Original subtitles

Hey, Jim.

Jim. Shh.

What? The game hasn't even started yet. We have to establish a policy.

Last time you distracted me with stuff that had nothing to do with the game. I

was choking on a chicken bone.

At the top of your lungs.

Oh, wait a second, wait a second.

What are you doing?

Well, last time the Bears won, the Bulls were just like this.

You mean half MD with your big sausage fingers in them?

That's great, Dana.

Piece of chicken?

Oh, come on. I almost died.

Oh, you were popping like a chicken.

Okay,

guys, I'm taking Ruby to ballet. Remember, she has that recital coming

Kyle's asleep. Gracie's upstairs playing with her friends Emma and Madison.

Okay. Don't worry, they'll be fine. I don't think you'll even hear a peep out

them. Okay. And we'll be back in about an hour.

Bye -bye, guys. Bye -bye.

All right.

Good, good.

First down. Now you bring the train up.

Oh, baby.

You're driving me nuts, too. You want to go to a sports bar? Yeah.

Wait, Jim, you can't go.

Why not?

They're your kids.

Not all of them.

They're your responsibility.

Yeah, responsibility.

There's a racket.

Come on, Jim.

Hey, hey, Madison, Madison, Madison, Madison, stop jumping up and down like

that. Gracie, Gracie, Gracie, stop barking like a dog and leave Gary Sinise

alone, please.

And you, what's your name, honey? What's your name? Emma.

Stop banging on that thing, please.

He takes the draw to Thomas.

Looking up field.

He's got a man. Go, go, go. He's wide open.

Let's it fly.

Catch it.

And it is intercepted. No.

I think this is Harper. It's Harper. Stop him. Coming across the 40.

Stop him now.

The 25, the 20.

He's got clear sailing, folks. They're not going to catch him today.

Touchdown!

Hello?

Oh, hi, Dorothy.

Hey, did Madison have fun here yesterday?

She did.

Well, come on. How bad a word can it be? I mean, she's only... Oh.

Wow. That is bad.

Gee, I don't know what could have happened. I was here with them for most

time, and then I left them with... Dorsey, can I get back to you on

that? Yeah, I'm really, really sorry.

Hey, listen, do you want to have lunch sometime? Because I... What was that

about? That was Madison's mother.

Apparently, Madison's been saying a new word since she was here yesterday.

What word?

Well, apparently, he said...

I left them with Jim.

You guys left and the bears were on.

Hmm. I wonder what could have happened.

Well, you know, you marry a St.

Bernard, you can't complain about the slobber.

Gosh, did you girls get more beautiful since I left this morning?

Yes.

Did you bring us something from work?

Yes, I did. For you, I have a pad of paper.

And for you, a coffee mug that says Andy. You mean it talks?

Yes, it does. And so does the pad of paper.

So why don't you girls go upstairs and listen to them.

But, you know, you got to give them a minute because they're shy.

Yellow.

Oh, hi, Dorothy.

That's my new greeting. You like it? Yellow.

Oh, well, some people like it a lot.

This is his mother.

She just called to thank me for apologizing.

What's that about?

About swearing in front of Madison.

Honey, you really have to watch your language in front of the kids.

So you apologized for something I supposedly said in front of Madison?

Yeah, and I brought her a plate of cookies.

Cookies?

Why didn't you just tell her that I was an idiot?

I did, and I gave her the cookies.

Cookies? Okay, Cheryl.

All right.

What word was it that I supposedly said?

You said... That's two words.

Cheryl, you know what? I can't believe you. I can't believe you just went and

apologized. You didn't even think to ask me. And then to do it with cookies?

You know what? That really hurts, Cheryl.

What kind were they?

Double chocolate chip.

Double chocolate chip?

Those cookies should have never left this house!

Cheryl...

automatically believe her.

Well, honey, you know, sometimes you say things around the house or when you're

driving or, you know, when you miss a belt loop. Oh, son of a... See?

Honey, look, Madison could have picked that word up from anybody.

Everybody swears. It's like peeing in the shower.

Why didn't Emma's mother call, huh? Why isn't Gracie running around the house

using those words? Did you ever think that maybe Madison picked it up from her

own father?

I mean, he's a truck driver, for crying out loud.

Hi, Kim.

He's not a truck driver. He's a violinist.

Violinist. Please, they're the worst.

Gerald.

Gerald, come on. You always take the other person's side.

You always presume that I'm the one that's screwed up. And when you presume,

make an ass out of you and me.

That's not the saying.

It's a saying?

Shut up.

You always take other people's side.

You do. You always talk about how we're a team.

How we should stand up for each other.

And you don't do that for me.

Hey, honey, where are you going? Dinner's almost ready.

Cheryl?

I might not make it down for dinner, but in case I do, I want chicken parmesan.

We're having salmon.

And mashed potatoes?

Rice.

I see.

Well, why don't you just send the pizza boy up to the bedroom and make sure he

knocks this time.

some of your coffee?

Yeah, sure, honey.

Dang nuts, you shouldn't have that.

What? There's no sugar in it.

Hey,

Jim, coffee?

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

How are you?

Oh, I'm okay.

Yeah, I came up to talk to you last night, but you were already asleep.

Did I finish the pizza? Every last piece.

Good, because I was making a statement.

What kind of statement?

If I could have found the words, I wouldn't have eaten the pizza.

You know, Jim, I was thinking about what you said last night about us being

partners and that you needed my support.

You were right.

Yeah? Yeah.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry. All right, all right, baby. All right, come on, girls,

let's go. No, no, no, no, no, no, stay here.

I think it's important for the girls to see when a woman is wrong and the man is

right.

