Original subtitles

Hey. What's with the ice pack?

Well, Andy, today my son took a giant step into manhood.

My pants bit me.

He had his first zipper malfunction.

Oh, ouch. Kyle.

Oh, this is going to be one of the few days in your life you'll wish you were a

woman.

Today and every time you go out on a date because they don't pay for

Anyway, tip -offs in two minutes. Oh, great. Just enough time for a bathroom

break.

Still hurts, huh?

I'm sorry, son.

Well, that's the price we men pay for being able to have something to grab

we're trying to emphasize a point.

You know what? Soon you'll be able to learn to take care of it, and these kind

of mistakes won't ever happen again.

I have a Snoopy bandage. How about you?

Oh, baby.

Daddy? Yes, my sweethearts?

We want to be allowed to say bad words.

You know, cursing is a big responsibility.

And you're going to want to do it right.

So why don't you write a report on the bad words you'd like to use and how you

want to use them.

Right. Right. Ten pages, single spaced. And don't just copy it out of an

encyclopedia.

That's a lot of work just to say the R words.

Well, that's the price you pay.

this weekend.

Bye. Stop it.

What are you talking about?

You're a dead man. Tell him.

I'm going to a stock car racing driving school and apparently Dana thinks she's

the boss of me.

Well, excuse me if I don't want my fiance crashing into a wall at 200 miles

hour. 200 miles an hour? Kick ass!

You know, at that speed, a bug is like a bullet. It'll rip your arm clean off.

Big help, Andy. Thanks.

I've been trying to explain to Dana that they take a lot of precautions, all

right? And it's entirely safe.

Yeah, they give you helmets, a fire suit. A fire suit. Great, great. All

so how am I going to introduce you at the wedding? Hi, everyone, this is my

husband. His skin comes from a pig.

No, that's it. You're not going. Start car racing. Yeah, you know what? We'll

see about that. Hey, hey, it's okay. I'll talk to her.

Here's the good news.

The closer you get to the wedding, the crazier she'll get.

Hey, Ryan, word of advice. Be careful of those fire suits.

They have mighty big zippers.

Yeah, hi. I'm getting married at your hotel on the 15th. Yeah, cancel

everything. Give me, give me, give me.

Stop it!

Hi, this is Cheryl. I'm Dana. This is your false alarm.

Yeah, good to talk to you again, too.

Okay.

Cheryl! What?

How?

Chocolate.

this thing with ryan all wrong when men are on the threshold of a major

commitment they need to do something reckless to prove they're still in

of their own destinies this is really good is it sugar -free it is can you

believe it focus focus okay when jim and i got engaged he suddenly decided he

needed a motorcycle and i said no there's no way you're getting one of

he did because i made it a thing well it is a thing

Honey.

Word to the wise, never get between a guy and his thing.

Why can't Ryan's thing be something that keeps him at home? You know, like

fantasy football or girls on the internet.

Because that doesn't show you he's in charge.

He's not in charge.

I'm going to stop him. No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. No.

Dana, you don't stop them.

You let them stop themselves.

Mental judo.

I don't get it.

When I gave birth to Ruby, Jim had to go skydiving. This time, I didn't fight

it. You let him go?

No.

I told him I loved his adventurous spirit.

See, I didn't make it a thing, so he forgot all about it. He never mentioned

again.

Adventurous spirit?

Yeah. He ate it up.

I even got him a helmet that said Geronimo Jim.

And you weren't afraid that he was going to go through with it?

Well, a little. But the scientific breakthrough was worth it.

Wow. This whole simple housewife thing is just a ruse.

You're a genius.

You know I am.

Yes, we call it reverse psychology.

Oh, also, helps if you wear something low -cut.

said, woman, woman, I'm going skydiving and that's that.

I know that's right.

And she could tell by the wild, crazy look in my eyes that I wasn't going to

back down.

And you know what?

She came correct.

She even gave me a helmet that said Toronto gym.

not only wears the pants, he wears the helmet in this family.

That's right. That was a defining moment in our marriage. That changed the

course of our relationship because it taught Cheryl to respect my sovereignty

a man.

That's right.

Sovereignty.

So I should just be more assertive, I think.

No, not more assertive. You gotta go wild. You gotta go crazy. You gotta let

know you mean business.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let us see your eyes. Can you get three corners of white?

Try it, try it. Come on, come on.

Come on, come on. That's the best you can do.

We're talking about make or break a marriage right here.

Now look at me and say, I'm going stock car racing.

I'm going stock car racing.

Hey, that's pretty good. For a little girl, come on.

Look me in the eye. Come on, say it. I'm going stock car racing and that's that.

That's good, that's good. Now look me in the eye and say, I'm going to march

right into that kitchen. I'm going to march right into that kitchen. And get

and Andy a beer. And I'm going to get Jim and Andy... All you have to do is

Oh, sorry.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, where are you going?

Where's my bad word report?

We're taking a break. We're going to have a tea party in the backyard.

I used to be the table.

They stuck gum to my belly.

Hey!

Huh? Come on, are you a man or a wuss?

Well, have you ever seen a wuss drive 200 miles an hour?

