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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,029 --> 00:00:02,989 Hey, everyone. 2 00:00:02,990 --> 00:00:03,990 Oh, 3 00:00:04,470 --> 00:00:07,130 my God. Oh, my God. 4 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,910 Oh, my God. A surprise party. 5 00:00:10,170 --> 00:00:11,390 Happy birthday, honey. 6 00:00:11,650 --> 00:00:12,650 No way. 7 00:00:13,170 --> 00:00:19,910 Look at you. Look at Charlie. Happy birthday, Jim. Oh, Charlie and Tony. 8 00:00:19,910 --> 00:00:23,750 Jim. Happy birthday, man. Oh, that one lady's husband. 9 00:00:31,630 --> 00:00:38,150 minutes to just collect my thoughts here and thank my beautiful wife 10 00:00:38,150 --> 00:00:39,330 i'll be right 11 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:08,100 You never said that. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. You said I could throw your 12 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:11,660 birthday party on your 50th. I never, ever, ever, ever, ever would say that. 13 00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:15,040 Never in my life would I say that ever, ever. You can't make things up like 14 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:15,919 this. 15 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:19,940 First of all, Cheryl, the boys in Milli Vanilli are talented artists and will be 16 00:01:19,940 --> 00:01:20,940 vindicated. 17 00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:26,800 As for the birthday party, I promise you, you can throw me one when I turn 18 00:01:35,850 --> 00:01:39,130 What did you take from me? Cheryl, Cheryl, Cheryl, look. 19 00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:43,590 Once we double our money on this Enron thing, we'll go with your stock pick, 20 00:01:43,590 --> 00:01:44,590 right? 21 00:01:45,290 --> 00:01:46,510 What is a Google, anyway? 22 00:01:47,310 --> 00:01:48,530 July 2nd, 2001. 23 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:54,010 Oh, oh, so it's fine for you to record me, but when I want to take what's 24 00:01:54,010 --> 00:01:55,270 sex, it's unseemly? 25 00:01:57,630 --> 00:01:59,490 What are you smiling at? What are you smiling at? 26 00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:01,430 You look so cute in your hat. 27 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:11,440 I made the cutest tribute video using all your baby pictures. Oh, yeah. 28 00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:17,900 Oh, yeah, yeah. Nothing I love more than to be humiliated and belittled in front 29 00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:20,440 of a group of people in my own house that I barely know. 30 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:22,320 What? 31 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:30,840 So I know one man's language. 32 00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:32,200 I don't know any of those people. 33 00:02:34,890 --> 00:02:37,810 I want you to see my present. Oh, God, I hope it's a time machine so I can go 34 00:02:37,810 --> 00:02:40,770 back 15 years to our wedding night and pick a woman who doesn't want to honor 35 00:02:40,770 --> 00:02:41,770 me. 36 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:45,190 I hope it's a time machine so we can unload that Enron stock. 37 00:02:46,570 --> 00:02:48,710 I sent Andy a special invitation. 38 00:02:49,950 --> 00:02:51,850 Let us celebrate your birthday! 39 00:02:56,390 --> 00:03:00,290 Hey, Dana, where's everyone else's costume? 40 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:11,380 I put on a costume, you put on 20 pounds of baby weight. 41 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,440 Except tomorrow, mine will be gone. 42 00:03:17,380 --> 00:03:20,000 So she tricked you into putting on a costume? 43 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,320 Yeah. 44 00:03:21,540 --> 00:03:23,100 Who tricked you into putting on lettuce? 45 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,440 Hey, mock me all you want, Jim, but I'll remain your friend forever. 46 00:03:30,180 --> 00:03:32,460 Now tell me you're not going to do this all night, are you? 47 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:34,120 It's just the tip of the iceberg. 48 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:44,040 It's the world premiere of my tribute video, A Half Century of Jim. 49 00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:48,260 Or as I like to call it, Jackass 3. 50 00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:49,180 If 51 00:03:49,180 --> 00:03:57,600 I 52 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,980 knock the power out, the lights go out. 53 00:04:00,260 --> 00:04:04,700 Oh, and the people at the party go home. Exactly. It's nice to see you still 54 00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:05,700 have a brain in that. 55 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,200 Leafy head of yours. 56 00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:11,060 Listen, man, just when you shimmy up the pole and blow out the transformer, be 57 00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:12,400 careful. These things are dangerous. 58 00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:16,279 Not if I'm wearing a suit of insulating material like Lennox. 59 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,100 You didn't bring me out here just to explain your plan, did you? 60 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:25,240 If I'm not standing next to Cheryl when the lights go out, she's going to think 61 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:26,099 I did it. 62 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:30,000 All you've got to do is shimmy up the pole, put this mylar balloon in the 63 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,560 transformer, the power goes out, piece of cake. 64 00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:34,020 What's in it for me? 65 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,560 I already said, piece of cake. 66 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,760 You know, I'd kind of like to live to see my 50th birthday party. You want to 67 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,340 live to see 50? Start eating lettuce instead of wearing it. 68 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,160 Come on, it's my birthday, not yours. Get up there. 