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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:03,340 You think you're in my head now. 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:05,580 Well, you're not. 3 00:00:06,580 --> 00:00:08,720 You are going down. 4 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:22,300 Get in there, you stupid, stupid. 5 00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:49,628 old people. 6 00:01:49,630 --> 00:01:53,770 The turtle trounced the hummingbirds 25 to 7. 7 00:01:53,990 --> 00:01:58,430 Jim, how does it feel that your wife led your daughters to a humiliating defeat? 8 00:02:00,190 --> 00:02:03,150 You're funny, Jim. 9 00:02:03,430 --> 00:02:04,790 Give me a hand. I'm stuck. 10 00:02:05,730 --> 00:02:06,950 Seriously, I'm stuck! 11 00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:11,890 Okay, terrific game by both teams. 12 00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:13,290 How does everybody feel? 13 00:02:13,690 --> 00:02:16,330 And we feel good because... 14 00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:31,710 And get a snack, some refreshing juice, and your trophy. 15 00:02:32,170 --> 00:02:37,490 I think she had a little refreshing juice herself. 16 00:02:38,630 --> 00:02:43,910 Okay. Now I want everyone over here to form a praise circle. 17 00:02:44,550 --> 00:02:45,970 A what circle? 18 00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:52,570 Praise circle. I want everyone to say one positive thing about a teammate. 19 00:02:53,110 --> 00:02:54,110 This is going to be quick. 20 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,520 That was a really good shot. Thank you. In the opponent's basket. 21 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,360 Isn't it enough that the girls are interested in basketball? 22 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,420 You don't see basketball out there. 23 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:10,300 I don't know. Maybe I'm old -fashioned, but in my America, winners are winners 24 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:12,000 and losers hold grudges, not hands. 25 00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:29,940 Who designed clothes? 26 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,320 Yeah? 27 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,480 Mommy's going to have a glass of wine. 28 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,760 You know, girls, those are mighty big dreams. 29 00:03:39,380 --> 00:03:41,940 You're going to have to work incredibly hard to attain them. 30 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,280 Working hard? 31 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:44,760 Pass. 32 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,560 Come here, girls. Come here. 33 00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:52,760 Let me tell you a little story about a girl about your age and her first tennis 34 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:57,020 lesson. She announced right away that she was going to be the best tennis 35 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:58,020 in the whole world. 36 00:03:58,380 --> 00:03:59,380 And you know what? 37 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,480 She worked incredibly hard until she became number one. 38 00:04:04,220 --> 00:04:05,780 And that girl's name? 39 00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:08,240 Billie Jean King. 40 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:13,480 She got so famous that Michael Jackson even wrote a song about her. 41 00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:17,240 Did you guys smell something burning? 42 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:18,680 Our cake! 43 00:04:19,740 --> 00:04:22,420 Oh, man, didn't you guys get a timer? 44 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:23,920 I guess we forgot. 45 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,300 He tried really hard. 46 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,300 Cheryl, you've got to be kidding me. 47 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,240 You're kidding me with this attitude, right? This attitude has got to stop, 48 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:46,920 Cheryl. What are you talking about? 49 00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:51,120 If I built a building and my mistake caused it to burn down, would anybody 50 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,120 -five me? 51 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,540 Randy high -fiving you and the Ugolini's deck mysteriously burned down after 52 00:04:58,540 --> 00:04:59,540 their check bounced. 53 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,080 I'm not the one on trial here, Cheryl. 54 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,440 What they're learning at basketball is killing my children and, more 55 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,020 importantly, killing the sport. 56 00:05:09,420 --> 00:05:10,580 Is this about the cake? 57 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,200 Partially. 58 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:16,420 But it's also about this feel -good self -esteem crap going on, honey. 59 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:18,980 They can't have too much self -esteem. 60 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,040 Cheryl, self -esteem is all over the place. 