I'm going to race stock cars. I like that a lot.

All right!

When are you going to do it?

You know, I said I'd hold off for a little bit. I don't want to rub my

sovereignty in her face too much.

That is so cool, zipping around corners, spitting in death's face. Exactly. See,

I cannot wait for that adrenaline rush, you know? I mean, Jim, what was that

like for you? What?

When you went skydiving.

Oh, I didn't go skydiving.

I mean, you know, life just kind of got in the way, a lot of distractions, you

know, kids, sports on TV, or Cheryl wearing a low -cut top.

Oh, I think that's so cute.

Yeah, she even bought me a cool helmet.

I told you. That's exactly what Cheryl did for me.

Yeah, and then she said that my adventurous spirit was part of why she

love with me. Adventurous spirit? That's exactly what Cheryl said to me. That's

exactly what Cheryl said to me.

Let me ask you a question.

Was she wearing something low -cut?

Oh, yeah, and it was hot. It was like, here's your helmet. That's it!

I can't believe it. She used reverse psychology on me.

Wow.

You do that to the kids all the time. You must feel stupid.

And we got to take a stand here, that's all.

That's right. Geronimo Jim is going to soar like an eagle as a symbol for men

everywhere, never to be manipulated again.

You're going to go skydiving. We're going to go skydiving.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know, I appreciate you guys trying to include me, but this is kind of a

married guy thing.

You're going.

Are you sure?

You know, Andy, that really kind of only works for chicks, you know.

Are you sure?

And I looked into his eyes and I said, I was wrong.

I want you to go racing.

You should have seen the look on his face. I love men.

They're so simple, but they think they're so complicated.

Marriage is going to be so easy now that I have the playbook. Honey, it is like

shooting fish in a barrel. You know, without the gun and the unnecessary

to animals.

Talking about going to the stock car races. And it reminded me of the time

I wanted to go skydiving. Remember, you wanted me to do it too because of my

adventurous spirit.

Not ringing a bell.

I believe you said that adventurous spirit is one of the reasons you fell in

love with me. You even bought him this cool helmet.

And that's not very adventurous.

So, I'm going skydiving this weekend.

And he's going too.

Well, I got to check my calendar. I'm due for a teeth cleaning. You're going.

Dana, I've been thinking about this whole stock car racing thing. I'm not

to do it.

Oh, are you sure, honey? Because I'm totally fine with it. I know.

I just figured I'd rather go skydiving with Jim.

You know, in honor of his...

Adventurous spirit.

Something wrong, sweetie?

No, no, no, no.

No, we're fine. It's just so exciting.

Where are we going? We're going to go make our adventures a hearty meal

our three men are going to jump out of a plane.

Skydiving, woo!

I think I pulled a little adventurous spirit.

You wouldn't break enough bones in a blazing car crash.

Well, it's your fault.

Adventure of spirit?

You used the exact same words I used on Jim.

Well, yeah, you said it would work.

You can't use exact words. You've got to mix it up. The monkeys talk.

I thought they just talked about sports and boobs.

Are you sure you're ready to get married?

Yeah, I even picked out the shoes.

All right, all right, all right. We can fix this.

They're good, but we are better.

You know what? No way. Game over. I'm putting an end to this.

Fine, fine. Make it a thing.

Then they have to do it.

Skydiving? Jim is not going to let the mother of his children risk her life.

when he says it's too dangerous for me, we'd pout and use his own logic against

him.

Why can't you just withhold sex like a normal woman?

I can't help myself. I need my monkey love.

Rat poo?

Rat poo?

You girls are filthy.

Well, everything seems to be in order here.

Congratulations, girls.

From now on, you can curse like polite sailors.

I thought the whole point of the report was to keep them from doing what they

wanted. No, no, not after I've been burned by reverse psychology.

From now on, this family's going to say what they mean and mean what they say.

I don't want to go skydiving.

Come on, you don't mean that.

Hey, Jim.

Yes?

I've been thinking.

Oh, have you now?

Yeah, um, remember ten years ago when you wanted to go skydiving? Um...

There was something I didn't tell you.

Well, today's a very good day to come clean with it, then.

Yeah, um, the thing I didn't tell you is... Yes, my young bride?

I want to go skydiving, too.

Well, well, what?

Well, for some reason I got it in my head that it was unsafe, but you are the

protector of this family, and you're going to do it.

happen. You know, besides our kids becoming orphans in the blink of an eye.

Well, I think that's a great idea.

Well, great.

Absolutely great.

Finally, skydiving.

10 ,000 feet.

15.

Even better.

Trap!

I thought she was going to fold.

This sucks.

Skydiving's off.

The hell it is.

She's bluffing and she's going to crack.

That she rat -pooed me!

You can use it as a verb?

Yeah, it's right here in the report.

So, Ryan, here we are.

Men, hold on to our maleness.

Gotta tell you, Jim, my maleness has been sucked up into my body cavity.

Leave them up there because you're never going to get them back.

Hey, how you doing? How's this harness holding up?

before she jumps out.

you like Jim and Cheryl yeah I'd say that's a good goal