Original subtitles

Jim? Huh?

What? Would you please watch the girls while I make dinner?

Honey, I'm in the middle of something right now.

You know, I can see you.

Okay.

In a mile.

Hi, baby.

Play a game with us, Daddy.

We want to play a game.

Okay.

Oh, how about let's play find the quarter.

Yay!

Now remember, whoever finds the quarter gets a penny.

What's that?

What do you think it is? A monster?

It's a horse.

It looks like a monster.

Oh, is it the one that lives under your bed?

Hey, how's it going with Uncle Andy?

Uncle Andy told me... Well, we're having a great time.

Hey, everyone.

Hiya, Dana.

Hi. What's in the bags?

Receipts. Can you do my taxes?

Ow. Yeah, my extension runs out tomorrow.

Please, I'll go to jail.

Well, bunk with a big woman and you'll be fine.

I fixed you up with my assistant.

Mrs. Anderson?

She was 62.

She was Miss Illinois.

Was it even a state then?

Come on, Andy, just do this for me. I'll take care of the girls.

Name your price.

Hey, Andy, why don't you have her do that bag of laundry you brought over?

All right, but I'm not doing the underwear.

It's all underwear.

Forget it.

Hey, girls, can you draw a picture? picture of Auntie Dana in jail?

Can she have a bird with her?

Sure, she'll probably just sell it for cigarettes anyway.

All right, fine, Andy, you win.

Not really.

Hey, wow, look at what I'm married.

Wow,

you haven't worn that dress since, well, the night we made Kyle. Yeah, I sewed

the straps back on.

I laid it out for you, Jim. Right.

Okay, let's go. All right. Okay, girls, be good.

I want them in bed by nine. They can watch TV for an hour.

Thank you, Andy. Oh, and I made mac and cheese for dinner.

How come you always have mac and cheese when we're going out?

Hey, look. There's a restaurant.

Oh, and there's a spot.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's handicapped.

Well, you do have a broken wrist.

All right.

Oh, look, there's someone's pulling out. Mine.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, he just took my spot.

Hey, you idiot, you just took my spot.

Not your spot. He didn't know where you were going. I clearly indicated.

He knew I was going for it. He took my damn spot.

Jim, the windows are up. He can't hear you. So you're basically just yelling at

me.

Don't get out of the car.

Honey, I'm just going to go there and tell him.

What he did was wrong.

Jim, please.

I don't want a repeat of Mother's Day.

Honey, this is totally different. This is a guy.

You know what?

There's a lot right next to the restaurant. See? No. No. If we park

wins. Wins what?

He wins.

This isn't a contest, honey. Look, I just really want to have a dinner and go

a movie. Do not ruin this for me.

Okay?

Okay. Okay.

I get it. Okay.

Get that finger back in the car.

No.

What's my refund?

I don't know. I can't make any sense of these receipts. Who lives like this?

You know, my last accountant wasn't this judgmental.

Maybe that's because your last accountant was an accountant.

Fine. I'll sort through the rest of the receipts. But I am not doing any more of

your underwear.

Home of the whopper, Andy?

They were a gift.

Cheryl, you look so beautiful tonight.

Oh, thank you. Oh, you are just so gorgeous.

Oh, thank you. This is exciting. I love this place.

Oh, I am going to eat so much.

Well, honey, you knock yourself out.

For the love of God, Jim, not the coupon book.

Excuse me, pal.

This coupon for a free appetizer is only good till 7 o 'clock, and it's like two

minutes to 7 right now, so I just let you know that I'm in my chair, okay?

All right? You're my witness.

Will you please put that away? It's embarrassing.

Okay. Just trying to save a little money, that's all.

I mean, if you didn't go to the beauty parlor so much.

Beauty parlor?

Who am I, Aunt Bea?

I stole my parking space.

What a jerk.

Jim. Come on, he took my spot. Stop it.

We haven't been out anywhere alone together in I don't know how long.

we just enjoy it?

Yeah. Okay.

You're right, baby.

You're right. This is our night tonight. I know.

Okay, then let's talk.

Okay.

Hey, what's that movie about we're going to see?

Oh, it's English.

Oh, they don't write with feathers, do they? You know I hate that.

It's about World War II.

Keep talking.

Okay. It's about the blossoming friendship between two women in the

countryside.

Jeez, I hope there are two lesbians driving a tank.

Look at him.

Look at him over there, all high and mighty.

