Original subtitles

Yeah, okay.

Really? I ain't doing nothing. I wasn't doing nothing.

All right, that's great. Thank you. Uncle Brown, guess what I just got?

I don't know, but I hope it clear up before Sasha find out about it. No, no,

no, no. I just made reservations at Sasha's favorite Moroccan restaurant.

That'll cheer her up.

Oh, nephew, you know the last time you ain't there, we had to forward your mail

to the bathroom.

That stuff tore your stomach up!

Yeah, it did. I mean, it had you broke down, your legs was all cramped up. You

had sat on that toilet by, what, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 hours?

I mean, we thought you shrunk. Every time you walked, you would just get all

this smoke, all this smoke.

Ooh, nephew, you was tore up. Yeah, that was a tough day. Yeah, it was. But you

know what? Sasha really loves that place.

Yeah, yeah, you're a good husband.

Yeah, I try.

Nephew, you want some sugar?

No, I'm good.

You sure?

Since you're pouring it, I'll take a cup. All right.

Carver, you want some sugar for your coffee?

Oh, sure.

Okay. Now I better not.

Hey, Will, since you guys are working, Miss Cora says my friends can come over

this weekend.

Oh, really?

You sure that's all right, Cora? No, it ain't all right. Ain't nobody ask me

nothing.

It's fine.

What time are they coming? Uh, how about a quarter past never? Ain't nobody ask

me. A little after seven.

Okay. Well, just make sure you don't give Cora a hard time, you understand?

She's Mr. Brown's daughter. Nothing can be harder than that.

You know what? I'm going to ignore you saying that.

I'm going to just be my normal sweet self.

Want some sugar, Wacom?

Nope. There's enough sugar in there already. Give me that.

Hey, guess what?

I got us reservations at your favorite Moroccan restaurant.

Oh, that's nice.

Sasha, Miss Corris says my friends can sleep over this weekend.

Okay, sweetie.

Speaking of sweetie, you want some sugar for your granola thing?

I guess not.

Oh,

she's still down about, you know.

Yeah, and it's been a few weeks.

I've tried everything I could to cheer her up, but nothing seems to be working.

Me too, but we have to be patient. She'll come around.

Uh, speaking of coming around, Wacom, how many of them little rugrats coming

with you? Because I don't want no happy little kids. Mr. Brown. I'm a grown man.

I don't want no whole bunch of kids. I'm grown. G -R -O -A -N.

Grown.

See, that's why I don't want them kids around. They act too grown.

That boy act 30.

Okay. Look, I'm going to work.

All right? All right. Have a good day. Be good, Wacom. I'm okay. All right,

Uncle Brown.

All right.

Let's go get ready for your company.

Everybody around here think I'm slow.

I'm the smart one around here.

I'm the only one around here with good sense.

I eat my own breakfast.

I ain't gonna let this go to waste.

People starving all over the world.

Hey,

we still up for Moroccan tonight?

Oh, babe, I don't know if I'm up for it.

Moroccan?

Isn't that where they sit on the floor and you eat with your hands and the half

-naked women are jingling coins on their butts?

Yep.

Yep. They do that at my sister's house.

Oh, well then, you should come, Renee, because, uh, you feel

right at home.

What's wrong with your eye?

Renee, uh...

I mean, if you really want to come, I'm sure I can make reservations for three.

No. No.

Why don't you girls just go?

Huh? Y 'all can bond.

About what?

About what? About, you know, like, girl stuff. Like, you know, how bad men are,

you know? Yeah. Nine now. That's good. That's great.

Then it's seven.

Okay. Great. I will go make... Am I wrong? All right.

Renee?

I'm excited.

This is going to be fun.

Wow.

I ain't going.

Come on.

Look, you're the first person to make her laugh like that since the

And? I mean, and.

And I think she really needs this. It'd be good for her.

And? And I don't know.

You'd be doing me a big favor.

So? So, so what'd you do with $400?

So, I have a ready -ass oven.

Oh, I just don't clean over.

But, turbo power!

Here I come. And there you go.

Okay, yes.

Hey, what are you doing?

What'd it look like?

It looks like you gift -wrapped yourself.

I'm watching my TV.

Watch that.

What? We were racing.

Look, when I was your age, I played outside.

How did you avoid the dinosaurs?

I begged your mama not to eat us.

Miss Cora!

