Original subtitles

( cash register rings )

♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY, STATIONERY, AND LEATHER GOODS ♪

♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪

♪ GOING UP... ♪

♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES, GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪

SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS, UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪

♪ GOING UP... ♪

♪ SECOND FLOOR... CARPETS, TRAVEL GOODS AND BEDDING... ♪

YOU READY?

NO, NO, I CAN NIP IT IN A BIT MORE YET.

( gasps ) NOW!

- WHAT IS IT? - 77.

OOH, DOESN'T IT SOUND A LOT IN METRIC?

YES, WELL, YOU PUT ON FOUR WHATEVER-THEY-ARE'S.

CENTIPEDES, MISS BRAHMS.

WHATEVER THEY ARE, YOU'RE PUTTING MORE OF THEM ON.

- OF COURSE, IT'S ALL THE GOVERNMENT'S FAULT. - HOW DO YOU WORK THAT OUT?

IT'S THIS SUGAR SHORTAGE.

I'VE STOCKED UP SO MUCH IF I DON'T KEEP EATING IT,

I'LL NEVER GET RID OF IT.

IF YOU KEEP ON LIKE THAT,

YOU'LL BE TOO FAT TO GET INTO YOUR STORE CUPBOARDS.

I WISH I COULD PUT ON WEIGHT. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE A BIG MEAL EVERY NIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN AFFORD IT.

I CAN'T. I HAVE TO KEEP GOING OUT WITH THESE FELLOWS

I DON'T LIKE, JUST TO KEEP BODY AND SOUL TOGETHER.

I COULDN'T DO THAT.

IT'S EASY. I WEAR A LOW FROCK,

THEY HAVE A GOOD LOOK AND I HAVE A GOOD NOSH.

YES, BUT NOWADAYS,

THEY EXPECT SOMETHING AFTERWARDS, DON'T THEY?

YES, BUT THEY DON'T GET IT.

WHY DO THEY KEEP ASKING YOU OUT THEN?

IT'S RATHER LIKE A FRUIT MACHINE.

ONCE THEY'VE MADE THE INVESTMENT,

THEY KEEP HOPING THEY'RE GOING TO GET THE JACKPOT.

THEY'D HAVE TO PULL THE HANDLE A LOT OF TIMES

BEFORE THEY GOT MY CHERRIES UP.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR.

AND IF THE SOCKS AREN'T SATISFACTORY,

DON'T HESITATE TO BRING THEM BACK.

IT WON'T MAKE A BIT OF DIFFERENCE.

ANYWAY, THE MEAL COST SEVEN QUID.

I'D BORROWED THIS CAR TO TAKE HER HOME,

TO BE SURE OF A QUICK CUDDLE, AND WHAT HAPPENED?

HALF A MILE FROM HER HOUSE, SHE GETS HER DOORKEY OUT

AND STARTS FEELING FOR THE PASSENGER DOOR HANDLE.

SHE WAS KEEN TO MAKE A NIGHT OF IT?

NO, SHE WAS KEEN TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT.

ANYWAY, I'VE BORROWED THE CAR AGAIN TONIGHT TO TAKE HER OUT AGAIN.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU'LL DO BETTER TONIGHT?

I'VE UNSCREWED THE DOOR HANDLE.

OH, FOR THE RETURN OF THE ROMANTIC AGE,

WHEN ONE'S HEART LEAPT AT THE SIGHT OF AN ANKLE

SLIPPING INTO A HANSOM CAB.

NOW IT'S CLUNK, CLICK, STRIP OFF QUICK.

WHERE IS MR. GRAINGER?

HE HASN'T RETURNED FROM HIS TEA BREAK YET, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.

I SEE.

TELL HIM I WISH TO SEE HIM, AS SOON AS HE RETURNS.

CERTAINLY, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.

MR. GRAINGER, CAPTAIN PEACOCK WAS ASKING FOR YOU,

BUT I TOLD HIM YOU HADN'T COME BACK FROM YOUR TEA BREAK YET,

AND HE SAID HE WANTED A WORD AS SOON AS YOU RETURNED.

I SEE.

WILL YOU TAKE OVER FROM ME, MR. HUMPHRIES?

I'M GOING TO HAVE A WORD WITH CAPTAIN PEACOCK.

CERTAINLY, MR. GRAINGER.

SHALL I TAKE OVER FROM YOU, MR. HUMPHRIES?

GET STUFFED, MR. LUCAS.

YOU WANTED TO HAVE A WORD WITH ME, STEPHEN?

YES, MR. GRAINGER. IT'S 10 PAST 11:00.

YOU'VE HAD 20 MINUTES FOR YOUR COFFEE BREAK.

YOUR ENTITLEMENT IS 15, HOW DO YOU ACCOUNT FOR THIS?

