Original subtitles

Hey, what are you doing out here? We're supposed to watch the game.

And why do I detect the faint smell of gasoline in the air?

Snow removal's a racket.

Snow blowers are expensive.

So, I put gas on the walkway.

I don't follow, Jim. Well, I figure, light it on fire, fire melts snow, snow

makes water, water puts out fire, Jim gets beer.

Jim gets to watch the game.

Oh, I like it.

Hey, if Jim's flamethrower snowblower works, we could sell it to the city for

snow removal all over town.

My God, Andy, we'd be rich.

Hey, we could buy a snowblower.

I'd like that sucker up.

Okay, science, do your stuff.

Sorry, Jim. I don't think it's going to do anything. Whoa, look at that!

It's working!

What was that to neighbor's cat?

Fluffy!

Fluffy, run! Fluffy, run!

No, no, no, don't run! Stop, drop, and roll! Stop, drop, and roll!

Run! But not under my car!

Fluffy!

Oh, Fluffy!

You broke my car!

At least the walkway is completely clear.

Oh,

Fluffy!

He's completely fine.

A Christmas miracle.

or that's the best we ever sounded.

Oh, well, I have been practicing. Did you guys check out my awesome new riff?

You know, it's not funny when you guys unplug my keyboard.

Yes, it is.

Daddy, guess what? You're never going to believe this. What happened? Is

somebody bleeding? Is Gracie hurt?

I'm Gracie. Right, right, right. There was a contest, and we entered a CD of

your band.

This band?

Jamie McFame is doing a benefit concert here in Chicago.

And you're her backup band and we get to meet her.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jamie McFame.

Who the hell is Jamie McFame? What is wrong with you?

I think she's some singer who does dumb kids movies. Dumb kids movies?

All right, look, I'm not going to play for some crummy kid.

Some crummy kid?

Video games? A cookbook, Jim Herfield, Marsala.

No. All right, this is a serious blues band.

We're now going to back up some lip -syncing bubblegum pop star.

I told you, a rich man like Daddy doesn't care about $1 ,000.

$1 ,000.

All right, get out of here. We need to practice.

One, two, three.

No sawdust on the floor, the waitresses are cute, and it doesn't smell like

puke. Hey, look.

Jamie McFame and friends.

We're the friends! We're the friends!

There you are. Hi, I'm Sheila, Jamie's manager.

Oh, hi.

You must be, um, Daddy and his creepy buddy.

Well, I'm Daddy, and the band name is what my daughters put on the form.

Unless you're looking for creepy.

Because we can do creepy.

Hey, guys. Look, it's my new band.

What's with the camera?

Jamie shoots a daily... Video diary for a website. For $9 .95 a month, it's like

you're on tour with her. I was right there when she met the Des Moines

of Commerce.

Hi, guys.

I'm Jamie. Hi. Are you going to help me rock this place tomorrow night?

We sure are, Jamie. You know, as U .S. Americans... Cut!

ask you a question on camera, you smile and say yes.

Well, I was just trying to... Trying to what? Annoy me?

You two, stand on my island.

Dude, get a haircut.

You... smell like sausage.

Sheila! I'll be in my dressing room.

Yes, Jamie.

And I want them in costume.

Believe that?

I know.

We get to work!

Jamie's audience expect to hear the songs exactly as they are on the CD.

We McFamiacs are a demanding bunch.

All right, well, let's just do the song again.

Not till you apologize.

What?

I'm sorry, Jamie. Please forgive me.

Nothing wrong.

Do not blow this for us.

Apologize. I'm not going to apologize for this.

Think of the money, Jim.

Gracie. Me.

Hey, look.

I didn't mean to upset you.

And?

And it won't happen again.

Because?

Because you're the star and we're the band.

Except when?

Except...

with this, Jamie.

Then just say, I'm sorry, Jamie. It was all my fault.

I'm... I'm out of here.

It's really hard to take you seriously when you're wearing a belt made out of

candy.

Oh, my gosh. That is so awesome.

That makes you Gregory Great.

This is the greatest week ever. We invited all of our friends to the

It's like the rest of our lives are going to be totally better because of

Um, girls, I think there's been a slight change of plans.

What did you do?

Jamie McFame and I had a little creative difference.

And the band isn't going to play the show.

I told you to hide his harmonica.

Come on, she was being a little brat, so I quit.

