Original subtitles

Hi, Daddy. Hey, baby.

What are you and Gracie been doing?

Nothing. Friend story.

Oh, yeah? You girls are being so good. Mommy's going to be so proud of you.

Come on, Ruby.

The forest berries are coming back. It's a blueberry king.

Love you.

Hello. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey. How was the dentist?

Fine. Great, no problem.

She tried to bite him.

Cheryl, you've got to get over this phobia with the dentist.

You're one to talk. You are terrified of spiders.

Yeah, that's different.

Dentists can't hide in your shoes.

Yeah, well, I'm just glad it's over.

No, it's not, Cheryl. You still keep up a... It's me on the root canal, Ray.

Oh, wait a minute.

You gotta have a root canal?

Yeah, but I'm not going to do it, and I don't care if all my teeth fall out. Oh,

come on, Cheryl. If that happened, people would be saying, what's he doing

her?

And I would just throw things off.

Come on, Cheryl.

The dentist said he'd put you under.

No, but... Come here. Come on. Come here. Sit down.

Listen.

This time, I'll go with you. You will?

Yeah. Will you hold my hand?

I will hold your hand the whole time. And you know what? I'll have Andy drive

so I can hug you all the way home.

Oh, honey, that is so sweet.

Baby, you can count on me.

Oh.

Look, Mommy, it's the Blueberry King.

Well, I'm going to leave them in your capable hands.

Mr. Engel screws up and accidentally leaves something in my mouth.

I hope it's a DVD player.

What? I was trying to lighten things up a little. Oh. Plus, I broke the DVD

player.

You ready, Cheryl?

No, no. You know what? No, no.

I'm not. I gotta go. There's something wrong at home. Cheryl, Cheryl. You're

a mother! You don't know!

I will, honey. I'll hold your hand the whole time. I promise. Now, just relax.

Okay. Relax.

Okay. There you go.

Okay.

It's not working.

No. No, it's not working. Give it a chance, Cheryl. No, I think this was

Oh, baby.

Okay, she's sleeping now.

Jim, you're never going to believe this. I was in the pharmacy buying pork rinds

and a home cholesterol test, and guess who I ran into?

None other than the great Bo Diddley.

Both diddly?

You're serious? Yeah, yeah, I talked to him. Told him we had a blues band. You

did not.

Hey, he's waiting for his daughter downstairs. You want to meet him? Meet

want to have us babies.

Hey, Doc, give me some mouthwash.

Promise Cheryl

I'd stay with her.

If only you'd put in a clause. about running into famous blues legends.

You don't think about those things.

Hey, wait a minute.

Technically, I don't have to be here because she's out, right?

And the world we live in doesn't exist to her right now.

For all you know, in her world, she's getting nasty with Russell Crowe.

And she's using my hand.

How long is she going to be out? Two hours.

Cheryl?

Cheryl?

I peed in the bushes.

Your thighs look really fat today.

Oh, yeah, she's out. Let's go.

Oh, how cool.

Excuse me, Mr. Diddley? Bo?

What's up, Slim?

He's named me. Oh, this is Jim. He's the harp player in my band.

European? I don't ask for much. Just give me this.

All right, all right.

It's not his band. It's mine.

Wow.

What happened there?

Ingrown toenail, and the pain is ugly, man.

You gonna write a song about it? Now, why should I do that, huh?

Hello, Bose listeners.

What's up?

Don't worry about it, baby girl.

Bo will get a taxi.

Bye.

Everything all right?

No.

Baby girl's kids got sick today at school, and she can't pick me up.

Would you guys flag Bo a taxi?

Where does Bo live?

About ten minutes from here.

Ten minutes? I mean, that's nothing.

You don't have to take a taxi. We'll give you a ride.

Oh, you'd do that for me, Hartfield or Dill?

Just name me.

Hartfield or Dill. What do you mean? What about Cheryl? Oh, please, Cheryl.

on, she's up there sharing a cigarette with Russell Crowe right now.

Look, it's 20 minutes.

She'll be out for another hour and a half.

Come on, Mr. Dillard, let's go.

Oh, man, I've been a big fan. Andy, Andy, where are you going? Oh, I'll meet

out front. I'm going to exchange this cholesterol test for more pork rites.

