Original subtitles

Aw, it's just not kicking.

Maybe he just needs that last piece of bacon.

Oh, uh, I was saving it for a baby.

I gotta tell you, the sports page...

A cup of coffee? Is there a better way to get closer to God on a Sunday

Well, I guess we could actually go to church. Don't ruin it, Cheryl.

It's him.

It's him!

Oh, no, Jim, please, no!

No, no, that creep drives by our house on purpose! I swear he does!

It's horrible music, too. Would it kill him to mix in a little Snoop D -O

-double -G, you see?

watching? Well, no one's outside, but they are looking out their windows.

Hey, what are you looking at, Marilyn?

And Jim sees them.

You want a show? I'll give you a show.

And there goes his shirt.

Come on, Marilyn, tit for tat.

Are his pants still on?

Technically, yes, but they are down.

I mean, he's always grumpy, but lately it's... Come on, Marilyn.

Get your camera.

You know you're jealous. You just wish yours was as tight as this.

Maybe he has IMS.

What's IMS? I was just reading about it in one of my magazines.

Here.

Does your man have irritable male syndrome?

Yeah.

guys when they reach a certain age just start blowing their top at everything

it's a real disease it's gotta be real there's a quiz

oh my god i didn't marry a jerk

i married a good man with a terrible disease a good man who just left

a butt print on the windshield of the kranus's new hybrid

Yes, my young bride. What is it?

It's about this article that Dana found in a magazine about a condition called

IMS. It's irritable male syndrome.

I think it might explain why you keep overreacting. Oh, honey, I don't

overreact. The rest of the world underreacts.

Constructs elaborate justifications for anger. Check.

Oh, my God.

This article is exactly what pisses me off about America.

Globalizes his irritation.

Check.

Jim, do you hear this?

This is freaky. Is his picture in there?

Oh, come on. Everybody's got a syndrome now.

I'm not lazy. I got chronic fatigue syndrome.

It's not hot outside. It's global warming.

You're not hyper. You got restless leg syndrome. Right. You're not fat. You're

pregnant. Hey.

What's the one at work that you always try to pull on me?

High blood pressure? Oh, yeah. My blood's got too much pressure. I need a

Jim, I passed out.

Okay, now we're just playing word games.

Minimizes other suffering, frequently changes subject, dismisses contradictory

opinions. Jim, this could be the first test you ever got a perfect score on.

This IMS is a bunch of crap.

It's made up nonsense like PMS.

I'm sorry, is it the 15th already?

Listen.

It's the Tupper again.

He's coming around again.

Come on, Andy. Come on, give me a hand here.

I can still hear him. I can still hear him. Jim, I can feel my blood sugar

plummeting. Shut up.

What was that?

It hit the Tupper?

or go. That's what you're doing. You're letting them go.

Okay, guys, guys, come on. Let's not say something. Excuse me, sir. Are you

touching me?

Oh, dear. The pressure.

You can't let them go. You did your job.

Hey, Merrill. Hey, Merrill. You want a show, Merrill? I'll give you a show.

I'm going to need some backup at 412 Maple Street.

Here's a show, Merrill.

I can't believe I got to go to this. What was that about?

Well, I wanted to take a picture of you before your first anger management

class. I'm going to take another one in six weeks and see how different you look

without your rage.

Cheryl, I have no problem controlling my anger.

You know, I think they'll probably address denial right off the bat.

Well,

if it isn't the Maple Street Stripper.

Ready for this court -mandated hell you've condemned me to?

All right, look. That officer testified that we were both out of control.

And besides, I already apologized to you.

Stuff happens. Get over it. It's not an apology!

Save it for the anger class.

Don't worry, buddy.

I got plenty left in the tank!

Andy, rage picture!

So now when my ex -wife's dogs start barking all night, I don't get mad.

I just get up and take them for a walk.

Excuse me.

Why are you still living with your ex -wife?

I'm not.

I'm just watching her dogs while she's on vacation with... him.

That's really great, Howard.

The happy little man inside me is smiling at the happy little man inside

He better keep his happy little hands off of me.

Jim, is there something you wanted to say?

Yeah.

Yeah. We got 41 minutes left at the end of this meeting.

Thank you for your frequent updates.

Yes.

Do you mind? Some of us are trying to learn something about ourselves.

That sounded a little angry, Andy.

Let's explore the source of that anger. Oh, I can't imagine what the source of

my anger would be.

Sounds like he's mad at his mother.

You don't know anything about my mother.

I'm just saying, a lot of fat guys don't like their mother.

I'll have you know that my mother is a wonderful cake. I mean, woman, damn it!

Bob, you have provoked Andy.

What do we say?

The angry little man in me is sorry.

If he hurt the fat little man in you.

Thank you.

Now that's an apology.

Pardon me. Are you an A .H.? The hell did you just call me?

An A .H.? Moderate your tones.

An A .H. means anger helper.

But you are kind of being an A .H.

K .H. is someone who acts as a buffer between you and your I .T .s. I what?