69 00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:51,300 Come on! It's too high, even with my 30 -inch vertical. 70 00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:53,620 One, 71 00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:57,320 two, three. Now I have to marry you. 72 00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,040 Here, step on my back. 73 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,980 Be careful. Be careful. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're heavy. 74 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,320 It's mostly costume. 75 00:05:10,340 --> 00:05:11,340 Hold still. 76 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,920 Not my head. My head. Not my head. 77 00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:18,000 Oh, Jim. 78 00:05:18,340 --> 00:05:19,500 I need a hand. 79 00:05:20,740 --> 00:05:23,000 Jim, I'm not going to touch your butt. 80 00:05:23,220 --> 00:05:24,220 Come on. 81 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,740 Easy, easy, easy, easy. Here's my shoulder right here. 82 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,220 Oh, my God. 83 00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:34,260 Did you step in something? 84 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,400 I did, but I wiped it off on your head. 85 00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:41,400 A little higher. 86 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,500 Okay, here. 87 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:44,840 Here's the balloon. 88 00:05:46,060 --> 00:05:47,060 All right? 89 00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:48,380 Barely. 90 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:49,900 Give me five minutes. 91 00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:52,740 Five minutes. 92 00:05:56,780 --> 00:05:59,080 I guess I'll count in my head. 93 00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:12,870 You little bandit. 94 00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:15,990 Why are you looking at me like that? 95 00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:23,090 No, no, no, no, no. This is just a costume. This is not your dinner. Back 96 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:59,620 neighbor or our dentist that it is so special to be surrounded by people who 97 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:05,540 so close to you i'm gonna go put in that video okay yeah wait wait one second 98 00:07:05,540 --> 00:07:08,580 before you do i'm trying to put some words together for a little speech for 99 00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:15,140 guests so if you can wait three to five minutes let me collect my thoughts you 100 00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:19,500 know four three two one 101 00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:52,220 Looks like the whole neighborhood's out. 102 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:53,940 No. 103 00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:56,300 The night of all nights. 104 00:07:57,580 --> 00:07:58,920 Damn my luck. 105 00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:04,280 Well, now we can't watch the video for sure. No electricity. 106 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:05,820 No backup generator. 107 00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:10,880 Oh, well, I'll just... I'll talk to everybody. Hey, everybody, listen. 108 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,340 Thank you so much for coming. 109 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:17,960 Obviously, the party's ruined now, so... 110 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,580 Look, I'll see you on my 60th. All right. 111 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,300 No, no, no. Wait a minute. 112 00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:25,700 Wait a minute. 113 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:29,940 We're not going to let a little thing like a power failure get in our way, are 114 00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:30,940 we? 115 00:08:48,169 --> 00:08:49,650 almost feel like crying. 116 00:08:58,750 --> 00:09:00,350 Andy, what happened to you? 117 00:09:01,110 --> 00:09:02,610 Let us not get into that. 118 00:09:07,270 --> 00:09:11,710 Daddy, we went into her piggy bank. We wanted to give you money to pay for the 119 00:09:11,710 --> 00:09:12,970 electric bill. Oh. 120 00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:15,610 Thanks, guys, but you know what? 121 00:09:16,010 --> 00:09:19,150 To be honest, it's a blackout. I'm almost $40. 122 00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:22,530 Every little bit helps, thanks, kids. 123 00:09:24,550 --> 00:09:27,210 Hey, good news. The baby monitor works on batteries. 124 00:09:27,570 --> 00:09:32,050 Really? Can your baby monitor cook the 60 mini mushroom quiches I have sitting 125 00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:33,050 frozen in my oven? 126 00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:42,870 It's hot in here. 127 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,980 Making my own salad. dressing in this thing. 128 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,900 Ah, it's so squishy. 