It's me, your lovely wife, sitting across from you. Honey, he is sitting at

table next to the fireplace, the best table in the place, and he knows it's

picking me up. It's not about where we sit. It's about who you're with.

Right. Well, I'm with you. That's right.

And you're so pretty.

Aw.

Come here, give me a little kiss. Look what he just did. Look what he just did.

He just took a fork off the other table. I can't believe this guy. I mean, this

is like his thing, taking other people's stuff.

That's probably not even his hairpiece.

All right, switch places with me. I'm trying to have a nice dinner, but this

guy... Would you let it go?

Let it go.

All right, I'll let it go. Okay, good.

Are you folks ready to order?

Yeah, yes, we are.

I'd like to start with the arugula salad, and I would like the rosemary

with pommes frites.

And I think I'll start with...

The rack of lamb.

I'm sorry, sir. We just ran out.

Let me guess.

Did that guy over there get it?

Yes, sir. Why? Because he ordered before you and we don't have any more.

Oh, you got all the answers, don't you?

You realize this is false advertising.

You are going to get a letter from my lawyer.

Come on, sir. You don't have a lawyer.

Yeah, but I can bench press 300 pounds.

No, you can't, sir.

All righty now.

Cheryl?

Cheryl?

Boy, we don't get this kind of lip at the Sizzler.

Dana, where's my beer?

I want my beer!

It's coming!

God, this is just like taking care of Grandma right before she died.

Reminds me. Wipe my chin.

I'm

bored.

Too bad.

Can I go?

No. You're going to sit here and watch me do your taxes.

You're not going to make any phone calls. You're not going to file your

You're not going to make that face when you think I'm not looking.

Hey.

She came back a couple hours ago. She's upstairs.

She seem mad?

No, she danced around in her wedding dress kissing your picture.

All right. I guess I should go up there and talk to her.

Kids asleep?

Yep.

Any mac and cheese left?

Gone.

Need any help?

Jim, you're just going to have to go up and face the music.

Andy, you're... Underwear done yet?

Hey.

You know, Cheryl, I've been looking for you for two hours.

So I still haven't eaten.

You should have stuck around.

Everything worked out just fine.

I mean, that guy who stole my parking space came out and I confronted him.

Oh, darn. I always leave too early.

It actually worked out great. He turned out to be a really nice guy.

You know, Jim, this night was supposed to be about us. You made it all about

you. Honey, I didn't start it. Oh, I know, but you never start it. Hey,

that's my parking spot.

Hey, buddy, I thought this was an open bar.

I don't talk like that. Oh, yes, you do.

Hey, buddy, read the sign.

Ten items or less.

Cheryl, that guy picked up two rolls of mint.

And a magazine. He did half his shopping in the checkout lines. Yeah. And then

he pulled out one of those little squeeze purses for coins. And then he

it and he started to get his little pennies out. And I'm right there for

Look at me!

Yes?

I needed this night.

Yes? Really badly. I know.

Do you have any idea what I do all day?

Just today.

Mommy and me with Kyle, who has diarrhea.

Then I thank Itsy Bitsy Spider to Gracie 17 times with... Hand gestures.

Then I carpooled Ruby's soccer team, who all learned a new word today.

From me.

Okay, I get it. We have way too many kids.

I'm with adults all day. Yes, that's true.

Hey, all I wanted was one night when I got to go out and be a grown -up with

another grown -up. I know, I know. And you let a parking space ruin it. You

just, you can't let anything go. It's hard for me, honey. It's...

Look, I feel bad about it. I really do. That's why I went looking for you at the

movie theater.

I mean, I even stayed and watched the movie. And you know what, Cheryl?

It was good.

You watched a movie without me?

You're not hearing me, Cheryl. I actually liked your chick flick.

Cheryl?

Cheryl?

Andy, now he wants cinnamon for his coffee.

You know, I'm seriously just concerned during the jail time.

You do look good in denim.

I've been running... You look pretty, Mommy.

I want to marry you.

You know, I just may take you up on that.

Daddy! Hi, Daddy!

Well, hello, my beauties.

Wow, you look great.

It's tonight the night that we're supposed to do that thing at the school?

That was last week. Oh, good.

Mommy's going out.

She is? Where?

To the restaurant.

I'm going to have dinner with someone who can behave themselves.

Me. I'm going alone.

Cheryl. Yeah?

Now, I thought we talked about this at breakfast. I thought everything was

It is.

Everything's fine.

