Original subtitles

i've generated fees in excess of six million dollars you've handed me a check

for 15 000 i've always wanted to hang my own shingle i got street creds you got

integrity maybe we should form kind of a partnership me and you as partners i'd

love to submit your name to the governor's council to be a superior

anywhere the council confirmed me i got it eugene that's oh

my god

Do you think we pay you $160 ,000 to come down here to the storage room and

smoke pot, Sally?

I thought you were absolutely sensational up on that bar.

Well, that was surprising.

I think you like me.

You like her, and you don't like yourself.

With her, you get to remake yourself.

At least somewhat.

You had a window, Al.

Just because girls in your age bracket wait around, don't be thinking I will.

I know that you're afraid to let yourself feel for people.

Well, then prove me wrong with evidence the last time you fought for a woman in

any relationship. I feel for you.

I am so ashamed.

I'm going to buy a car. Would you like to come with me? Because I'd like

watching you watch me buy a $100 ,000 car.

Oh, gee.

Now I need to shop.

You certainly don't expect me to try a case like this.

Judge Noonan goes to Nantucket next week for the summer.

My neck hurts. Go away.

Denny, problem.

Hannah's neck hurts and she's refusing her trial assignment.

Tell her to go. Denny.

Walter.

Have you got a second? It's rather urgent.

Well, go into my office.

Tell Hannah where to go.

You know that my company has been very progressive when it comes to hiring

people with disabilities.

I've received many, many awards.

I don't even like the word disability. I prefer special ability.

You know, like Special Olympics.

I'm getting off track.

What I'm saying, I have many wheelchair -bound employees who I also consider to

be extremely special people.

Oh, Walter.

Don't tell me you make them race. No, damn it. No.

Well, all this talk about Olympics is... Will you please be quiet and let me

finish?

As you know, I think people in wheelchairs are not only intelligent,

beacon when it comes to believing that they're also attractive.

Physically attractive.

Sexually attractive.

I like to touch them.

Denning, I've been arrested for kissing some of my wheelchair women and two

others on crutches.

I was assured it would go away, but it hasn't.

The trial is set to go today.

I want you to take over.

You come to me the day of trial?

I thought it would go away.

And I was too embarrassed to tell you.

I need your help.

Danny, I have a reputation.

Well, if you didn't, you certainly have one now.

Please.

You kiss him.

I can't help it.

Walter, I can't represent a pervert.

Danny Crane does not have sycophants.

You're practically my best friend, Denny.

You're an evildoer.

This is the problem with having feelings. People expect you to talk

No, it's awful.

Alan, I've told you like sicko perverse sexual deviants.

Denny, it's not that I like them so much as I am one.

A very dear friend of mine is sexually attracted to invalids.

He needs our help, son.

And you can't help him because?

He disgusts me. Ah.

He's been arrested for assault and his trial, unfortunately.

Starts today.

Today? Yeah.

I'll open first chair. I need you to back me up.

Alan.

Hello.

Tara. What a nice surprise.

Hmm.

Sally.

What's with the outfit?

Thought I'd go grown up. See if I like it. I don't.

Listen, I feel funny asking you this, but the ibuprofen isn't getting

the job done for me. Would you have any pot? I could.

Ha ha.

I'm being serious. You certainly know I'm incapable of humor.

You want to smoke pot?

I am in pain.

For God's sake, think of the leverage you'd have on me.

My friend, Gilly Kichery, he's a doctor, a psychiatrist.

I had him examined.

Who? That Angelina. He says she has post -traumatic botched wedding disorder.

Point is, he'll say whatever we want him to. And for the truth, he'll give a

discount. Jimmy.

Jamie. Hey.

So this is it, huh?

Yeah.

Jamie Stringer, Susie Paponi. It's a pleasure.

Uh -huh.

So, what brings you?

Well, as you know, I've been putting my resume out there.

And, believe it or not, the way you describe this place... I don't know what

your situation is, but... Jamie, I couldn't pay you. I know that.

Makes it more exciting.

You're like a pioneer, I guess.

Can I talk to you a second?

She can never work here. Why not?

Look at her. She is not a real person.

Susie, if we got a graduate from Harvard Law School for free, can you imagine?

And she's an excellent lawyer.

We got a meeting with the bridal shop owner three. I think I can make this go

away.

Lenny, this is Jamie Stringer. She works at my old firm.

She's interested in coming here.

Why?

Well, she likes the kind of work we do. You banging her?

