Original subtitles

Within this friendship group.

Hey, how are you doing? That was great.

Congratulations. I love your hair, by the way.

Yay.

This is all terribly upsetting, isn't it? I suppose the real question is, who

did it?

Freeze, motherfuckers! Moses Malty's about to investigate the shit out of

ass!

Also

his

new partner, Kim Lee, also on the case.

Well, look at this shit here!

God damn it, now this is what I call a partnership!

Diversity at its best. Y 'all see this shit, right?

Now, uh, which one of y 'all won't tell us who did the murdering up in here?

Well, we don't know.

Oh, you don't know?

You hear that, Kim Lee? Kim Lee, you hear that shit, Kim Lee? Hey, Kim Lee,

don't do your shit, Kim Lee.

Take the statements.

Nah, nah, I want you to karate -fy this motherfucker.

Well, yeah, look, you know, I don't actually know karate.

Oh, yeah, you're talking about you don't know karate. You know karate.

Right, well, let's...

It's actually a little offensive for you to assume I know karate. Shut up and go

do some motherfucking karate.

Oh, karate, yeah, sure.

I can do that.

Yeah, cool.

Yeah,

do some shit. Come here.

If you just... I'll do like a judo throw, I think. Okay.

Watch yourself. Okay.

Ah, that's you done.

What the fuck is this bitch?

I should probably move on to someone else now.

Should I... If you could, sorry.

Sorry.

You bring shame on your ancestors.

I did say I didn't know any... Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Now get your

motherfucking non -corrupted ass out of here! Get the fuck out! Everything will

get your ass out of here! We gonna talk! Get the fuck out! Hurry up,

motherfucker! Ho, ho, ho, ladies!

Ain't nobody tell y 'all to go nowhere. We got some birds now.

You want my gun?

My rifle? My rifle or my gun? Which one you want?

You got it?

I'll put it in your head. Oh, shit.

Get off me. It's not you, it's me.

I can't believe this shit. Look at this.

Look at this shit. Look at my floppy ass dick.

God, that's floppy, is it?

Nah, man, this whole mismatch. It's a racial partnership. It's just fucking up

my tea, man.

Tea, yeah, I get it. Again with the racial stereotype.

You're going to solve this murder or not.

What did you know he was the murderer?

Because he was the one doing all the talking, and he had an evil -ass

motherfucking mustache.

What type of Chinese nigga are you? You're supposed to be smart.

What are

you looking at? Shut the fuck up.

Don't fuck this up with me now.

Um,

excuse me.

Um, your ass. Yes, it's real. Thank you very much.

No, um, I was going to say, it, um, it moves.

Yes, it moves. Of course it moves. It's an ass. That's what asses do.

Especially when they're real.

Like mine.

Uh, yes, but, um, it moves like there's something alive in there. Oh, my God.

You're obsessed with my arse. You know what? I wouldn't expect this from a man.

But from you, I'm shocked.

Can you see from the expression that my face is making that I'm shocked?

Um, not really.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Um... Did it just

explode again?

It's a good job you're wearing Primani, isn't it?

Well, thank you so much, Tom. We're all very much looking forward to having you

join the company. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Ah, this must be the new guy.

Hi, how are you doing? How's it hanging, brother?

So cool to meet you, my man.

Catch you laters.

Does he always do that?

Every time.

Yo, this is the message for the four cool strapless soldiers from the E -19

posse. So now, we've been playing around.

But guess what? Shit just got real big, man.

Yeah?

This man's got a strap now.

So best mind where you're stepping. No, no, no.

Message over.

Yeah, this is a strat for soldiers.

So you think you're a mash man now, is it? You better watch where you're

pointing that thing from. You might shoot yourself in the foot or something.

On a serious note, you better be careful with that because gun safety ain't no

joke. Those things can be dangerous and we'd hate for you to have an accident.

Message over.

Listen.

Thank you for your concern, Dr. Soldiers.

You're right about firearm safety, and you'll be pleased to know that me and my

crew took a two -day course in Nuneaton before purchasing this weapon.

And Jay Lloyd there, Lloyd, put your hand up. Safety first, guys, seriously.

Listen, that's our designated firearm officer, yeah? He makes sure the correct

procedures are followed at all times. And we even have a rule, no one carries

the gun and the bullets at the same time. You understand me?

Message over.

Thanks for putting our minds at rest with regards to your new gun.

We'll be able to sleep easier at night knowing you're doing everything you can

to stay safe. Having said that, accidents can happen.

Our man Jake here is actually trained with St John's Ambulance on how to treat

bullet wounds and major blood loss.

He says he'd be happy to come over to E9 any time to give you and your

colleagues a teaching demonstration.

Just let him know when's a good time.

Message over.

You want to step in a man's turf, yeah?

Hey, pass me the bullets.

Pass me the bullets.

Listen, don't step on our fucking turf. Listen, big man. Hey, listen. No, no,

no. Remember the training.

Hey. Remember the lesson.

Remember the course.

Whoa, whoa. Sorry, can I just double check?

This T -shirt isn't racist, is it?

It's just a banana.