I SPENT A FEW MINUTES IN THE BOYS' ROOM ON MY WAY BACK.

THAT'S NOT PART OF YOUR COFFEE BREAK.

IT'S THE RESULT OF IT.

FOR FIVE WHOLE MINUTES?

THERE WAS A QUEUE.

I DON'T THINK MR. RUMBOLD WILL REGARD THAT AS AN ADEQUATE EXCUSE.

YOU DON'T MEAN THAT YOU'RE GOING TO REPORT ME, STEPHEN?

YES, I AM, MR. GRAINGER.

VERY WELL, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.

I'M SORRY BUT IT'S MY JOB.

YOU MEAN TO BE A SNEAK?

IT'S NOT EASY FOR ME, YOU KNOW.

ON THE ONE HAND WE HAVE OUR FRIENDSHIP,

AND ON THE OTHER, I HAVE MY JOB TO DO.

NOW I HAVE TO WEAR TWO HATS.

YOU FIND NO DIFFICULTY IN THAT.

YOU'RE TWO-FACED.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, MR. HUMPHRIES?

I DID, MR. GRAINGER. SIT HERE.

A GLASS OF WATER FOR MR. GRAINGER.

DON'T LET HIM DRINK IT ALL AT ONCE... HE'LL NEED ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES OFF.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, MADAM.

GOOD MORNING. COME ON, MISS BRAHMS.

BEFORE YOU GO TO LUNCH, MRS. SLOCOMBE,

I WANT A WORD WITH THE FLOOR PERSONNEL BY THE CENTER STAND.

I HOPE IT'S IMPORTANT 'CAUSE I'M DYING FOR MY LUNCH.

MISS BRAHMS, EVERYTHING I HAVE TO SAY IS IMPORTANT.

POMPOUS NIT.

MISS BRAHMS, YOU MUSTN'T USE LANGUAGE LIKE THAT

ABOUT FLOOR PERSONNEL IN MY HEARING.

YOU'LL GET LADIES' UNDERWEAR A BAD NAME.

I WANT A WORD WITH THE FLOOR PERSONNEL BEFORE YOU ALL GO TO LUNCH.

I HOPE IT WON'T TAKE LONG.

OTHERWISE, MR. HERBERT OF HARDWARE

WILL HAVE PINCHED MY SEAT.

SOME PEOPLE HAVE ALL THE LUCK.

DO YOU NEED ME?

YES, JUNIORS AS WELL.

NOW, THIS WON'T TAKE A MOMENT.

"FROM THE D.M./C.R.

TO F.W./L. AND G.D./ S.P. RE: TEA."

CAPTAIN PEACOCK, WHAT LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING?

IT SIMPLY MEANS, MRS. SLOCOMBE,

"FROM THE D.M. STROKE C.R..."

THE DEPARTMENTAL MANAGER STROKE CUTHBERT RUMBOLD.

"TO THE F.W. STROKE L. AND G.D. STROKE S.P..."

TO FLOORWALKERS STROKE LADIES' AND GENTLEMEN'S DEPARTMENT

STROKE STEPHEN PEACOCK REGARDING TEA.

WHAT DOES "T" STAND FOR?

IT DOESN'T STAND FOR ANYTHING. YOU DRINK IT.

T-E-A, TEA.

THEY USE THESE INITIALS TO SAVE TIME.

IT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING VERY WELL, DOES IT?

IT WOULD IF PEOPLE DIDN'T KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS.

PEOPLE WOULDN'T NEED TO, IF THEY KNEW WHAT YOU WERE RABBITTING ON ABOUT.

IF I MAY BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE, MRS. SLOCOMBE.

OH YES, P.C.O.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

"PLEASE CARRY ON."

WHERE WAS I?

YOU JUST GOT TO THE BIT WHERE YOU WERE STROKING CUTHBERT RUMBOLD.

"I SEE YOU ARE..."

YOU'RE NOT STARTING ON THOSE INITIALS AGAIN?

PLEASE, MRS. SLOCOMBE.

"I SEE YOU ARE CONCERNED

ABOUT EXCESSIVELY LONG TEA BREAKS BEING ENJOYED

BY MEMBERS OF THE DEPARTMENT UNDER YOUR SUPERVISION.

I MUST EMPHASIZE THAT THE SAID BREAKS ARE LIMITED TO 15 MINUTES

AND TO ENSURE NO ONE TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THIS ARRANGEMENT,

PERSONNEL WILL BE REQUIRED IN FUTURE

TO ENTER THEIR DEPARTURE AND ARRIVAL IN A BOOK

TO BE KNOWN AS THE E.L. AND T.B. BOOK..."

THE ELEVENSES, LUNCH AND TEA BREAK BOOK.

