Original subtitles

Thank you.

Well, dinner was delicious.

At least what I had of it.

Cheryl, you know the rule. You talk, don't eat. It's Jim's meat.

I'm glad we finally got a chance to meet each other.

Oh, us two, Talia.

Andy, would you like a taste of my creme brulee? Oh, thanks, but I don't have

much of it sweet, too.

May I?

Huh? What?

You know, honey, that looks good. Ow!

You know the rules.

It may not be fair, but I don't share.

You should write books for selfish children.

Yes. Excuse me, good fellow. Would you mind turning down the air conditioning?

My lady has a chill.

Oh, thank you.

He never stops thinking about me.

Oh. You know, I'm a little chilled, too.

Well, sit tight. They're working on it, honey.

Excuse me. Just a minute. Allow me.

Thank you.

Oh, you seem very sweet.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Good, she's gone.

Oh, my God. Wrap it. Pass the sugar, pass it.

Danny, I'm trying to make a good impression.

We need to get going if we want to make that movie. Mm -hmm.

Just waiting on Cheryl.

Done eating yet, sis?

I don't know where she puts it all.

Well, well, well, I hope the movie is as good as dinner.

Thank you.

Oh, my pleasure.

Joe, can you try to be a little more careful?

Oh, baby.

Hey, how'd it go?

Shh, kids asleep, kids asleep. Don't talk, movie's almost over.

Okay, Dana, come on, go. Let's go. Ow, ow, ow, ow.

No, it's his date night. We talked, I fed her, now it's time for the fun part.

Let's go!

I'm going to watch the end of the movie.

Oh, this one?

Boat sinks, skinny guy dies, and the old lady throws a jewel in the ocean.

Come on, let's go.

I've got a pizza coming in five minutes. Oh, then I'm going to have to beat my

record. Come on, hit the brakes. Go!

All right, woman, brace yourself.

Your one -man threesome is here.

You're bad.

What's with the sweats?

What happened to the hot chick I took to dinner?

The hot chick is still waiting for you to pull her chair out.

Oh, Cheryl, come on.

What are you doing?

Did you see how much attention Andy was paying to Talia? He waited on her hand

and foot.

I couldn't even get you to pour me a glass of wine. Cheryl, you are a

lightweight. Two glasses of wine and your head is flat into the plate.

Besides, how am I going to have fun if you don't drive home?

Jim, I'm serious.

I'm serious, too.

You used to come home and stay all dressed up in your sexy dress.

Well, you used to pull my chair out and share your dessert with me, you know,

like Andy was doing for Talia.

Joe, Talia is making an effort for our man, and you... What?

Don't.

I mean, that dress tonight, I was bringing it.

Why didn't you bring it into the bedroom?

Come on, Cheryl, were you trying to impress me or were you trying to

you know, Andy's new girlfriend?

We were going out. I wanted to look nice.

Uh -huh.

Did you shave your legs to the knee or past?

Wait, my thighs didn't show.

You weren't making an effort for me, you know, and you hardly ever do anymore.

It's a little difficult to make an effort all the time when you're trying

a mother to three kids. You know what? There you go. Using the mommy card

You know what? It didn't work on Mother's Day. It's not going to work

Jim, can't you talk?

Andy was pretending to eat salads to impress his day. What effort did you put

forth for me?

Baby, I am nothing but effort.

Drafted in the bathroom. Most men wouldn't do that.

All right, Dana, I need your opinion about something.

What? Jim thinks I'm not putting in enough effort.

Into what?

You know, dressing up, being romantic, looking my best.

Oh, you've got to be freaking kidding me. The guy picks his teeth with his

was being comfortable. Once you bag a man and get his head on the wall, you

never have to worry about the sting of wire and spandex again.

Exactly. These are your coasting ears. Yes.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm not coasting.

Really? Yeah.

So are those your fancy on the town sweats or your tea time with the queen

sweats?

I like my sweats.

Well, I know.

That's why you wear them.

Every single day.

Man, I'm coasting.