Irritation triggers.

You want to stay away from those.

Well, what if I'm in a room just filled with irritation triggers?

Take a deep breath and walk away.

See you guys next week.

Jim, everyone here knows it's a struggle.

I don't like having a disease.

I don't like being treated differently and having to park in a handicapped

But that's the work.

And we do it because we want to get better. I want to get better.

Handicapped spot?

Irritable male syndrome is a recognized psychological handicap.

For Howard...

Parking lots are a big trigger.

You don't have a placard yet?

Well, not a legal one.

Jim, I think you'll find many tools at your disposal for all of your triggers.

People who talk in a movie theater?

Special screenings with ushers?

They'll throw them out.

Even my wife?

Especially your wife.

Telemarketers? All your calls are screened at a special IMS center.

Even my wife?

Especially your wife.

My name is Jim and I have IMS.

I love you.

Oh, I want to feel the baby kick. Make it kick again.

He kicked a lot yesterday.

Right after I got a foot rub.

Well, then off with those shoes, missy. You insist.

Hey. Hey.

How was anger class?

Oh, Cheryl, when you're right, you are right.

I got the IMS.

And I got it bad.

I knew it. I knew it. You know, I hate to say I told you so, but...

And I really want to help you, Jim.

Are you sure, Cheryl?

Because IMS does not take a holiday.

If you want to be my A .H., you've got to protect me from the I .T.'s.

Absolutely.

What does that mean?

Here.

Read the literature. I'm exhausted.

We're going to get through this, mister. You hear me?

I love you.

The phone?

That ringing, ringing, it just rattles the very core of my serenity. I'll get

it. It's okay, baby. I'll get it. I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, Gail, hi.

How are you?

So many words, so much talking.

Hey, did you get my email?

Yes, it's called IMS. That's why he's like that.

What? Come on.

You don't believe this IMS stuff.

It's not what it says on my card.

I have IMS. Please let me have my way.

at the meeting. I am officially a victim.

Oh, come on. You're just working, Cheryl. And until I hatch this egg,

racket. Was your racket, Dana?

I got IMS, so shut your YAP.

Cheryl, he is just telling you he has IMS because that's what you want to

Irritation trigger!

Irritation trigger!

Maybe you should leave. What?

You're buying this?

Honey, she's hurting the sad little man inside me.

I'm sorry, baby.

Dana, I'm sorry, but Jim has a medical condition.

No, he doesn't. Yes, I do. It says it right here in my tote bag.

You know what the guys said at the meeting?

What? They said that shower sex sometimes helps.

And after they received my doctor's note, I got a special sticker that left

driving a carpool lane, even when I'm by myself.

That should help with my road rage.

Wow.

Wow.

Great growth.

There, Bob.

Hey, can I get the name of that doctor?

Teaching moment.

Anger spurned equals lesson learned.

That's mine.

Actually, I said that last week. It's mine.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Howard said it. We talked about putting it on coffee

mugs. And little pillows and tiny little... Now let's welcome a new member

our group.

Please welcome David.

What was it, David, that brought you here?

Paint your journey for us.

The judge kind of made me.

Because the cops pulled me over for playing my car stereo too loud.

What street were you on?

I think it was Maple.

who always takes his shirt off.

Why don't you explain it to me? I'll stop!

You guys are really challenging my serenity! My serenity!

Rest in peace.

I thought I'd get to know so many of our local policemen by name.

So we had an IMS episode.

The important thing now is that we create a safety sphere and enjoy some

breaths.

Cheryl, I don't have IMS.

Yeah. Yeah, you do. It happens to men when they reach a certain age.

Well, then that age was six.

Because, honey, I've been like this my whole life.

Jim, you have to have it. I told everybody you have it.

Cheryl, Cheryl, I know you really would like me to have it, that you need me to

have it, because then it would explain all the weird things that I do.

You know what? I wish I had it, because then I could do whatever I wanted.

But I don't have IMS.

I have JIM.

You just have to accept the fact you married a jerk.

I know.

You do?

Yes.

Okay. Well, then what's the problem?

Jim, the problem is that lately you've been, like, super jerk.

What do you mean, super jerk?

Every weekend, you're out there on the front lawn yelling at our neighbors,

ripping off your shirt.

Well, it is kind of fun.

Fun? It is. It's fun.

I'm running outside, my shirt off, yelling, screaming.

It's kind of fun.

That's like a football game.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Okay, well, here's an idea.

How about instead of mooning Marilyn Cranes, you go to a football game?

Or, you know, go out with the guys or play with the band. You know, why don't

you do that stuff anymore?

I don't know. I think, uh... Well... I think I like it

here.

I like this family.

I like you.

I like two of the kids.

I guess when push comes to shove, I love hanging out with you.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Go to a game.

Really? I want you to blow off steam.

I want you to stop getting naked in the front yard.

All right.

Deal.

I won't get naked.

I'll wear boxer shorts.

All right, but not the ones that say over a billion serves.

You drive a hard bargain.