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I went out and got an eye exam.
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Well, how's that going to prevent a
heart attack?
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Carver, heart attack?
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It was his bad eyesight that nearly got
him hooked up to that old goon.
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So why are you so out of breath?
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Carver, I walked by old man Jones'
house, and this bulldog started chasing
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so I threw a stick at it.
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Bulldog? Yes.
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That's his baby.
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She has an underbite. Oh, that's a
severe one.
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Make her mouth set like that, Carl.
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And your eyesight 20 -20?
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Yes, Carl, I have you to know. My doctor
say I got better eyesight than that.
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Really? I got 50 -50.
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I'm almost bionic.
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No. See, 50 -50 means...
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Never mind. Hey, hey, have you seen that
box of family portraits? I want to take
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it to Texas with me. I see you still set
on going to that porn star state.
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It's long star state.
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Cor, when you gone, I'm the one gonna be
long.
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Admit it, Edna. The truth will set you
free. How y 'all just gonna walk up here
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in my house?
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Do I look like a pagan to you?
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Are you talking about one of them things
that be on top of the building like
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this?
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It's the eyes that look the concrete
thing with the wings. It's a gargoyle.
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Well, you better watch it, Colonel,
because they bite. No one is. Look who's
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talking. Jab of a gut.
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Why are you and the Colonel arguing,
Miss Edna? You wouldn't believe what
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Hey, careful, careful.
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You know God don't like Edna.
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That's ugly, Mr. Brown. Oh, you don't
talk about her like... You don't call
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people ugly. You got to be political
correct. You got to say, face a
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Face a challenge.
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Sister Cora, my brush with death has
been a wake -up call for me to be more
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spiritual. And there's nothing wrong
with that, Colonel. But he's taking it
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too far.
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Uh -uh.
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Lying isn't Christian -like.
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Eating a deviled egg does not make me a
pagan.
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Well, I'm just glad I've seen the light.
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You know what? I've seen it, too.
Colonel, now that you've seen the light,
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some on that bat right there so she
won't change us into nothing.
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Now, remember, for morning thickness,
ginger tea.
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I heard her, Will. Okay.
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For back pain, what?
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Hot compress. I heard her, Will. And
when you get annoyed, you remember what
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told you to do? Yeah, ignore you.
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Will, honey, the doctor said our baby is
fine.
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Oh, our baby.
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I love the way that sounds.
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Me too.
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Look, I know you said... Will needs to
keep it a secret, but can you picture
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Look.
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Will, look at the baby.
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She has my eyes.
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She? She?
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Oh, well, he has my chin. Your chin.
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Hey,
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hey, hey, little munchkin. Be careful.
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Hey. I got you.
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Be careful.
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I got you.
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You're so cute. You look just like
Daddy. Yes, you do.
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Yes, you do.
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What the what?
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You're in here talking to the furniture
again, ain't you?
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Don't lie. Your mama never should have
gave you that sewing machine as a pet.
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You had a sewing machine for a pet?
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No. No, Uncle Brian. Yes, he did. I'm
telling you, he used to sleep with that
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thing all the time. He used to call it
Little Stitchy.
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Yes, I'm telling you, he even tried to
teach things, do tricks.
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I taught it to stay.
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You know what? That boy was slow.
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He'd still have it if I hadn't told him
it ran away.
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00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,040
Well, let's hope the little munchkin
only inherits you. Look.
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Boy,
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did your mama's bus break down on the
corner again?
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No, no, no. I rode my cousin's bike
over. Hey, hey, can I bring it inside?
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00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,720
You know, kids steal the ones with the
banana seats.
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00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,240
I don't want your huffy in my house,
Puffy.
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Uncle Brown.
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Come on, give Reggie a break.
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What you want me to break on him, his
arm or his leg? You know he the reason
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that Clara's leaving?
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No, I'm not. What are you talking about,
Brown?
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I want him to stay as much as you do.
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00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,360
Reggie, why do you have a king of
diamonds in your pants leg?
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00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:40,940
Oh, it fell out my spoke when I hit the
pothole.
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00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,280
And, Doc, I think I skid my knee. Could
you check it out?
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Clara couldn't possibly do better than
you. I know she can't. You know, I keep
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telling her that.
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00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:50,960
Doc, you got any Mercuricone?
