Original subtitles

You've learned ketchup.

Dana, Dana. What?

Dana, Dana, Dana, Dana, Dana, Dana, Dana, I need a favor.

I'm great, Jim. How are you?

You know, why do you women always need foreplay for everything?

Listen, I need you to pick up Cheryl's anniversary gift for me at the Oak Brook

Mall. Which store?

I don't know yet. That's the other part of the thing.

You haven't even gotten her gift yet? No.

Jim, I'm sick and tired of doing this for you every year. Come on, come on,

on, please.

You know, I just love her so much, and I just... I don't know how to put it into

a gift.

Dina, come on, please. You're so good at it.

You know, if Cheryl wasn't my sister, I would let you fry.

Good, come on.

Okay, here's the deal, all right?

We're going to do the same thing we do every year. $15 a year times 10, that's

$150.

Jim, this is your 10th anniversary.

Since you love her so much, don't you want to do something special?

Yeah.

All right, throw another 15 in.

Sure hope these are raisins.

Mmm.

It's good.

You know what? I'm all full.

Why don't you guys run up and get your backpacks? Okay.

Happy anniversary.

What's this?

A day for two.

Let's massage with two of the best guys there. You shouldn't have.

Damn right.

The only guy touching me is going to be me.

And that's only an emergency.

Oh, darn.

Jim can't go.

Aw. Saturday good for you? Perfect. Excellent.

Well, you know, that Serenity Spa sure is nice, but it's not as nice as the

I got you.

Oh, honey, I just can't wait.

Every year your anniversary gift is better than the year before.

Sensitive and thoughtful. It's almost like they're... From a different person?

Yes!

Well, this year's gift, honey, this year's gift is... Wow!

Can you give me a hint?

Well, it's... a slightly higher retail value than last year.

Is he that bad? Yeah.

aren't there more men like you?

Oh, yeah. Evolution.

What's with her?

Who cares?

This is great.

Is this a crayon?

Oh,

baby.

Hey, Jim.

You'll never guess what Ruby, Gracie, and I are doing for your anniversary.

Another Uncle Andy's puppet show?

No.

Hey, Jim, would you see what I got for you?

Oh, hi, Andy.

Hey, Dana.

What are you doing here?

Oh, well, I... What?

Can't she come and visit her favorite brother -in -law?

Dana, you'll never guess what the kids and I are doing for Jim and Cheryl's

anniversary. Uncle Andy's puppet show? Yeah.

There's a leak.

Did you get something? Okay, wait till you see this. I think I really outdid

myself this year. Oh, give me that.

Wow.

A bracelet.

Yeah. That ought to work, huh?

It's a charm bracelet. See, it's white gold, and every charm on here represents

a different memorable event from every year that you've been married.

How much?

See, like, this is from when you proposed, and this one is from that

concert. How much, Dana?

500. 500 bucks?

Come on, I'm already getting the milk for free.

Hey, that cow's my sister.

Dana, you broke the rule. The rule is $15 a year. This, this bracelet is

Jim. Hold on.

It's like a 33 and a third year anniversary gift. You are unbelievable.

For 10 years, you've done nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don't think you've

ever said thank you.

Wow. What's that?

This?

This is Cheryl's anniversary gift.

I got it.

You like it? It's beautiful.

How do you do it year after year?

Well, Andy, I'll tell you.

I don't shop with this. I shop with this.

Show them what you think with.

Hey, Andy, you know what?

I'm not really good at wrapping gifts.

Could you wrap this for me? Yeah. Where's the paper? At the store.

Would you mind running out to pick some up?

Hey, and pick up a card, too, for me, will you? And make it romantic. You

something with Ziggy on it.

Okay. Oh, but let's not tell Cheryl. It'd be great if she thought that you

everything.

All right. We'll do it your way.

I feel so naughty.

Cheryl, you've done it again. Another great anniversary dinner. Oh, thank you,

sweetie.

Cheryl, no, no, no, no, no. What are you doing?

Come on, come on. This is a special day. You can clear these later.

Okay, everyone.

Please make your way into the living room for a very special performance.

Remember to turn off all cell phones and pagers.

And please, no flash photography.

There's gonna be snacks.

Well, why don't you just finish what's on your chin?

