All language subtitles for According to Jim s07e02 The Hot Wife

I am so happy we're doing this.

Fancy restaurant suit and tie.

When was the last time we went out like
this?

I'm thinking your father's funeral.

Right? Well, the difference is, tonight
I might get something.

Hey, I want to try hamachi.

That sounds dirty. Do I need to stretch?

What kind of fish?

Oh, dirty and healthy.

Oh, honey, there's a maitre d'. Would
you go check on our table?

You know, at the Red Cowboy, they give
you one of those things that buzz when

your table's ready.

I like to put it down your pants and
then you get dinner and dessert at the

time.

It never gets old, honey.

You know me, baby. You know me.

Hey, pal.

How's that table coming?

I mean, I can get by on these mints, but
the wife's a bit peckish.

It's going to be at least another hour.

Are you kidding me? We made a
reservation.

I'll call you as soon as your table's
ready.

You know what the Red Cowboy, to kill
time, they have a tabletop Ms. Pac -Man.

I don't see a suggestion box, so I'm
going to take that one right to the top.

Thank you.

Cheryl, struck out.

I'm sorry, were you sitting there?

Why don't you take a shot?

Oh, what am I supposed to do?

Oh, come on. No guy can resist you.

Just show a little skin, squeeze your
girl junk together, and in two minutes

we'll be sitting by the window going
crazy on breadsticks.

Come on.

Do you want a table or a booth?

You work it, baby.

Hi.

Hello. It's going to be at least another
hour.

I know that's what you told my brother
over there.

I was just wondering if there's anything
you could do, because I am so hungry.

I'm sorry, ma 'am, but we don't have a
table for you.

How about now?

Still nothing.

An hour, then?

Hi, is there any way we can get a table
for two? We don't have a reservation.

You know, I believe something just
opened up. Why don't you follow me right

way? Hold on a second.

You don't have a table for us, but you
can seat them right away?

Precisely.

Cheryl.

What happened? It didn't work? No.

Did you take him on the tour of the
king?

Maybe we should just go to the Red
Cowboy. I got it on speed dial.

You know what? If we say it's your
birthday, we get dessert for free.

Oh, baby.

Cheryl, I used the bathroom downstairs.

That's courtesy.

Thank you.

Had a tough night, huh, honey?

Well, you know what always helps me when
I'm not feeling sexy?

Some good old -fashioned sex.

Cheryl sweats?

Come on, honey, I'm dressed up. We went
out to dinner.

I want to see something tight and see
-through.

Something that you got to hide from the
kids when you're doing the laundry.

What do you want me to say, Jim?

Why don't you say, all right, let's
knock one out.

Dan. Oh, Cheryl. This has never not
worked for me.

Five years ago, I could have gotten us
into that restaurant.

Well, maybe not us, but me.

Cheryl, come on. You are the hottest
woman in the whole world. You drive me

crazy every day.

You're my husband. That's not the same.

I know. It must be rough.

I mean, I can only imagine how I'll feel
when it happens to me.

Let's just hope that I'll be as
sensitive as you're being tonight.

You will be.

You know, let's face it. That restaurant
had some pretty high -end talents.

You know, maybe the problem is you're
playing out of your league.

My league?

Yeah, I mean, everybody knows you're the
hottest woman in the whole PTA.

I mean, sure, you're hearing footsteps.

I mean, that blonde that used to be a
dancer, she's pretty sharp.

But she just had that second kid. Who
knows if she's going to lose the weight?

Why are you not melting? This is good
stuff.

I guess I'm just not feeling very sexy.

Well, that's a great thing about our
marriage, honey.

I'm fine with that.

Good afternoon, pygmies.

How's life below five feet?

Uncle Andy, can you do a headstand?

Ruby thinks you can't. We've got a
nickel riding on it. A nickel?

Should have bet a lot more than that.

Step aside, runts. Let a man work.

Get your nickel ready, loser.

I see little tiny stars.

Oh.

Listen to me. Listen to me.

You know what?

Last night, I took Cheryl to that new
restaurant. Oh, did you get the hamachi?

Tried, but she wasn't in the mood.

Anyway, some stuff happened, and I don't
know. Cheryl doesn't feel that she's

hot like she used to be.

Oh, that's a tough one. Yeah. I can only
imagine how I'll feel when it happens

to me.

Knock it off. Quit joking around here.

I mean, I need you here, man. I need
your help. Jim, Jim, Jim.

If the Queen Bee ain't giving you the
honey, it gots to shake up the hive.

Try complimenting her. I complimented
her.

I don't know, Andy. Maybe after 15 years
of marriage, she needs that stuff from

my handsome guy that's not me.

Well, she's my sister, but I can give it
a shot.

Andy.

Look. Your Russian mail -order bride
went back to Russia. You think your

sister's going to go out with you?

Nice jugs, Brad.

That's funny every time, Jim.

I'll take these to the kitchen. Are you

thinking

what I'm thinking?

Way ahead of you, boss.

If we kill Brad, we get all the water.

but what's the hurry?

My wife's upstairs.

Okay.

She's looking pretty hot.

So she wants water?

Oh, she's thirsty.

She's real thirsty.

Cheryl's a very attractive woman. Don't
you think, Brad?

Sure. Is there any reason you couldn't
tell her that?

You know, shake up the hive.

Gets that honey to flower.

Look, I know everyone thinks the water
delivery guy's life's like a porno

But I have a girlfriend.

I'm a good Christian.

Maybe ask the pizza guy.

I hear he likes this kind of thing.

Andy?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Way ahead of you, boss.

We should order pizza tonight.

Andy!

No!

No! I'm gonna have bread.

flirt with Cheryl whether he knows it or
not. Take a seat.

