Original subtitles

Mr. Brown, what are you doing?

I know that iron was in here somewhere. Brown, have you seen the iron?

Mr. Brown, why do you need the iron? Your clothes are so tight, you can't see

the wrinkles.

You got jokes, huh?

How about I get one? I spit in the orange juice.

Yes. He's just playing with you.

Maybe I am.

Maybe I'm not.

Do you feel lucky, Josh?

turkey.

Oh, that's nasty, Mr. Brown.

And don't forget we're having a health fair for school today.

Oh, the fair's here?

Oh, I can't wait. You know, I've been waiting on the fair. I've been

on my skeet shoes.

I just like that.

Cora, I throw them there, and I like that bumper cars, Cora. Oh, I love them

things. Not that kind of fair, Mr. Brown. It's to inform the students how

live healthier lives.

Oh, Cora, I can do that in one minute.

Attention! Attention!

Live healthy lives and you will live. Now get back to class.

That's exactly why Sasha's speaking.

You couldn't let me do that.

Pay you some money.

No, no.

You're supposed to do it, not say it.

Careful.

It's still hot. You can't just take people's stuff.

The Bible speaks of this. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's iron.

That's wife.

You can live without a wife.

She looking like you looking.

Oh, yes, you cleaner than a board of health.

Where you get those clothes from?

It's nice, huh? Yeah. Yeah, my new lady likes her man looking tight.

She bought me these gears. She bought me these kicks.

She need to buy you an iron.

Don't hate.

You shut up, Doc. I, I, I, I, I have ironed her. No, Mr. Brown, I'll just

one minute, okay?

With that little blouse, you can iron this with a hot nickel. Let me do it.

Here, I'll iron it for you.

It's ironed.

I'm going to take it to the living room.

Mr. Brown.

Morning. Morning.

Brianna, have you seen my cell phone?

Yes. It's silver with numbers on it.

Did you call it? Not yet.

I just realized I didn't have it. I'm sure you'll find it.

What are you doing with my cell phone? Oh, you left it at work.

And why didn't you just call me?

Because you didn't have your phone.

Hello?

Did you just hang up on me?

You know what?

Here. Oh, you know what?

You might want to erase those pictures of me and Anthony.

Oh.

Is there anything else I should know?

Oh, I called in sick today.

Check your messages.

Oh, and you have a mandatory department head meeting.

Wow, and you're just telling me now?

You didn't have your phone.

And Sasha, don't forget you're speaking at the health fair at the school today.

Cora, I can't now.

But Renee can.

She's off.

I ain't doing that. I didn't go to school when I was in school.

Let's see. Health fair?

Unemployment line.

several people that volunteer their time and expertise.

Oh, I'm allergic to expertise.

Can I go?

No, Milo. Oh, and here's our guest now. Uh, y 'all, forgive us for being late

and tardy at the same time.

Somebody broke our no -smoking policy.

Well, I thought you meant cigarette.

I meant dope, dope.

Look, there will be no drinking, no cussing, and no knife fights today.

Yes, that's right, kids. Listen to him.

I was talking about you, Renee.

Oh, well, that's up to the kids.

Don't start now, won't be now. What?

Excuse me.

Why are you looking at me like that? This is Nurse Smith.

She was kind enough to join us today for an informative discussion on health.

Yeah. All right.

Well,

good morning.

Good morning.

No, I said good morning.

Good morning. Oh, me.

What? It's very important that you listen to what I have to say today, so I

your focus and undivided attention. Is that airbrush?

Where'd you get this done?

Question. Yeah.

Why are you a nurse and not a doctor?

Why are you a sophomore and not a senior?

That's just her fault.

Put it down.

Now, where was I?

You were looking at Catwoman's fingernails. Yeah.

Okay, can we get back to the health questions, please?

Yeah.

Yes, sophomore.

Can you get mono by kissing?

Boy, don't nobody want to kiss your ugly self. Sit down. You look like a fish.

Sit down.

Yes, you can get mononucleosis from saliva.

Oh, well, cool. I ain't kiss her, you know what I'm saying? We good.

Can you tell us more?

Yes.

Now,

mono is also caused by... Now, that is wrong.

That's wrong. What's wrong about sneezing? It's natural.

No, you are supposed to sneeze into your elbow, like this.

Oh, that was a good sneeze.

Okay,

now, wait. Hold on. Now, why y 'all didn't clap when I sneezed? You know

That ain't fair.

That's because you got sneeze juice all on your hands.

Yes, did you know you can get the whole class sick? He does that every day.

Y 'all make me sick, too. You know, just go home.

I ain't got to go home. It's my allergy. I said you need to go home. You can't

put nobody out there.