61 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:26,320 Come on, they give it valet. They get it at school 24 hours a day from noon to 62 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,580 night. They are told how wonderful they are. 63 00:05:28,940 --> 00:05:31,260 These kids have to be taken down a peg. 64 00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:35,800 You know what, Jim? That's a very good point. Tonight, instead of a bedtime 65 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,820 story, we'll read them a list of their flaws. 66 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:40,280 That's a start. 67 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:42,840 I got it. You know what? 68 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,360 I should coach. 69 00:05:44,740 --> 00:05:48,500 No, no. No, I'm going to take over Ruby and Gracie's basketball team. No, I can 70 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,440 coach them. It's fine. The girls have fun. 71 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,200 Cheryl. 72 00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:54,710 Sports aren't about fun. 73 00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:59,310 They're about overcoming obstacles, working as a team, and being able to say 74 00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,850 cool things like, how did that taste, loser? 75 00:06:02,970 --> 00:06:04,250 No, no, no, no. That's it. 76 00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:05,730 I'm taking over the team. 77 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:09,370 And you, you get started on another cake. 78 00:06:16,450 --> 00:06:17,450 Dana, it's me. 79 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:20,050 Took me a whole game, but I got Jim to take over. Let's go. 80 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,160 Steinbergs, listen up. 81 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,860 We are no longer going to be playing soft, squishy, everybody gets a hug 82 00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:39,100 basketball. From now on, we're going to be playing old school, hard -nosed, 83 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,100 winning basketball. 84 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,140 You're going to work harder than you've ever worked before. 85 00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:46,060 Yes, Jamie. 86 00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:48,300 I worked last summer on my grandpa's farm. 87 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,660 Okay, the five of you are going to work really hard. 88 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,660 And Jamie, you're going to work as hard as you did last summer. 89 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,580 Then I mostly make cookies with my grandma. 90 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,700 We're going to need a little less talking. 91 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:09,460 All right. 92 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,400 At your last game, you didn't make very many baskets, did you? 93 00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:14,580 Well, we got the same trophy as the turtles. 94 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,900 Yeah. So what difference does it make? 95 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,860 I'll tell you the difference, Tabitha. 96 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:25,080 You didn't earn it. They just gave it to you. With me, you're going to earn 97 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,860 everything. Dad, I mean, Coach. 98 00:07:29,340 --> 00:07:32,820 I thought we were here to have fun and try our best. 99 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:41,380 Well, maybe you can try your best at running 100 00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:42,380 around the gym. 101 00:07:43,340 --> 00:07:44,340 Do a lap. 102 00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:48,700 Go. Come on. Come on. Come on. 103 00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:54,080 Trying is dying. 104 00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:56,320 Doing is everything. 105 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,980 Because we all know nice girls finish... Nice? 106 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:01,800 No. Pretty? 107 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,860 No. Ponies like all my grandpa's sperm? 108 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,760 That doesn't even make any sense. I can't do this. 109 00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:10,700 Easy, coach, easy. 110 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,680 Can we have a treat now? 111 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,199 What's that? 112 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,500 Can we have a treat now? 113 00:08:16,860 --> 00:08:18,060 You know what, Ugolini? 114 00:08:19,340 --> 00:08:21,180 You've been getting on my nerves since Giddyup. 115 00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:37,750 laughing at? You, you're funny. 116 00:08:39,490 --> 00:08:40,770 I am not funny. 117 00:08:41,309 --> 00:08:43,110 I am stern and inspiring. 118 00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:46,010 Say yabba -dabba -doo. 119 00:08:50,170 --> 00:08:51,170 Yabba -dabba -doo. 120 00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,230 All right, everybody, let's go to the free throw line. 121 00:08:53,470 --> 00:08:55,390 Come on. I want to see some hustle. 122 00:08:56,050 --> 00:08:57,050 Hustle! 123 00:08:58,490 --> 00:09:00,190 And Gracie, why are you not hustling? 