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Sure, Cole. No, but, uh, I can hop in my
time machine and scoop you up some.
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00:04:57,780 --> 00:05:00,300
Why don't you bring him back some giant
leeches, too?
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00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:06,320
You so, ugh, you just make me sick.
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00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,660
Mr. Brown, you gotta help me make Cora
stay.
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I mean, I want her to be my wife.
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You asking me for advice?
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Yeah. Well, uh, first y 'all got to have
something in common. Really? Like what?
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Yes.
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00:05:18,950 --> 00:05:20,450
Like, uh, Cora's not here.
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Y 'all, there's something. You know
what?
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I just realized. Y 'all have had this in
common.
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Cora's not here and you're not here.
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Hey,
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could you give this to her?
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What? You better give it to her.
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Take him with you. Oh!
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Cora, may I have another cup?
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Another one?
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This is your seventh cup. Keep them
coming, keep them coming. I really want
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something much stronger, but the
Colonel's gotten rid of everything.
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Even the rubbing alcohol.
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And my rum cake.
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I know he's a little overzealous, but
there's nothing wrong with being a
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Christian. I can live with a better
Christian. What I can't live with is a
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painted A.
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Oh, good morning, Sister Cora. Good
morning.
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Did I interrupt your morning prayers?
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Oh, no, no.
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We're just... Praying to the Lord for a
little patience.
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Colonel, would you like a cup of tea?
No, no, thank you, Cora. I'm on my way
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a prayer meeting at the church. You
know, I have this fire in my belly.
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Now, honey, that's that taco you ate
last night.
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I think it's wonderful that the
colonel's taking his spiritual life
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Yeah, thank you, Sister Cora. Thank you.
Hey, maybe we can ride to a prayer
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meeting together.
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Oh, what? I'm sorry, Colonel. I got to
go to work.
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Oh, I see.
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So, um...
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Work is more important than the Lord?
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No, I'm not saying that. Cora, have some
tea.
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It calms the nerves.
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You know, Sister Cora, you could stop by
on your way to work. I mean, after you
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change clothes.
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What's wrong with my clothes?
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Well, I just think that a good Christian
woman would wear something a little
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more conservative.
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What's more conservative than this?
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A nun's habit.
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You know, Sister Cora, I took some of
Edna's clothes over to the Goodwill
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earlier today.
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What? I'm gonna kill you.
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Now, Edna, what would Jesus do?
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If you can take my clothes back, you can
ask him.
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Now, she needs to be clothed in the
spirit.
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You know, Sister Cora, I could take some
of your more worldly things over there.
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My clothes are fine, Colonel. Thank you
very much.
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I just want you to be saved.
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I'm sure of that.
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But I tell you what, you better get out
of here before you need somebody to save
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you, sir.
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You have a good day.
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You know, Sister Cora, I'm gonna pray.
Pray for that. Thank you.
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Hey, babe.
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What do you want to eat?
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Hmm, how about a grilled cheese
sandwich?
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Actually, I was talking to Will Jr.
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Huh? What'd you say?
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Okay.
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Okay. All right.
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Got it.
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You're going to have peanuts, a banana,
and some carrot sticks.
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Will, I'm having a baby, not a squirrel.
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He can hear you.
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Don't worry about it, little fella. I
got your back.
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Okay? Baby, high five.
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All right, so we're out of carrot
sticks. I'm going to run and get you
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more. Be right back. Oh, yeah, you do
that, Willie.
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See you, little man.
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00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:05,170
Now, it's just you and me, LaSasha.
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grilled cheese sandwich you want one
they're great oh no i'm not too big on
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grilled cheese sandwiches probably
because my dear ate them all the time
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she was pregnant with me you're not
pregnant are you
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It'll be our little secret. Oh, this is
so exciting.
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I know, I know. I'm just hoping that the
kids are happy, too. Oh, those kids
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love you and will.
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You just be straight with them when the
time comes.
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00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:01,560
I don't know, Cora.
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Yes, you do. You know, you just sit them
down and you say, I have some exciting,
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00:10:06,660 --> 00:10:11,280
very exciting news to tell you that I
had to keep a secret, but I want you to
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the first to know.
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I'm pregnant.
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Just like that. I'm pregnant.
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What's going on?
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I'm coming to join you, honey.