"VISITS TO THE TOILET WILL ALSO BE RECORDED...

TO WHICH END I HAVE PROVIDED A SEPARATE BOOK."

TO BE KNOWN AS THE W.C. BOOK.

IT'S AN OUTRAGE!

ABSOLUTELY! DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO

CLOCK ON AND CLOCK OFF EVERY TIME WE WANT A CUP OF COFFEE?

THAT IS PRECISELY THE IDEA.

AND EVERY TIME I WANT TO POWDER MY NOSE,

- I'VE GOT TO STICK IT INTO A BOOK FIRST? - THAT IS CORRECT.

WHAT IF IT'S AN EMERGENCY AND MY BIRO'S RUN OUT?

GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU.

IT'S NOT THE SAME AS DOING IT YOURSELF.

GET SOMEONE ELSE TO SIGN THE BOOK.

IT'S AN INTOLERABLE INVASION OF PRIVACY.

1984. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.

THEY WON'T BE WATCHING AS WELL, WILL THEY?

I ONLY HAVE TO ADD THAT THIS COMES INTO EFFECT IMMEDIATELY.

SO I HOPE YOU'LL ALL BE READY

TO SIGN THE BOOK BACK HERE SHARP AT 2:00.

EH... HANG ON!

WE'VE SPENT FIVE MINUTES LISTENING TO YOU.

DO WE GET FIVE MINUTES LONGER?

CUSTOMERS WILL BE COMING IN. THEY WILL REQUIRE TO BE ATTENDED TO.

WHAT ABOUT OUR FIVE MINUTES?

MISS BRAHMS,

IF YOU ADD UP ALL THE ODD MINUTES

YOU HAVE TAKEN ON TOP OF YOUR NORMAL BREAKS,

I THINK THE FIVE MINUTES ARE MORE THAN DUE TO GRACE BROTHERS.

SIX MINUTES.

I SUGGEST THAT THE WHOLE MATTER SHOULD BE DISCUSSED OVER LUNCH.

YES, LET'S HAVE A DISGUSTING LUNCH.

WHO'S THE COCK-A-LEEKIE?

DUMPLINGS.

COALS TO NEWCASTLE.

- WHO'S THE GRAPEFRUIT COCKTAIL? - MINE.

WHERE'S THE CHERRY?

I ATE IT. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A DIET.

I'LL THANK YOU TO LET ME MAKE MY OWN SACRIFICES.

ONE OPEN SANDWICH!

I DID NOT ASK FOR AN OPEN SANDWICH.

I'M SORRY, MR. GRAINGER, BUT SOMEBODY NUDGED ME

IN THE QUEUE AND THE TOP FELL OFF.

I'LL GO BACK AND GET IT IF YOU WANT IT.

- I THINK IT FELL BUTTER UP. - DON'T BOTHER.

YOU'RE BEING BRAVE, HAVING A SEAFOOD SALAD.

OOOH, SHELLFISH,

THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU VIRILE.

I DON'T THINK A COUPLE OF MUSSELS AND A SHRIVELED UP PRAWN

IS GOING TO DO MUCH FOR MY PERFORMANCE TONIGHT.

WHY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HE'S GOT A DATE WITH A LADY ESCAPOLOGIST.

HE'S TAKEN THE HANDLE OFF THE CAR DOOR

SO HE CAN BEND HER TO HIS WILL.

I ALWAYS CARRY A TIN OPENER.

DOESN'T THAT TAKE A LONG TIME?

NO, I JAB THEM IN THE HANDS WITH IT.

MR. GRAINGER'S STILL GOT THE SCARS.

COULD WE TEAR OURSELVES AWAY FROM SEX FOR ONE MOMENT

TO DISCUSS THIS CLOCKING-IN BUSINESS?

I THINK IT WAS QUITE HUMILIATING, MR. GRAINGER,

THE WAY YOU WERE TOLD OFF IN FRONT OF US,

- DON'T YOU, MR. LUCAS? - I DO, MR. HUMPHRIES.

I NEARLY WENT OVER TO CAPTAIN PEACOCK TO SAY SOMETHING

REALLY SHARP AND WITTY TO CUT HIM DOWN TO SIZE.

- WHY DIDN'T YOU? - I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

I DON'T THINK YOU AND MR. GRAINGER SHOULD PUT UP WITH IT.

IT'S NOT JUST US YOU KNOW.

I HOPE I'M UNANIMOUS IN THIS.

IF YOU AND MR. GRAINGER REFUSE TO SIGN,

THE MANAGEMENT WILL HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

YEAH, SACK 'EM.

I AGREE WITH MRS. SLOCOMBE.

I THINK WE SHOULD ALL REFUSE TO SIGN.

I AGREE. I THINK YOU TWO SHOULD REFUSE TO SIGN FIRST.