I don't care. Just get the stepping. I'm going to the bathroom. Walk out the

door. Don't use your nasty hands to open the door. Well, what do I use to open

the door?

Use your stomach.

You just make me sick. Try it.

Here, let me help you.

I can always count on my baby car.

Why don't you touch me?

You got it.

Don't forget to lock my door, Derek.

Oh, yeah.

He's so forgetful.

I am not.

Everybody, this is my girl, um... Wait, don't tell her. Claudia. Claudia, yes.

Nice to meet you.

Are those real?

I paid for them.

I'm talking about the diamonds, nasty McNasty. Of course. Just ignorant. Stop

being ignorant.

Speaking of ignorant, you must be Mr. Brown.

And you must be little fake stripper.

Anyway.

She started talking about me. I don't bother people. The Bible says it. Don't

bother me. Okay.

Thank you.

Why don't we all have a seat?

Or not.

How did you two meet? Stripping.

Well, I was driving by, and he was pushing a shopping cart.

A shopping cart?

I was grocery shopping.

Isn't that sad?

He doesn't have anyone to do that for him. Yeah, so sad and pathetic.

Derek,

get me some water.

Oh, yeah, sure. I'll be right back.

Is tap okay?

Now, Derek, what did we discuss?

Oh, yeah.

Tap is whack.

Good boy.

What is he, a poodle or something?

I'm going to go give him a hand.

Give him some water.

Mr. Brown, if you could entertain our special guest, please?

Look at my ears. I don't look like she want to entertain me.

Derek, we need to talk.

Hey, do you have a lemon?

Yeah, it's on the table right there next to your backbone.

Oh, good.

I hope it's organic.

Derek, why are you allowing her to treat you like that?

But why do you think?

You've heard of the Kennedys, right?

She's a Kennedy?

No, but her granddaddy got ran over by one.

Dude, she is loaded.

I see, so you can be bought.

No, I cannot be bought.

But I can be leased, rented, and put on layaway.

Derek, I am so surprised that you would be involved with a woman like that.

She's good people, and she gets me anything that I want.

And what do you give to her?

Really, Sasha?

Look at me.

You can do better.

You do not deserve to be treated like that.

I do if I get to keep this bling.

Look, I am still the man.

Derek, my water.

Coming. Wow.

This is pathetic.

No, this is a Rolex.

But you're going to be late for your next class.

Oh, I hate my next class.

It's my class, Marlo.

Well, now we both know.

I was in line three times.

And six.

Four.

Out! And you said you wasn't kissing nobody.

Well, those aren't used for kissing and stuff. Get out of here!

How dare you? Who told you you could give away condoms? It's a health fair.

Have one.

I don't need these condoms. Neither do these kids.

What? Did you see the line?

I think they do.

I knew this was a bad idea. I knew it.

See, Sasha wouldn't have done this. Well, I...

I live in church 24 -7. And if you did, you wouldn't be passing out condoms that

you apparently don't use.

So it's like that?

Yeah, it's like that.

Mr.

Brown, do you have $20 on you? Yes.

I could borrow till tomorrow?

Nope. I only have hundreds.

Here, take one.

Thank you.

Take this one, too. It's wrinkled.

I will pay you back. Thank you, Derek.

No need.

Oh, I forgot.

You're dating the bank of Claudia, huh?

Hey, hey, don't hate. She has approved your loan.

Derek, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just here bragging.

Obviously, but aren't you supposed to be in class?

Oh, no, I'm done.

The semester's over already?

Oh, it's not over.

I'm just finished.

I'm dropping out of school to travel the world with Claudia.

Derek, are you crazy?

Yeah, I'm crazy rich. Look at my wrist.

It's not your money.

Well, it's in my pocket.

Now, granted, she did buy me these pockets.

Derek, you cannot be serious.

No, seriously, she bought me these pants.

I'm talking about dropping out of school. You cannot be serious.

Oh. Mr. Brown, Derek is dropping out of school. Can you believe that?

Yep.

See, even Brown agrees.

Which is exactly why you shouldn't do it.

What did your parents say?

Well, when they found out she was paying off their mortgage, thanks.

Really? Huh.

Well, you know, I do kind of have this student loan, so if Claudia wants to,

know... Oh, this is wrong!

How long have you known her?

Well, I got these shoes a week ago. Okay. And I got this suit two weeks

that.

And then this watch.

Three weeks.

Yeah, so you're just going to throw away your education for money and clothes?

Knock, knock.

Who ordered a candy apple Porsche?

Look at him.

He likes shiny things, just like a baby.

But he's not a baby, Claudia.

He's a young man with a promising future.

I know.