Eh, don't worry about it. 40, 50 years, it'll all be over anyway.

All right, I gotta go. I have a date. Check out my fake laugh.

That is so funny.

All right.

One hour left for the big boxing match. How great is this, huh?

Saturday night, two buds watching the pay -per -view boxing event of the

Yes!

Talia's okay with this, leaving her alone?

I got a little static, but I checked her.

She dumped you, didn't she? Like a gay running mate.

She caught me at 2 a .m. sitting on the kitchen floor dipping a stick of butter

into a sugar bowl.

You eat that?

Yeah. That's brilliant!

Leave you in charge.

Wow.

Look at you, my God. What are you doing?

I know what this is about.

20 years ago, this very night, I won the district spelling bee.

Oh, sis, you remembered.

I'm flabbergasted. F -L -A -B -B -E -R -G -A -S -T -E -D.

Flabbergasted.

Still got it. Still got it. No, Cheryl, really.

What's going on?

Well, I mean, I heard what you said the other night, and I think maybe you're

right. I mean, maybe we both could make a little more effort. So I decided I

would start.

Tonight?

Yeah.

And I got Dana to watch the kids, so we have the whole house to ourselves.

But we were going to... Do nothing.

Nothing tonight.

Because my lovely wife went out of her way to create a romantic dinner.

I'm going to go get the salad.

Okay. And I'm going to take this trash to the curb so we can have a romantic

evening.

What about the fight?

Listen, I made such a big stink about her not making an effort. If I blow her

off now, she won't wear that sexy dress again until my funeral.

Jim, we gotta see the fight. We paid 75 bucks for it.

I know, I know, I know. Let me think for a second.

I need some thinking music.

Hum something.

I got it! I got it!

Look, she's making a romantic dinner, right?

That'll take about 45 minutes.

A half an hour if I don't chew.

So, you go home.

I'll eat really fast. Finish up. I'll call you when we're done. Good. Okay.

Yeah. That'll give me a chance to make some of those butter sugar things.

You know what?

Andy, you should really come up with a name for those. I did.

They're called shame sticks.

Oh, yeah, it's really fun, really fun.

Oh, you're hurting my manners.

Well, thank you, sir.

Okay, thank you.

Did you notice I'm wearing your favorite dress?

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Slow down, slow down. I want to enjoy tonight.

I thought maybe after dinner we'd take a midnight stroll in the park.

Are you nuts?

The park at night, it's crawling with heeshies.

Really?

No, I'm going to lie to you, Cheryl.

Okay, well, we'll have a romantic evening at home.

To making an effort.

Okay.

Boy, I better eat something or this wine is going to knock me out.

Wait up before you eat.

I'd like to make a toast.

To my young, beautiful wife.

Who has given me, not only tonight, but for the last... 13?

13 years.

A wonderful life.

Aw, that is so sweet.

I'm a sweet guy.

Cheryl,

must I remind you of the old country tradition?

Of finishing your drink when a man makes a toast?

Oh.

Whoa.

Yeah, yeah. Come on, one more toast before you eat. One more toast. I'm in a

toasty mood.

I love you so much. I love you so much.

To my beautiful wife and our three beautiful children. And maybe someday a

fourth. Oh, honey.

You know, I can't finish that. I really... Oh.

So it's okay for you to make an effort, but not me.

I'm sorry, Jim.

It's okay.

Woo!

She's a girl!

I'm a girl!

Okay, now I would take Shalost.

Another shame stick?

I think I've earned it.

Well, hello, my young love.

How are we feeling?

Like I swallowed a barrel of socks.

Then I won't be kissing you.

I could use a spit.

Honey, how could you let me drink so much last night?

Cheryl, I'm your husband, not your sponsor.

I feel like I ruined our whole evening. I don't remember anything.

Nothing?

No. You were charming and sexy.

I was devastating.

You sure you want to know?

Yes.

All right, I'll tell you.

It was a magical night.

For the first hour, all we did was hold hands and talk.

Oh, how we talked.

About dreams and feelings and stuff.

