Original subtitles

Is that Bullwinkle?

How do they blow up those big balloons?

Wow. Fantasy number five. I can cross that off my list.

You want to know my fantasy?

Mm -hmm.

You putting those groceries away?

Oh, I'll put them away as soon as you make them into a meal.

All right, I hope I got everything here.

Oh, honey, cinnamon sticks. I specifically said brown cinnamon.

Well, grind them up.

You can't just grind it up. You clearly have no idea how cinnamon works.

Please don't tell the fellas.

Hey, Kyle, your first Thanksgiving.

All kinds of new foods you can throw up.

Happy Thanksgiving, all.

Oh, Andy, thank you.

Wow, look at this.

Marshmallows, graham crackers. I'm going to make a turkey s'more.

Then you wonder why your pants don't fit. That's because you leave them in

dryer way too long.

Give me a look at my hand turkey.

Wow, that is the turkiest hand I've ever seen.

Daddy, you and Uncle Landy are twins.

Yeah, what's with the bowling shirts?

Well, uh... I don't know.

It's just fun.

fun thing.

Jim? Yes, Cheryl?

Are you and Andy going bowling?

Yes, we are, Cheryl.

We're going to recreate the first Thanksgiving.

Where the Indians and the Pilgrims bowled together.

You know, honey, I need you here.

to carve the turkey, and we're going to do a photo for the Christmas card.

And you know what? It is Kyle's first Thanksgiving.

I know, honey, but this is a Toys for Tots charity thing. It's a bowl -a

and I gotta go. I gotta go. I just gotta go. You don't even have a toy!

You're never too young to learn about giving.

And you know what, Cheryl? Besides that, you should be thankful that we're

going. I mean, you know, you gotta focus on your cooking. You don't need all

this distraction.

You know, last year the turkey was a little dry.

Thank you, honey. You know, you're right about those distractions.

Girls, you want to go bowling with Daddy and Uncle Andy?

Yay!

That turkey better be moist.

See you later.

Come here, Gracie.

Now, I got...

Four out of a possible ten, so I put down four.

You only got four?

Yeah, four's not bad.

Actually, four's pretty good.

Are you going to cry, baby?

Are you?

Hey.

Gracie, never talk to your Aunt Andy like that.

Uncle Andy, Uncle Andy.

Go ahead, honey.

All right, everybody happy?

Gracie, Gracie, Gracie.

Come here, sweetheart. Let me help you here.

Here. Now just pick it up.

That's it. Spread your legs a little bit.

Look way down there. That's what you want to hit.

Okay, then all you do is you just let it go.

That four's looking pretty good right now, isn't it?

Andy?

Gracie?

Gracie, look at the puppy!

Ran away.

Five!

Five.

Game's not over, princess.

Okay, everybody happy?

All right, I'm going to go to that little dark room over there and watch

with some very sad Irish guys.

Daddy, watch me.

Okay, honey.

Me?

All right, all right, I can bowl one.

Good luck, Daddy.

A good luck kiss. Thank you, baby.

cream cheese brownies and a pumpkin nut loaf with enough walnuts to make Jim

itchy but not enough to kill him.

Wow. You must have been baking all night. Yeah.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Just that I'm going to die shriveled and alone.

Try the brownies.

What did I tell you last holiday season when you were like this?

Oh, some crap about how I'm smart and beautiful and any guy would be lucky to

have me. Blah, blah, blah. Where's the wine?

You know, Dana... it's not easy to find the right guy.

You have to think of it like a marathon. You know, it starts off with thousands

and then ends up with just a few good ones out front.

The point is, you gotta keep running and you'll win the race.

Or hit the wall and crap yourself.

Chris, Tony, hi.

Uh, Jim's not here. He took the girls bowling, so... Bye.

I'm gonna...

Close the door now.

I guess Tim didn't tell you. He invited us for Thanksgiving.

Oh, isn't Carol with you?

No, Carol left me a couple months ago.

Oh. Yeah, I know. It's been pretty rough.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Dana.

Hi.

So, would you guys like... Yeah, sure.

So you like comic books?

Okay, five strikes in a row, I'm on fire!

Daddy! Not really, girls, not really.

Five strikes equals 130 points.

How many do you have, McGlady? Shh, quiet. Father's bowling.

Remember, folks, everything's got to be exactly the way it was before each ball.

Okay?

Good luck, Kiss.

Good luck, Daddy. Thank you, baby.

Okay.

Something isn't right.

Gracie, were you drinking that soda before?

No. Throw it out.

That's too bad. What a shame. It looked very refreshing.

Andy, eat the hot dog.

and four.

Eat it!

Okay.

Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Okay, who's your daddy?

You are.

Yeah, yeah. The word on the land, baby, is that you are halfway to a perfect

game. That's right.

That's right, Lewis.

Hey, well, good luck, Jim. It's been a long while since we added somebody to

wall of fame. Yeah, I know, I know.

Yeah, baby, and to do it on Thanksgiving would be special.

Yes, it would.

I really haven't had much of a Thanksgiving since the missus died.

Do you know that when I was going to the... Lewis, Lewis, Lewis.

Huh? I'm trying to bowl here.

Oh, yeah, yeah, man. Go ahead, go ahead. Okay.

She'll still be there tomorrow.

Thank you.

Your dad gets 300.

A perfect game.

One more.

One more.

Uh,

God? Hi, it's me, Jim.