Stop snitching. Don't be snitching. What is it, Joaquin?

Mr. Brown won't leave us alone.

Okay, now, Cora, who are you going to believe? These lying kids or your daddy?

That's easy.

Come on out here and leave these kids alone.

Hurry! I told them they need to go outside.

It's getting dark outside.

Well, why don't you give them some matches?

Matches? You might as well just give them some scissors to run with.

Because if you give them scissors, then they're going to put out the matches.

Duh. What kind of babysitter are you?

Oh, Lord.

Oh, another one.

Hey, what's up, guys?

What's up?

Who ordered the clown?

Why your head got heated in a minute?

Hey, man. What's up? Here you go, your turn. Okay, but be prepared to get

smoked. Yeah, right. Okay, I got next.

Look, why don't you go to a nursing home and play with somebody your own age?

That was all or nothing.

That ain't no good.

Carver, don't let these kids see you get your little behind spanked.

Now,

I got next, like I said.

Man, why is he tripping? I don't know.

Nobody tripping.

How can y 'all even hear this anyway? Y 'all need to turn this thing up.

Y 'all get the volume. What are you doing?

You broke the game.

Well, ain't nobody broke. Now stop whining like a little old girl.

It ain't broke. Now it's broke.

I'm going to be in the kitchen.

Drinks anyone?

Hey, Sunshine.

So, how was your evening with Sasha?

I've had waxes that were less painful.

What?

So, what are you saying? You didn't have a good time? No.

Oh, she was in such a good mood when she came home.

If you know what I'm saying.

I don't care if you know what I'm saying.

That Moroccan restaurant was whack.

I kept hitting that hookah, trying to get a little bug going. I didn't get

nothing. You know I should have bought my own stuff.

So?

If I ask you to take her out again. I will punch you. I will gas your eyes

I will stab you in your throat. No.

Why not? Come on.

What if I offer to pay you again?

Read my lips.

I'll double it.

Triple it.

I don't care if you forple it.

This is not pimp my nerves.

No.

I'll throw in a limo.

And my cable bill.

Fine. And a TV that go with my cable.

And a car seat.

No.

Limo and your cable bill.

Okay.

All right?

Cool. All right. Thank you so much, Renee.

I'll make sure your little wifey has another good time again.

Hi.

How much is he paying you?

Not nearly enough.

Will!

Okay, listen. Follow my lead.

Okay, got it? Yes.

How are my two favorite girls?

We're good. Not good. Not good. Not good at all. Actually, I've been down. And

I'm just so lucky to have a BFF like Renee by my side.

I know, right?

Isn't she great? Oh, she's great.

Thanks for being there, Renee. And if there's anything else I can do, you guys

just let me know, okay?

Now that you mention it, there's a new five -star hotel in Buckhead that's

supposed to have a fabulous spa.

Okay. Well, if that'll make you happy, sweetheart, you get it. It would.

It would, and it would make me even happier if my friend Renee could come

with me.

Because, you know, at this point, I could...

Put my head in a mud bath and never come up.

I thought I would really love to be there for you. You know, to help you so

won't bury your face in a mud sandwich.

But I can't afford that spot.

You can't afford it? I can't afford it. You can't afford it?

Yes, you can.

No, I can't.

Yes, you can.

No, I can't.

Didn't you come into some money?

That was for my cable bill.

Come on, Willie.

Poor, poor Renee out.

Renee's not that poor.

Yes, I am.

And I need a babysitter.

Babysitter? Aren't you a kid with your grandmother?

Who do you think the sitter is for?

Will?

Okay, okay.

All right. Here, baby.

You take that card.

Okay? Have a good time.

My babysitter takes cash.

She's not legal.

Thank you, Willie.

Thank you, Willie.

I knew it.

Renee, come on.

Come on. Bring it down.

Bring it down to Najby. Come on.

All right. Have a good time, sweetheart.

Boring, Jo. Come on.

Yeah, we should have just stayed in my house.

Your house smells like old people and cigarettes.

So does your sister.

Kid, I have a surprise for you.

What is it? A bus ticket to anywhere else.

Make that serene.

Don't be smart, ma 'am.

Mr. Brown!

Uh, Cora, I'm not coming out like this. I changed my mind.

You broke the game.

Go, Cora. Just do it. Go ahead. Go.