NO.

WE MUST ALL NOT SIGN, TOGETHER.

UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL.

I WISH I'D THOUGHT OF THAT.

MR. GRAINGER?

YES, CAPTAIN PEACOCK?

WILL YOU COME HERE A MOMENT, PLEASE?

WE'RE ALL BEHIND YOU. OFF YOU GO.

"MR. GRAINGER...

RETURNED FROM LUNCH, 14.03."

WOULD YOU SIGN, PLEASE?

I'M SORRY, CAPTAIN PEACOCK,

BUT I MUST REFUSE TO SIGN YOUR BOOK.

I WILL ASK YOU ONCE MORE, MR. GRAINGER,

"MR. GRAINGER RETURNED FROM LUNCH...

14.04."

WILL YOU SIGN, PLEASE?

AGAIN I SHALL REFUSE.

I SEE... "MR. GRAINGER...

REFUSED POINT-BLANK TO SIGN BOOK... TWICE."

MR. GRAINGER, I SHALL NOW REPORT YOUR ACTION TO MR. RUMBOLD.

BUT, CAPTAIN PEACOCK, ALL THE OTHERS REFUSE TO SIGN AS WELL.

ON THE CONTRARY, MR. GRAINGER,

I ONLY ASKED YOU, YOU REFUSED

AND YOU WILL BE REPORTED.

GLASS OF BRANDY FOR MR. GRAINGER.

WELL DONE, MR. GRAINGER, THE WAY YOU STOOD UP TO HIM.

WE SHALL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU FOR THAT,

MR. GRAINGER, WHEN YOU'VE GONE.

BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL GOING TO STAND UP TO HIM.

I ONLY HOPE I'LL BE AS BRAVE AS THAT, WHEN MY TURN COMES.

I THINK YOU ALL OUGHT TO SIGN SOMETHING

TO SAY THAT YOU WON'T SIGN IT.

DON'T WORRY, MR. GRAINGER, WE'RE ALL BEHIND YOU.

YES, WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

ONLY YOU'RE IN IT A BIT DEEPER.

( phone buzzes )

( deep voice ) MENSWEAR?

( normal ) YES, MR. GRAINGER IS HERE. I SEE.

MR. GRAINGER, YOU'RE WANTED IN MR. RUMBOLD'S OFFICE IMMEDIATELY.

GOOD LUCK, MR. GRAINGER.

AND REMEMBER, WE'RE BEHIND YOU.

BUT I THINK WE SHOULD ALL GO TOGETHER.

HE'S ONLY SENT FOR THE RINGLEADER.

I'M NOT THE RINGLEADER!

I JUST HAPPENED TO BE THE FIRST ONE OUT OF THE LIFT.

( phone buzzes )

MENSWEAR?

YES, YES, HE'S ON HIS WAY.

RUMBOLD'S FURIOUS YOU'RE KEEPING HIM WAITING.

BETTER HURRY, MR. GRAINGER,

YOU DON'T WANT TO GET A REPUTATION FOR ALWAYS BEING LATE.

YOU WILL ALL BACK ME UP, WON'T YOU?

IF YOU DON'T LOOK SHARP, YOU WON'T BE HERE FOR US TO BACK UP.

YOU KNOW, I THINK HE WENT TOO FAR

DEFYING CAPTAIN PEACOCK LIKE HE DID.

WE DID ALL AGREE NOT TO SIGN TOGETHER.

WELL, COURSE, WE WOULDN'T HAVE SIGNED THE FIRST TIME HE ASKED,

AS A PROTEST, BUT WE WOULD HAVE DONE THE SECOND TIME.

I THINK HE WENT TOO FAR... MIND YOU, I'M STILL BEHIND HIM.

OH, YES, WE'RE ALL BEHIND HIM.

ONLY NOT SO CLOSE.

HAVE YOUR NOTEPAD READY, MISS AINSWORTH.

I SHALL EXPECT A VERBATIM REPORT OF EVERYTHING

- THAT'S SAID AT THIS MEETING. - ( knocking )

COME IN!

I BELIEVE YOU WANTED A WORD WITH ME, MR. RUMBOLD.

I'VE BEEN WAITING FIVE MINUTES TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU, MR. GRAINGER.

I CAME AS QUICKLY AS I COULD.

DO YOU RECOGNIZE THIS BOOK?

YES, I THINK SO.

TAKE EVERYTHING DOWN, MISS AINSWORTH.

I'VE TAKEN EVERYTHING DOWN. "KNOCK, KNOCK, COME IN.

I BELIEVE YOU WANTED A WORD WITH ME, MR. RUMBOLD.

I'VE BEEN WAITING FIVE MINUTES TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU, MR. GRAINGER.

