean, not my

life, not my career.

I'm not even sure that I still want to be an actress.

I don't know.

I want to do something really important with my life, you know, like...

Like, uh, like, like join the Peace Corps or something, you know?

And I know that I can't rely on men or sex to make me happy anymore, you know?

know that I have to make a change.

Well, knowing you need help is the first step to recovery and a good birthday

present to give yourself.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I have an old father, so I keep this on in case of

emergencies.

Go ahead.

Hello? What?

Oh, my God!

I got a job!

That's wonderful for you. It's the female lead in a cable movie. Can you

that? Oh, my God, that's so great.

I don't understand. You still have about 20 minutes left.

Oh, I know, but I feel so much better now.

Gigi, we've been talking about putting you on antidepressants. Surely one

television movie isn't going to change everything.

Oh, no, you don't understand.

I mean, it's not just any TV.

It's HBO.

It is about fucking time. Yes, what a great birthday present. Thank you. My

birthday falls right on my birthday. I told him I was turning 30.

I definitely would have said 22.

Yeah.

G, this is ridiculous. You catered this. Eat.

No, no pasta or bread for me.

She's zoning it.

I've got a love scene in 11 days with Michael T. Weiss in a bathtub.

Michael T. Weiss, the pretender?

How does he tingle?

What does the teeth stand for?

Tampon? Been there, done that.

Okay, I just realized, I think it's easier to give up men than bread.

Why don't we take a break?

I'll have the bread. Of course.

You could name a man. I don't have any.

You could eat all the bread you wanted. Would you give up men for bread?

Oh, my God.

And you can't go on to women.

Okay, I'm taking the bread. Look at how big my bread is.

I'd make you a sandwich.

No, bitch, I don't.

Did I tell you we're shooting in Grand Cache, Alberta?

I thought the movie was about Polynesian sea snakes.

It is.

Oh, God.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Hello?

Alan.

Great! Oh, you know I'd love to, but Tuesday for sure.

With Sally Ginza, your lover.

Of course I do.

A pink song.

Let me call you back when I get home, sweetie. All right. Talk to you later.

-bye.

Who's Ellen?

Oh, Rhonda has a work boyfriend. You know, Ellen's this agent and we're

phone sex. So I'm trying to get him to sign Stella or me or whatever.

Anyway, we talked for like four hours last night and you should see some of

these emails. I mean, it's getting pretty, you know.

Are you going to sleep with this guy?

Me? No.

I mean, Rhonda, you know, I don't know.

Anything for a client, you know.

Did I tell you that I'm bringing Francesca out for a few days?

Really? Yeah.

Anton and I are fighting. I got the week off. I figure I need some fresh air to

get out in fucking nature.

Score a little over the counter, Cody?

No.

I am clean. No pills, no alcohol, not a cock -sucking thing.

Well, they say the first three months are the toughest.

I know she can do it.

Yeah, but babe, you haven't worked in a while. You should be more careful with

your money.

Oh, please, Rox.

I mean, I'm the female lead in a film, for God's sake. They've got to pay me at

least $100 ,000.

$12 ,000.

Can you believe that?

Grand cash, my ass.

Fucking Michael T. Weiss is like making $750 ,000.

Yeah, but it's HBO, and everybody wants to work for them.

Please, I don't need a tax break for these people. It's called Canadian

Anyway, they'll be treating you really well, you know, first class.

Yeah, no, my agent says that I'm going to make everything that Michael makes.

Except for $738 ,000.

I'm Gigi. I'm with the HBO production Deep Snake. I'm checking in.

Of course. Welcome to Grand Cache, Texas of the North.

Thanks.

Okay.

Oh, Miss Gigi, we don't have you checking in until tomorrow.

Well, there must be some mistake because I'm here.

No, I don't think so.

Yeah, I am. I start working tomorrow.

Oh.

Let me check my... Okie dokie, I do have one room available. It's a handicap

room. Well, I don't care. It's a room, right? I mean, I just want a hot bath

a bed. I mean, how bad can it be?

You got it.

Oh, my

God.

It's the fucking Munchkin room.

I gotta stop having pasta for lunch.

Yeah. I smell something.

Oh, Gigi, this is Daryl. He's our hair guy.

Hi. Hi.

And this is Cynthia.

Hi, makeup.

Hello. Gigi's our leading lady.

Oh. Oh, you're the Canadian content.

Well, I'll leave you guys to it. Oh, Josh, thanks. You've been so great. And

you'll get them to change my room, right?

Oh, she likes them young, too.

We're going to get along just fine.

So I have to talk to Karen about this hair extension.

I have to pick up some math. Did you have garlic?

You're a little freaked out?

Now, remember, you're jumping to your death, so lots of energy. And you go

the side of the boat, and he goes under.

Now, remember, there's snakes down there. You don't like snakes.