Boy!

fantastical, magical, colorful magician in this entire living room.

people in cigarettes don't sound so bad okay for the first trick i would attempt

to do this has never been attempted in this living room before ever i will

this sharp object into this delicate balloon

you so much what is he supposed to be a magician or a ghetto penguin

keep on i'm an abracadabra one of y 'all all right

have fun uh -uh come back here biscotto baby biscotto baby yes you're my

assistant come assist me we didn't talk about that cora i boogie boogie boogie

boo my little butt out of here all right okay okay for my next trick i am going

to need complete

And motherly constipation.

Concentration. What, that too.

What I will need now is I need a volunteer. Anybody in the room. Just

Thank you so much for volunteering. Come right up to the stage, young man.

I didn't raise my hand. Yes, you did. You were about to because I've seen in

your future.

Yes. And by the way, you look much better out there in the future.

Okay,

what I want you to do is I want you to step back off of me. You're too close. I

may fool around and zippity zap you or something. Okay.

I want you to pick a card. Wait, just what you... Any card that I... Just pick

one. Just hold on. Just wait. Just pick a card. I just want you to pull a card.

Just any card. Not that one. Not that one. More to the middle.

What?

Now, I will not look at your card, and I will be able to tell what you have

picked. You picked... There it is. That's your card. Ain't that your card?

Nope.

Pull that one right there. Whoop. Zip it as a... Nope.

Well, ain't that many more in here that you could have picked. You had a red

one. Ain't nothing but the... Six of diamonds.

Thank you, this gentleman. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

That chick was whack.

Uh, look here, little Romeo.

If he'd have picked the right card, it would have worked.

Yeah, it was his fault.

All right.

Somebody make it stop.

Tell you what.

Hmm.

I want you to put these glasses in your hands.

Right there.

Urkel, I'm about to make these torqued glasses disappear before your very eyes.

Well, before your very bad eyes.

Look at it like this.

If anything goes bad, you'll never see it coming.

Thank you. I'm trying to do a magic show.

Thank you, sir.

Okay. My lovely assistant will now step forward and assist me in the cessation.

Go!

Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie. Put some stank on it. Put some

stank on it. Put some very brown on it. Put some very brown on it.

Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie.

In the bed.

Boogie.

Yes.

Okay, I will now attempt to make his glasses.

earlier we're supposed to be a team so that don't mean we gotta work together

yes it does that's what being a team means i think we should have been a team

am so tired of you eavesdropping

aren't you two supposed to be at the spa no will we

didn't go you see unlike you we don't take advantage of people we have

we have integrity we found out it's closed

So was my mother.

Renee, why'd you have to sell me out?

Because, you know what?

Unlike the two of you, I really do have integrity.

So if you'll excuse me, I have to go see a man about a blood diamond.

So you paid Renee to take me out?

Oh, well, baby, I just, I wanted you to have a good time.

You've been so down in the dumps about the baby. Yes, well, it's been on mine,

but mainly I've been tired.

Well... You never said that.

Because we never talked about it.

I don't know, maybe... Maybe I didn't want to talk about it either.

Hey, you okay?

Sometimes.

Same here.

I mean, I... I try to, uh...

Stay busy, but, uh... You know.

Yeah. Well, it's been, I don't know, tougher for me at night.

I guess that's why I haven't been sleeping.

Well, um... I'm right there beside you.

I know.

I know.

Look, why don't we finish this conversation over dinner?

Huh? Really?

My treat.

That's my car.

I know.

Cool. See you later.

Electric bungalow!

Hey.

Hey, Mr. Brown. You still haven't brought Henry back?

No. I'm more powerful than I thought I was, Wacombe.

I guess so.

Maybe the kids can help.

Wacombe, here.

Take this wine.

No matter what I say, don't give it back to me.

Mm -mm. You do stink as a magician.

Give me that rock and hook you with it. Give it back.

Mr. Brown.

I have a proposition for you.

Why you say I need a peppermint? Oh, no, a proposition.

If you promise to buy us another game, we'll help you bring Henry back.

How are you going to help me if you still pee in the bed?

You told?

No, I didn't.

You just did.

Oh.

Well, you better get that stuff for a drive. It'll itch you to death.

Mr. Brown, the kid said if you promised to buy them another game.

The deluxe edition.

Yes. With, you know, joy.

Yes, and a diaper.

Introducing a real magician, Biscotto Baby.

when I was in your room watching TV.