Here.

Here, write this.

Dear Cheryl, I am so sorry I missed you.

Your tight little body is the highlight
of my roots.

Tight little body? That's a little
creepy.

P .S. I go to church.

How about, I am so sorry I missed seeing
the prettiest lady on my whole

route.

Andy, that's great. Thanks.

What else are you doing? I'm drawing a
squirrel saying, I'm nuts for you.

It's sweet, but a little racy.

What do you mean racy?

He's pointing at his unit. Andy!

I'll just change it to a branch.

And change these to acorns.

Hey.

Hey, yourself.

Am I sensing something different here?

Not wearing sweats?

No. Got a smile on your face?

And what is that intoxicating odor?

I got a roast in the oven.

I think I'm in love.

So, why such a good mood?

It's so silly and totally innocent.

Go ahead.

You know Brad the Water Guy?

Brad.

water guy.

He left me the sweetest note and it gave
me a lift.

He even drew me a cute picture of a
beaver holding a flashlight.

Oh, honey, honey, don't be mad.

It really made me feel good.

Oh, you're not jealous, are you?

A little bit.

I don't know, Cheryl, I guess that's the
price you pay when you're married to a

smoky and hot wife.

Cheryl Mabel, is that your Saturday
night underwear?

Oh, my goodness, I think it is.

And on a Tuesday.

I'd better run upstairs and take this
off right now.

Is this roast going to be fine?

Get moving.

Thanks, Brad.

How much did you spend on water this
week?

Seventy bucks.

many times i've seen your sister naked
well

looks like we have to call mr bubbly and
restock our water all right

why don't you uh start working on a new
note okay but can that be the last one

it's starting to get a little weird what
is so weird about you writing love

letters to your sister from the water
guy so she'll sleep with me more that's

not the weird part What's weird is
Cheryl's getting her hive shaken, but

another dirty bee doing the buzzing.

You know, will you just stop with this
bee stuff?

And stop watching the Discovery Channel.

I'm just saying, Jim. Cheryl's thinking
about another guy when she's with you,

and you're okay with it. Oh, bah!

I don't know, Jim.

I think if you could get inside that
blonde head, you'd see there's water on

brain.

Hey, big boy.

Guess what I'm wearing.

New underwear?

No underwear.

Suddenly I feel so overdressed.

Before we start, would you mind? I'm
kind of thirsty.

Oh, yeah. Sure. You want a soda or a
glass of wine?

Just water, thanks.

Water?

That's an odd request.

Not if you're thirsty.

Okay.

I'll get you a glass out of the
bathroom.

Oh.

Is there a problem?

Yeah, that water tastes kind of rusty.

I'd really prefer a tall glass of Mr.

Bubbly.

No, Cheryl.

I'm not okay.

No, no, no, no, honey, not the sweat.

I'm just not feeling sexy.

Don't.

How's your toe?

Do you need more coffee?

No.

I'm good.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah. Couldn't be better.

Is there

any chance you're upset about the notes
from the water guy?

Water?

Guy?

Jim, I told you those notes were totally
innocent. I didn't do anything to

encourage him.

They just, they made me feel good about
myself.

Mr. Bubbly!

You know what?

I'm going to take care of this right
now.

Yeah, you do that, Cheryl.

You tell that little pretty boy you
don't want any more of his love notes.

This is a man's job on second thought.
Jim,

Jim.

Morning, Cheryl.

You people sure are thirsty lately.

Brad, we really need to talk about your
notes.

What notes?

Oh, you know what notes. I've got them
right over here. You heard the woman.

know what, Cheryl? I think I'll take
that cup of coffee now.

I didn't write any notes.

And I think I'm hurt.

Jim, did you write those notes?

Cheryl, honestly, I can say I did not
write those notes.

Did Andy write those notes?

I don't know.

Did Andy write those notes?

Okay, can I ask you a question first?

Was there even a slight possibility of
sex tonight?

What the hell were you doing?

Oh, Cheryl, come on.

I was trying to get your groove back.

I was trying to make you feel better.

So I'd sleep with you more?

Well, if it turns out that way, fine, I
guess.

A happy accident.

I mean, it's like penicillin. It was
discovered by leaving cookies out in the

sun.

God, I am so embarrassed.

Come on, don't go there. Oh, no. Here I
thought somebody thought I was hot

again. It was you.

Cheryl, everybody thinks you're hot.

Oh, those notes.

And the flowers from the mailman.
Cheryl, why can't you just think...

Flowers? What flowers?

Would you stop it? I know it was you.

Cheryl, think about it.

Would I spend the money on flowers when
I can get your brother to write you love

letters for free?

So, the mailman's really hitting on me?

Of course he is, honey.

Because you still got it.

Those notes that I sent you from Brad
made you feel better and you started

putting it out there again.

You think?

I know, Cheryl.

You lost your mojo, and I got it back
for you.

You're welcome.

You know, it really did feel good being
hot again.

Cheryl, let me tell you something.

You never stopped being hot.

And you never will stop being hot.

Hey, can I ask you something?

If you wrote those notes, why were you
jealous of them?

I don't know. I thought when we were
together, you might be thinking about

water guy.

Oh, are you crazy?

Yes, you know that.

Oh, honey.

You know you're the only man for me.

And you know, when we're inside that
bedroom, we are both only thinking about

you.

And you need to know that I think you're
the most beautiful smoking hot wife

ever. Oh, thank you.

Maybe we should go clean up that water,
huh?

You know, why don't you do that, and I
just want to take care of something real

quick.

Okay.

Smoking hot wife.

Oh, God, he's got a bet.

Those flowers were for you.