Okay, you're jumping off the side of the boat.

Now you hand him the harpoon.

Cut! That's it. That's a genius one. Thank you, guys.

You guys rock.

That's definitely a print.

Gigi! Hey, welcome to Polynesia. Oh, it's freezing.

I know.

Hey, it's your birthday today, right?

Yeah. Happy birthday.

Oh, thanks.

So, how long has this been since we've seen each other? I think it was that

night in Sundance, right?

Yeah, it was like, it's got to be five and a half years ago. Five and a half

years.

Well, that was by far and away the dirtiest night I've ever spent in my

life.

That was a long time ago. And now here we are.

And the script's really interesting.

Come on, it needs a lot of work. But hey, we're getting paid well, right?

on, walk with me in my trailer so we can talk.

You still live in L .A.? Yeah, I do, but I gotta tell you, Michael, I was so

glad to get out of there because my evil ex -boyfriend just moved in with this

new girl, so, you know, the further away, the better. Wait a minute, some

broke up with you? Yeah.

Want me to go beat him up?

Yes.

What's his name? Was he, like, an actor or something?

Oh, no, you wouldn't know him. He's a music guy slash, you know, professional

playboy from Barbados.

He's really too handsome for his own good. He hangs out at the Monterey

Oh, wait a minute.

His name isn't Payne Jones, is it?

Uh, yeah.

I know about you.

You're the whack... Louise,

the girl he moved in with? She's my girlfriend's best friend.

That's crazy.

much cake okay honey this is what you're gonna do call the production office and

get them to get you an enema a swift enema because it's the only one with

caffeine i can't do that i'll just go gee you're in a strange town okay this

what the production office is there for trust me they do this all the time all

right well i hope this ends soon because there's no way i'm gonna sit here

pining over pain jones i want to go out and have myself an affair now that's the

spirit now who's the lucky guy gonna be

Well, there's this really cute PA, Josh, but, oh, he's so young.

Okay, who are you talking to here? That sounds perfect.

Enjoy. I mean, it is your 30th birthday, after all.

Listen, I gotta go, because Alan's on the other line.

We're meeting tomorrow.

You are, or Rhonda? No, no, no, me.

His agency's looking for new talent, and Rhonda convinced him to see me. You

should see these flowers he sent me.

Or, well, Rhonda. Anyways, I really think he's gonna take me on.

Honey, that is fabulous.

Congratulations. Thanks. Now go call the office.

I love you. Bye.

Bye.

Hey, I got your enemas, but I didn't know which ones to get, so I got you a

couple of different kinds.

Okay, so this is a mineral enema.

It should work gently overnight.

And this one only takes 30 minutes, so I don't know how bad

or stuck you are.

And

I'm

not really sure how this one works, but... That's a colostomy bag. I don't

that. Oh.

I'll take this one. Great. Cool.

Okay. Oh, I almost forgot.

You can change my room?

Um, no.

That'll be $12 .19.

Plus tax.

HBO doesn't cover things like this.

You're relaxing in the tub.

You're enjoying yourself.

All of a sudden, a snake slithers up your body in between your breasts.

Wouldn't I notice that? No.

No. You're relaxing. You've had a very hard day. You don't notice the snake

until it comes up and it looks you in the eye.

Then I come in, and I save you, and we make love.

Pete, bring in the snake.

Don't worry. I've seen it all before.

all action he's gonna wait a beat before he pulls on his snake can i get some

hand warmers here please thank you uh does there really need to be all these

people here we only have the bare minimal crew here gg

is everybody ready quiet on the set quiet

What's wrong?

It got stuck.

Go back to one.

Gigi, this time, can you try it a little sexier, please?

Okay.

Okay, everybody. Come on, you're killing me here.

Quiet!

Cut. Pete, what's wrong?

I think the snake needs to be lubricated. Then lubricate it.

I think maybe you better do this.

What the fuck?

Oh, my God.

I can't fucking believe this. This room is like I'm tripping.

I know. It does sort of have like that Alice in Wonderland vibe to it, right?

They have been promising me to change it every day for the last week and a half.

I know.

Okay, so listen.

We're going to go to the prison scene, do it, shoot it, and then I'm going to

take you out and show you the town. Oh, the town. Honey, I just drove through

the town. It has one street. It's this big.

Wouldn't mind checking out the pharmacies, though.

Don't even joke about that.

You're clean.

Hey, you know what we should do? We should go out and fuck with the natives.

They have never seen the likes of you and me.

What do you mean? An actress and a wardrobe designer?

No. Two Jews.

One real, one honorary.

Come in.

Oh, good, you capisce.

Terrific.

Bye, Morty.

Please sit down.

You must be Stella.

That's me?

Rhonda speaks very highly of you. How is she?

She's great.

