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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,020 --> 00:00:05,620 Hey. What's with the ice pack? 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,920 Well, Andy, today my son took a giant step into manhood. 3 00:00:10,540 --> 00:00:12,020 My pants bit me. 4 00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:16,940 He had his first zipper malfunction. 5 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,820 Oh, ouch. Kyle. 6 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,560 Oh, this is going to be one of the few days in your life you'll wish you were a 7 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:25,560 woman. 8 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,360 Today and every time you go out on a date because they don't pay for 9 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,620 Anyway, tip -offs in two minutes. Oh, great. Just enough time for a bathroom 10 00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:35,620 break. 11 00:00:37,460 --> 00:00:38,460 Still hurts, huh? 12 00:00:40,180 --> 00:00:41,180 I'm sorry, son. 13 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,420 Well, that's the price we men pay for being able to have something to grab 14 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,540 we're trying to emphasize a point. 15 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:53,040 You know what? Soon you'll be able to learn to take care of it, and these kind 16 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,340 of mistakes won't ever happen again. 17 00:01:07,050 --> 00:01:08,710 I have a Snoopy bandage. How about you? 18 00:01:17,050 --> 00:01:18,050 Oh, baby. 19 00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:22,990 Daddy? Yes, my sweethearts? 20 00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:25,070 We want to be allowed to say bad words. 21 00:01:28,790 --> 00:01:32,390 You know, cursing is a big responsibility. 22 00:01:33,770 --> 00:01:35,930 And you're going to want to do it right. 23 00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:42,110 So why don't you write a report on the bad words you'd like to use and how you 24 00:01:42,110 --> 00:01:43,110 want to use them. 25 00:01:43,790 --> 00:01:48,750 Right. Right. Ten pages, single spaced. And don't just copy it out of an 26 00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:49,750 encyclopedia. 27 00:01:51,490 --> 00:01:53,790 That's a lot of work just to say the R words. 28 00:01:54,130 --> 00:01:55,970 Well, that's the price you pay. 29 00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:06,738 this weekend. 30 00:02:06,740 --> 00:02:08,240 Bye. Stop it. 31 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,080 What are you talking about? 32 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,520 You're a dead man. Tell him. 33 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,840 I'm going to a stock car racing driving school and apparently Dana thinks she's 34 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:17,840 the boss of me. 35 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:23,680 Well, excuse me if I don't want my fiance crashing into a wall at 200 miles 36 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,980 hour. 200 miles an hour? Kick ass! 37 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:31,980 You know, at that speed, a bug is like a bullet. It'll rip your arm clean off. 38 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:34,700 Big help, Andy. Thanks. 39 00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:38,360 I've been trying to explain to Dana that they take a lot of precautions, all 40 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,580 right? And it's entirely safe. 41 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:44,500 Yeah, they give you helmets, a fire suit. A fire suit. Great, great. All 42 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,140 so how am I going to introduce you at the wedding? Hi, everyone, this is my 43 00:02:47,140 --> 00:02:48,900 husband. His skin comes from a pig. 44 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:54,140 No, that's it. You're not going. Start car racing. Yeah, you know what? We'll 45 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:56,520 see about that. Hey, hey, it's okay. I'll talk to her. 46 00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:59,320 Here's the good news. 47 00:02:59,540 --> 00:03:02,620 The closer you get to the wedding, the crazier she'll get. 48 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,260 Hey, Ryan, word of advice. Be careful of those fire suits. 49 00:03:07,460 --> 00:03:08,820 They have mighty big zippers. 50 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:16,120 Yeah, hi. I'm getting married at your hotel on the 15th. Yeah, cancel 51 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,320 everything. Give me, give me, give me. 52 00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:19,860 Stop it! 53 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:24,320 Hi, this is Cheryl. I'm Dana. This is your false alarm. 54 00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:26,500 Yeah, good to talk to you again, too. 55 00:03:26,780 --> 00:03:27,780 Okay. 56 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,240 Cheryl! What? 57 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:30,480 How? 58 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:32,700 Chocolate. 59 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:45,880 this thing with ryan all wrong when men are on the threshold of a major 60 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:49,380 commitment they need to do something reckless to prove they're still in 61 00:03:49,380 --> 00:03:53,720 of their own destinies this is really good is it sugar -free it is can you 62 00:03:53,720 --> 00:04:00,480 believe it focus focus okay when jim and i got engaged he suddenly decided he 63 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:05,800 needed a motorcycle and i said no there's no way you're getting one of 64 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:09,660 he did because i made it a thing well it is a thing 65 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:11,900 Honey. 