I CAME AS QUICKLY AS I COULD. DO YOU RECOGNIZE THIS BOOK?

YES, I THINK SO. TAKE EVERYTHING DOWN, MISS AINSWORTH.

I'VE TAKEN EVERYTHING DOWN."

YOU DON'T PUT DOWN WHAT YOU SAY.

YES, SIR. SHALL I PUT THAT DOWN?

NO, NO, LET'S START AGAIN.

- "KNOCK, KNOCK. COME IN..." - PLEASE!

MISS AINSWORTH, BE QUIET.

NOW, MR. GRAINGER,

DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU REFUSED TO SIGN THIS BOOK?

WE ALL REFUSED.

I'M AFRAID THAT'S NOT TRUE. I ONLY ASKED MR. GRAINGER.

BUT THEY WERE ALL BEHIND ME.

I SEE... LED BY YOU.

I'M AFRAID IT SEEMS CLEAR WE MUST MAKE AN EXAMPLE IN THIS CASE.

I'M AFRAID SO.

ONE ROTTEN APPLE CAN SPOIL THE WHOLE BARREL.

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY,

IN MR. GRAINGER'S DEFENSE,

THAT HE HAS NEVER BEEN A ROTTEN APPLE.

THANK YOU, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.

UNTIL TODAY.

( knocking )

- COME IN. - I'M IN.

I WISH YOU'D WAIT UNTIL I SAY "COME IN,"

BEFORE YOU COME IN. I'M HAVING AN IMPORTANT MEETING HERE.

SHALL I GO OUT AGAIN THEN?

NO, NO, PUT IT DOWN.

SHALL I PUT THAT DOWN?

NO, I DON'T WANT THAT PUT DOWN.

- WHAT SHALL I DO WITH IT THEN? - PUT IT DOWN.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID DON'T PUT IT DOWN.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO PUT DOWN "PUT IT DOWN."

I'M GOING TO PUT IT DOWN. AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU CAN STICK IT UP.

DON'T PUT THAT DOWN, MISS AINSWORTH.

NOW, WHERE WERE WE?

"NEVER BEEN A ROTTEN APPLE IN THE BARREL. UNTIL TODAY."

AH, YES. MR. GRAINGER,

FOR THE FOUR MINUTES UNAUTHORIZED ABSENCE,

I'M DEDUCTING 25p FROM YOUR PAY PACKET,

PLUS A FURTHER 25p

FOR REFUSING TO SIGN THIS BOOK.

COULD I SIGN NOW AND SAVE THE 25p?

I'M AFRAID NOT. CAPTAIN PEACOCK'S REMARKS

TAKE UP THE PLACE WHERE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SIGN.

THAT IS ALL, MR. GRAINGER. THE MATTER IS CLOSED.

W-WH-WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?

THAT IS ALL, MR. GRAINGER.

THE MATTER IS CLOSED.

I THINK IT'S DISGRACEFUL,

YOU HAVING TO PAY 50p. I SHOULDN'T STAND FOR IT.

NO, YOU SHOULD STAND UP FOR YOURSELF

AND TELL THEM WHERE TO GET OFF.

YEAH, WE'RE BEHIND YOU.

I'D PREFER TO FORGET IT.

IT'S ALL BEEN MOST UNPLEASANT.

WE SHOULD ALL CHIP IN AND PAY MR. GRAINGER'S FINE.

AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY 10p EACH.

AH, BUT... HE WAS FINED 25p

FOR BEING LATE, AND 25p FOR NOT SIGNING.

WE'RE ONLY SUPPORTING HIM FOR NOT SIGNING,

SO WE SHOULD ONLY PAY HALF.

HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

THERE'S A PRINCIPLE INVOLVED HERE, ISN'T THERE?

BROTHER GRAINGER IS BEING VICTIMIZED

'CAUSE HE STOOD UP FOR HIS RIGHTFUL RIGHTS.

IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT WE SHOULD STAND UP FOR HIM.

THIS IS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, MR. MASH. GET BACK TO YOUR BASEMENT.

IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH ME, BROTHER SLOCOMBE.

I AM SHOP STEWARD. AND IN THAT CAPACITY,

I AM CONVENING AN EMERGENCY MEETING

IN ACCORDANCE WITH SECTION 23 OF THE RULE BOOK.

- CAN WE DO THAT? - OF COURSE WE CAN.

- WHAT ABOUT THE CUSTOMERS? - HAVE TO WAIT.

IT COMES TO A HALT WHEN THE BROTHERS SAY SO.

IT'S JUST LIKE THE MAFIA...

AND THE COSY NOSTRIL.

ARE YOU FREE, MR. GRAINGER?

COMING, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.

- DON'T MOVE, BROTHER. - BUT, CAPTAIN PEACOCK...