Listen, I just want to say... And how's her daughter, Tracy?

She's doing okay, you know.

You know, it's very hard growing up in this business nowadays. Well, with the

drugs and the sex, it's all too much too soon, huh?

Listen, I just want to say how much I really appreciate you seeing me.

Yeah. So, uh, where is she?

Is she parking the car or what?

Who? Rhonda?

Oh, uh, no, I'm sorry. Rhonda had another meeting.

What?

Um... She said she called to reschedule.

Reschedule?

Don't you try to con me, young lady.

No, she, um... That's it!

I have seen enough! But I... Let me tell you, sweetheart.

Don't quit your day job, because I've seen your day.

Thank you very much. That means a lot to me. Oh, you're back.

You should have totally come up earlier for G's birthday. We had a great party.

Usually production won't spring for something like that. But, hey, come on.

only turned 31.

I've heard that.

Oh, yeah, it was fabulous.

Well, we thought, hey, our leading lady is turning the big 3 -0.

We have to do something special.

Gigi, it's your time to shine in.

Hey, Mr. Weiss, can I get your autograph, please? Of course you can.

What's your name? Oh, it's for my little girl, Allison.

Allison. And thanks so much for letting us shoot here. That means an awful lot

to us. Oh, you're very welcome. It's our pleasure.

There you go.

Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm such a huge fan. This is a huge honor.

You've got great taste.

Really nice meeting you. Thank you. Take care. Thanks.

Okay, so what's your daughter's name?

Um, okay, uh, we seem to just have a small problem here, miss. Just a

discrepancy. Okay, the production has your birthday listed as April 6th, 1975.

And my computer has it as April 6th, 1972.

So which one is it?

April 6th, 1972.

Pardon, I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.

1972?

Why does it say 1975?

I couldn't tell. Why would the production company have your birthday

then on my screen it says something... Because I lied, okay?

You guys still wasn't.

Shut up and...

Oh, my God.

You're a fucking superstar and you're fucking Canadian. You can't even stand

skis. I know. I'm a disgrace to my country. Help.

Do you ladies need any help?

I'm Gigi, and this is Francesca, and I'm shooting a movie here.

Cool. We're training here.

You ladies want to take a ride?

Hell yeah!

Oh, I can't.

They don't let you do stuff like that when you're on a movie.

Well, then we can find something else to do.

Wow. Hey, G, you got to stop moving around. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Are

okay? I feel like I'm in a fucking hurl.

Oh, what can I do?

Well, for starters, you could have told me about G -Force before I got on the

bobsleigh. I'm going to need to take something.

Oh, I have some aspirin. I think it got crushed when I fell. It's okay.

Annie, I'm telling you, I'm falling in love, and I am so excited.

gonna come over tomorrow after work and

we're gonna have hot olympic

sex in this hotel room wouldn't that be more like hot special olympic sex

he didn't even let you read no he said i was talentless

and showed me the door dell that's awful i'm so sorry fine

Rhonda dumped him, and he said she's seeing a publicist.

Anyways, how is Francesca with the pills?

Good. I didn't see her take any.

Wait. Honey, I'm still going to pick you up from the airport.

Oh, fabulous.

Tyler, thank you for me.

You're welcome.

Now, listen, G, you go have fun tonight, and go for the gold.

Thank you.

Okay. Okay.

I have to go. I had such a good time. I had to.

Thank you so much.

Oh, I ordered a little bit of room service while you were working. I hope

don't mind. Oh, production will pay for it.

Benny, I was so excited to see Beau again.

And I think he's the one.

Okay. Before you decide the man you just met in a Teflon suit is the one, will

you please see him in real clothes? Because he might show up in acid wash

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Sorry, Gigi.

I have to give you this.

Okay. I gotta go.

$672 for two 52s?

Yeah, I told you, production doesn't cover things like this.

I hate to say it, but you shouldn't really take it easy on the pills.

How many kids do you want?

Uh, 18.

I could travel more first.

Really?

Where should we go?

I'm dying to go to Egypt to see the pyramids.

Oh, I've always wanted to go there.

What about Israel? Do you want to go to Israel too?

Nah, I hate those fucking Jews.

Oh, I'm Jewish.

You're not a fucking Jew.

And I can't believe that my parents survived the Holocaust so I could sleep

this anti -Semite, you know? And I hated my job. I mean, they all thought I was

on drugs. And I found out that I can't actually join the Peace Corps because

need a bachelor's degree. What are you doing?

I told you I had to cut this session short.

Why? We just got started.

I left your message.

I told you I had to leave 20 minutes early.

I didn't get it. I came straight from the airport. I'm in crisis.

I gotta run.

I'm on a television panel.

You're cutting me off to be on TV?

Oh, it's not just any TV.

It's HBO.

This program is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to events, persons, or

companies is entirely coincidental.