I try to eat the shirt stuff first.

Oh, okay, okay. Here's the big show.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Uncle Andy players present When Daddy Proposed to

Mommy.

Interior Italian restaurant evening.

Jim and Cheryl are meeting for a very special date.

Cue music.

Press play.

The pink button.

Jim decides to play a prank on Cheryl.

Hey, Cheryl, you want to cool off?

Jim then pours his beer onto Cheryl.

She doesn't look happy.

I'm happy.

Not happy.

I'm not happy.

Jim, not knowing how to deflect the attention from his stupidity, That's the

ultimate question.

Are you going to finish that?

No, really.

What he said was... Will you marry me?

Cheryl was shocked.

Jim said if the answer was yes, she should pour her drink onto him.

I have a surprise for Daddy.

You wait here. Andy, would you give me a hand?

Oh, I don't need a gift.

So, Jim, you want to just write me a check for Cheryl's present?

Where's the receipt?

What, you think I'm trying to cheat you?

You know, I didn't say that, but interesting you would go there.

You ungrateful jerk. Give me the bracelet. Come on, come on. How much was

really? You're such a jackass. Come on. You don't think you had new shoes there,

don't you? Hey, come on. Okay.

Come on, this must have cost a fortune.

Nope, it's fake leather.

Yes, my girl.

Thank you.

You're welcome. I just love it. It's great.

Now, it's time for your gift.

And I thought it would be more romantic if Dana gave it to you.

Dana?

Oh, honey.

Info anniversary to you, too.

Here,

let me get it.

Oh, honey.

It's beautiful.

It is, isn't it?

It's white gold.

That's like real gold, but white.

And you know the best part of it is?

Each charm represents a memorable event from every year that we were married.

Oh, honey.

This is your most wonderful and personal gift ever.

Can you believe he did that? No.

How did you come up with this?

Well, I started looking through some winning photos.

And then I took a walk along the lake and stopped at the church where we got

married.

I don't know, it just came to me, you know, white gold, wrap it yourself.

It's a tiny little beer mug.

Yeah, that's for the year I proposed to you. Oh, and lips with a tongue sticking

out. That's from the Rolling Stone concert. Oh, look, a little traffic

Traffic light?

What's that for, Jim?

Well, you know what? Cheryl tells it better than me.

You bought it, you tell it.

Well, honey, you know what?

I don't want to hog the spotlight here. Maybe, Dana, do you think you can add

something to the story?

Not without a receipt.

Yes. Do you know what this charm is for?

Of course I know what it's for.

But you know what I think would be fun, I mean for everyone, is if Dana could

tell us what the charm is for.

I don't know.

Well, then why did I put it on the bracelet?

Why did I put it on the bracelet?

That is the question at hand now.

did I put on... You know what? I got notes in the kitchen because I wrote

whole thing up about the charms. Jim?

Yes?

You didn't buy this bracelet, did you? I paid for it.

I'm gonna pay for it.

So Dana bought this?

Huh?

Has she bought any of our other anniversary gifts?

Some of them.

Which one?

All of them.

I'm sorry, Cheryl.

So, in the ten years we've been together... Yes?

You haven't picked out one of my anniversary gifts?

Suddenly me wrapping it doesn't seem so bad.

Okay, Cheryl, I remember what the traffic light charm means.

It was the time we played red light, green light with the kids and you

your tooth. No!

Okay, it was at the state fair, and that guy was going to guess my weight by

picking me up, and he didn't even work there.

There's not even a traffic light in that story.

I know, but it still bothers me.

I can't believe this has been going on behind my back for ten years.

Oh, come on, Cheryl, what's the big deal?

The big...

for this one?

I'm gonna pay for it. I just need a receipt for my taxes.

You can't write jewelry off.

You can't if it's a business gift.

By the way, if anybody asks you, you're a welder.

You tell the IRS you buy charm bracelets for welders? I'm not proud of it,

Cheryl.

Jim, it's not funny.

You know, those gifts you got me every year made me feel like you really knew

me. Obviously, you don't.

You know what?

You really don't know me. Because if you did, you'd be thanking me for not

getting you a bunch of lousy gifts that you're probably going to return anyway.

I know you.

