Original subtitles

Hey, good morning, Carl Jean.

Good morning.

Why aren't you dressed for work?

Because I'm going fishing today.

Fishing? Yes, I'm off. A -W -F, off.

Ask me, you're off every day.

Who released the Kraken?

The Kraken?

Oh, I mean, Vera came in at midnight. You were sleeping.

I didn't know the bus from hell ran that late.

I wish you were standing in front of the bus from hell. Vera, can you just come

in? It's a big, bubble head. Come on in, everybody.

What are you two doing out so early?

Just taking a power walk. Why did y 'all have to make a power stop?

Oh, Colonel, I'm just being serious.

Hey, I'm going fishing. You want to come go with me? No, no, no, Brown. Not

today. I got better things to do than fish. And that's because you got your

barracuda. Mr. Brown.

Well, Colonel, I'm just saying. I mean, you know, you should have a license to

walk around with something looking like that. I'm surprised you don't get

tickets.

Look, well, I'm headed to work since I'm not off.

Okay, well, go ahead. Good to see you, Carmen. I'm going to get my ride and

stuff. All right, you guys have a good day. All right, see you later, Cora.

So, what brings you to this neck of the woods, missy? Oh, well, my new friend

took me out for an elegant evening of whining and dining.

Sounds exciting.

What elegant place did he take you?

Club Hithop.

That's why my new friend is now my ex -friend. I just wanted to go dancing.

Oh, Colonel.

I want to go dancing.

Well, I want my hair to grow back.

Looks like we're both out of luck.

I wouldn't let him talk to me like that.

Stay out of this, Vera.

And you want to go dancing? Go.

We can make it a girl's night out.

You ain't said nothing but the word. That's right, a girl's night out.

Okay, hold up, hold up, hold up. Don't y 'all need girls for that?

Now, that's a good one, Brown. That's a good one. How about the colonel sleeps

on the couch for a week?

Now, that's a good one, isn't it?

Brown, that joke sucked.

Now, look, I'm going to go fishing, and I'm going to stop by and pick up my

check. Hey, just in case you two are gone when I get back, give yourself

You know, in that getup, those fish are going to see that fool coming a mile

away.

Hanging in the water.

Somebody's going to use the water.

Oh!

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Hey, you ain't scaring nobody.

Why are you breathing so hard?

I am not breathing hard.

Yes, you are. Okay, anyway, I came by to tell you I'm headed home, but to remind

you about Bible study tonight.

Oh, Bible study?

Yes, you said you would go.

But there's a big game on tonight.

you think the lord care about your game it is his team the saints

not buying it huh no fine i'll be there all right

don't flake out like last time giving me some old tired excuse what i really did

think mama was pregnant miracles happen just like that lady in the barber

ain't esther that was queen esther not aunt esther Which is why you need to be

at Bible study early.

Fine, I'll be there.

All right. With bells on.

I think you need to wear a little bit more than that.

All right.

Where you got to go to? Got to go with my brother. Fuck it.

Thanks,

kid. Yeah, and I'm not admired by all the teachers around here either. Ain't

nobody admire you.

Don't try to tell me that.

I see how they look at me.

Just like that.

But you know what I tell them? I say, I am just a man.

Yeah, but what do you want, man?

Besides you drowning in a river of nacho cheese, I'm looking for... Oh, she just

left. I'm meeting her at Bible study tonight.

Oh, you can't come back to my church. My pastor said you can't come back. Why

not? Because pastor said last time you was there, you put spam on all the

communion crackers.

That was potted meat.

I don't know what you're talking about.

It's not like you anorexic.

I have you to know I am Sagittarius.

And what's the point, anyway? What's the point?

Man, if dumb was a drug, you would overdose.

You know what?

I could beat you with this thing and hide your body and won't nobody know.

No!

No!

Just like I thought.

You about as brave as somebody who ain't brave.

What? You just locked us in. What, you mean as in locked in?

As in trapped?

No!

I'm too pretty to die!

You know that exclusive dress shop on Piedmont? Yeah.

I got it at the thrift shop next door.

Oh, that is nice. I'll get beer for you. Hey, Carl.

Hey, Cora. So, what do you think?