66 00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:17,560 Word to the wise, never get between a guy and his thing. 67 00:04:20,079 --> 00:04:23,960 Why can't Ryan's thing be something that keeps him at home? You know, like 68 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,700 fantasy football or girls on the internet. 69 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,220 Because that doesn't show you he's in charge. 70 00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:31,600 He's not in charge. 71 00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:34,960 I'm going to stop him. No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. No. 72 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:37,780 Dana, you don't stop them. 73 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,440 You let them stop themselves. 74 00:04:41,540 --> 00:04:42,540 Mental judo. 75 00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:44,980 I don't get it. 76 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:51,800 When I gave birth to Ruby, Jim had to go skydiving. This time, I didn't fight 77 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:52,800 it. You let him go? 78 00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:54,220 No. 79 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,840 I told him I loved his adventurous spirit. 80 00:05:00,540 --> 00:05:05,100 See, I didn't make it a thing, so he forgot all about it. He never mentioned 81 00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,100 again. 82 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:07,880 Adventurous spirit? 83 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,340 Yeah. He ate it up. 84 00:05:09,580 --> 00:05:11,980 I even got him a helmet that said Geronimo Jim. 85 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,280 And you weren't afraid that he was going to go through with it? 86 00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:18,820 Well, a little. But the scientific breakthrough was worth it. 87 00:05:21,140 --> 00:05:25,660 Wow. This whole simple housewife thing is just a ruse. 88 00:05:25,940 --> 00:05:26,940 You're a genius. 89 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:29,680 You know I am. 90 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,280 Yes, we call it reverse psychology. 91 00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:36,740 Oh, also, helps if you wear something low -cut. 92 00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:47,380 said, woman, woman, I'm going skydiving and that's that. 93 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:50,920 I know that's right. 94 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:57,680 And she could tell by the wild, crazy look in my eyes that I wasn't going to 95 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:58,680 back down. 96 00:05:58,980 --> 00:05:59,980 And you know what? 97 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,940 She came correct. 98 00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:06,400 She even gave me a helmet that said Toronto gym. 99 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,000 not only wears the pants, he wears the helmet in this family. 100 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:17,360 That's right. That was a defining moment in our marriage. That changed the 101 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:22,940 course of our relationship because it taught Cheryl to respect my sovereignty 102 00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:23,940 a man. 103 00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:26,260 That's right. 104 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:27,960 Sovereignty. 105 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:31,920 So I should just be more assertive, I think. 106 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:37,160 No, not more assertive. You gotta go wild. You gotta go crazy. You gotta let 107 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,160 know you mean business. 108 00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:38,749 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 109 00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:41,170 Let us see your eyes. Can you get three corners of white? 110 00:06:42,890 --> 00:06:44,310 Try it, try it. Come on, come on. 111 00:06:44,810 --> 00:06:47,470 Come on, come on. That's the best you can do. 112 00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:50,210 We're talking about make or break a marriage right here. 113 00:06:50,430 --> 00:06:54,070 Now look at me and say, I'm going stock car racing. 114 00:06:55,370 --> 00:06:56,930 I'm going stock car racing. 115 00:06:57,210 --> 00:07:00,890 Hey, that's pretty good. For a little girl, come on. 116 00:07:01,890 --> 00:07:06,190 Look me in the eye. Come on, say it. I'm going stock car racing and that's that. 117 00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:13,490 That's good, that's good. Now look me in the eye and say, I'm going to march 118 00:07:13,490 --> 00:07:16,490 right into that kitchen. I'm going to march right into that kitchen. And get 119 00:07:16,490 --> 00:07:22,290 and Andy a beer. And I'm going to get Jim and Andy... All you have to do is 120 00:07:22,410 --> 00:07:23,410 Oh, sorry. 121 00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:32,630 Hey, hey, hey, hey, where are you going? 122 00:07:33,390 --> 00:07:34,870 Where's my bad word report? 123 00:07:35,270 --> 00:07:38,030 We're taking a break. We're going to have a tea party in the backyard. 124 00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:44,150 I used to be the table. 125 00:07:45,950 --> 00:07:47,550 They stuck gum to my belly. 126 00:07:50,810 --> 00:07:51,810 Hey! 127 00:07:52,270 --> 00:07:54,570 Huh? Come on, are you a man or a wuss? 128 00:07:54,970 --> 00:07:57,250 Well, have you ever seen a wuss drive 200 miles an hour? 129 00:07:57,930 --> 00:07:59,810 I'm going to race stock cars. I like that a lot. 130 00:08:00,090 --> 00:08:01,090 All right! 