Original subtitles

Hey, how you feeling, Beth?

That would be a no.

I see you've made my special mint tea guaranteed to knock a cold right out.

Looks like I'll be needing that more than you.

Where you two headed?

Oh, we're headed to go do some shopping for our vacation to Myrtle Beach. I hate

shopping. I mean, go from store to store, and every five minutes, all you

is...

I know, right?

And I promised Cora I wasn't going to do that this time.

But I got my eye on some his and her wetsuits.

Okay.

You know, to self -stay away from the beach.

His bad spending habits is why it's taking us so long to go on vacation.

Well, I don't have no bad spending habits.

This is coming from a person who just joined the Cassette Tape of the Mutt

Oh. Hey.

Hey, bro, you can't get Eddie Murphy party all the time on nothing else, am I

right?

Hand it over. Hand over the wallet.

Bye.

Feel better.

Nephew! Oh, there you go. Nephew, come here. I want to show you. How you

feeling, by the way? Oh, terrible.

My throat hurt.

Congested in my head.

It's just huge.

But come outside. I want to show you something.

No, no, no, Uncle Brown. I don't have time. I finally got my tea just the way

like it for the second time. Let me see that, nephew.

Yeah. Ooh, that smells good. Mm -hmm.

Here, there you go.

What'd you do that for?

Now you got time. Come outside. I want to show you something. Come on.

Come on, nephew.

I got something I want to show you. Come on. I feel good.

You notice anything different? Look around.

Uh, we're outside, and I'm not in my bed.

No! I'm talking about my perfectly landscaped flower bed. Check it out.

Oh, you mean the one that the colonel's digging in?

What the what?

Get out of my flower bed!

Let me go out the bare -head dog bowl somewhere else! I just got through

that up, and you gonna do it all like that?

Hey, look what I found.

Well, how you gonna find something in my backyard?

Hey, look, it's a genuine gold coin.

Oh, I'll take that. Hey!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

How can you tell that's a gold coin? It's all dirty.

Well, it's dirty because it was in the ground, like a buried treasure.

Duh.

Look, I don't know that that's what that is.

Don't get your hopes up.

Oh, yeah, a little faith and a lot of congestion.

Stop hating, nephew.

Whatever. I'm going back to bed.

Hey, hey, Will.

You know, back during the Civil War, a lot of Southerners buried their

so the Yankees wouldn't get them. Well, I saw on TV an Alabama man got rich off

the coins he found in his backyard.

My Uncle Brown is not going to dig up his perfectly manicured yard.

Right on.

Now,

that's nice right there.

Hey, you see my magnified?

this drawer over here, Mr. Brown. Oh, okay.

No, the other drawer. Oh, all right.

Daddy, all right.

Mr. Brown, look, me and Reggie bought matching shirts.

What you think?

Uh... Ooh, cover.

It look like somebody spit up a rainbow.

That's too loud. I can't... That's too loud. Compared to yours, they're

whispering. Mr.

Brown, these are nice shirts.

They will buy one and get one half off.

Cora, I don't want to see Reggie in nothing half -off.

He need to be dressed whole, like a pig with an apple in his mouth.

Brown, please.

Mr. Brown, you from now on, please.

Mr.

Brown, what are you doing with that helmet on? I'm digging for gold.

Oh, now that's just nasty.

Outside, doofus.

Well, the neighbors can see you. That's real nasty, Mr. Brown. Cora, I'm not

talking about that.

I know you saw me out there hitchhiking with my thumb out.

What? Mama, I thought you was just saying good job.

Mama, what if I told you by just walking up in this house like you're the

landlord? Do you know how to knock?

Knocking is for people that don't know how to open a door.

I know you just didn't drink the last of my orange juice.

You know what? This orange juice is expensive.

Acting like oranges grow on trees.

What?

Miss Thelma, how about you and my dad go get some orange juice?

Cobra, I'd rather lick the bottom of a bear cage than to be caught with this

thing. Brown, you are such a nut.

Uh, if y 'all would excuse me, I got to go dig up my retirement.

Uh, you need to replace the orange juice your mama drank of mine. Thank you.

Fine.

And no pulp.

That's how they got Scatman Crothers.

So you've taken my son to a flop house?

No, this is a nice place on the beach.

Look, it has spas and a pool.

Me and Reggie's daddy planned a trip once.

I didn't go.

Why not?

He went.

So you got everything you need?

Not really. I haven't had enough time.

Who wants to do like I do?

What? Shop lip?

That's a good one.

You say that like it's a crime.

Shop online.

I know the best website.

They got almost everything in bulk, but you save a lot of money.

Well, I don't need to shop in bulk.

usually tell people this. What? But if you ever need a beta double deck

recorder, I got a hell of them in my basement.

Would you stop cussing in this house? Oh, I forgot.

Uh -oh, Colonel. I'm on to something.

I'm on to something, Colonel. Colonel! Colonel!

