Original subtitles

Keep your eye on the ball.

Now I'm going to throw it right down the middle, nice and easy.

You swing when I say swing. You ready?

And swing!

All right.

We've established that you can play for the Cubs.

Son, you've got to understand, this is the first game where they're not going

let you use the tee.

They're going to give you three pitches, and if you miss them...

They're going to bring the tea back out.

I like the tea. It's easy.

Oh, yeah?

You know what they're all going to say?

They're all going to say, tea ball, baby, stick your head in gravy.

Can't hit, baby, stick your head in gravy.

All right, they're a little more mean than clever, but you're not going to

it.

Maybe I should stay home. No, no, you don't have to stay home, honey. No, no,

no. You're going to do all right. Really, you are.

I'm going to be there.

You know what? Mom and the girls, we're all going to be there because we want

you to do well.

I don't care if you girls think Faith Falls crappy.

I have begged Kyle to plenty of recitals, and today's your turn to be

because we're a family.

Cheryl, Cheryl, we're trying to work on the boys' swing here. Okay. You have

your choice of snacks for today. You have fun fruits, grape jingle juice, or

water crackers with an olive tapenade.

Huh? Cheryl, I think you're taking this mommy snack thing. They got grape jingle

juice? Yeah.

Since when did that happen? I don't know. I guess I got your letter.

All right, son.

You practice on that swing. Keep it right in the middle there. Ball's going

come in the middle and you're going to hit it.

Because when you smack it...

It'll be the best day of your life.

Go on, keep practicing.

Good boy.

This is going to be the worst day of his life.

What are you talking about? Are you blind? The kid is terrible.

Are you sure he's mine?

I'm going to tell you the same thing I told you when you caught him eating

salad. He is probably yours.

Oh, come on. Is he really that terrible? Oh, Cheryl, he is worse than terrible.

He's like Gracie doing ballet terrible.

I'm in the dining room, you know.

Like Ruby playing the flute terrible.

I'm in here, too.

I thought I told you bells for those kids.

It's one game.

Maybe it'll surprise you. Yeah.

Oh, crap!

Well, at least he swears like a ball player.

going to be good, honey.

I think I should do something.

No, Jim, this is Kyle's at -bat, not yours.

Hey, why don't you have some more top knot, huh?

You're at two.

Cheryl, I need to do something.

No, you're the one always saying he needs to fight his own battle.

Why is it the only time you listen to my advice is when you can throw it back at

me?

This is not going very well.

I'm going to go take a leak.

What?

Andy?

What the hell are you doing in here?

I'm not Andy. I'm Andy's ghost.

What? That's right.

I'm coming to visit from the future and the grave so you can see how Kyle turned

out.

You're from the future and you're dead.

Look, we don't have time for questions.

You know, this is weird. I'm going to pee in the bushes.

What the hell, Andy? This is my house.

Yes, it is. In the future.

Come on, really?

You're really dead?

Yeah. I died ten years after that baseball game. I was pulling a bunch of

orphans out of a burning building.

Come on.

Okay, heart attack.

What do you want from me? It's those chili fries.

Why did God make something so bad taste so good?

Why don't you ask him?

We're not speaking.

Hey, look, there you are. The future Jim.

Wow, I look pretty good.

And Cheryl looks great.

Hey, hey, there's Ryan.

Dean is pregnant again?

With their seventh baby.

Not one named after a beloved uncle.

They have Randy, Sandy, Brandy.

I've got it. What? The name for the new baby. Okay, okay, wait. Here it comes.

Spandy. Oh,

Ryan, Ryan.

Spandy. I like that.

Spandy? Yeah.

That doesn't make any sense. That's it. I'm haunting them.

Him, two sandwiches just like every day.

Yeah, and you never gain any weight. What, are you feeding one to Andy's

No, if they're for Andy's ghost, they come with a side of chili fries.

Gosh, he was so... Still not over my

death, poor things.

Wow, look at that, two sandwiches.

Not so fast.

Okay, Kyle, lunchtime.

Is that Kyle?

Yep.

Are they gone?

Yes, they're gone. Come on, have some lunch with me.

26 years old and still living at home in that cabinet.

He never got over being laughed at when they brought the tea out.

Were they laughing at me?

Like that time they brought the tea out?

No, they think you're up in Alaska racing sled dogs, like I told them.

I like dogs.

Dogs don't laugh.

Come on.

Eat your sandwich.

I can't.

Why not?

What if someone comes in?

So what?

They might tease me.

What are they going to say? Roast beef, baby?

Stick your head in gravy?

Oh, God.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

This is terrible.

So I'm hiding them in my own house?

Sure.

You know this is your fault that he's here.

Just pick it up.

I can't. I'll miss.

Fine.

It's sad, isn't it?