124 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:18,860 Visualize the ball going in. 125 00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:24,980 Gracie, bend at the knees. 126 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:26,360 Follow through. 127 00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,820 Keep your wrists nice and loose. 128 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:41,200 You have to make free throws to be a winner. 129 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,300 Shaq doesn't make free throws and he's a winner. 130 00:09:48,460 --> 00:09:49,460 You're very cute. 131 00:09:50,660 --> 00:09:52,620 Let's see how cute you are after five laughs. 132 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,360 Move it! 133 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,200 Get her! Get her! 134 00:09:57,420 --> 00:09:58,420 Come on, Gracie. 135 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,260 Gracie, when you're on my team, you've got to work hard. 136 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,480 Good job. 137 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:39,880 All right. 138 00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:41,280 That's it for practice. 139 00:10:41,780 --> 00:10:42,759 Ball's in. 140 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:43,760 Let's go. 141 00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:49,320 All right. All right. Come on. Come on. 142 00:10:49,540 --> 00:10:50,620 Get in the center here. 143 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,000 Let's go. Come on. Come on. 144 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,180 Now form a circle here. 145 00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:56,920 Woody, I love free circle. 146 00:10:57,380 --> 00:10:58,380 Well, I hate it. 147 00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:01,840 This is going to be called the truth circle. 148 00:11:02,260 --> 00:11:06,020 Each one of you is going to tell one of your teammates exactly what they did 149 00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:07,020 wrong. Ruby, go. 150 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,320 Griefy, you can't make a free throw to save your life. 151 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,660 Excellent. You stole my boyfriend. 152 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,500 Okay, let's keep this about basketball. 153 00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:18,080 Not so fast. 154 00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:19,420 Let's hear the dish. 155 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,620 is a hummingbird. 156 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,360 Yeah, decided to spring for new uniforms. 157 00:11:32,740 --> 00:11:36,380 Can we go now? I want to get there early so we can practice free throws. 158 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,440 Oh. 159 00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:41,980 She wants to practice free throws. 160 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:43,500 Do you believe it? 161 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,440 I still can't believe that you sprung for new uniforms. 162 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:49,640 Gracie, come on, let's go. 163 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,600 Wow, you look great. You look so tough. Come on, let's see those arms. Let me 164 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:54,900 see those arms. That's it. 165 00:11:57,710 --> 00:11:58,810 What are you wearing? 166 00:11:59,030 --> 00:12:00,030 My uniform. 167 00:12:00,210 --> 00:12:01,210 I'd say your uniform. 168 00:12:01,690 --> 00:12:04,350 Yeah. I'm playing for the Lamb Chops now. 169 00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:12,250 Uh, honey, why? 170 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:15,230 Because they just play for fun. 171 00:12:15,450 --> 00:12:16,450 Oh. 172 00:12:17,910 --> 00:12:20,150 Ruby, sweetie, why don't you go wait in the car? 173 00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:25,390 Um, Gracie, maybe you want to talk to your dad about switching teams. 174 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,240 You know what, Cheryl? That'd be okay. 175 00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:29,400 If I talk to the enemy. 176 00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:32,940 But Phil Jackson might get me. 177 00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:34,220 We don't do that. 178 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,980 Why don't you tell Gracie she should head to the rec center because it's a 179 00:12:38,980 --> 00:12:39,980 walk. 180 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:42,800 Is there a problem? 181 00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:45,500 Problem? No, it's not a problem. 182 00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:47,620 You want to play on my team? You don't have to. 183 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:49,680 Go find yourself another team. 184 00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:51,980 Yeah, I already did. 185 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:06,120 Oh, Cheryl, my daughter carries a basketball around with her and wants to 186 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,120 practice all the time. 187 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,220 Your daughter just quit my team. 188 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,840 No, Cheryl, she quit. 189 00:13:12,060 --> 00:13:16,080 You know Gracie acts tough, but she's really sensitive. 