I found something! Colonel!

I think I found an ancient Egyptian scar.

A scar? Let me see it. Yeah, check it out.

Look at it, Colonel.

We rich.

We rich.

Oh, Brown, it's just a bottle top.

Keep looking.

Well, is it from Egypt?

Come on. What are you two doing, Puffy and Biggie?

We're looking for hidden treasure, little Kim.

Uh -uh, that's big Kim.

We're looking for treasure.

Mm -hmm. You... Two couldn't find water if you fell out of a boat.

Why don't you go home?

Hey, hey, hey, don't you two start.

Wait a minute, Colonel, you hear that?

Colonel, it's something close.

We're standing on a landmine.

Yes.

Colonel, there it is.

Right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brown.

A shrapnel, D -Day.

Colonel, there's something else in the air.

Move, move, move.

Don't you hear?

Kermit, this is big. This is big, Kermit.

Underwire, Brown.

Triple D.

What's that beeping noise? Nephew, back up. Stay away from her. If she's about

to explode, they're going to have them double Ds all over the yard.

Hey.

Is this my toothbrush?

Yes, I used it to dust the dirt off the gold.

Why my toothbrush, Uncle Brown?

I was going to use Sasha's, but I accidentally knocked it in the toilet.

I just used Sasha's toothbrush.

Oh. Brown, you can just stop digging.

I'm all the Egyptian treasure you need.

I think I'm going to throw up.

Let me guess, Cora Simmons.

All right,

don't even say it. Here, just give me the package.

in a slow, painful death.

Well, you should be getting your rest so you can get better.

Hey, hey, Will, can you bring me that box over here, please?

The box right there in the chair.

What? Right there?

Yeah, right there.

Me? Yes, you. Can you bring that box over here for me?

This box right here?

Yes, that box right there. Over there?

Over there.

There you go.

Gee, be careful.

These are my sunglasses for my trip.

Sunglasses? Yes.

How many did you buy?

All they had left. That's the only way I could get the discount.

You can have a pair if you like.

A pair are 10.

What am I going to do with 10 pairs of sunglasses, Cor?

Meet nine new people.

Tuck your wallet in your drawers and make sure you don't wear too much

That's how they got Liberace. Yes, ma 'am.

Hey, Miss Thelma. Hey. Hey, Reggie. Oh, hey, Cora.

Now, I know I'm supposed to check with you first, but I got us

aqua socks.

Reggie, you know we on the budget.

He's hard -headed.

I told him, coating your feet with lard, do the same thing.

Now, Mama, the last time I did that, I slid from the parking lot to the pulpit.

Well, that was the only way I was going to get you up there.

Uh, Reggie, go get that drunk off the bus and go get him some coffee.

Okay.

Daddy!

We got plans for later.

Oh, I see you've been shopping on that website I told you about. A little bit.

Oh, that's my sunscreen.

Hey, sit right there, sir.

Thank you.

Sunscreen?

Where y 'all vacationing? The sun?

Better safe than sorry. Thank you.

Bless you, Doc. Bless you.

Oh, you lost your mind shopping on that website.

I caught a few bargains.

You got fans on your coffee table.

Makes no sense.

Now, if you had a wading pool in your living room like I do, I can understand.

Hide stuff behind the couch.

You put it in the ceiling, under the mattress, in your daddy's wooden leg.

Well, when he ain't using it, of course.

Well, maybe I did go a little overboard.

They have less fins at SeaWorld.

Miss Thelma, this is not the worst of it.

I spent all the vacation money.

Oh?

I'm going to spend all this back.

Didn't you read the prime print?

All sales final.

You are stuck with this merchandise just like I'm stuck with Reggie.

How am I going to get out of this?

Cora, you're just going to have to do the honorable thing.

What? Lie.

I'm not going to lie to Reggie.

Oh, what little lie every now and then ain't going to hurt?

Reggie still thinks Santa Claus is in the rehab.

It's going to break Reggie's heart.

Ooh, Cora.

I sure am looking forward to this vacation. Me too.

Hey, but there's something else I need to tell you.

Did you buy all these things?

I see what's going on here. Well, I can explain. I really can.

You got these in case we meet some folk that don't have any. Yeah, that's what I

did. That's exactly what happened. Always thinking about others.

She sure does.

She got me this welcome back car to Boogie Boy.

That's why I'm crazy about you.

I'll just put these in the closet.

Oh, no, no, wait. You can't. You can't.

Why not?

Yeah, why not?

Because we need to get sun visors. Yeah. Sun visors? Yeah. Right now?

Right now. Come on, Rich. We need to get sun visors for our vacation.

Yeah. You know, that's how they got James Brown.

You need to wash your face.

You need to watch where you're shoveling.

Why, are you scared I'm awake getting up from my nap?

That's her nap, but she's not sleeping. Hey, why are you two making so much

noise under my window?