Yeah, but...

Me wearing a T -shirt with a banana on it.

It's cool, yeah?

Yes, very cool. Suits the theme of the entire age.

We try other clothes and we continue, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. It's all good. Cool.

Oh, sorry. Stop, stop.

Um, I think this one's actually a little worse.

How's it worse?

Um, well, it's got a monkey on it.

Yeah, and you're eating banana.

Yeah, but... And monkey love banana, yeah?

Yeah, um, I feel that you're missing the point.

Okay, if we change monkey and banana, then it's good, yeah?

Yes. I think you should change the monkey and the banana.

Okay! We change the joke!

Stop. Stop. This is fucking ridiculous.

Ah, what problem now?

I've got a drug -dealing monkey on my T -shirt.

He's not a drug dealer.

He just have the attitude.

He's holding drugs and a gun.

But there's no banana.

Oh, my God. Okay. This is fucking ridiculous.

You're all racist.

Ow! Ow!

She's strangling my blood!

I think it's a murloc.

A murloc.

Would you care for some Parmesan cheese, madam?

Hey, boy.

Who you look upon?

Excuse me?

Mr. What you look upon?

Don't test me, boy.

Um, sorry, what's happening here? What happen here is you harass my girl with

all them question there.

No, I was just asking if she wanted Parmesan cheese.

See? You want to give my girl your cheese?

You want to give her your blood clot, smegma?

You think me born yesterday?

Look, I was walking around with the cheese, and I thought I saw your

look towards the cheese.

You are telling me that my girl look upon your cheese?

Eh? Let me.

This true?

You look upon this man's cheese? You want some of him done -off cheese?

Huh.

I can see it in your eyes.

How you can do this to me, girl?

Sorry, can I go?

Go stand in the corner.

The corner? Go stand in the corner and face the wall!

Leslie, I know I'm not a rich man, but if you give me another chance, I swear

job, me I go give you the world and back and love you and feed you good, good

and bad, bad.

What you say?

Oh, Leslie!

Thank you, man.

You make me so happy, girl.

Listen, drink some of my Merlot, because you did just finish your own Merlot,

and you have to wash it down.

Choo -choo.

I'm very confused.

That's such a mother -puss wall.

Fantastic Agusti Films presents, in conjunction with Thorsten's Rad Removal

Agency, and in totally unrelated business, Thorsten's Tasty Meat Snack.

A brand new movie film franchise.

Obtain the diamond!

The heist movie to end all heist movies.

A love -struck couple from the wrong side of the tribe.

We gotta do this shit for us, baby.

That's right.

You know what it is?

We've got to obtain the diamond.

Where are the diamonds?

Yeah, give us the fucking diamonds, man.

Yeah. We need to obtain them. Diamond!

Fucking lots of them. We have obtained the diamonds.

Including incredible stars. It's windy.

The wind is so much.

I feel like I'm warm. Come on. With pitch perfect American accent.

We have come all the way from the United States of America, baby, to obtain the

diamonds.

Yes, we are Americans.

Warning.

Contains offensive verbal material.

Give me the fucking dime before I blow off your fucking test card, nigga. Nah,

my nigga, I'm the better nigga for these times.

But family -friendly version is also available.

Give me the... Budging. Dime before I blow off your... Budging. Test card.

Ninja. Ninja.

And in a shocking twist, it will all culminate in a shootout.

Will you hurry up?

You die too, for my love.

Ah!

Ow!

Obtain the diamond.

Coming soon.

Tom, great birthday.

Oh, secret handshake?

I ain't on that.

That was, um... That was, uh... Uh... Very

cool.

The year is 1942, and war rages between the Allied forces and Nazi Germany.

Furthermore... There's bare black people!

And your uncle!

We'll learn moves like that!

Change! But if I've been over to CBOP, it's time for some black military

history, where men like me...

Scribbler, pray, pray, pray.

Recognize, 210 ,000 black people served in the French and British Army in the

Second World War.

It looks like all that fighting is making man them crave some curry gulp.

Never kill Nazis on an empty stomach, my lord.

And check out these African -Americans marching through the streets of England

and also performing an early version of Candy.

Trust me, just sit this one out, my don.

Raise this dog. And what about all the sisters from 6888 Postal Battalion

Inspector Morse thirsty?

Brothers shot cannons, trolled tanks and read maps.

Yeah, you want to get to the Victoria Line, innit? Despite black and white

soldiers fighting alongside each other, this image of black soldiers dancing

with white women proved to be very controversial amongst some people.

Well, good job, those brothers. We'll never get to see my matches on Tinder.

know what I'm saying?

That's all the black military history from a man like me, Scribbler 3.

He was a great man.

God bless.

He will be me.

I see there is some leftovers.

Guess they won't be needing all that food now.

He was a good man.

He's alive.

He was a good man.

He's alive.

We lost all three there.

Oh, this is a shame.

What are

you

looking at, bro?

Dickhead, I was popping onto something there. Oh, sorry, bro.

Hey.

Let's have sex with that chicken.

See?

That's why you're the ideas man.

Thank you.