190 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,020 Maybe she just needs some attention. 191 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,900 Attention? Come on, I yelled at her twice as much as the rest of the team. 192 00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:27,460 Maybe she needs a different kind of attention. 193 00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,480 Thank you. You're welcome. 194 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,680 And you can give her that attention while you both walk to the rec center. 195 00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:51,240 We are live from Buchinnick Municipal Rec Center for this titanic clash 196 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,600 the Lambchops and the Hummingbirds. 197 00:13:53,980 --> 00:13:57,860 It's a frenzy crowd of about 15. 198 00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:03,450 This pregame show is brought to you by Caramel Corn. If you can find a better 199 00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:05,810 tasting candy -coated vegetable, eat it. 200 00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:13,130 Now Gracie is playing for the Lamb Chops. So I need to find a way to root 201 00:14:13,130 --> 00:14:15,850 both teams at once. There aren't 15 people here. 202 00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:18,630 Did he count me twice because I'm fat? 203 00:14:19,870 --> 00:14:23,030 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Lamb Chops. 204 00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:27,490 And the Hummingbirds. 205 00:14:42,190 --> 00:14:43,870 Now, there's two kinds of people out in the world. 206 00:14:44,570 --> 00:14:46,010 Winners and losers. 207 00:14:46,810 --> 00:14:47,810 And what are we? 208 00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:49,770 Honey nerds! 209 00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:53,610 I was looking for winners, but that'll do. 210 00:14:55,030 --> 00:14:58,910 Now, I want you to get out there, and I want you to kick some butt! 211 00:15:00,010 --> 00:15:01,010 Go! 212 00:15:01,910 --> 00:15:06,210 Butt, butt, kick some butt! Butt, butt, kick some butt! Here we go, here we go! 213 00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:08,810 The teams head out for the opening tip -off. 214 00:15:09,870 --> 00:15:11,050 Have a good game, Gracie. 215 00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:14,130 Ho, ho, ho! 216 00:15:14,550 --> 00:15:19,650 For those of you who don't speak subtext, Coach Jim just called Gracie 217 00:15:19,650 --> 00:15:21,930 response? It's go time, old man. 218 00:17:27,369 --> 00:17:29,790 This recap brought to you by potato chips. 219 00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:32,610 Even the little dust at the bottom of the bag tastes good. 220 00:17:33,070 --> 00:17:34,070 Hey, Coach? 221 00:17:34,570 --> 00:17:37,530 Yeah? I just wanted to point out that the team that works hard and has 222 00:17:37,530 --> 00:17:41,490 discipline has 18 points, and the team that has fun has 18 points. 223 00:17:43,510 --> 00:17:45,270 The game's not over, Blondie. 224 00:17:47,270 --> 00:17:48,270 And you know what? 225 00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:50,170 Discipline always pays off. 226 00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:15,950 game on the line and you watching of course not she just with me watching 227 00:18:15,950 --> 00:18:22,250 sounds like gracie's worst nightmare is disappointing her father 228 00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:29,230 gracie all alone with two shots and a chance 229 00:18:29,230 --> 00:18:30,230 to win it for the lounge 230 00:19:15,790 --> 00:19:20,990 Listen, Gracie, I want to talk to you as your daddy, not as a basketball coach. 231 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,570 It doesn't matter to me if you make this shot or miss it. 232 00:19:28,170 --> 00:19:33,550 Okay, I just want you to know that you're a great kid, this is just a 233 00:19:33,550 --> 00:19:36,410 game, and that I love you very much. 234 00:19:38,730 --> 00:19:43,990 So, just have fun and try hard. 235 00:19:57,770 --> 00:19:59,710 Great to get set for her second shot. 236 00:20:01,050 --> 00:20:03,370 She could probably use some silence right now. 237 00:20:29,260 --> 00:20:30,260 Go on and enjoy your win. 238 00:20:32,620 --> 00:20:33,620 All right. 239 00:20:34,140 --> 00:20:37,240 You know what? This is a lesson to all of us. You know what that lesson is? 240 00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:39,300 I did too easy on you. 241 00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:43,660 Come on, laugh. Five laughs. Let's go. Shake that thing. Shake it, shake it, 242 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:44,680 shake it. 243 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,100 And ref, you take a laugh too. You suck today. 244 00:20:52,180 --> 00:20:53,460 Sorry you didn't win, coach. 245 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:55,960 Don't worry. 246 00:20:58,670 --> 00:20:59,670 I don't want it. 247 00:21:01,710 --> 00:21:02,890 Come on, you run a lap, too. 248 00:21:05,270 --> 00:21:08,810 Hey, nice job on the play -by -play. Oh, thanks. 249 00:21:09,150 --> 00:21:10,690 You didn't mind all the food references? 250 00:21:11,110 --> 00:21:14,250 Because, see, that was my way of saying how gigantic you've gotten. 251 00:21:15,890 --> 00:21:17,330 No, I thought it was funny. 252 00:21:17,550 --> 00:21:18,550 Yeah. 253 00:21:19,510 --> 00:21:24,030 Join us for our post -game show brought to you by my fat -ass sister. 18291