Lenny. How come you hire her but you won't hire me? She's a lawyer. I got

schooling, Jimmy. That doesn't mean... I could be an asset. He banging you. Hey.

I don't bang. We don't talk like that here. You understand?

You got too many rules.

I'm just concerned this will damage my legacy.

Not to worry. Many CEOs love to fondle their wheelchair employees.

Denny. Suck it up, Walter.

All rise.

This court is in session. The Honorable Eugene Young presiding.

Eugene!

My buddy.

Chambers.

How did you get me assigned to this? I want to know.

I didn't, I swear.

So it's just a coincidence. My first case, my very first case, I get you.

5 ,000 lawyers in this town, and I get you. You say coincidence, I say act of

God. Come on, give me a hug, you big bear, you.

Everybody out but him.

Ex parte, a terrific start.

I will jail you for contempt. That will be my very first official act.

He's making for a fabulous judge so far, don't you think? I'm sorry, is there

some relationship here?

This man used to work for me. I fired him.

I'll happily waive the conflict if that's where you're headed.

Miss Alexander, I apologize, but I must recuse myself.

I am totally fine with you presiding.

He has a little trouble being fair when I'm around.

Denny Crane.

You will get another judge.

That's all.

That's all.

It's not just that he sexually assaulted these women.

It's that he chose disabled women.

Women who could not defend themselves.

That is beyond depraved.

To re -victimize victims is one of the grossest affronts to humanity.

And I am confident that once we're through presenting our case, you will

with this man according to your sense of justice.

Certainly not his.

This would be where you'd get up.

introduced in the beginning.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Denny Crane.

The district attorney has made my client seem like a horrible, disgusting, vile

person. When I get done, when I've had my say, ladies and gentlemen of the

when you have finished listening to what I have to say to you right now, this

very minute, he will seem far less disgusting, far less horrible,

and won't seem vile at all.

Dandy Crane.

You're quitting?

Not quitting. It's just...

With Eugene becoming a judge, it's made me think about what I want to do with my

life. Which is?

Time with my daughter.

So I'm thinking about taking a hiatus from practicing law.

That's great.

I think so.

But with Jimmy and Eugene gone, if I leave the firm, your firm,

then it's over. It's not my firm.

Bobby.

What's Jamie going to do?

She's volunteering at Jimmy's. She may even end up working there.

So you're okay if I take some time off?

Eleanor, why are you asking me to approve of what you do with your life?

Come on, Bobby.

You founded that place.

You took a chance with me.

I couldn't... I moved on. And if you want time to be with Zoe, I'm all for

promise you.

I don't believe you.

I'm sorry, but I don't.

If this firm ends... Everything has to end sometime, Eleanor.

I'm fine with it.

She got fatter. I did not get fatter.

You did, Angelina. I did not. Hold on here. We're not going to get into issues

of girthy. It ain't about that.

If anything, I got thinner.

Angelina, I need you to shut your face now.

We had a contract.

You agreed to provide services whereby you would make this bride -to -be a

dress. You didn't make that dress, Eddie. That's a breach.

It was a seamstress strike. What am I, talking to myself here? That does not

absolve you of your legal duty to perform under the contract.

Well, maybe I should get my own lawyer, then. You could do that, but that's

going to cost you more money. The contract says what it says, Eddie. A

going to charge you 10 grand to tell you what I'm already telling you. 10 grand

that could and should.

Be going to Angelina.

40 grand and you're out of this.

What's not to think about?

Well, I need to think about it.

24 hours, no more.

Sometimes it was subtle. He squeezed my shoulder, my arms.

Other times it was more blatant.

Out in the open in front of people?

Well, he would lean over from behind to show me a document or something. I don't

think that it was obvious to other people.

And how did it make you feel?

Violated.

Angry.

Did you complain about it?

Yes. And then a week or so later, he just kissed me. Put his tongue in my

and that's when I went to the police.

Thank you, Ms. Hobbs.

I am begging you not to employ this tactic.

Son, cross -examination is what eats my swimming pool. Understood, but this

particular line of attack... Counsel?

Yes, Your Honor.

Just a few questions, Ms. Hobbs?

What the... Where did you get that thing?

I had it put there during the last recess, Your Honor. Get out of that

now, Mr. Crane.

Miss Hobbs and members of the jury, I apologize for that tasteless, offending

display.

Mr. Crane, you will conduct yourself with the integrity that goes with the

decorum of this room.

I apologize, Your Honor.

The reason I got in that chair... Last night, I tried to put myself in your

place, and I realized that's impossible.