I really, really, really want to strike.

I promise I won't ask for anything again.

And, by the way, thanks for all the great creations that you've made.

Like bacon.

Pork chops.

You know, the pig in general is really great.

Amen. Wow.

The power's off.

Tournament's over.

What about my game?

Oh, yeah.

290. Nice effort, Jim.

Wow. So that's how Spider -Man got his powers.

Huh?

Bitten by a radioactive spider.

What bit Wonder Woman?

I heard it was Iron Man, but I think that's just an ugly rule.

Dana, can I see you in here? I'm having a crisis with the plates.

Coming, Mom.

So cute.

Dana, you have met Chris a hundred times. You always make fun of him. But

suddenly, holiday season plus glass and a half of wine equals Chris is so cute.

You just don't understand Chris the way I do.

We're simple folk.

Well, I wonder if you'll see Chris the same way when you take off your

Chardonnay goggles.

Fine. No more wine. But you can fix the plates yourself.

And you know what else? No more wine.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

You know, this is kind of a special day. I just really don't want anything to

ruin it.

Hey, oh good, there you are. I was just going to call dinner's ready.

Where's Ruby?

With Jim, for good luck.

Good luck for what?

Funny story.

Jim, you know, it's Thanksgiving. The whole family's here. Please come home.

Cheryl, I can't.

But, honey, Andy said that the power's out and it's hopeless.

Honey, I am one strike away from a perfect game, and the league says if I

it's over.

Hey, did you know that Chris and Tony are here?

Sorry. Careful, everybody. Broken glass.

You know what? It is Kyle's first Thanksgiving. Doesn't that matter to

Come on, honey. He's just a baby. He doesn't even know who I am.

family photo and that stupid pilgrim story with the pie fight.

You know, honey, who's going to carve the turkey?

Cheryl, I don't expect you to understand this, but I just need to do this one

thing. Bring my Ruby home.

One more thing.

Ruby can't leave. What?

She's got to kiss me before I bowl. It's a good luck thing.

But she's missing Thanksgiving dinner.

Daddy, my hair's stuck in the candy machine.

Honey, nobody likes a quitter.

I gotta go. Bye.

Did you get anything?

Jim?

Great. Jim's not coming and my daughter's eating candy for

You hear that?

Ruby's eating candy.

No, don't cry.

I'm sorry.

Don't cry.

Andy, what did you do?

She misses her dad.

Why would you even tell me a joke like that?

I thought we were getting closer.

How old are you?

What happened to the great sense of humor you had about an hour ago? I peed

out.

Sorry.

Careful, everybody. Broken glass. Stop crying.

Cheryl,

I'm not coming home. I'm right in my mojo zone.

Don't worry. I'm just trying to get Ruthie. I don't want to hear about your

or your mojo. And by the way,

You use the word mojo.

Well, you know what? I don't like some of the words you use.

Like I hate it when you call a pickle a gherkin.

A gherkin is a very special pickle.

Cheryl, can you please just be mad at me for one thing at a time?

Okay.

Sit down.

Cheryl, did you ever do anything perfect?

I married you.

I'm kidding.

All right, look.

There's nothing special about me, okay? I mean, I was never the captain of a

football team.

I wasn't the kid who got straight A's at school.

I mean, I even remember this one time in Mrs. Pearson's math class.

There was this boy who got 100 on every test.

Perfect.

100, Cheryl.

And I used to look at that test, that 100.

And I would think to myself,

wow, I wish I was that kid.

I mean, I didn't want to be Chinese.

Do you kind of get where I'm going here, honey? I'm listening.

I'm a very lucky person.

But I was an average kid, grew up to be an average man.

But you know, today, I got a shot.

I got a shot here.

I mean, I feel like a kid who suddenly has a chance to pitch in the World

or to go to the moon or to be king of the United States.

We have presidents, Jim.

I know. I want to be king.

Cheryl, do you realize a 300 in bowling is a perfect score?

Perfect, Cheryl.

All they can do is tie me.

They can never beat me.

I think you should take Ruby home.

All this just to get your picture on the wall with seven fat guys?

I'm gonna make it eight.

I want to get two beers, officer.

Lewis.

All right, I came in here, officer, to take a little nap.

Man, what time is it?

Hey, what's up with the power thing?

The white man still has it.

Oh, you mean the system. No, my system's still fried, man.

Ain't nothing happening tonight, Jeff.

All right.

I'm going.

but you give it up.

Yeah, I got a wife and family waiting for me at home.

And I got a beautiful wife waiting for me up in heaven.

We're both lucky then, huh?

You know, Lewis, I was this close to being perfect.

Yes, you were.

should spend his first Thanksgiving watching his father bowl a perfect game.

Thanks.

Do it up, Jim.

Good luck, Big Jim.

Mmm. Smells delicious.

I haven't had a Thanksgiving dinner since... Oh, I'm sorry.

What's wrong with Louis?

Beats me.

Good luck, Daddy.

Thank you.

Take a picture for the wall of fame with my dead wife's camera.

Wait,

wait, wait, wait. No, no, come on, everybody.

Everybody, come here.

Hey, Tony, grab me that leg, would you?

Here you are, Kyle, on your first Thanksgiving.

Cheese.

Honey, I can't believe you did this.

I mean, the candles, the dinner. You're just like the greatest wife ever.

Wait. Good luck, Kiss.

Oh.

Go get him.