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I'll be the granddaddy with the little
turkey bright green kids.
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00:10:55,110 --> 00:10:56,710
Uncle Brian, what's going on? What
happened?
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00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:59,870
Nephew, you... The baby is out of the
bath.
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It's just swimming around out of the
bag. In the bag, just swimming. The baby
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swimming everywhere.
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00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:06,010
Baby?
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00:11:06,570 --> 00:11:07,570
Oh, no.
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00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:12,170
I was trying to keep it a secret.
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00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:13,470
Nephew, you know?
197
00:11:14,110 --> 00:11:15,210
Of course I know.
198
00:11:15,710 --> 00:11:17,010
I was there when it happened.
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00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:19,310
What?
200
00:11:20,230 --> 00:11:22,010
And you didn't try to stop her?
201
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:24,310
Why would I try to stop her?
202
00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:27,350
She's been trying to get pregnant for
years. I mean, why would I stand in her
203
00:11:27,350 --> 00:11:28,510
way? She has.
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00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,170
Actually, you know what? I couldn't be
happier.
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00:11:32,690 --> 00:11:37,230
Nephew, all that's been going on under
my roof, why am I the last to know?
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00:11:37,690 --> 00:11:42,510
Well, actually, it didn't really happen
under this roof. I think we were in the
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00:11:42,510 --> 00:11:44,510
back of it. Nephew, stop being nasty.
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00:11:45,210 --> 00:11:46,210
I'm ashamed of you.
209
00:11:47,810 --> 00:11:48,810
How'd you find out?
210
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:50,530
I heard it from Cora's own lips.
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00:11:51,390 --> 00:11:53,450
Cora told you? Yes, she said.
212
00:11:54,050 --> 00:11:55,190
Leave Cora to me.
213
00:11:55,910 --> 00:11:58,510
Why'd she go just blabbing it all over
the place?
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00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:00,770
You know what? She should have kept her
mouth closed.
215
00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:03,790
That ain't the only thing she should
have kept closed.
216
00:12:34,089 --> 00:12:35,150
Farming? Brown?
217
00:12:35,470 --> 00:12:36,470
What you running from?
218
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,350
Well, I'm... Godzilla!
219
00:12:39,810 --> 00:12:41,810
Get back on your face, Godzilla!
220
00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:44,530
Shut up, Uncle Ben, and get back on that
box of rice.
221
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:48,610
Look, look, look. I did it for your own
good. I did it for your own good, Edna.
222
00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:50,170
Colonel, don't look at Edna's eye.
223
00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:55,030
I think that's an eye. I can't see from
them scales right... Girl, you a man.
224
00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:56,250
Edna, Edna, look.
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00:12:56,770 --> 00:12:58,290
Makeup isn't part of God's plan.
226
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:00,970
Edna's face ain't a part of God's plan.
227
00:13:01,190 --> 00:13:03,270
You look like a rough trap from the
Lord.
228
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,900
Better get out of my way, pretty chicky.
229
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:12,260
You come near me again, and you're going
to draw back a nup.
230
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:18,580
And the Lord says, the Lord says that
makeup is not... Colonel, Colonel
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00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:20,740
I've had enough of all this.
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00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:26,400
I've got some spackle out in the garage.
You are testing my face, fat boy.
233
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:32,740
You are so heavenly that you're no
earthly good.
234
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:34,619
Move out.
235
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:35,620
You going to your cave?
236
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:38,440
Go eat them bats.
237
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:43,420
I tell you, Brown, you try to teach
people God's way and they just won't
238
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:47,160
Yep, I know exactly what you mean,
Colonel. I've been trying to teach them
239
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,520
ways of his statutes. You know, that
reminds me, Brown.
240
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:54,860
Now, this is kind of delicate, but I
want to talk to you about Cora.
241
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:56,420
You do?
242
00:13:56,680 --> 00:14:00,860
Yeah, I was noticing her clothes, how
tight they were fitting, and I was just
243
00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:01,900
wondering if... Yes!
244
00:14:02,790 --> 00:14:05,490
Corbin's gonna be a baby's mama. She's
gonna be a baby's mama.
245
00:14:05,770 --> 00:14:08,370
Holy sugar cubes. What are you talking
about, man?
246
00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:13,610
What you talking about? Well, I was
talking about her worldly clothes.