It's nice.

For a single woman.

What are you talking about?

I mean, why do you have to go out to a club anyway?

You're taken. I want to have fun.

But you can have fun with me at the house. Oh, please.

We never do anything.

You know, when you met me, I was the life of the party. Yeah, and you see how

much trouble that got you into.

Vern and I are two respectable young women who just want to go out. We're not

looking for anything.

Hey, hey!

The diva has arrived!

Let's get this party started!

Let's get this party started!

I've seen smaller torpedoes.

I told her she was going to put somebody's eyes out with those things.

Yeah, that's because they're going to be staring.

They look familiar.

Yeah,

girl, you know you got to compete.

They say that 40 is the new 30.

Well, that would make you about to hurt you.

No, you sure about this?

Oh, please, I can hang with the best of them.

Okay, we get to flip a coin for the designated driver.

Oh, wait a minute. I think I got it. Too late. You lose. You drive.

All right, now listen.

We're going to stop over here at the Mucho Liquor Store.

I got credit over there.

Visa and MasterCard.

And you know, I'm like American Express.

I'll never leave home without them.

know about this i mean vera puts the after and after party relax how about

go to bible study with me i don't know ridge is late as usual i know he's

his best to get here come on colonel

I was thirsty.

I didn't. I just felt you.

Hey, I've been busy trying to get us out of here. I almost got us broke out.

Come on, help me. Give me a hand with this. All right, all right. I'm coming,

I'm coming. I almost got the door done.

Man,

what? You're tying my shoelaces together?

That couldn't happen. I seen you laying outside. I got to do it.

You know that ain't right.

Come on, help me get this out of here.

Not what you should do.

You should put some of that good eating you've been doing to use.

Bust this door down with it.

Come on, yes you can. I'm not busting that door down. I can't do that. I know

it. I know you couldn't anyway.

I know you couldn't.

Wait. You trying to use reverse psychology on me?

Nope. I just don't believe in you.

You go ahead and do it. I'm gonna bust it. Bust it, Reggie. You can do anything

you put your mind and your belly to.

Let me give you what you need. All right. We'll try again. Here, try. Oh,

That'll do. Yes. Put it out.

That'll do. I want you to focus.

You're a football coach.

It's a giant, smothered pork chop on that other side. That's potent.

Pork chop. Pork chop. Pork chop.

Pork chop. Pork chop. Go get your pork chop.

I can't do it.

I can't do it.

The door's still standing. Kind of gave that away, don't you think?

I got to give this thing one more try. Try it one more time.

You can do it.

Hold that thing for me.

All the time you've been having this, and you ain't... We can just call...

Reggie! We can just call...

You didn't tell me you had a cell phone.

Oops, I forgot.

Oh, I just talked to her.

She'll have us out of here faster than you can say, I'm a crazy old man.

That wasn't funny.

I can't get no signal.

What? Just touch that metal. Touch the screw. Touch the screw.

Open your head a little bit.

Now, you know what? Put your finger in the light socket. That ought to shock

up. It'll give you some voltage.

Let me see it. I know how to get it. All right. If you just, you got to circle

around for it.

Thank you. Get up high. Get up high. Get up high. Get up high.

All right. Now lean.

Lean.

You see one? You see a singer? We got a ball. We got a ball. Hold on. Hold on.

Let me help you. If I touch this metal down here.

Okay. Now, now, now. Bring your arm down. Bring your arm down.

Oh.

Ooh.

My bad.

Reggie was a no -show again.

That man has a lot of growing up to do. How is he going to have a relationship

with the Lord and the Lord don't even know his address?

Carla, focus!

I'm focusing.

Well, maybe Will knows where they are. Wait a minute. What are we talking

We're talking about Edna. Edna. Oh, God knows what she's out there doing.

Colonel, this reminds me of the book Left Behind.

You know, the Lord took all the good people and left the bad people on Earth

get their acts together.

That should be gone.

Where's Edna?

Who? Edna, Edna, you know the woman you went out with.

Oh, her.

I thought her name was Myrtle.

If you see her, you let her know she owe me $25 and a shot.

Are you sure we're talking about the same Edna?

Yeah, Edna.