HE CAN'T TOUCH US ONCE I'VE CONVENED AN EMERGENCY MEETING.

- WE ARE SACROSANCT. - IS THAT TRUE?

THAT IS TRUE, BROTHER HUMPHRIES.

"BROTHER HUMPHRIES," OH!

DOESN'T IT BRING YOU CLOSE WHEN YOU HAVE A UNION?

I CALLED YOU, MR. GRAINGER.

I'VE BEEN CONVENED.

GET OFF THE FLOOR, MASH!

UNLESS YOU WANT EVERYBODY OUT FROM HERE TO HARRODS,

I WOULD NOT USE THAT TONE OF VOICE, PEACOCK.

NOW THEN,

WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY, BROTHERS,

TO CONSIDER THE CASE OF BROTHER E. GRAINGER.

SO YOU'RE BEHIND THIS, GRAINGER.

NO, WE'RE ALL BEHIND IT.

AS I SEE IT, WE'VE GOT TWO THINGS TO DECIDE...

WHAT WE WANT AND HOW WE ARE GOING TO GET IT.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT WE WANT.

YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'VE GOT ME THEN, AIN'T YER?

FIRSTLY, WE WANT TO REMOVE

THE STIGMATA ATTACHED TO BROTHER GRAINGER.

OH, IT SOUNDS LIKE THE EXORCIST.

AND SECONDLY, ON THE TIME ELEMENT,

WE WANT TO BE FREE AND UNRESTRICTED IN THE CLOAKROOM.

I'LL SECOND THAT.

AND THIRDLY, WE WANT A REAPPRAISAL

OF THE WHOLE ARCHAIC COFFEE BREAK SYSTEM,

BRINGING IT INTO LINE WITH CURRENT INDUSTRIAL PRACTICE.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" THAT MEANS, BROTHER,

THAT UNLESS THE MANAGEMENT MEET OUR DEMANDS,

WE TAKE ACTION AND IF THAT DON'T WORK, WE'LL ESCALATE.

Lucas: HEAR, HEAR.

NOW, YOU'VE WASTED ENOUGH TIME, MASH.

EVERYBODY BACK TO WORK.

YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER, BROTHER PEACOCK,

AND I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO REPRIMAND YOU AGAIN.

NOW THEN, AS I SEE IT,

THE MAIN POINT TO HOLD OUT FOR IS TRAVELING TIME

TO AND FROM THE TEA BREAKS.

YOUR TEA SHOULD START NOT WHEN YOU LEAVE HERE,

NOT WHEN YOU GET IN THE LIFT,

NOT WHEN YOU STAND IN THE QUEUE AT THE COUNTER,

NOT EVEN WHEN YOU PAY FOR IT.

YOUR TEA SHOULD START WHEN YOU SIT DOWN

AND ACTUALLY DIP YOUR BISCUIT IN THE CUP.

OOOH, DOESN'T HE SPEAK WELL?

THANK YOU, BROTHER.

I AM NOW ABOUT TO PUT A MOTION ON THE TABLE.

SOME OF THE PHRASES ARE STRANGE.

I MOVE THAT THIS MEETING AUTHORIZES ME TO PUT

OUR DEMANDS BEFORE MANAGEMENT, AND TO FORM A STRIKE COMMITTEE

WITH CARTE BLANCHE TO TAKE INDUSTRIAL ACTION.

HANDS UP, THOSE FOR THE MOTION.

JOLLY GOOD.

ALL THOSE AGAINST.

YOU CAN'T VOTE, YOU'VE GOT NO STANDING.

- I'M IN THIS UNION. - WHERE'S YOUR CARD?

- I LEFT IT AT HOME. - THAT MAKES YOU OUT OF ORDER THEN.

- HAVE THEY GOT CARDS? - THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

- I VOTE WE SHOW CARDS. - YOU CAN'T VOTE WE SHOW CARDS

UNLESS YOU SHOW YOUR CARD. CARRIED UNANIMOUSLY.

( blows raspberry )

I CAN TELL YOU NOW, MASH, THERE IS POSITIVELY NO CHANCE

OF US AT GRACE BROTHERS ACCEDING TO YOUR DEMANDS.

I SEE. IS THAT YOUR FINAL WORD, SIR?

ABSOLUTELY. THE MANAGEMENT STANDS FIRM

BEHIND ITS AGREEMENT OF 1928.

ARE YOU SAYING, SIR, THAT HENCEFORTH

THERE IS NO POINT IN US HAVING MEANINGFUL DISCUSSIONS

AND THE HELPFUL EXCHANGE OF VIEWS?

NONE WHATEVER.

THEN GET STUFFED!

DON'T PUT THAT DOWN, MISS AINSWORTH.

THAT'S IT THEN, BROTHERS.