247
00:14:13,890 --> 00:14:14,890
But Corbin's pregnant?
248
00:14:15,270 --> 00:14:16,270
Shh, don't tell nobody.
249
00:14:17,110 --> 00:14:21,890
She just runs in this house. I have you
to know, I was a deacon by the time I
250
00:14:21,890 --> 00:14:24,930
was 12. I was on the usher party. What
about you and Madea?
251
00:14:25,550 --> 00:14:26,550
Uh -oh.
252
00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:31,450
Madea made me do that. She made me have
a baby out of bedrock.
253
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,770
That's wedlock. Same thing.
254
00:14:35,410 --> 00:14:38,030
I thought this was a Christian home.
255
00:14:38,230 --> 00:14:41,750
It is. Colonel, you got to help me.
Don't just leave run out on me.
256
00:14:42,150 --> 00:14:45,450
Please. LeBron is a man of God. You know
what you have to do.
257
00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:47,990
You mean... Yep.
258
00:14:48,210 --> 00:14:49,410
You have no choice.
259
00:14:50,050 --> 00:14:53,310
Colonel, can't we just lay hands on her?
260
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,290
LeBron looks to me like somebody already
has.
261
00:15:15,950 --> 00:15:16,869
How about now? You done?
262
00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:18,290
I'm almost there, Brown. Okay.
263
00:15:18,990 --> 00:15:20,370
How about now? Did you get it?
264
00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:22,350
Done.
265
00:15:23,370 --> 00:15:27,310
Okay, Brown, I'm officially certified to
marry Reggie and Cora, but it expires
266
00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:28,310
at 9 o 'clock.
267
00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:31,710
There he is. I'm calm. I'm calm.
268
00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:38,070
Hey, thanks for calling. I can't believe
you changed your mind about me and Cora
269
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,190
getting married. I ought to knock you
out! Whoa!
270
00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:41,850
Watch out now.
271
00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:43,110
This suit's rental.
272
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,670
Whoa, whoa, Brown, this is not what we
talked about, remember?
273
00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:46,890
Turn the other cheek?
274
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:50,490
Yeah, yeah, Reggie, turn the other cheek
so I can punch you in it. You getting
275
00:15:50,490 --> 00:15:51,970
my daughter pregnant. Wait.
276
00:15:53,610 --> 00:15:54,610
Cora's pregnant?
277
00:15:55,110 --> 00:15:56,110
How did that happen?
278
00:15:57,610 --> 00:15:59,210
Brown, you said he was kind of slow.
279
00:15:59,670 --> 00:16:03,410
Hold on there, Colonel No -Fro. I know
how it happened. I'm just trying to find
280
00:16:03,410 --> 00:16:04,410
out who's the daddy.
281
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:09,150
You think I'm the daddy?
282
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:11,170
I ain't never touched her.
283
00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:14,800
I mean, I tried a couple of times, but
my mama wouldn't go to sleep.
284
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,300
I put you to sleep. You don't touch my
car.
285
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,640
What are you doing?
286
00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:22,480
You have a car of sugar, John.
287
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,200
Put you to sleep.
288
00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:29,240
Mr. Brown, what are you doing? I'm doing
what you should have done. You
289
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,080
shouldn't have let him out. Stop it, Mr.
Brown.
290
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:32,500
He's asleep.
291
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,560
I'll wake him up. He ain't.
292
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:46,940
Well, you should have told me, Cora.
293
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,360
I just found out, and I don't think it's
in your business anyway.
294
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,460
Why, he the daddy, ain't he?
295
00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:56,580
I'm the daddy.
296
00:16:57,220 --> 00:17:01,940
What? Oh, it's like Sodom and Gomorrah
up in here. Up in here.
297
00:17:04,660 --> 00:17:08,700
What kind of woman are you, Cora? Why is
everybody so upset?
298
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:13,460
Cora, I found out that Reggie has got
you pregnant. Now y 'all going to have
299
00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:16,400
get married. Get married. What? I am not
pregnant.
300
00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:18,260
Now she's lying, too.
301
00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:20,940
I'm pregnant.
302
00:17:21,180 --> 00:17:23,260
Shut up. It got contagious.
303
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:28,680
Where's Brianna? Where Brianna at? Uncle
Brown, calm down. All right? Sasha and
304
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,020
I are having a baby.