First of all, this is my window.

Third of all, it's my house. I can make noise wherever I want to.

How am I supposed to get any rest?

Why don't you go to the cemetery where the people you kill?

You can get some rest there. It's quiet.

They dead.

Look, I found something. Oh, you found... What'd you find, Colonel?

You done... Oh, we rich.

Oh, it's just a bunch of marbles. My marbles! You found them! Colonel, we can

play. We're gonna make a circle and we're gonna play right here. No, you

your marbles a long time ago.

You know, Colonel, this is a waste.

I didn't spend seven years sweating through high school to be a ditch

It took you seven years to graduate?

Yes, but I'm not one to brag.

Keep digging, idiot.

We ain't going to find nothing. We've been digging all this time. It's a way.

Colonel.

Colonel, I found something. I done found something.

Give it to me.

Finders keepers.

Losers take their shovel and go home.

I got it. I got it. Hold on. Hold on.

It says something on here. It says... Wait a minute.

Concentrate on the words.

Shoot.

That's Marine Colonel Jackson.

I knew it was back here. Wait a minute. You knew what was back here?

Uh, nothing.

Uh, I better go.

Ah, ah, Captain Crunch.

You mean to tell me you had me dig up my yard all this time and you knew it

wasn't nothing back here?

Well, Brown, I confess.

Listen, when I moved in here, I didn't know how trustworthy people were.

And then I couldn't figure out where I buried this.

Don't nobody care about that junk anyway.

Hey, it's not junk.

It has tremendous sentimental value.

Well, it's still junk to me. Well, one man's junk is another man's treasure.

Do you know how many men have this medal?

One too many. I can't believe you had it. Well, I'm not going to stand here

watch you.

It's still junk, and you're not going to be in my face or something will go off.

Well, I'm sorry.

I just had to find my medals.

Well, you found it.

Here goes some more of your junk.

Here. Take this locket with you and I hope you choke on it.

Locket?

That's not my locket. Must have found that in the dirt.

It says right here. It says plain as day.

It says plain as day.

I love

generally.

No, no.

Not General Lee.

General Lee.

As in General Robert E. Lee.

You know? You know what this means, Brown?

What? I'm rich.

I'm rich.

Yes. Now, we rich. You're alive.

Bring me my time back.

Now, I am glad we got the sun visors, but I wanted that portable grill kit.

I mean, it had the fork, the spatula, and a Grills Gone Wild apron.

And I wanted you to have the two, but... Oh, wait a minute.

We don't need to buy an apron.

Brown has one in the closet. Reggie, Reggie, wait!

Boogie Boy was on clearance. Your mama has that.

So that's the reason why I can't get my grill? No, that's why we can't go on

vacation.

Rich, I know you're upset, but I thought I was saving money by buying in bulk,

but I just kept ordering and I couldn't stop.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let me get this straight.

We saved all our money.

Yeah. Mm -hmm.

So we could go on a trip.

Yeah. But now we can't go anywhere.

Because you spent it all.

To no Myrtle Beach.

Oh, he done lost his mind. He's going crazy.

Reg, I know you're upset.

I mean, I know you're mad. Mad?

I'm not mad.

You're not mad?

No, I'm glad.

Glad? I'm glad you messed up instead of me.

Of course, with all the money.

Now we can't go on vacation.

Now we are broke. Wait a minute, now I'm starting to get mad.

Wait. I'm just kidding, Cora.

You know, things happen, and I forgive you.

Oh, you do?

That was easier than I thought. I just should have told you the truth in the

first place.

I mean, we can go on vacation next year.

Whenever I'm with you, it's like a vacation.

Oh.

How'd you get so caught up?

I thought as long as it was on sale, I was saving money. But the real money

saver would have been not to buy all that stuff.

Well, what are y 'all going to do with all that vacation gear?

I'm going to donate it to the church. So when the youth group go on their

vacation, all they need is water.

Right? Who said we weren't going to find nothing in the backyard?

Somebody said it, and I want to know who said it.

Uh, nobody.

That's exactly why me and Colonel, we went down there to the thing, and guess

what? We got paid.

We sure did.

Yep. Who are you guys talking about? You found something valuable in the

backyard? Cora do Edna howl at the moon.

Oh, Brown, she wasn't howling. I backed the truck over her toe.

Oh, poor truck.

We took the locker down to the appraisal.

And?

Read them and sleep, Cora. Look at that. Right there. Bam.

Oh, the locker was worth almost $2 ,000?

Thousands, hundreds even.

Yes.

That's great.

Yeah, I know it's great. Yeah, that is great.

Especially because it's going to cost you about that much to re -landscape

yard. Wow, I didn't think about that.

Where's my shovel?

What, you going to do it yourself?

No, I'm about to bury the curfew.

Come back here.

Run!

vacation oh well this is still nice it would have been better if you hadn't

here cool it sponge brown square pants