Okay, you know, my band is a really great band.

I'm the harp player, of course, and I'm the singer. I have all kinds of... Come

in, let me get that for you.

That's a pretty good lunch there, Flew.

Sorry it took me three times to melt the cheese the way you like it.

Bull don't like the bubbles.

All right.

Your fish are fed, plants are watered, your laundry is in the dryer, Mr.

Diddley. You didn't put my undies in there, did you?

No, no, no. I hung them over the shower rod like you asked me.

Don't worry. Sorry, but we got to get going.

Well, I guess the dishes can wait till morning.

Bo does have a problem with ants.

Okay.

Oh, great. Cheryl's still under.

Wow. Bo sure can't talk, huh?

What did I tell you?

No matter what it says on a bumper sticker, don't ask about their

Sorry. That Lamont sounds like a real pistol.

Oh, Cheryl, I am here for you.

How long were we gone?

Where's Cheryl?

She's in the other office recovering.

Don't worry. She's going to be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Was she

No, but she should be coming out of it just about now.

Cheryl. Cheryl.

Is there a boy, Ginger? Is there a boy we can stop?

Honey, you had a root canal, and the doctor said it went great.

I had a root canal and a baby?

You just had dental surgery.

Oh, oh, yeah, honey.

And I never could have done it if you weren't with me the whole time.

That's because I was with you the whole time.

Yeah.

I could feel you.

And I could feel you feeling me.

It's like we're one person.

Well, honey, that's what it feels like when you marry the perfect guy.

Good job.

Honey, would you hand me that water?

I'm really thirsty.

Here you go, baby.

Sure, you're a little numb. Sure.

Oh, that really hit the spot.

So, is your mouth still sore? It's not so bad. You know what?

I couldn't have done it without Jim. He's not really there for me. Do you

he held my hand the entire time?

Yeah. Now I kind of feel bad about lying down in front of your wedding limo.

Oh, thank you.

What's that from?

Oh, I'm guessing a pretty terrific guy wishing me a speedy recovery.

What's that?

Huh?

Heart player Jim.

yesterday afternoon and doing my laundry.

Bo Diddley. P .S. Tell Slim the tuna melt was Bo -licious.

But yesterday afternoon... Bo Diddley? Jim met Bo Diddley? Well, but how could

he do that? He was with me.

Oh, my God.

Jim abandoned you while you were unconscious.

And he did laundry.

Daddy's home. Release the doves.

Oh, honey, I'm so glad you're home.

I have a special treat for you.

Are you wearing it under there?

No.

What's that?

Look at this, Tom.

Wow, look at that.

Look at that chocolate truffle.

Brie?

Honey, if you really wanted to thank me, a case of beer and some snow tires

would have done the trick.

Read the note.

Oh, girls with their cards.

I know.

You know what, honey? I love you so much that

when I'm through with this, I'm going to give you the basket.

Why did you leave me there alone?

Oh, honey, it was Bo Diddley. Come on.

You were completely out. You didn't even know I was gone. But that doesn't

matter. I need to know that I can count on you to follow through, even if I'm

not going to find out.

Oh, come on. We let it from my position for a minute, all right?

What if you had an opportunity to hang out with some famous housewife?

Huh? Yeah, like who?

Like, like,

like, I don't know. I can't help it if I'm your whole universe. Oh.

Oh.

We're crying out loud. It's no big deal.

All right? It's a once -in -a -lifetime thing. It's never going to happen again.

Like that time I made that beer milkshake.

I don't believe you. Honey, you were there. I was foaming from both ends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. I remember. I remember. And I was there

the whole time, no matter how disgusting you got.

Because that is...

Yes, you are like that. Yes, and apparently you're not that kind of

that kind of person.

Well, I guess time will tell.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

You don't even know me.

You're eating the chocolates, aren't you?

We're going to be back about 11.

Okay. Mommy?

Yeah? Can we come to the movies with you and Aunt Dana?

Oh, no, baby. It's a grown -up movie.

Do they say bad words?

Do they say stupid?

Do they say shut up?

Do they say S -E -S?

No, sweetie. Actually, it's just a movie where people talk about their feelings.

If nothing blows up, it ain't a movie.

All right, my loves. Be good.