We can't get a clue what it's like to live...

Life in a wheelchair without actually being in one.

And you think after spending an hour in one, you know.

No, I said I was searching for a clue.

Truth is, I simply can't imagine.

So much of my personal esteem goes into vanity.

I don't like to admit that.

I like to think of myself as an attractive, strong man.

Miss Hobbs, I noticed in the last place you worked.

You filed a claim for sexual harassment against a couple of men who were

harassing not you but other women. Am I correct in that? The fact that I wasn't

specifically targeted doesn't mean that I wasn't victimized.

Understood. But did it hurt that you weren't a specific target?

I'm no therapist.

But did it hurt that these men were declaring their attraction to all these

women but you?

My mother used to tell me.

and feel free to disagree, the woman was mad at me.

She told me that if there was anything worse for a woman than being

regarded as a sexual object, it's not being regarded as one.

Any truth to that?

Perhaps a little.

In spite of himself, he's actually quite good. I mean, sometimes I am mystified,

but by the end, he knows what he's doing.

Is it just a thing that the women wanted to be groped because they were in

wheelchairs? He mined a very universal and human truth.

We all want to be desired. I'm not saying he won the day, but the man

seems to know what he's doing.

Well, speaking of the day...

It's over.

Would you like to get some dinner?

No, thank you.

No.

I've got more to do here.

All right, then.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Tara.

I know, um...

The normal course of behavior, when a person declares feelings, a conversation

would typically ensue shedding... I get it, Alan.

May I just offer one thing?

Okay.

I agree that you and I wouldn't be a good idea, and that we could never work.

The reason why I brought up dinner, just the same.

I have urges.

Alan. I guess what I'm trying to say, Alan, is... I'm

hungry.

I need food.

Did you give Hannah Rose illegal marijuana?

She promised she wouldn't glamorize it.

I've got to tell you, Sally, for someone who claims to want to succeed here, you

seem to be doing everything you can to sabotage your career.

Look, she asked me for the stuff.

That's an unacceptable response, especially from an attorney.

For the next week, you will not practice. You will file.

Change into some old clothes. You're going to storage.

Be grateful it is in jail.

What am I looking at? Dottie Hatt's x -rays. They're beautiful.

Look at the L5. It's bulging.

Dottie Hatt hasn't even been x -rayed yet. She goes this afternoon. It's taken

care of. Well, how do we get film before they've ever taken pictures?

What is this, 20 questions?

You want to, like, go to a movie or something?

Aren't you married?

Yeah, we won't tell.

Lenny, Eddie Broomstick's here.

Eddie, right this way.

I hope you got cash.

I ain't paying nothing, Lenny.

What's that? My hearing just failed me. I did call a lawyer of my own, and he

said that as long as they're refunded the money... That don't cover the pain

suffering. I'll take care of it. That woman had to get married wearing a sack.

Shut up. You know what? There's no dress known to man that's going to make that

bust look good. She's a cow. All right, let's go into the conference. No, I

think I'm going to take this meeting alone.

You can cover a thow with that, and you don't get no silk purse. It's time to

settle.

Jimmy?

It's really not ethical for him to not be represented.

Well, he's representing himself.

He can do that. Dottie has x -rays without ever having been to a doctor or

hospital. I'll look into it.

Do we break laws?

You want to do this?

Hey!

Let me go, man. You guys know each other, Jimmy. They're going to kiss and

up. Take your hands off me now!

Look, I'm already over it.

Nobody here saw nothing. I don't got to say that. Manny, you don't work here.

We had some movement, and he's going to come back with a bigger number.

So, you think about that movie?

You remember Bobby? Say hi.

Hi. Hi, sweetheart.

Hey, can you draw a picture for Mom?

Right over there.

Does this mean you've already left?

Well, I'm packing.

Listen, tomorrow, Eugene, Jimmy, Jamie and I, we're having a little goodbye

celebration at the end of the day. Can you stop by?

Oh, tomorrow I'm kind of jammed.

Well, we can work around you.

Eugene is in trial, but... I'm pretty much booked all day.

How about tomorrow night?

Actually, I have plans.

You guys do it without me. I, you know, I already said goodbye.

Actually, you didn't.

You never really did say goodbye.

In fact, you made a big point about how it wasn't goodbye.

Eleanor, I'm not really into that kind of stuff.

What kind of stuff?

Look, I've moved on, okay? I don't really feel like going backwards.