Then we took turns feeding each other.

feeding each other the delicious feast you slaved over me.

And then we laughed, laughed and laughed. Oh, how

we laughed.

Then we walked to the park, per your request, and I carved our names into a

so future generations can bask in our commitment to each other.

And at the very end of the night, we danced.

We danced with only the light of the moon and the glow of our eternal love.

Oh, honey.

This sounds like such a special night.

It really does, doesn't it?

I'm just going to rest my eyes for just a minute.

I'm so sorry I missed your lovely evening.

Me too.

That's your teeth.

Hey, you.

Here's the short skirt you wanted. You guys going out?

No, I'm wearing it to clean the house while Jim watches.

Ew. Well, I told you I'm making an effort.

Are you guys still doing that?

Well, I feel like I owe it to him after I passed out the other night. Oh, come

on. You spent an entire night with Jim and you don't remember it. That's my

dream come true.

From now on, every time I come over here, I'm getting good and hammered.

Whoa.

What's the deal with this cable bill? It's huge.

Oh, Jim must have cracked the parental code on the TV again.

No, it can't be that. I used my birthday.

A little smart.

Oh, here it is. You ordered one of those pay -per -view boxing things. Oh, the

Douglas Manning fight. Oh, what a bloodbath.

I watched that with the kids when they stayed with me.

Wait a minute.

That was Saturday night.

That was the night of our romantic dinner.

Hmm. You mean the dinner where Jim got you drunk and you don't remember a

Could there possibly be a connection?

No, that's impossible.

We danced, and he carved our names in a tree, and then a bird landed on his

finger. Oh, no. Did the candlesticks dance and sing Be Our Guest?

But we talked.

About what?

Stuff?

Oh, my God!

He got me drunk and watched a fight!

Well, let's see how much he likes being in a fight.

have to go 12 rounds with a blonde tornado.

Yeah. Yeah.

Betty, Veronica.

Have you seen Jim?

Why would I know where Jim is? Because you're his toady.

He's in a treehouse.

Perfect. I can make it look like an accident when he falls.

Which one am I, Betty or Veronica?

I don't know. Whichever one's a jerk.

That's funny. How's Talia?

Jim, would you come down here? I need to talk to you.

Coming.

Hello.

I know what you did.

Cheryl, we've been together a long time.

You're going to have to be a little more specific than that.

You got me drunk so you could watch a stupid boxing match.

Everybody about the time you wore my maternity underwear.

How did you find out?

Elastic was shot to hell.

No, about the boxing.

Leave it, Bill.

I don't believe you.

All right, Cheryl, calm down. Let's discuss this like adults in the

You happen to remember the password?

I am this close to killing you.

Okay, new password.

Check it out.

Table for two.

What? Yeah, see?

I'm making an effort.

Like you did the other night for dinner.

You're just doing this to get out of trouble.

Sure, I didn't even know I was in trouble till just now. I thought I

got away with it.

What's all this?

Well, remember the other morning when I described that magical night we had

together?

I'm sure it's pretty clear now that didn't happen.

Well, when I was making it up, it sounded so great.

I kind of wish it was real.

Please.

You know, I was thinking, Cheryl, I really

don't want us to coast.

I don't want to be roommates.

I want to be lovers.

I think we deserve that.

I know I do.

That's what I want, too.

That's why I did that whole dinner thing.

I know, honey, I know. But you know what? You picked the worst night in the

world to do that. I mean, if it was any other night, it would have been fine.

Really? Yes.

What about the Super Bowl?

Oh, no, that would have been bad. But that's it.

Right. World Series?

No, that would have been bad, too.

Tony Award?

You don't tell anybody about that, do you?

No.

Well, Cheryl, I'll tell you what.

Let's make a deal, okay?

Okay.

Why don't we make an effort for each other, but certain blackout dates will

apply.

They're playing our song.

I have the stats.

I would be honored.

Honey?

Do you think we could be done by eight? Because the backstory is really heating

up and Jen has some tough decisions to make.

All right, but you're going to have to get me really drunk.

Oh.