Oh, and honey, when the kids go to sleep tonight... Yes? Can you stay here?

Oh, I'm sorry. This came from you.

Love you.

Love you.

Hey, Jim. Yeah? Found out a way to make popcorn in man -sized portions.

The dryer.

Hey, hey, check this out. Look at this.

VIP tickets, backstage passes for Bo Diddley at the Kingston Mines tonight.

cool is that?

Wow, from the man himself.

Wow. Does it say anything about free food?

This popcorn tastes a little linty.

Wait a minute.

I know what this is about.

She is so obvious.

What are you talking about?

She's setting me up.

Come on, out of the blue, she's going to the movies?

And these tickets just happen to show up? Are you saying this is a setup?

Yes, Andy, that's what I said, and I explained it.

I can't believe her. She actually thinks I'm going to ditch the kids to go to

this thing so she can catch me not being there for her.

Yeah, but what if Cheryl had nothing to do with these tickets? Maybe they really

are from Bo. I mean, you hand -washed the guy's underpants.

We're talking about Cheryl here.

She's got nothing to do all day but plot against me.

I'm not going to fall for it.

You know, maybe she doesn't spend all her time plotting.

I mean, this house is pretty clean.

All right, let's go.

No, wait a minute. This is a trap.

We're staying.

It's Bo Dudley!

We're going!

No, that's exactly what she wants me to think. We're staying.

We're going, aren't we? Yep, let's go.

What about Maisie and Daisy here?

Oh, Marilyn, thank you for coming over. What's the emergency?

Oh, I have to get to the hospital ASTP.

It seems like Andy, he just keeps falling down.

Oh, baby, here it comes.

Oh, my God.

What happened to him? I don't know. Apparently a beetle crawled into his

It's eating my brain.

Look at that.

Oh,

Marilyn, I hate to do this to you, but can you watch the kids, please?

Oh, I can hear it chewing.

get a picture with me and the beetle.

I looked all through the club, Jim. Even the ladies.

Every stall.

Wouldn't believe the attitude I got in there.

Cheryl is definitely not here.

What's your game, blondie?

What's your game?

I got to tell you, I don't think there is a game. I really think she went to

movies.

Maybe you're right.

That's the game.

Trust.

She trusts me. That's the game. See, and obviously I'm untrustworthy, right?

Cheryl, trust me too much.

with this but there's something inside me that's just stopping me you mean

guilt i don't know what the medical term is i just i just can't do the

wrong thing come on now no i don't know what it is beat yourself up you tried to

do the wrong thing

Go home?

Yeah.

Hey.

You know, you see Bo, tell him hi from our player, Jim.

If it comes out.

That's him!

The weirdo from the ladies' room!

Oh, honey.

What a great movie.

Meryl Streep plays this deaf woman, and she can only speak in sign language, and

I've lost her already, haven't I?

Cheryl, what are you doing to me here?

What?

You know that envelope you gave me?

Yeah.

It had tickets in it to the Bo Diddley concert tonight at the Kingston Mines,

and you know what?

What? I went.

You what? I went, but you know what? I couldn't go in. You know why?

Because you trusted me.

Wait a minute. You took our children, our babies, into some smoky nightclub?

course not. I dumped them on Marilyn Kranitz.

Oh, you are unbelievable.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't make this about me. This is about you, baby.

Why is this about me?

Because you trusted me.

And because I love you so much, I had no choice but to live up to it.

You wanted to do something wrong. You couldn't do it, so now you're mad at me?

Yeah, now we're on the same page, finally.

Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you a better person. Oh, oh, oh, I hope

you're happy, Cheryl. You took this wild animal out of the jungle, put him in a

cage, and make him perform little tricks in your suburban circus.

What?

That's not funny.

Suburban circus? Yes.

That's really funny.

It's kind of funny, I guess.

A little bit, but... What?

I'm not 100 % sure, but I think I might be a little bit proud of you.

Really? Yeah.

Why? Well, I mean, honey, you didn't completely do the wrong thing tonight.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. I was half wrong.

There's still hope for me.

What's that all about?

That's the half of me that you'll never tame.

Whether you're tall, short, or slim, everybody listens to Hot

Player Jim. Yeah!

I'll play until he knows where it's at.

He don't care where you shot up at.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, get out of here.