It's reflecting on a franchise that we gave our lives to. It isn't our lives.

It's an office place.

Fine.

All right, tell me what time, and I'll try to swing by to toast you and Eugene

and Jimmy and Jamie.

To me, it's about people, not a space.

I don't need to say goodbye to a space.

Actually, he's more aroused by the wheelchair than he is by the women.

By the wheelchair?

Well, that makes him even sicker, doesn't it?

Essentially, it's a fetish, and it's not all that uncommon.

Being aroused by a wheelchair?

Mr. Shipley was raised by a working mom, typically absent during critical stages

of his development.

Now, he himself was injured as a child, and his mother became more present for

him than tending to him.

Long story short, without all of the psychological detail, Mr. Shepley likes

imagine himself in a helpless state.

So it's possible that he couldn't help himself. Is that what you're saying,

Doctor? That he goes on some sort of sicko automatic perp pilot?

Objection. Sustained. I can't speak to whether his actions were voluntary or

not. It seems that they were.

But when he sees a woman physically disabled...

He becomes sexually excited.

Am I ready to plead?

The jury has a legal right to free him if they want to, and that's where I come

in. When I get up to speak, they're going to want to let him go.

You think?

It's our nature, Susan. We're Americans.

It's our God -given duty to free people, even if they don't particularly want to

be freed.

We're liberators at our courses.

I'll ask you not to stand so close to me.

All I need is one. One juror who thinks that Walter Shepley is a victim.

Do you really want to bet I can't get one?

Excuse me.

Sally.

I'm on KP duty.

Punishment for giving Hannah Rose some pot.

You gave Hannah Rose pot without offering me any?

I'm banished to the storage room. There were some old files in here. I can come

back if you want. No, it's fine.

What are you looking at?

Youth.

What?

Sally, why would you give Hannah Rose pot?

Maybe I'm a little self -destructive.

You'll be happy to know I've officially hired a therapist.

We've already discussed you.

And? He said I might be drawn to old guys because it makes me feel safe.

Did you say old guys?

Sorry.

Sexy old guys.

I don't know if I've ever been accused of that before in my life.

Being sexy?

Safe.

I've never made anybody feel safe.

Remember when I kissed you?

Yes.

And I said something like, I can't believe I just did that. It just sort of

happened.

It was a little more reflective than that.

I lied.

As did I. Remember my response? I said that was a surprise when I saw it

You didn't pull away.

No, I didn't.

Do you regret that?

Not pulling away?

Did you say to yourself after, next time, I'll pull away?

Please don't ask to discuss my feelings.

You guys are nice for an old guy.

For what cases?

He's got doctors on the take.

We don't need to know none of that.

We want to help people that need help. We need cash flow. That man over there

a cash cow. Look at the size of him.

Mr. Crane told me you'd acquit his client because you're Americans, and

your God -given duty to free people.

It's our nature.

And it got me thinking, what is our nature as Americans?

And I realized this man...

degraded people in wheelchairs.

It isn't his fault.

It's yours.

And yours.

And mine.

Because we as Americans tolerate it.

My husband is a staunch Republican.

He championed the war and put out the flag. We need to protect freedom, he

And then when no weapons of mass destruction were found, he said, how

make such a horrible mistake?

We in success.

They in failure.

It needs to always be we.

You look at those pictures in the papers of those Iraqi prisoners.

Degraded. Some sodomized. Some killed.

We did that.

Americans did that.

As long as we lay claim to being a nation governed by the people, for the

people.

The American people did that.

You did.

You did.

I did. Your Honor, this is disguised bush bashing. I ask that counsel be

disbarred. Effective immediately.

Could you bring it back to the case, counsel?

We all need to be held accountable for a society that allows Mr.

Shepley's behavior to be excusable.

This is not about political correctness.

I don't care what your politics are.

Go in that room and vote your conscience.

Cast a vote that says our society is a moral one.

Clearly, we cannot claim the higher road abroad these days.

Let's at least be able to cling to it at home.

Did she attack America?

I believe she did, yes.

Son, this has to be rebutted cogently, thoughtfully, intelligently.

I agree.

Son, I am not equipped.

In her opening statement, Miss Alexander suggested that my client should be held

accountable. Now, it seems, she's saying you should be accountable.

Please, we as Americans are not accountable people. We are a nation of

-pointers, be it the 9 -11 Commission, to the weapons of mass destruction, to

anything at all having to do with the Red Sox.

When was the last time you heard anybody say, I screwed up?

When was the last time you heard anybody say, we screwed up?