I'm just going to go and have the night dinner we were supposed to have last

night. Oh. Yeah.

Okay.

So this is one of, uh... those lessons of yours?

No, it's not.

It's not?

No.

Okay. Okay.

Have a nice dinner.

I'll tell you what. What? I'll even buy you a drink. Aw.

There you go.

Thank you, honey.

You're welcome.

And would you clean up in here and give the girls a bath?

Sure. Thank you.

Good night. Have fun with Daddy.

Have a good time.

Maggie's showing, but have a nice time.

I'm done, Daddy.

Me too.

Okay, girls, why don't you clean up the table and get ready for your bath.

So, Cheryl left, huh?

Yeah.

Well, Andy and I are just going to finish up in the dining room.

All right, but I'm warning you, five minutes, I'm stripping down on my

Look at all these receipts. You're throwing away all your money.

Clothes. makeup, taxis, frappuccinos.

You need to save for a rainy day, like I do.

Why, so I can go home, fire up a box of Hot Pockets, turn on the sci -fi channel

and watch a robot and an alien adopt a baby?

Yes, and I'm missing that tonight.

Look, I'm prudent with my money. I earn it, I put it in the bank, and I save it.

Come on, Andy, when was the last time you spent money on yourself, huh? That

went out and had fun and went a little nuts?

Well, Last week, I told Jim I had a doctor's appointment, but what I really

was go and get my teeth cleaned.

Wow. Listen to me.

Andy, stop doing what you're supposed to do. Stop putting off life. Just say

screw it. Just do what you really want to do.

You're right.

What are you doing?

What I want to do.

What about my taxes?

Screw it.

last year, because if not, I could sure use them.

There you go.

Oh, you left me with the taxes.

You know what? I'm just going to send it in like this. I'll appreciate the

effort.

Okay, I'm going to go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Dina, wait. Dina, Dina, Dina, don't go.

What?

Well, I mean, you know, hang around a little bit and thought maybe we could

talk. I mean, we don't do that anymore.

We've never done that.

That's not true.

We talked at the wedding.

Oh, yeah, I said, if you hurt my sister, I'll kill you, and you said, bite me.

That's not really a conversation.

Tina, Tina, Tina.

Come on.

Hang out a little bit.

Stay.

Please?

At least close your legs.

This is nice, huh?

This thing with Cheryl's really bothering you, isn't it?

Maybe.

But she should know me by now. When people are jerks, I have to say

She should accept that. That's just who I am.

Jim, and I'm saying this as family now.

Who you are is unacceptable.

Dana, I'm just not going to apologize for expecting a little justice in the

world. That's all. I have too much integrity.

I'm not going to let that go.

Yeah, but I think you'd let it go if you were running late for a kickoff or a

poker game.

Yeah.

Or all you can eat shrimp.

Right? See?

So why can't you let it go for one night for your own wife? She does it for you

all the time.

She cooks your stuff.

She loves my stuff.

She's a good sport.

She has fun when you have fun.

Well, she's, you know, there and I'm here and, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

Beautiful blonde eating all alone in that dress.

Who'd hit on that?

You watch your kids? Yep.

Um, you might want to put some pants on. I got a spare pair in the car.

Jim?

Oh, hi.

What are you doing here?

Nothing, nothing.

Just having a little dinner by myself, you know, with someone who's good. Me.

You're not even saying it right.

Are those your car pants?

Yeah.

They're loose.

Honey, you know, I can do this.

I can.

I can go out with you and not let the little things, you know, get to me like

the valet who's the same valet that was here before, but I just let that go.

I can be a good date.

I promise.

Come on. What do you think we get out of here?

You made your point.

Let's go.

No.

I liked it here.

The linen tablecloth and the china and, oh, God, the butter knife.

And watch this.

Excuse me.

I have crumbs.

You really do need to get out, don't you?

That's what I was telling you.

Come on, baby.

Let me make it up to you.

I want to take you out again.

We'll have a great time. I promise.

Well, we're here now.

We are, aren't we?

Excuse me, sir.

I think we will have dessert, please.

I would like the creme brulee, please.

And I'll have the rack of lamb.

Wait, I got this coupon here for the rack. No, no, no, no. It's good.

So, the reason I called you is that, well,

I'd been thinking about you, and my sister told me I need to start living

doing what I want to do.

So here I am, doing what I want to do with you.

Let's let the night take us on a strange and passionate journey.

Mrs. Anderson Mrs.

Anderson