FROM THIS MOMENT IN TIME, IT'S GO SLOW.

BUT IT'S ONLY THREE MINUTES BEFORE WE GO HOME.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. GO SLOW RIGHT UP TO THE BELL.

THAT'S NOT GOING TO BE EASY WITHOUT ANY CUSTOMERS.

IN MY OFFICIAL CAPACITY AS SHOP STEWARD, PEACOCK,

I AM ORDERING YOU TO GO SLOW.

HOLD THAT, MRS. SLOCOMBE.

AS FROM NOW ON, IT'S GO SLOW.

BUT IF I DON'T GET THESE COVERS ON QUICK, I'LL MISS MY BUS.

- LEAVE 'EM. - BUT MY UNDIES WILL GET ALL SMUTTY.

SO LET 'EM GET SMUTTY.

I'M NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON.

AND I CAN'T SELL SMUTTY UNDERWEAR.

SO THE MANAGEMENT, THROUGH THEIR INTRACTABLE ATTITUDE,

- WILL LOSE MONEY. - AND I'LL LOSE MY COMMISSION!

WE'VE ALL GOT TO MAKE SACRIFICES, BROTHER.

NOT WHEN I'M SAVING FOR MY HOLIDAYS, WE DON'T.

- ( bell ringing ) - DON'T FORGET, BROTHERS,

WHEN YOU ARRIVES IN THE MORNING, IT'S GO SLOW.

I DON'T LIKE THIS UNION THING AT ALL.

IT SEEMS TO BE GOING TOO FAR.

YOU STARTED IT, BROTHER.

( elevator dings )

( chatting )

I TELL YOU, BROTHERS, I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.

THE GO SLOW THIS MORNING WAS 100% EFFECTIVE.

I THINK WE'VE PUT THE WIND UP THE MANAGEMENT, ALL RIGHT.

AND IF YOU DON'T GO SLOW ON THAT APPLE CRUMBLE,

YOU'LL GET THE WIND UP SOMEWHERE ELSE.

I THINK MR. GRAINGER WENT SLOW BEAUTIFULLY.

I COULDN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

I KNOW WE'RE ALL BEHIND THE UNION, MR. HUMPHRIES,

BUT I MUST SAY THAT I DO THINK 10 MINUTES

IS RATHER A LONG TIME TO SPEND ON AN INSIDE LEG.

ESPECIALLY AS THE CUSTOMER ONLY CAME IN FOR A PAIR OF GLOVES.

WELL, MY END HAS BEEN A DISASTER.

YOUR END ALWAYS WAS.

MR. LUCAS, IF WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED

TO BE UNITED IN A COMMON CAUSE,

I WOULD BAT YOUR EARHOLE.

I HAD THIS RUSSIAN LADY ATHLETE IN THIS MORNING.

I TOOK SO LONG FITTING HER FOR A BRA,

SHE LEFT ME HER ADDRESS IN VLADIVOSTOCK.

LET'S FACE IT... IT HASN'T BEEN A SUCCESS, HAS IT?

I DON'T THINK PEACOCK EVEN NOTICED.

IN THAT CASE, WE'LL HAVE TO ESCALATE.

- Humphries: HOW? - Miss Brahms: WHAT'S THAT?

ONE OF THE WAYS TO BRING OUR GRIEVANCES

TO THE ATTENTION OF THE HIERARCHY

IS TO BUNG UP THE LOOS WITH PLASTER OF PARIS.

WOULDN'T THAT RATHER BE CUTTING OFF OUR NOSES

TO SPITE OUR FACES?

- THEN WE CAN GO LIGHTNING. - WHAT'S THAT?

YOU DROP EVERYTHING WITHOUT WARNING.

OH, I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.

WE ALL SEEM TO BE GETTING SO MILITANT

AND EXTREMIST.

YES, I CAN ALMOST SMELL REDS UNDER THE BEDS.

THERE ARE NO REDS UNDER MY BED, MR. GRAINGER.

NO, NOR MINE. MIND YOU... I LOOK EVERY NIGHT.

I'VE GOT IT.

WE'LL HIJACK THE LIFT AND KEEP RUMBOLD

INSIDE WITH US UNTIL THE MANAGEMENT ACCEDE TO OUR DEMANDS.

MISS BRAHMS AND I REFUSE TO BE COOPED UP IN THE LIFT

FOR DAYS WITH HALF A DOZEN MEN...

EXCEPT AS A LAST RESORT.

IT MIGHT BE YOUR LAST CHANCE.

OUR LAST CHANCE... SORRY, MRS. SLOCOMBE.

Mash: BROTHERS, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING FOR IT.

BUNG UP THE LOOS, FOLLOWED BY A LIGHTNING SIT IN.