And just think, five years time, your son will be dead.

Dead?

I'm sorry, did I say dead? I meant bald.

I should have done something.

The boy needed me that day.

You just sat there and did nothing.

Kind of like the day of my heart attack.

Actually, you did do something. You finished my chili fries and paid with my

credit card.

Andy, I got to do something. Help me. Take me back. Let me do something. No,

no. That's not in my job description. Come on. Andy, you got to help me.

All right. On one condition.

Ten years from now at my funeral, no jokes about the double -wide casket.

Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I don't have feelings.

I've got to get a second seat.

Just sit there and mind your knitting.

Where are you going?

We've got to help my son out.

I've got to get him on base.

Kyle, time out.

Time out.

Kyle, come here.

Listen, first of all, hold this right.

I just can't hit that ball.

We've established that.

But the ball can hit you.

Then you get to go to first base.

You know what that means?

They don't have to bring the tea out.

You know what that means?

Nobody has to laugh at you.

And you don't have to live in a cabinet underneath the stairs.

Why don't you stick to your head in Greek?

Jerk.

Come on!

Andy.

Okay.

Take me to the future. Show me what a great man Cal turns out to be.

Oh, James.

Oh, sweet, innocent, stupid James.

You're fun at work.

Oh, this isn't so bad.

He works with kids.

He's a loser.

A big loser.

And that's coming from a guy who's buried in a Harry Potter costume.

said that John is correct.

Our boy becomes a piñata.

Wow. Gets her back to selling dollar beers at the concession stand.

You know, Mama is thirsty.

Time out! Time out!

Come here, son.

First of all, switch your hands like we practice.

Kyle, listen to me.

This guy is your enemy.

Show no mercy with him.

Jim, I come to you on the day of your daughter Gracie's wedding

to ask you this favor.

Please.

Please return my lawnmower.

This I cannot do.

Why am I talking like that?

You just had dental surgery and they haven't taken the packing out.

But, Jim. He said he can't do it.

My son.

Who taught you this?

This disrespect.

You did, Pop.

Me? Yeah.

At T -Ball.

When I whacked that pitcher.

Colonel.

This is family.

This is your uncle.

This is my enemy.

He's choosing the lawnmower over the family.

But, Kyle, it's summer, and the grass, it grows.

And just think, in a few years, he'll be in prison.

Prison? Oh, did I say prison? I'm sorry, I meant... No, no, no, prison's right.

What have you done?

You killed your uncle.

Are you a snitch?

Do we have a problem here?

I'm good.

It's the cops.

Bring it on.

Kyle.

Kyle. Kyle.

How's it just covered to tell you that they're cutting the cake?

Kyle.

You've killed another uncle.

I'm going to do something. I'm going to turn this around.

Andy, take me back.

Cool stuff you did with me.

Really?

After this game, you take me to ice cream.

That's what you remember as ice cream? You kids with the sugar. It's really

ice cream. I know.

Well, Uncle Andy went back for thirds, and you've really got to talk to him

about that. I'm going to talk to him about that.

But don't try to tell me that this at -bat didn't change your life. This had

be a turning point.

I don't remember one big turning point.

I remember you at my games, taking me camping.

Once you dressed up as a pinata and let me and my friends beat you with a bat. I

did that?

Yeah.

You were the one who noticed I was left -handed.

Oh, Sean, you know what it's like as a parent.

I mean, all you think about is these big turning points in your child's life,

and if you don't hit it right, things are going to change, and the world is

going to... No, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.

You were there for me every step of the way.

Great dad.

Okay, Dad.

If you don't put me down, they're going to throw me out at home.

No, go, go!

Hey!

All right!

I'm a good dad.

I'm a good dad. Stick your head in gravy.

Oh, Ryan, you should have seen it.

The kid was great. He had six hits.

Six. I'm so sorry we missed that. Yeah, I thought it was just going to be like

one of the girls' crappy recitals.

Hey, we're right here.

You know, they even gave Kyle the game ball.

That's great, son. That's so great.

What are you going to do with that? I want to give it to someone for helping

out today.

Oh, son, that is fabulous. Thank you, but... Here you go, Mommy.

Kyle.

Oh, my God, I'm going to cry.

Come here.

You know what?

I am going to go make you a special first -hit cake.

Sorry, Daddy, but I knew the ball would give me a cake.

That's my boy.

Can't get enough of these chili fries.

I swear they're going to be the death of me.

Andy, Andy, Andy, what do you say you put that down when we go out for a

Yeah, right.

What's next, join a gym and start exercising?

Mind your own business, creep.

Left arm feels kind of numb.

Must have slept on it funny.

Oh.

By the way, Jim, do you think I could get my lawnmower back?

This I cannot do.

But, Jim, you've got two of them. He said he can't do it.