Oh, you do, do you?

Okay, well, what am I thinking about right now?

Cake. That's not fair. I just had cake.

Jim, don't you see?

Whatever you got me, if it came from your heart, I would love it and cherish

forever. Oh, come on.

Women always say that. and they don't mean it. Well, I do.

Okay, fine.

So then from now on, whatever I get you, you're going to love?

If it comes from your heart, then yes.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

You know what?

I don't care where this came from.

I love it.

But you know what? The only thing about this is it won't rub your feet. Forget

it, Jim.

Come on, let me ask you something.

What is the one thing that I really want that Cheryl said will never happen?

Donuts with liquor in them.

No, but I think someone's going to make a lot of money off that.

A big screen TV?

Andy, it's not just any big screen TV. This is the mother of all big screen

Look at this.

52 inches, surround sound, and picture in picture. Oh, my God.

I feel so small in the universe.

Jim, Cheryl's never going to let you keep this.

Oh, yes, she will.

Because that's the beauty of it. You see, last night she said to me that

love anything I gave her as long as it came from the heart.

Jim, you are a god to me. Thank you.

A god who's going to get his ass kicked.

Honey?

Honey, hold on a second.

Honey, honey, wait a second. I got a surprise for you. Oh, honey, not now.

There's milk in the car.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Come on.

What is the one thing that you thought would never happen?

Oh, for the love of God, Jim, if this is another donut with a pork in it.

No.

Better.

It's a present.

Happy anniversary!

This is your gift from the heart?

Yes.

Look at it. This is beautiful here.

See? This has got picture in picture, see?

So, you can let me watch the show I want while you watch your show in the little

corner up there on the screen.

How nice of me.

Cheryl, remember what you said.

Oh, I know what I said.

You like it? I like it.

Doesn't sound like it.

I love it.

What do you say?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Watching is what we did on our old TV, girls. Sit down. Check this out.

Oh, guys,

five minutes to kick off. Wait till you see this on the big screen TV.

Sitting around on a Sunday watching a Sex and the City marathon.

Honey, the guys are here, the game is starting, and we want to watch it on the

big screen.

I thought this was my TV.

I mean, it was a gift from your heart, wasn't it?

Come on.

The guys are here.

It's okay, honey, because we have picture in picture.

I'll let you guys watch her game in the little box in the corner.

Did you put her up to this?

Can't talk, busy.

to teach me a lesson, aren't you? Oh, after 10 years, don't you think I'd know

you'd pull a stunt like this?

You know what, honey? You're right.

And you know what? That's the great thing about our marriage is that we can

mistakes, learn from them, and move on.

Oh.

You're still not watching the big screen.

so clean hey honey listen i've been thinking

and you know maybe i shouldn't have bought this tv just to spite you so i'm

gonna take it back you're taking it back yeah what you don't want me to no no no

you should okay okay i'm gonna i'm gonna call them up first thing in the morning

pick it up okay i'm gonna make sure that it's their first stop in the morning

actually

Actually, you know what? I can call them now, leave a message, so they get it

first thing in the morning. Oh, all right! I love it! Uh -huh.

I love this TV. I want to marry it. I knew it!

Well, can you believe me? This thing is amazing!

52 -inch screen, four channels of sound, 800 lines of resolution.

What's that mean? I don't know!

You see?

I knew you would love this, Cheryl.

No, no, no. You got lucky. Okay, maybe.

I did maybe, but I do know you, honey.

Oh, yeah? I do. I know a lot about you. I know important things about you. I

know that that little scar on your forehead there is when you were six

old, you ran into the refrigerator.

I know you like your hamburgers medium and your steaks rare.

I know that you love your toes and you love New Year's.

You love New Year's, especially that one time we were walking back from Dana's

party and we stopped at every corner and kissed until the light turned green.

And we kissed.

And you were happy.

And now I know what that charm on the bracelet means.

How much do you love me right now?

You're feeling pretty good about yourself, aren't you? Oh, yeah.

Oh,

happy anniversary, honey.

Happy anniversary, baby.

Jim?

Yeah? Can we afford this TV?

Sure.

It's the kids we can't afford.

Yeah. We gotta keep them, though.

All right.

But no couch. Deal.