129 00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:51,820 And nobody even left. 130 00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:55,260 I guess people like me too much. 131 00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:58,760 I'm fine, thanks for asking. 132 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:03,600 10 ,000 volts stopped my heart for a second, but the 20 -foot fall started it 133 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,600 right back up again. 134 00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:08,040 Okay, everybody, I have an idea. 135 00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:14,220 Since we can't watch my DVD tribute to Jim, I know, I know, we're all... 136 00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:18,660 heartbroken, but I thought we could do our own tribute. So, I'm going to pass 137 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,100 this candle around, and one by one, we're each going to do a toast to the 138 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:22,839 birthday boy. 139 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:23,840 Oh, how much fun! 140 00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:26,040 Okay, so everybody blow out the other candles. 141 00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:28,079 Me first. 142 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,080 Okay, sure. 143 00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:34,520 There once was a gym from Nantucket. 144 00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:37,640 Okay, and no dirty limericks. 145 00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:40,440 You'll have to come back to me. 146 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,860 You know, there are very obvious signs that a man is going through a midlife 147 00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:54,180 crisis. He splurges for an expensive car. He joins a gym. He suddenly starts 148 00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:55,640 caring about his appearance. 149 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:02,180 Well, it doesn't take a genius to see that Jim is definitely not going through 150 00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:03,180 midlife crisis. 151 00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:08,440 Forty bucks for the next person who won't speak. 152 00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:10,220 Done. 153 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,440 So Willie's allowed to be dirty? 154 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:35,080 And finally, I'd like to say how much it means to me that I can always count on 155 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:36,380 Jim. I mean... 156 00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:41,410 It doesn't always make it easy, but it means a lot to me to know that I can 157 00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:44,150 always depend on him being right here beside me. 158 00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:51,470 Excuse me. 159 00:12:07,950 --> 00:12:08,990 You've got to be kidding me. 160 00:12:09,890 --> 00:12:11,430 Do I look like I'm kidding? 161 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:16,610 Oh, my God. 162 00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,750 You're much madder than I pictured. 163 00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:21,430 I can't believe you. 164 00:12:22,210 --> 00:12:28,070 Cheryl, there's a baby in here. You don't care about the baby. You just 165 00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:29,070 want me to yell at you. 166 00:12:29,770 --> 00:12:31,330 You are not wrong. 167 00:12:33,090 --> 00:12:35,790 Jim, what is it with you and birthdays? 168 00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:37,430 So you're a year older. 169 00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:40,150 Get over it. I don't have a problem with birthdays. 170 00:12:40,650 --> 00:12:43,970 I have a problem with birthday parties, and especially surprise birthday 171 00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:45,150 parties. Why? 172 00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:49,110 I don't want to talk about it, Cheryl. Don't want to sip it, cut it, knock it. 173 00:12:49,110 --> 00:12:50,110 don't want to talk. 174 00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:54,170 Here's the thing. When you keep things inside, I don't know if you're upset 175 00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:57,470 about something real, or if the bear's lost, or if somebody didn't use their 176 00:12:57,470 --> 00:12:59,110 turn signal on your way home from work. 177 00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:02,690 Oh, I suppose everybody can just change lanes without using a signal whenever 178 00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:03,690 they want? 179 00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:06,790 Would you just let me in? 180 00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:13,159 You want to know? 181 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,160 Yes. Fine. 182 00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:16,300 I'm going to tell you. 183 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,140 But we never speak about this ever again. 184 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,720 And you don't tell anybody. 185 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,320 Fine. 186 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,100 All right. 187 00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:38,040 Picture a 13 -year -old boy waking up in the morning and realizing that his 188 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,580 entire family has forgotten his birthday. 189 00:13:44,430 --> 00:13:46,090 I'm so sorry. Cheryl, don't interrupt me. 190 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,490 If I pause, it's for dramatic effect. 