Original subtitles

Malt ball combo into the corner of Andy's mouth for the win.

Jim, you don't have to keep calling the pocket. It's the only one we have.

Chalk me, please.

Combo, very difficult shot.

How about that?

Say what you want about me, but I never choke under pressure.

I'm going to keep your eye on the ball.

Hey, you all right?

Oh, my God. What?

I almost died.

Are you all right now?

Yeah.

Let's do meatballs. Meatballs!

All right.

Hey,

Gracie, what's the blue ribbon for?

First place in the school spelling bee.

Gracie, you give that back to Ruby right now.

I thought Ruby was the S -M -A -R -T -1.

W -R -O -N -G.

Good for you, girl.

Daddy, since Gracie won, can Kyle and I have popsicles?

How does that make sense?

She's our sister. We're part of her posse.

All right, they're in the freezer in the garage. Go ahead.

Baby, we are so...

with brains and looks. Oh.

Welcome to the club we meet on Tuesdays.

Next weekend at the high school, district championships.

Come on. Yes.

That is fantastic.

So, little Gracie's made it to the show, huh?

Here's a bit of advice from the guy who spelled his way to fifth round city

championships. And wet his pants on stage.

In front of the whole class.

At least he kept it in his pants. That's class.

Look, I was looking for an edge, okay, and it turned out my young bladder

couldn't handle coffee.

My point is, these district kids, they aren't amateurs. They take the game to a

whole new plateau.

Plateau. P -L -A -T -E -A -U.

Oh, yeah?

Try that with a belly full of French roast, girly.

All right, all right, Andy, calm down. All right, let's not tease him anymore

about this. Obviously, he's still in pain about it.

Thank you.

Hey, Andy, if you're going to do that, you might want to put some newspaper

down.

For the record, with two exceptions, it hasn't happened since.

Listen, you did great, and I want you to do better. I want you to go upstairs

and practice, all right?

I'll come upstairs, and I'll help you. We'll make a game out of it.

How? Oh, I don't know.

You know, if you make a mistake, I drink a beer.

I advise you on hair, clothes, and attitude. Now listen to me. When you get

on that stage, you throw this at him.

He says, I'm better, and you step off.

No, this says I'm better than you.

Okay, I feel like crap. Can I be part of your posse?

My God, that is so great. Isn't that great? I know.

Daddy, can we play pretzel stick pool?

Oh, I don't know.

Your Uncle Andy went home, honey.

Get winners.

Oh, baby.

Honey, honey. Hey, hey.

Stay with me.

Here's the word.

Clubian.

Clubian.

Daddy? Yeah?

I'm tired.

Tired? Come on, you're not carrying rocks. You're spelling words.

But we've been doing it for like four hours.

Honey, I know this is difficult for you, but you know what? I also know if you

don't challenge yourself, you're not going to win at anything.

Here's the word.

Clubian.

Can you use it in a sentence?

Okay.

Gracie, spell plebeian.

Hey, what's our little pocket -sized dictionary doing?

She's fading.

Go get some table sugar and a jump rope. Oh. Hey, Gracie, what's your favorite

kind of food?

Shrimp. All right.

So if you practice hard and win tomorrow night, we'll take you to Red Lobster

for dinner.

Okay,

the word is... Okay, but I want my own plate because I'm sick of sharing with

Daddy.

Okay, okay, you drive a hard bargain.

Bargain, B -A -R -G -A -I -N. We'll be in, P -L -E -B -E -I -N. Let's go.

the check when I come to.

So, Grace, you wouldn't get a crown or a trophy or something?

I got a certificate.

Oh. Well, still nice to win.

So when's the next one?

Next what?

Next spelling bee.

There's a new one.

Grace, she's the champ.

She's top dog, right?

People obviously don't understand the spelling game. She's on the circuit now,

babe. Next up, city championships.

Yeah. Saturday morning, downtown.

What? Where was I when they announced that?

Carrying Gracie on your shoulders for her victory lap around the parking

You know, I still have that bump on my head.

Are you groggy or confused?

No. Then it's nothing.

Don't worry, baby, you're fine. You got your daddy's thick skull.

It's at the Whitsitt. Registration's at 7 .15.

What?

Holy... Holy smokes, that's gonna be a lot of fun.

Really, but luckily, it's before traffic, so we don't have to leave the

till like 6 .45.

That is lucky.

How many more lucky weekends do we have left?

Depends on how good she is. And she's good.

She could be another Billie Jean doll.

Who's that?

The best I ever saw.

Two -inch glasses, orthopedic headgear.

Spelled loquacious with 104 fever.

He walked among us like a giant.

Blew himself up in a meth lab a few years ago.

Thank you, Andy, for that pep talk.

Do you have any other stories that end in a violent death?

So, bottom line it for me.

When's this end?

Well, she keeps winning. The national finals are in June.

Van...

Boy, nothing says spring in Chicago like sitting indoors watching kids spell.

final today and a long drive to Springfield ahead of us. Come on.

Great.

More driving.

Yahoo.

Yeah, Yahoo.

I'm excited too, you know, because if I weren't, I'd be a really bad parent.

We're in agreement, then? We're good parents?

The best.

Ow!

Ow!

What's wrong?

Gracie needs me.

Oh!

Oh, man. But you know what?

But she also needs me when I'm older.

Not out of commission, because I'm writing checks my body can't cash.