131 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,090 When are you going to do it? 132 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,760 You know, I said I'd hold off for a little bit. I don't want to rub my 133 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:09,800 sovereignty in her face too much. 134 00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:15,420 That is so cool, zipping around corners, spitting in death's face. Exactly. See, 135 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,100 I cannot wait for that adrenaline rush, you know? I mean, Jim, what was that 136 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:19,100 like for you? What? 137 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,440 When you went skydiving. 138 00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:22,320 Oh, I didn't go skydiving. 139 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,540 I mean, you know, life just kind of got in the way, a lot of distractions, you 140 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:31,600 know, kids, sports on TV, or Cheryl wearing a low -cut top. 141 00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:34,980 Oh, I think that's so cute. 142 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,600 Yeah, she even bought me a cool helmet. 143 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,120 I told you. That's exactly what Cheryl did for me. 144 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,440 Yeah, and then she said that my adventurous spirit was part of why she 145 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,580 love with me. Adventurous spirit? That's exactly what Cheryl said to me. That's 146 00:08:46,580 --> 00:08:48,140 exactly what Cheryl said to me. 147 00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:56,560 Let me ask you a question. 148 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,480 Was she wearing something low -cut? 149 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:02,120 Oh, yeah, and it was hot. It was like, here's your helmet. That's it! 150 00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:10,590 I can't believe it. She used reverse psychology on me. 151 00:09:13,490 --> 00:09:14,490 Wow. 152 00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:18,070 You do that to the kids all the time. You must feel stupid. 153 00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:23,690 And we got to take a stand here, that's all. 154 00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:28,750 That's right. Geronimo Jim is going to soar like an eagle as a symbol for men 155 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:31,190 everywhere, never to be manipulated again. 156 00:09:32,790 --> 00:09:35,370 You're going to go skydiving. We're going to go skydiving. 157 00:09:35,810 --> 00:09:36,810 Yeah. Yeah. 158 00:09:42,860 --> 00:09:48,140 You know, I appreciate you guys trying to include me, but this is kind of a 159 00:09:48,140 --> 00:09:49,140 married guy thing. 160 00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:51,620 You're going. 161 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:53,440 Are you sure? 162 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:04,400 You know, Andy, that really kind of only works for chicks, you know. 163 00:10:06,140 --> 00:10:07,520 Are you sure? 164 00:10:18,830 --> 00:10:21,290 And I looked into his eyes and I said, I was wrong. 165 00:10:21,730 --> 00:10:23,350 I want you to go racing. 166 00:10:23,610 --> 00:10:26,910 You should have seen the look on his face. I love men. 167 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,650 They're so simple, but they think they're so complicated. 168 00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:35,150 Marriage is going to be so easy now that I have the playbook. Honey, it is like 169 00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:38,910 shooting fish in a barrel. You know, without the gun and the unnecessary 170 00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:39,910 to animals. 171 00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,930 Talking about going to the stock car races. And it reminded me of the time 172 00:11:00,930 --> 00:11:04,610 I wanted to go skydiving. Remember, you wanted me to do it too because of my 173 00:11:04,610 --> 00:11:06,410 adventurous spirit. 174 00:11:08,230 --> 00:11:11,550 Not ringing a bell. 175 00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:16,070 I believe you said that adventurous spirit is one of the reasons you fell in 176 00:11:16,070 --> 00:11:18,690 love with me. You even bought him this cool helmet. 177 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,280 And that's not very adventurous. 178 00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:31,800 So, I'm going skydiving this weekend. 179 00:11:32,260 --> 00:11:33,680 And he's going too. 180 00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:38,660 Well, I got to check my calendar. I'm due for a teeth cleaning. You're going. 181 00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:43,800 Dana, I've been thinking about this whole stock car racing thing. I'm not 182 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:44,539 to do it. 183 00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:48,820 Oh, are you sure, honey? Because I'm totally fine with it. I know. 184 00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:51,640 I just figured I'd rather go skydiving with Jim. 185 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:54,960 You know, in honor of his... 186 00:11:55,310 --> 00:11:56,310 Adventurous spirit. 187 00:12:00,070 --> 00:12:02,490 Something wrong, sweetie? 188 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:03,970 No, no, no, no. 189 00:12:04,350 --> 00:12:06,070 No, we're fine. It's just so exciting. 190 00:12:07,530 --> 00:12:11,490 Where are we going? We're going to go make our adventures a hearty meal 191 00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:13,670 our three men are going to jump out of a plane. 192 00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:15,850 Skydiving, woo! 193 00:12:19,270 --> 00:12:21,530 I think I pulled a little adventurous spirit. 