191 00:13:56,850 --> 00:14:01,550 Well, this boy sucks it up and makes it through the whole day at school. 192 00:14:02,690 --> 00:14:08,430 The whole while holding back his tears because 193 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:12,830 all his friends at school had forgotten his birthday, too. 194 00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:22,570 Finally, he comes home to an empty, quiet house and decides, if no 195 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:26,450 one else is going to give me a gift, I'll just give myself one. 196 00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:32,950 So I grab one of my Ma's bra catalogs, find my chair, 197 00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:39,870 drop my pants, and begin to unwrap my present. 198 00:14:42,370 --> 00:14:44,190 That's when I got my real surprise. 199 00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:07,730 How do you say anything? 200 00:15:09,270 --> 00:15:10,650 You're pausing for dramatic. 201 00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:19,850 It was the worst day of my life. Oh my God, my son is in there. I don't want 202 00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:20,850 hearing that. 203 00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:23,570 What are you worried about? He's heard everything already. 204 00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,510 It can't possibly get any worse. 205 00:15:27,110 --> 00:15:28,270 It gets worse. 206 00:15:30,350 --> 00:15:31,350 What? 207 00:15:31,910 --> 00:15:33,310 How can it get worse? 208 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:37,830 I couldn't stop. 209 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:52,920 You couldn't stop. 210 00:15:55,260 --> 00:15:57,640 Evil Knievel was at the bottom of the ramp. 211 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,460 The bike was at a full run. 212 00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:08,240 There was no place to go except for over the canyon. 213 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:16,700 You know, I went over the canyon. 214 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,260 Why are they laughing at us? What are they laughing at? 215 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,100 Let's just get out of here. 216 00:17:03,140 --> 00:17:05,740 Hey, Tanner, you seem like a good kid now. 217 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,040 So, if you're ever in Mexico, come and see me. 218 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:15,700 And remember, when you turn 13, be sure to lock the door. 219 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,880 Jim, we are taking back your birthday. 220 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,859 Oh, I don't want to see these people. I don't want to see any of you people 221 00:17:25,859 --> 00:17:26,859 right now. You do. 222 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,600 You never got over what happened to you when you were 13. 223 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,640 Cheryl, I almost did until tonight. 224 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,520 Now you've got to face it. 225 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,320 What do you always say to me? If you have to eat it, don't nibble. 226 00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:44,720 You know what you're going to do? You are going to take a big bite tonight and 227 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:45,740 be over it forever. 228 00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:49,860 What's the big deal, Jim? We all do it. 229 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,280 Some of us use it as a sleep aid. 230 00:17:56,180 --> 00:17:57,180 Come on. 231 00:17:58,260 --> 00:18:00,470 Besides, You were 13. 232 00:18:02,870 --> 00:18:04,430 Really? Yeah, man. 233 00:18:09,270 --> 00:18:10,270 Thanks, Jim. 234 00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:11,830 Yeah. 235 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,070 All right, everyone. 236 00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:15,630 How about a big hand for the birthday boy? 237 00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:21,070 Come on, Jim. We're just yanking your chain. 238 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,460 It's, you know, it's kind of funny. 239 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,140 I mean, it'd be a lot funnier if it happened to Andy. 240 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,800 Look at it this way, honey. 241 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:54,400 I mean, that was one really, really bad memory. But you've had thousands of good 242 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:59,120 ones. And they've all been lovingly put to music by me. 243 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:00,760 Andy? 244 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,920 Oh, the tribute tape? 245 00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:05,860 Yes. Oh, just wait. 246 00:19:16,010 --> 00:19:19,990 Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath. 247 00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:23,710 Keep me in your heart for a while. 248 00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:30,550 If I leave you, it doesn't mean I love you any less. 249 00:19:31,710 --> 00:19:34,790 Keep me in your heart for a while. 250 00:19:36,270 --> 00:19:43,190 When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun, keep 251 00:19:43,190 --> 00:19:44,610 me in your heart. 252 00:19:52,719 --> 00:19:55,260 Keep me in your heart. 253 00:20:43,390 --> 00:20:44,390 Thanks, Cheryl. 254 00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:48,130 That's amazing. 255 00:20:53,370 --> 00:20:54,370 Thanks, everybody. 256 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,440 Keep me in your heart for a while. 18832