And you know what? It wouldn't hurt you either.

You're drinking my spit.

Now, see, I think this is a time when a lesser man

might swear.

But not me.

See, because the children are here.

And when the children are here, I don't do that kind of thing because I wouldn't

want them to pick it up.

Cheryl, I am glad you are here to witness it.

And Dana, now I don't feel so bad about putting my earwax on your cinnamon bun.

You're bluffing.

Am I?

Come on, Ruby. Let's go get your stuff ready for school.

Oh, boy, this is a good day.

Where did you learn that word, honey?

Daddy.

Well, at least she used it right.

pick that word up for me?

Yes, I did, Daddy. You said we're here watching football.

Oh, man.

Dana, please, please don't tell Cheryl. Oh, why not, Jim?

I think it's important for the girls to see what it's like when the woman is

right and the man is wrong.

And you know what? It's good for me, too.

All right.

What do you want?

How about you pay me the $500 you still owe me?

You wanted that back?

You write me a check right now or I'm going to go in there and spill.

Dina, I can't do that. Cheryl's got the checkbook. Her purse is right over

there. Dina, I am not going to go into her purse.

We have a little thing in this family called trust.

Watch the door.

Honey, what are you doing to my purse?

I was looking for the...

apricot lip remedy.

Mmm, apricotty.

All right, come on, sweetie. We're going to take Ruby to school.

No, you can't do that.

I'm going to take her to the work site with me today.

Why?

Because, you know, I think it's about time she learned what I did for a

You know, she can't go on believing that I'm really an astronaut.

Let's go.

There's a bucket in the truck.

Hey, Jim, have you seen my Andy coffee mug?

Uh, yeah, I gave it to Ruby.

My college professor gave that to me when I graduated.

His name was Andy, too.

Oh, how sweet.

I'll be sure and tell Ruby.

Hey! Did she just say... Yeah.

Gracie? Now, we talked about this in the truck.

I told you, that is a very bad word, and we are never to say that.

Even Dad can't say that, even if the Bears are losing.

Okay? I'm a donut.

Yes, honey, you can.

Go ahead.

Andy, she's going to always say that word. Yes, she's my daughter. It's in

blood.

I don't know what to do.

I know.

One time when my dad caught me smoking, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes, made

me smoke them all right there.

I've never touched a cigarette since, and I'm a lot better off for it.

Gracie, come on in.

Why don't you go?

I'm going to do with Gracie what your dad did with you.

Oh, okay. I got a pack of cigarettes in the drawer.

With swearing.

Right, right.

I gotta dump those sprinkles on it.

Oh, Gracie, I was kind of saving that for myself.

Oh, princess, you've got a lot to learn.

Come here, Gracie. You want to play a game?

All right, let's play a game.

Remember that word I told you you couldn't say? Uh -huh.

Well, you can say it a whole bunch.

As much as you want.

Yay!

Okay, but you can't stop until I tell you to stop.

Okay.

Ready?

Set.

Gracie, huh?

She's been an angel. She hasn't said that word in five days.

We did it, Jim.

Will you stop that?

I just love this piece. Is this Debussy?

I don't know. I'm going to have to check the big book of crap I don't care

about.

Shh. My son's dancing.

Oh, that's right.

Your son is dancing.

Very nice, Roland.

You hear that?

Roland.

Ruby?

Ruby!

Ruby! Ruby is going to show us how to do a pirouette.

Pirouette? That's a cookie. Shut up!

Roland said that word yesterday.

I should have known it would come from a guy like you.

Yeah, and that's going.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, don't talk to my husband that way.

Cheryl, Cheryl, please, it's okay.

No, Jim, everybody's staring at you.

Cheryl, I'm an attractive man.

Now calm down.

No, we're a team, and I want to say something.

I see the way you're looking at him. Like he swears in front of his kids.

let me tell you.

Nobody sets a better example for his children than my husband.

He is a compassionate, caring, honest man.

That's me.

And I will not sit here quietly while you judge him.

So, you know, if you're looking to point a finger, instead of pointing it like

this, why don't you try pointing it like this?

Except I'm you right now.

And it doesn't feel very good, does it? I mean, did you even...

that word from one of your children who probably heard it from you or you or

you.

I heard it from Gracie. I heard it from Daddy.

Isn't my wife hot?

All right, girls. Go upstairs.

I want to talk loud to your father.

No, no, no, no, girls. Stay right there.

Cheryl, they're going to be gone one day, and we're going to wish we had the

sign back.

They're not going to protect you, Jim.

Girls.

All right. Come with us, baby.

At least let me have the boy.

Go ahead.

I can take you out and still catch Kyle before he hits the floor.

You know, I'm willing to take that chance, but he's our only boy.

All right, Jim. Wait, wait, wait.

Cheryl, before you start yelling, I just want to say this, okay?

Look, I know you were really embarrassed back there.

And in a way, I blame myself.

But, you know, the funny thing is, is that as bad as you felt is as good as I

felt.

Cheryl, listen to me. Hear me out. I think I know where I'm going now.

I just...

You know what, honey? I've screwed up in my life.

I've gotten in a lot of trouble.

I've said things. I've done things.

Worn things.

And nobody, nobody's ever stood up for me like that.

I mean, not my mom, my dad.

Nobody.

You know what it makes you feel?

It makes me feel that I'm not alone.

It makes me feel like I'm a guy worth defending.

And I just want you to know that I just adore you, honey.

And I just think you're like the coolest chick ever.

Well, I think you're pretty cool, too.

Yeah?

I'm feeling very close to you right now. Are you? Yeah.

I'm thinking maybe we can get into some very hot, steamy lasagna.

You are such a...