Yep. Yes, sirree, Bob.

Bed rest is the only thing that's going to fix this old back.

you're going to miss five hours of car bingo.

Yeah, not really my game.

Get the light on your way out, would you?

Hey, since you're not coming, is it all right if I take our wedding picture so I

can set it next to me?

Whoops!

Why did you do that?

I did that because...

I thought you'd jump out of bed and grab it because I know you're faking.

Well, I didn't, so obviously I'm not faking.

The light, please.

Well, if you're not faking, then... then you won't be able to catch your

grandmother's vase.

Okay, sure.

I got all day.

And a house full of breakables.

Thank you.

I didn't mean to do that. I'm just so tired.

You know, so what if I'm a bad parent? Who cares?

If I have to watch one more eight -year -old spend ten minutes misspelling

necessarily, I'm going to scream.

I would have screamed, but I was too busy gnawing off my arm.

And will you explain something to me?

Why don't they ever...

Give me a stopwatch and an air horn, and I'll have you a winner in 20 minutes.

Ten, if you let me pick the words.

Hey, hey, can you use it in a sentence?

What's the language of origin?

Are there any alternate pronunciations?

Just spell the...

Would it surprise you if I had a plan?

Grace is still asleep, right?

Right.

We let her stay asleep.

And when she wakes up, we say there was a power outage.

And our alarm didn't go off.

Oh, no, no, honey, because that would really be bad, parent. Yes.

Yes, and a forecast for a bad parent, Phil, is continued warm and toasty with

love front moving in from the south.

Gracie's up. I need your hairdryer. And, ew.

Oh, you woke her up?

Well, yeah. I can't do her hair while she's asleep.

If she wants to spell perfect, she's got to look perfect.

Confidence comes from the outside in.

Oh, maybe that's it.

I'm going to go take my shower.

You know, we're just going to have to keep going to these things till Gracie

loses.

All these kids.

They look like smart ones, too.

Too bad they all can't be winners.

Somebody's got to lose.

Someone else.

You know what? I don't know about you, but I've been really missing Ruby and

little one.

Kyle. Kyle.

Wait, what do you say all of us get together next week and go ice skating?

Really, Daddy?

That'd be awesome. Yeah, we'll go ice skating. We'll have some hot cocoa.

We'll go out for lunch.

Red lobster?

Red lobster, sure.

Oh, wait a minute.

If you win today, we got to go to St. Louis next weekend.

For the tri -state finals.

Do they have ice skating in St. Louis?

Against the law.

Oh, man.

Oh, man is right.

Hey, no big deal.

We're having fun doing this, you know.

Spelling and driving and winning.

And driving some more.

boring.

Really?

You think?

Yeah, but Daddy, winning's the greatest.

And let's go.

Okay, you were having trouble with that word perennial last night, right?

Alright, perennial.

P -E -R -E -N -N -I -A -L.

Good. Perennial.

Red Lobster is a perennial favorite.

What is with you and Red Lobster?

I just like it. Going there is the best part of living.

Really?

How big of a part?

All of it.

What about the trophies and doing your best?

Trophies are stupid.

And all of it because of giant nerds.

50 Uncle Andy's.

I don't think they're better at spelling than I am.

Honey, listen, you don't have to do the spelling bees if you don't want to.

I'll still take you out for shrimp.

Yeah? Yeah, I mean, we can't do it every week. I don't want Mommy to get in the

habit of going out.

Can we make popcorn shrimp?

If your mom could sleep in on a Saturday morning, she'd catch a damn shrimp

herself.

But you know what that means. You gotta, you know.

What are you saying?

I'm saying, kid, it ain't your night.

Are you telling me to take a dive?

You know what take a dive means?

Daddy, I know what insouciate means. Of course I understand.

Take a dive.

Okay, then.

Here's the thing.

You've got to go out there and lose one for your pop.

For tonight only, wrong is right, and right is very, very wrong.

That's a paradox.

Yes, it is.

Sure, sure.

Gracie, way to go!

Woo!

It hasn't started yet.

Oh, God.

Got some great news for you.

Gracie doesn't feel like a winner today.

Oh, I had a little talk with her.

And we made a little agreement, so to speak.

Let's just say, it ain't her night.

Jim, did you tell her to take a dive?

Oh, she knows what insouciant means.

What?

I don't know, whatever it means.

I just know that she doesn't care about winning or losing.

What? No, all she cares about is the shrimp at Red Lobster.

I swear to God, I just talked to her.

I knew it. What?

Well, hello.

That's why I couldn't get out of bed this morning. A mother senses these

Does a mother say these things?

Because you're going to save us a 10 -hour round trip.

After the competition, we're done?

After this word, we're done.

Come on, baby, do it for Mama Lose!

Don't judge me. It only helps your kid.

Our first contestant is from Havenhurst Elementary School.

She has the wink.

Start the car.

Just a reminder, the winner of today's competition will move on to the tri

-state finals next weekend in St. Louis.

Have a nice drive, sucker.

And as a bonus, they will also receive free dinner for one full year, courtesy

of our corporate sponsor, Red Lobster.

Your word is oenophile.

O -E -N -O -P -H -I -L -E.

Oenophile. That is correct.

An oenophile is a lover or connoisseur of wine.

Connoisseur. V -O -N -N.

All right. Thank you. Please take your seat.