194 00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:31,520 You wouldn't break enough bones in a blazing car crash. 195 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:33,180 Well, it's your fault. 196 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:34,600 Adventure of spirit? 197 00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,800 You used the exact same words I used on Jim. 198 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,280 Well, yeah, you said it would work. 199 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,420 You can't use exact words. You've got to mix it up. The monkeys talk. 200 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:49,080 I thought they just talked about sports and boobs. 201 00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:51,980 Are you sure you're ready to get married? 202 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,280 Yeah, I even picked out the shoes. 203 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,840 All right, all right, all right. We can fix this. 204 00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,740 They're good, but we are better. 205 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,520 You know what? No way. Game over. I'm putting an end to this. 206 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,380 Fine, fine. Make it a thing. 207 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,640 Then they have to do it. 208 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:41,160 Skydiving? Jim is not going to let the mother of his children risk her life. 209 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:45,540 when he says it's too dangerous for me, we'd pout and use his own logic against 210 00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:46,540 him. 211 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,300 Why can't you just withhold sex like a normal woman? 212 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,920 I can't help myself. I need my monkey love. 213 00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:11,340 Rat poo? 214 00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:16,400 Rat poo? 215 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,340 You girls are filthy. 216 00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:23,000 Well, everything seems to be in order here. 217 00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:24,640 Congratulations, girls. 218 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:29,060 From now on, you can curse like polite sailors. 219 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:36,000 I thought the whole point of the report was to keep them from doing what they 220 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,570 wanted. No, no, not after I've been burned by reverse psychology. 221 00:14:40,610 --> 00:14:44,410 From now on, this family's going to say what they mean and mean what they say. 222 00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,170 I don't want to go skydiving. 223 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,290 Come on, you don't mean that. 224 00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:54,110 Hey, Jim. 225 00:14:54,390 --> 00:14:55,390 Yes? 226 00:14:55,550 --> 00:14:56,550 I've been thinking. 227 00:14:57,310 --> 00:14:58,430 Oh, have you now? 228 00:14:59,510 --> 00:15:03,830 Yeah, um, remember ten years ago when you wanted to go skydiving? Um... 229 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,240 There was something I didn't tell you. 230 00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:11,220 Well, today's a very good day to come clean with it, then. 231 00:15:12,380 --> 00:15:17,040 Yeah, um, the thing I didn't tell you is... Yes, my young bride? 232 00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:20,520 I want to go skydiving, too. 233 00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:23,200 Well, well, what? 234 00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:30,440 Well, for some reason I got it in my head that it was unsafe, but you are the 235 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,600 protector of this family, and you're going to do it. 236 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:39,080 happen. You know, besides our kids becoming orphans in the blink of an eye. 237 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:48,040 Well, I think that's a great idea. 238 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,320 Well, great. 239 00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,720 Absolutely great. 240 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,600 Finally, skydiving. 241 00:16:12,270 --> 00:16:13,650 10 ,000 feet. 242 00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:16,210 15. 243 00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:20,870 Even better. 244 00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:26,350 Trap! 245 00:16:27,670 --> 00:16:29,370 I thought she was going to fold. 246 00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,170 This sucks. 247 00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:33,690 Skydiving's off. 248 00:16:35,070 --> 00:16:36,550 The hell it is. 249 00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:39,190 She's bluffing and she's going to crack. 250 00:16:41,550 --> 00:16:42,810 That she rat -pooed me! 251 00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:47,150 You can use it as a verb? 252 00:16:48,910 --> 00:16:49,970 Yeah, it's right here in the report. 253 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,770 So, Ryan, here we are. 254 00:16:59,190 --> 00:17:01,350 Men, hold on to our maleness. 255 00:17:02,430 --> 00:17:05,930 Gotta tell you, Jim, my maleness has been sucked up into my body cavity. 256 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,359 Leave them up there because you're never going to get them back. 257 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:18,400 Hey, how you doing? How's this harness holding up? 258 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:41,360 before she jumps out. 259 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,280 you like Jim and Cheryl yeah I'd say that's a good goal 19753