You know, girls, it was the right thing to do. You should be very proud of your

daddy. Thank you.

We have no daddy.

a piece of your belt?

Okay, here come the girls.

When they walk by, say, I love you, Daddy, really loud.

I love you, Daddy, really loud.

Should we try it again later, Daddy?

I don't know.

That's three times. Hasn't worked yet.

Oh, Andy, great, great, great. Look, when the girls come down, I want you to

on my lap and say, ah, forget it. No, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. Can't you just suck

up and apologize to Jamie McFann? No. Please, Jim. I want to play that

I want to be Barry Blueberry.

I have my pride, Andy. And for the record, Gregory Grape is way better than

Barry Blueberry.

Jim. It's like Jamie sings in her song. When the cookies burn, you make more

batter. That's what it takes to make your life matter.

What does it even mean?

It means she's a nine -year -old Bob Dylan and I want to be her friend.

Jim. Please. No. I'll do anything. Here comes that girl. What the hell?

Get off of me. Not until you apologize to Jamie McBain.

Look, Jim, I know you're upset about the way Jamie treated you, and I am on your

side 100%. But... Cheryl, I am not going to work for some out -of -control kid.

I'm a rat.

I'm a rat.

She needs to be punished, Cheryl.

Okay. But right now, the only people being punished are your little girls.

Right now, my little boys are being punished.

This concert is very important to my daughters, and strangely enough, to my

brother -in -law.

Oh?

Uh, so I'd like another chance to prove I can be a good team player.

And?

And, uh, I would do anything to prove that.

Including, but not limited to?

Um... Sheila, can you help me here?

It's important to Jamie that you apologize.

Sorry.

Here, what do you think?

We don't have time to find another band.

Good news, Jim, you can play.

But we're not going to pay you.

really for my girls so as long as they can sit in the front row

back row fine

free back row seats are great

I said, rich.

You must be very rich.

I got some of those online.

Take a couple of these.

Sequin headbands? What the fudge?

Sorry we were mad at you, Daddy.

Yeah, you're the best dad ever.

I'm glad to hear it.

I will savor this moment till you want something else.

Okay, let's go to our seats.

You got us front row, right?

Absolutely.

Front row to the exit.

And that's my cookie.

I know.

Would this be a good time to get one of those sequin headbands?

Right, later.

I don't need a headband.

Because I have your hairbrush!

I'm sorry I touched your food. It won't happen again.

her parents she needs like the world's longest time out actually i'm her mom

seriously what attracted you to her father

the horns of the pitchfork why do you put up with that she made 16 million

dollars last year i don't care how much money 16 million and you touched her

cookies it doesn't matter how much she makes

No kid should act like that.

I just wish there was someone around to stand up to her.

Uh, hello? You are her mother.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. The house is in her name.

My house is in my name. Let me take a whack at her. Oh, I would love that.

But make sure you really knock her out. If you just stun her, she comes up

biting.

Oh, oh, you mean just talk to her? Oh, okay.

Yeah, but still, be careful about the biting. Okay, okay, okay. Don't worry

about me. Sit down, sit down.

Okay, little girl, you are in a timeout. You're not leaving this room until you

apologize to your mother.

Oh, boo -hoo.

I'm on a timeout. You're fired.

You know what?

I bet you love going on that stage and singing in front of that audience more

than anything in the world.

So what?

So this.

You're not going to do tonight's show or any other show until you learn to show

people respect.

You're bluffing.

Am I?

Is she going to bite me?

eyes roll back.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jamie McFadden.

I'm almost going to toss his breath.

Are you going to apologize?

No.

I think I might play a little harmonica.

I call this one Waiting for Jamie to Apologize Blues.

And?

And I shouldn't talk to my mother like that.

Because?

Because she works hard to take care of me, and I should treat her as well as

treats me.

Despite any and all?

Come here, Jamie.

I don't care how famous you are, you're still a nine -year -old kid.

All right, I want you to apologize to your mother when you give her a cookie

a hug.

I'm sorry, Sheila.

Call her mom.

Sorry, Mom.

Okay. Now go get your jacket and have a really good show.

Okay, Mom.

Wow.

You're really a good father.

Well, thank you, but you only think that because you're a really bad mother.

Oh, one more thing.

The band doesn't have to wear these crazy outfits, do we?

Yeah, how about just the fat guy who stole my brush?

Deal.