This is America, for God's sake.

We're always right. And if ever we're not, we get a note from our doctor.

Well, my client...

comes to you with a note from his doctor. He has a medical condition.

It's a mental disorder.

If, as Miss Alexander suggests, we as a society should take responsibility here,

in this case, in this courtroom, then let's get this man some treatment. Let's

not put him in jail.

I could be wrong, but retribution doesn't always seem to work.

Yeah. I thought you'd be interested to know, despite my stirring closing, we

decided to settle the case.

You're wrong. I'm not interested. Get out.

Eugene. A judge has asked you to leave his chambers.

Whatever our history, if you ever again... What did I do?

What did you do?

You called me Eugene.

You mean that's not your name? I was under the impression... Shut up!

Just shut up!

I walked in that courtroom, my courtroom, for the first time, and you

Eugene, buddy?

You may not respect me, but you'll respect the robe. You understand?

I yelled your name out of enthusiasm.

I yelled out, buddy, to be flip. I apologize.

Let me tell you something, Eugene. I know many judges. I've even slept with a

few. The robe is a piece of clothing.

I'm required by law, and I suppose decorum, to honor the robe. The respect

have for you is far more profound.

Your Honor.

There will be no violence inside the premises.

I realize sometimes school has got to get settled outside the courtroom.

But there will be no mayhem inside here.

Everybody checks their baseball bats with Susie when you come in. We have

company bats.

Second, our mission is to become a totally honest law firm.

I know this can't happen overnight, but the purpose of this franchise is to do

good, decent work.

For good, decent people. I need to pre -clear three wise guys I got lifelong

stuff with.

Nothing serious.

Third,

Manny, we have agreed to extend an offer to you as a paralegal.

You mean it?

You need to pre -clear with me everything you do. You'll be acting as

of this firm. Your salary will be a contingency of the business you bring

You won't regret it.

Fourth, Jamie.

If you want to be a partner, the buy -in is 75 grand. That's what me and Lenny

put in.

You might want to consider, you know, being an associate here since... Yeah, I

opt for that.

Associate.

Okay.

Then we're a law firm.

Let's... We're a law firm.

When men hug, it's a sign of homosexuality.

I'm against same -sex hugs.

I'll take a handshake, then.

You spoke of your esteem, finding it in vanity.

I've found much of mine in being your friend.

Friend of Denny Crane.

I've pushed the defense on Peter as far as I can, Denny.

I'm going to need you to close.

Well, call a meeting. Get them all in here tomorrow.

You might actually be able to do it with a phone call.

Bring the file into my office.

Let's do it.

Okay, Walter.

Talk to you later.

Okay.

What a

mess.

You're just figuring this out.

I mean, I always thought I was...

Functionally messed up. It worked for me.

But I... Perhaps... Well, there's no denying.

Actually, there is. There seems to be nothing but denial on my part about it.

Tara.

I have enormous affection for you.

But for whatever reason, I like myself less with

you.

I'm not at all sure.

Shouldn't you chime in with something? Isn't that how conversation works?

You're doing fine.

I don't like being alone.

I'm good at it, but I don't like it.

But notwithstanding my feelings for you, I see potentially a

less lonely path with...

I don't know what I'm trying

to say.

You've just said it.

Always take the less lonely path.

Somebody somewhere must have said that.

I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm buried with work.

Could you be a dear?

This file has to go down to storage.

Will you drop it down there for me?

I thought Beck was coming. She got tied up in probate. And Bobby?

He won't show. You know him and goodbyes. He's still telling Lindsay

marriage is just on hiatus.

Well, we gotta get going. I gotta report to night court.

You got night court?

I'm a rookie.

All right, glasses up.

To our new lives.

Eugene, a judge.

Jimmy, Jamie, neighborhood lawyers.

Me, a mom, and... Who knows?

And... Come on. Somebody help me out.

Okay.

I have love for this place.

Every day.

No matter what the fight or however ugly.

I came here every day saying to myself, this place is special, and

I'm lucky to be here.

And you, and you, and you, and

all of you.

You can travel all around the world and

back.

You can fly a sail, or ride

a railroad track.

But no matter where you go, you're

gonna... find that

people have the same things on their

minds.

A man wants to work for his pay.

Man wants to play in the sun.

Man wants a gal proud to say that she'll

become his loving wife.

He wants a chance to give his kid a

better life.

Well, hello.

Hello.

Brother, hello.

I said hello.

Hello.

Brother, hello.