Tall white girl with bad teeth.

No, no, no, no, no. Short black woman with good teeth.

Yes.

think I am? Dion and one of her psychotic friends?

That's psychic.

Yeah, obviously you don't know Dion's friends.

Man,

I'm weird.

Wait a minute. You two lost Brown and Edna?

Remind me never to let y 'all watch my dog.

Colonel, how about you call Miss Edna on her phone and I'm gonna try Mr. Brown

on mine.

What's this?

d -cups at that cock fight i'm gonna try to call richie now you try jesus

yeah yeah that's what i'm gonna do

Yeah, I can do that. There you go.

Hook that thing like you got to hook them pants in the morning. Okay.

Ready?

Wait a minute. Get it moving.

Yeah.

Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Come on. Okay. You got it? Okay, go. I'm

bringing it on home, bro. Yeah. Yeah.

We out of this pizza.

All right.

All right.

Call court.

No.

I was thinking about calling Norton Pizza.

Five, five, five, five.

One, two, three, four.

Hello?

Carver, it's your daddy. I'm stuck in the closet at the school with Spurge

square head. He hit me right in that weird stuff.

Hello? What course is that?

Man, that wasn't Carver.

That was your service provider.

They say you just ran out of minutes.

My mama pay that phone bill every month.

So I can give her a call.

Yeah, call him.

I can't believe we stuck in this school tomorrow all by ourselves.

Ooh.

You right about one thing.

We stuck.

I don't think we by ourselves.

with trees on the shirt.

Yeah, it's green, it's white.

Last thing I remember is a flamethrower and live chickens.

We better get you to a doctor.

If anyone hurts you, they're going to have hell to pay. No, no, no, I don't

to go anywhere. I'm fine.

Are you sure?

I came home.

I mean, I went to a couple of little seedy joints with Vera, but by the time

wound up at the chicken coop, it was time to go.

I tried to come back home, but I didn't want you to think I couldn't hang.

So you've been here all this time.

I was going to sneak in when you went to sleep, but I think I fell asleep first.

Oh, but you scared me half to death.

Next time I'm going out with you.

Oh, I'd like that.

You know, when I was hanging out with Vera, I realized something.

What? You miss me?

No.

That Vera should never drink.

But show her fuzzy navel.

If somebody say fuzzy navel, I'll have mine on the rocks.

Silly wabbit.

Silly wabbit.

What's it go next?

Trick? No, no, no, no.

Keep away from you.

What we did to that rat?

Mm -hmm. Was inhumane.

Either he was going to get the turkey or we was going to get it. Better us than

him.

It was pretty cool the way you trapped him, though.

I'm glad you're always packing a snack.

You're a snack packer.

I think he bit on this one.

I don't care.

Hey,

wait a minute, Brian.

Do we just have a moment?

I hope not.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you have to talk to ask me?

Yeah, I got to ask you.

Why you hate me so much?

What make you think I hate you?

Uh, because you usually say, Reggie, I hate you.

You ain't got to talk up high like that. I don't talk like that.

I don't hate nobody. You can't make it to heaven hating on people like that.

I ain't no hater.

I just love my carver so much, I don't think nobody good enough for her.

I don't think I'm good enough for Cora either.

But she make me want to better myself.

That's why she put up with me. Maybe you'll see that one day, too.

No, don't hold your breath.

You know, but I do see the way you were trying to get to that Bible study, and

you didn't want to disappoint her.

That's after you woke up.

Oh.

So you're saying I'm not all bad?

Mostly bad, but not all bad. 99 .9 % bad, but not all bad. All right, all

I'll take that. Give me that.

Oh, bring it in.

Oh,

good Lord, it ain't been that long.

Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.

How'd you find us? Well, your mom called and said you hadn't came home, and I

knew Mr. Brown had to come pick up his check, so I put two and two together.

What the hell happened?

This idiot right here. I come in here, and who don't have a teacher? Don't hit

me.

have me a drink i won't drink no more we ready

to go we've been looking for you you sitting in here drinking daddy told you

before he died quit drinking boy go on out of here and let me have some time to

myself i'm finna do it this is your intuition right here i'm gonna help you

drinking the door you need