- WHAT? IN THE LOOS? - NO, ON THE FLOOR.

AND IF THAT DON'T WORK, IT'S A WALKOUT AND PICKETS.

I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR OVER 30 YEARS

AND I REFUSE TO PICKET.

- WE'RE ONLY DOING IT FOR YOU. - WHAT?

YES, IF YOU HADN'T BEEN SO INSUFFERABLY RUDE

TO CAPTAIN PEACOCK, WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS.

- Mash: RIGHT. - I THINK WE OUGHT TO VOTE ON IT.

NO VOTE NEEDED. YOU GIVE ME CARTE BLANCHE BY A DEMOCRATIC MAJORITY.

COME ON, THEN.

LET'S GET DOWN TO THE SHOP FLOOR AND CONFRONT THE MANAGEMENT.

I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY COFFEE YET.

WELL, COME ON, THEN.

OH, THIS REALLY IS TOO BAD. IT'S FOUR MINUTES PAST 2:00.

ALL THE OLD VALUES ARE DISAPPEARING, YOU KNOW.

IS THIS WHAT WE FOUGHT FOR AT DUNKIRK?

WERE YOU AT DUNKIRK?

NO...

I JUST WONDERED IF THIS IS WHAT THE PEOPLE

WHO WERE AT DUNKIRK FOUGHT FOR.

WE DON'T HAVE ANYBODY WHO FOUGHT AT DUNKIRK, DO WE?

NEVER MIND.

AH, HERE THEY ARE.

AS DEMOCRATICALLY ELECTED SPOKESMAN,

I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT UNLESS

THE MANAGEMENT MEETS OUR DEMANDS, WE ARE ALL OUT.

THE MANAGEMENT WILL NOT NEGOTIATE UNDER INTIMIDATION.

I'M NOT INTIMIDATING YOU, MATE.

IF I WAS INTIMIDATING YOU,

YOU'D GET A BUNCH OF FIVES RIGHT UP YOUR HOOTER.

DON'T LET ME LOSE MY TEMPER, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.

NO, PLEASE, CARRY ON, SIR.

I'M LIKE A WILD ANIMAL WHEN I'M ROUSED.

DID YOU HEAR THAT? HE THREATENED ME.

GOOD AFTERNOON, EVERYBODY.

GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. GRACE.

I'VE GOT A COPY OF YOUR MEMO, RUMBOLD,

ABOUT THE TEA BREAK.

YES, WELL, FURTHER TO THAT, SIR,

THE WORKERS ARE CLAIMING

THAT THEIR TEA BREAK SHOULDN'T COMMENCE

UNTIL THEY ACTUALLY GET THE COFFEE IN THEIR HANDS.

AND WE'LL GET IT. WE'RE BEHIND MR. GRAINGER IN THIS, SIR.

IT WASN'T JUST ME, SIR.

Mash: WE ARE NOT TRAVELING UP AND DOWN IN YOUR ROTTEN OLD LIFT,

TO YOUR ROTTEN OLD CANTEEN, IN OUR OWN TIME, SIR.

THAT'S QUITE RIGHT.

THE LIFTS ARE NOT UP TO IT.

MY TEA BREAK BEGINS

WHEN MY TEA'S HANDED TO ME,

AND WHAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

THAT'S IT, BROTHERS, WE'VE WON.

THAT'S THE POWER OF THE UNION.

WELL... I'M VERY GLAD I HELD OUT.

WELL DONE, MR. GRAINGER.

WE WERE ALL BEHIND YOU.

SO IN FUTURE,

YOUR TEA WILL BE HANDED TO YOU.

GODDARD!

NOW YOU WON'T HAVE TO LEAVE

THE DEPARTMENT AT ALL.

CARRY ON, EVERYBODY. YOU'VE ALL DONE VERY WELL.

THANK YOU, MR. GRACE.

OOH, PAPER CUPS.

AND YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS RATHER ENJOYED MY WALK TO THE CANTEEN.

YES, AND I ENJOYED MY RIDE UP IN THE LIFT.

I SHAN'T SEE MY FRIEND BEHIND THE COUNTER.

NEVER MIND, BROTHERS, WE'VE WON A GREAT VICTORY.

AND LOST OUR TEA BREAK!

MR. MASH.

CAPTAIN PEACOCK?

( blows raspberry )

( theme music plays )

♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY, STATIONERY, AND LEATHER GOODS ♪

♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪

♪ GOING UP... ♪

♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES, GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪

♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS, UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪

♪ GOING UP... ♪

♪ SECOND FLOOR... CARPETS, TRAVEL GOODS AND BEDDING ♪

♪ MATERIAL, SOFT FURNISHINGS RESTAURANT AND TEAS ♪

♪ GOING DOWN. ♪