I promised him a jet ski, flying lessons, and a Rubik's Cube.

He said he never had one.

Claudia, listen, I know... I know that you mean well, okay? But Derek has

been busting his butt trying to get off of academic probation.

Do you even know what his major is?

Me.

That's nice.

But what happens if the two of you don't work out?

Well, I go on with my life, and he goes on with his.

Okay, but his life involves having a college education that he's giving up

you. I know.

Isn't that sweet?

No, Claudia, it's selfish.

Derek is not a trust fund baby. He has to work for what he gets.

Do you even care about him?

I care about making him happy.

I'm so happy!

See?

Nothing makes me feel warm like fresh baked cookies.

That's because you ain't getting none either.

Yeah, you'll see.

When Cora gets here, we're going to have cookies and conversation and work this

whole thing out.

No, Cora told the principal that I was giving out condoms and they kicked me

of the health fair. Well, I'm sure that she was only... Watch it, Sasha.

She'll be in here passing out condoms like they're mints.

Just because you haven't had sex since Peachtree Street had peaches on it...

Just because you sit on more laps than a dinner napkin doesn't mean you're

better than anybody else. I do not do that anymore. You don't even know what

you're talking about.

I'm sure that you both have very valid points if you just take the time to sit

down and listen to each other. The Bible says no premarital sex, and condoms

promote promiscuity.

Well, a lot of these kids are already having sex.

Giving them condoms is like giving them permission. No, giving them condoms

helps to protect them against diseases and pregnancy. That's what it does.

So, you know, I don't even know what you're talking about. No, it does not.

Abstinence works every time.

See, let's look.

We'd like to ask you a question about condoms.

Those weren't mine. I swear, I was just holding them for a friend.

Your opinion about condoms.

I knew that.

I knew that. So, Renee passed out

condoms at Cora's school health fair.

Oh, all right, Renee.

Yep, sure.

But Cora told the principal and made her stop.

Good, Cora.

Look,

rent -a -kid, don't most kids your age need condoms?

Well, yeah, I guess it would prevent a lot of pregnancies. See?

Hold up, wait a minute. Let me put some teaching in it. Now, if they abstain,

then y 'all wouldn't get in trouble.

Well, yeah, but who does that?

They get teased in school, but people still respect them. Ha! See?

Excuse me.

Now,

can't we say that you're both right?

No!

That you both want to help the kids, but you just have different ways

of doing it.

Huh?

Well, Renee, I guess...

I could have come to you instead of going to the principal first.

And I guess maybe I could have probably maybe checked with you

first before I gave out the condoms and called you an uptight, Bible -thumping

Spencer who is more backed up than rush -hour traffic.

You call me the stinks?

I'm sorry, too.

Oh.

Oh.

Give me some love.

That wasn't so bad.

Huh? Hey, Renee.

You think you could give me one of those? Brianna.

Cookies. I was just going to say cookies.

So you mean to tell me it'll start by just pushing this button?

Mm -hmm. Really? It's a one -star. A car. It has 24s, paddle shifting, turbo

package, and satellite radio.

Oh, that ain't nothing. My Thunderbird got a can opener in the front and a

barbecue grill in the back with a sunroof in the top set.

Mr. Brown, that's not a sunroof. That's a hole.

Okay, what is a hole? A sunroof. What is a sunroof? A hole. Thank you so much.

It's the same thing.

Knock, knock.

You su - To do it, not say... You know what? Never mind. Never mind.

Hey, Claudia.

What are you doing here?

There's been a change in travel plans.

What, we're not going to Cabo?

You're half right.

You're not going.

Wait, what are you talking about?

No hula girls for you.

But why?

I don't want to take you away from your education.

What are you talking about? I don't care about that.

Well, you should.

Stay out of this, Sasha. This does not concern you.

Oh, I guess he told you.

Actually, she's the one that made me realize that your education is more

important than laying on a white sandy beach sipping drinks from a coconut.

So what, you're going alone?

No, no, I'm taking your frat brother, Jalen.

But he's in school with me.

He's been a freshman for 15 years. At 32, let's just face it, it's over.

Well, Derek, at least you got your fast car.

Actually, no, he doesn't.

It's like that.

And that's the way it is.

Toodles.

That's toe up.

What would it profit a man to gain the world?

Well, I hope you learned it's not all about the millions.

Seems like there's something on your mind.

Well, I was just thinking about what went on in here earlier today.

And?

Well, I admit sometimes I get tempted, and it's hard for me to abstain.

I understand, sweetie.

So tonight, I say go for it.

Are you serious?

Mm -hmm.

Yeah. But don't tell anyone I let you do it.

Okay. Okay.