305
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:33,300
We were just trying to keep it a secret
for a little while.
306
00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:36,860
You know what? I know what I heard. I
was in there, and I heard Cora telling
307
00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:40,680
Sasha. What you heard was Cora giving me
advice on how to tell the kids.
308
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,000
Yes.
309
00:17:43,169 --> 00:17:44,169
My bad.
310
00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:46,570
Anybody want some pizza?
311
00:17:46,870 --> 00:17:48,270
Oh, pizza? What kind?
312
00:17:48,570 --> 00:17:49,930
Because you know I can't do cheese.
313
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,290
You smell like cheese.
314
00:17:53,430 --> 00:17:54,430
Let's get out of here.
315
00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:57,670
You sure we want to bring a baby up in
here? Up in here?
316
00:18:01,710 --> 00:18:04,090
So, uh, there's still going to be a
wedding?
317
00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:06,450
I got this suit for a few more hours.
318
00:18:06,730 --> 00:18:09,650
After you were ready to believe that
lie. I don't think so.
319
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:17,430
There gonna be some pizza?
320
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,530
Why, I trust you.
321
00:18:19,530 --> 00:18:20,530
Get out.
322
00:18:21,770 --> 00:18:24,830
And you, Mr. Brown, I can't believe you
thought I was pregnant.
323
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:28,790
Did you think of this dumb idea all by
yourself, or did you have help?
324
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:30,750
I had some help.
325
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:32,530
Yes, Lord, I'm coming.
326
00:18:34,450 --> 00:18:35,910
Ooh, we got that over with, Cora.
327
00:18:36,810 --> 00:18:38,030
What do you have to say for yourself?
328
00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:39,930
Look what you did. Look what you done.
329
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:46,640
who is without sin, let them cast the
first stone.
330
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:49,560
Sir, where are you going?
331
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:51,300
To get a stone.
332
00:19:20,270 --> 00:19:21,850
Z's are in E's drop.
333
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,030
Are you not talking to me?
334
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:28,610
Oh, have you finished those 5 ,000
sentences yet?
335
00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:30,430
Not yet.
336
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:31,870
Well, then, no.
337
00:19:33,990 --> 00:19:35,070
Hey, Carl. Hey.
338
00:19:35,310 --> 00:19:38,030
Oh, Carl, look. You can't put lipstick
on a pig.
339
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:40,730
Excuse me, Brian. What?
340
00:19:41,370 --> 00:19:42,370
Come again?
341
00:19:42,550 --> 00:19:44,550
You still have your foot stuck in your
mouth?
342
00:19:44,790 --> 00:19:46,690
I'd like to stick my foot right in your
mouth.
343
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,660
Drop. But I'd like to dropkick Edmund.
344
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:58,640
Okay.
345
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:02,860
Confession is good for the soul.
346
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,140
Well, I'm sorry for being so judgmental.
347
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:15,600
I'm sorry for being so judgmental.
Carver, tell me why he ain't got... Keep
348
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:16,600
writing.
349
00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:22,310
Yeah, Cora, but it's just that when God
gives you a second chance, you want to
350
00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:23,310
do everything right.
351
00:20:23,330 --> 00:20:26,650
And there's nothing wrong with living
right, Colonel. What you got to do is
352
00:20:26,650 --> 00:20:30,110
got to take that two -by -four out of
your own. I ain't keep writing.
353
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:33,290
And you got to first start by taking out
your own trash.
354
00:20:33,510 --> 00:20:35,170
Put it in a bag and take it out of here.
355
00:20:36,070 --> 00:20:40,250
You're right, Colonel.
356
00:20:41,310 --> 00:20:42,830
And I'm ready to make a change.
357
00:20:43,070 --> 00:20:46,490
That's right. That's it right there,
Colonel. Time to make that change.
358
00:20:47,590 --> 00:20:49,910
Now, we love each other. We can do it.
359
00:20:50,630 --> 00:20:53,610
And now I'm going to stop living in sin
and... And?
360
00:20:53,970 --> 00:20:57,090
And so I'm moving back in with Brown.
What? What?
361
00:20:57,750 --> 00:20:58,830
Let us pray.
362
00:20:59,910 --> 00:21:00,910
You and I.
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