All language subtitles for According to Jim s04e18 Shall We Dance

Hey, Dana, what do you think of this for
your wedding bouquet?

Oh, I love it. This is so great for when
I'm going to actually get to throw the

bouquet instead of elbowing some
bridesmaid in the mouth. Yeah.

I got to tell you, I'm all for women
fighting.

Throw a little jello in there and you
can make a fortune.

Incoming.

Stop it. You.

Stop it.

I'm going to pound you.

Anytime, anywhere, short pants.

I have a big job for you on the wedding
day. You get to be Aunt Dana's ring

bearer. That's right. You get to get
your hair cut and you're going to wear a

tuxedo. You are going to be a handsome
gentleman.

Do I have to, Daddy?

Yes, son, we all have to.

But I'll tell you what we can do at the
reception.

We can make fart sounds in our armpits.

Dad, remember our wedding?

Of my dress and the flowers and...

My dance with Dad.

Yeah,

he was a nice guy.

Yeah. His funeral was really nice, too.

Too bad he missed those lemon squares.

Yeah.

Hey, are you okay? Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
It just hit me when I saw that picture.

I remember Dad leading you out to the
dance floor and everybody applauding

and...

That's not going to happen for me.

You're going to have lemon squares at
the wedding?

What, if anybody has something better to
say, then just say it.

Hey, I know, I know.

Jim can do the father -daughter dance
with you. Oh, honey, I'd love to do

but you know I'm the worst dancer.

No, honey, no, you are not. You're not
that bad.

Oh, Lisa, at our wedding, when I was
dancing, I pulled a groin muscle, and it

wasn't even mine.

You know, actually, Dana, I was kind of
hoping you'd ask me. I mean, I'm your

brother. I'd be honored to dance with
you on your wedding day.

Thank you, Andy. That's really sweet.

Well, let me show you what I got, babe.

Go ahead, Sterling, if you please.
Breakfast a little bit.

I'm going to keep it simple. I don't
want to show up you and Ryan on your big

day. Oh, sweet.

Ow!

Oh, my goodness.

It's going to be beautiful. Get your
hand off my butt.

Okay,

well, you know, maybe a couple things
might need a few tweaks, but I'll be

on your wedding day. In fact, I'm going
to go out into the garage.

And practice with a broom.

I hope your pillow doesn't get jealous.

He stinks.

There should be a law.

All right, kids. Bath time.

I want to splash bath from a nurse.

What? Uncle Andy says it's the best.

I think Andy forgets that Kyle's in the
back seat sometimes.

Yeah.

Game's coming out in five minutes.
Either unload or get out.

I miss my dad.

Yeah, it's tough.

Listen,

you want me to have Cheryl make you a
sandwich?

It's not going to help anything.

You want to make me a sandwich?

You know, I remember your wedding,
dancing with Dad, and I remember him

at me and saying, you know, the next
time I do this will be at your wedding.

Yeah. Well, at least Andy will be there
to dance with you.

Yeah, if you call that dancing.

No, but you're right. He was sweet to
offer, and I'll just grin and bear it

imagine him dancing with Dad.

I just wish there was something I could
do for you.

This is an answer.

You're not going to do that to Dana, are
you?

Uh, hey, I know I'm still a little
rusty. The Statue of Liberty is rusty,

she still moves better than you.

Okay, Mr.

Bojangles, I've seen you dance. You're
terrible.

Really?

Is that so?

Oh, my God, what was that?

Where's your tape?

What I'm about to tell you, you have to
take to your grave.

And if you rat me out, you'll get to
that grave a lot sooner.

But I am a classically trained ballroom
dancer.

Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England.

I'm serious, Andy.

When I was a kid, my mother didn't want
me to get in trouble after school, so

she signed me up for some dance lessons.

Get out of here. Yeah, seriously.

But you know what? I hated it at first,
but after a while, I found the upside.

Jimmy, Jimmy, eyes up.

I never missed a lesson.

I wouldn't either if I got that close to
grown -up lady boobs.

And I'm talking about now.

Why haven't you told Cheryl about this?

Oh, come on, please. If I told Cheryl,
she'd be dragging me out dancing every

night. If this dance thing is such a
secret, why you tell me?

It's Dana.

She's really feeling bad about not
dancing with your father.

So I know she drives me nuts, but every
bride should be happy on their wedding

day. So...

You're going to dance with her? Hell no.

I'm going to teach you.

Yeah, Jim, I don't know if I feel
comfortable. Back straight.

Feet together.

Hands up.

Go back on this foot.

On one. Ready?

And one. Together.

Two. Out.

One.

Two. Head back. One.

Two.

One. Two. Very good. Now, look in my
eyes.

Wow.

They're incredibly hazel. Shut up.

Here, put your hands on my hips. Put
your hands on my hips.

There.

Feel better? You feeling it now?

Hey, I do feel it. And I feel so safe
with you. Shut up. You feel a little too

comfortable. One, two.

That's it.

Now you're swinging with it.

Go out for a little spin.

Come in.

And that's how you trap a wild boar.

You see, you bring him in closer, then
you trap him.

Just like that.

Yeah, but do you have to slow dance with
the boar first?

Because that's what we saw.

What are you guys even doing here?
You're way too early.

if he didn't come later, no telling what
we would have walked in on.

And look, for a couple guys dancing in a
garage, don't be so provincial.

Yeah, so what?

I know a few dance moves.

I was showing Andy for Dana's wedding,
but we're not going to talk about it

because this garage is safe.

Think of it as a, I don't know, private
club where men can express ideas and

experiences safe from the judgmental eye
of a closed -minded society.

All right, I'm in. Cool.

colors of kitties.

I make my own potpourri.

Sometimes I put on lipstick and shave my
entire body.

So,

at

the wedding, Kyle, you're going to come
out first with the rings for me and my

groom.

and clean rose petals in front of me and
the doctor.

Hey, Gracie, Aunt Dana's marrying a
doctor.

I hadn't heard.

Okay.

Ready?

Dun, dun, da -dun.

Dun, dun, da -dun.

This is such a beautiful wedding.

Cheryl, the bride is wearing sweatpants.

I just got through crying my way out of
a speeding ticket.

So, where are we?

Oh, we're pretty much done here.

Ooh, sounds like it's time for the
reception.

May I have this dance?

He's gonna dance!

Run!

Um,

Andy, you know what I've been thinking?

This wedding's becoming too much about
me.

So, I'm just gonna let Cheryl have the
first dance with you.

Just trust me. Oh, I don't know if I...

Wow!

Andy, it's like somebody connected your
body to your brain.

I took dancing lessons.

Is my back straight enough, Jim?

That is such a weird question to ask me.

Just some fruity guy.

Hey, just because a guy can dance
doesn't mean he's fruity.

I'm sure his wife is incredibly
satisfied.

Andy, I'm just... I'm really touched
that you did that.

Well, I know how important that dance at
your wedding is to you.

Thank you. Look at that.

Andy's going to dance with Dina at the
wedding? The wedding is saved. Isn't

great? Ah, sure, whatever. Good for
them.

What's wrong with you?

It's nothing. I'm fine. I'm not mad.

Great.

You know what really ticks me off?

I thought you said you weren't mad. Oh,
you knew I was. Yeah, I knew.

We're going to be the only couple not
dancing at Dana's wedding.

We've gone over this before. Some people
have the dancing gene. I don't. Come

on, Jim. Let's just take one lesson. We
can do this. Come on, Cheryl. I want to

dance with my husband at my sister's
wedding.

Is that too much to ask?

can do it. Just one lesson.

Do it for me, please.

You're so sexy when you beg.

First lesson's free.

Sitting at home is free.

Come on.

This is the last family wedding I'm
going to get to dance at.

Excuse me. Aren't you forgetting
someone?

up on this thing, are you?

Let's just say you don't know where I
buy the good mustard.

All right.

I need to name a number of your dance
instructor.

Yeah.

He moved to Canada to marry his life
partner.

I bet he's not marrying a doctor.

Anybody.

All right, Cheryl.

And Jim.

Cheryl, I am terrible. Look at these
people. They're afraid of me. Let's just

home. We got off to a bit of a rocky
start, but it's only our second class. I

not giving up on you.

In my 18 -year career, I have never had
to say this, but the dance is not in

you, sir.

What are you saying?

I'm saying I don't have enough
insurance.

Please, don't come back.

All right, everybody. Good class.

I'll see almost everybody here next
week.

You're very good. You're very good. You
suck.

face and I just can't dance. I never
could.

You know what?

It's my fault. I shouldn't have made you
do it.

It is kind of. I mean, you knew. I told
you.

What?

Nothing.

I just miss my dad.

You know, when I was little, he used
to...

He used to put my feet on top of his,
and then he'd dance me around and around

and around.

I felt like I was flying.

I just thought that.

What are you doing?

We're going to dance.

Can't you at least wait for the feeling
to come back into my feet?

Very, very well.

How did this happen?

Well, I might have taken a lesson or
two.

What?

When?

Well, until puberty made it impossible.

All this time, all those weddings and
parties.

We could have been dancing.

That's exactly why I didn't tell you.

I don't get it.

Well, Cheryl, we'll think of it this
way.

Let's say you knew that I was Superman.

Right.

You'd have me taking cats out of trees
and stopping crime and cooking your eggs

with my heat vision.

You know what? I don't want to do that.

I just want to sit in my fortress of
solitude and watch TV.

Why tell me now?

Well, Dina's not the only one missing
her father.

I totally get it. You don't want this to
be a regular thing.

That's right.

I get it.

But there is this charity ball coming
in. No, Cheryl.

But it's a good cause. It's the girls'
school.

No!

How about my birthday?

No.

Are you telling me you're not going to
dance with me on my birthday?

All right.

But just the two of us in our living
room.

I love it.

But instead of living room, let's go to
a dance.

Damn you, woman.

Is there anything else you can do that
you're not telling me?

Not that I can think of.

Can you cook?

Absolutely not.

Although your spaghetti can use a pinch
more basil.

Or chocolate.

I don't know.

Or do I?