Original subtitles

Come on out of there.

Come on.

Oh, a corner. I got to look.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Mr. Brown, why are you attacking that lotion

It's empty.

It's playing hard to get, Cory. It's something, isn't it?

From the looks of those rusted knees, I say the lotion is winning.

That's a double, Cory. That's a double. All right, buddy.

Well, I bought a new bottle yesterday. I'll go get it for you.

Uh -uh, Cory. That'd be like admitting defeat.

Defeat is what needs the lotion.

Walking around like it's Ash Wednesday.

Yeah, there goes something, Corby. I told you there was something in there.

Oh, who is this?

See, Corby, you young people are wasteful. I know it's some ashy, hungry

in the world looking for this lotion that could use it.

Corby, I can't.

Just come in. I'll bring it.

Ooh, doggy.

Ooh, dog.

You.

Must be Uncle Brown.

Oh, give me some, baby. Give me some.

Oh, you're just welcome.

Cozette Sasha told me you were sharp as a tack. Oh, what's that tacky?

Anyways, I am Dorothy Jean Johnson.

Okay, and I'm Leroy S. Brown, and the S stands for Sasha ain't here right now.

Oh,

Cozette Sasha told me you was just a good buddy.

Oh, what's that buddy looking?

Oh, I don't know.

You did your job. You need to get that fixed.

Here you go, Mr. Brown.

All right.

Carl?

Oh, Charles!

You still look as pretty as a half -in -eight.

Dorothy, what brings you to town? The auto show.

Did you say auto show?

Auto show.

Girl, you put the K in country.

Yeah, you see, Cousin Sasha told me to stop on by whenever I was in town. Who?

How? Cousin Sasha. Oh, Cousin Sasha.

Mm -hmm.

But, uh, Sugar Booger say she ain't here.

Well, yeah, Sasha went to Houston for a conference.

Well, make that about a nothing.

What I'm gonna do now, huh?

I got an idea.

Maybe you can hop back into General Lee and head back down to Mayberry.

You can do that.

She'll do no such thing, Mr.

Brown. Well, Sasha will be back tonight. You just stay here with us.

For real, though?

Oh, Cora, we ain't got no rules.

Thank you, baby.

Oh, thank you, Cora. Oh, my goodness. Now, don't you worry.

Don't you worry.

You see, I'm going to be as quiet.

expedition?

I don't know, but mine would have a sunroof, some rims. No, no, no, no, no.

Lewis and Clark didn't drive an expedition. They went on an expedition.

Why would they walk when they could drive a perfectly good SUV?

Brianna, why don't you save yourself the trouble and repeat after me?

Uh, excuse me, sir, paper or plastic?

No!

Sorry, you'll have to excuse my little brother.

He's, uh... How do I say it? Er, um... Stupid!

No problem.

It was either this or going to a yacht party with Usher Neo.

And you didn't invite us?

I love Usher.

That was sarcasm.

Oh, what does he think?

Quit playing, Tracy.

I know you have some friends.

You probably even have a boyfriend.

Or maybe a boy that's a friend.

Or maybe some boys who have friends.

Wow. You really need to stop hanging around smart people.

At least that's why I'm here.

Are you calling us dumb?

No.

You're popular.

Boys like you. And we like boys.

That's kind of a given, Simone.

Just once, I want a boy to pick me and not my brain.

Well, we can help you with that.

You got some fairy dust in your purse?

Nah, it's just regular dust.

But I can give you a Brianna special makeover.

By the time I'm done with you, boys will be eating out of the palm of your hand.

Here she is!

but I don't wear them and think it made a difference.

Oh, it makes a difference.

I just posted her picture to my My Friends page.

Wow,

Brianna. I'm impressed.

You can do all of this, yet you can't tie your shoes without instructions.

That's why it's short.

Thank you so much. I feel so good.

Yeah, you look even better.

Yeah, you can thank me later, okay?

We just really have to get back to the studying. If Simone and I don't pass the

exam, we're going to be in summer school.

So where were we?

Oh, I think it was Louisiana?

Uh, we're in Atlanta.

God, you're dumb.

Do you guys mind?

Hello?

You saw the picture?

Yes, it's really me.

Thank you.

Uh, now?

He's there?

I can be there in 20 minutes. Bye.

I have to meet some friends at the mall.

I've never said that before.

I'm meeting friends at the mall.

Oh, we can study tomorrow.

Uh, yeah. Oh, bye.

Oh, no. Take those off when you get to the mall, okay?

Yeah.

I think I created...

Come on, Dr. Griggs, hear me out.

I heard you, Will. Do you think you're the first doctor who said he had what it

takes to become a cardiologist?

I'm sure, but hey, I'm the real deal, okay?

I've lost plenty of hours. I spent my days off shadowing other surgeons, even

participated in my first transplant.

Really? What did you do?

Well, I held the cooler, but it's a start.

Hi, you ready? I am ready.

Hey, how you doing there, Mrs. Griggs? Fine, thank you.

Did I interrupt something? No, no, no. Young Dr. Brown here was just telling

Inviting you to my home for the best chicken cacciatore dinner ever.

Really, for the last time, Will, I'm too busy.

Oh, too busy for a home -cooked meal? We should go.

Oh, Helen. If we go, I don't have to stand over a hot stove and tell

what to cook.

No, no buts. You always say you can only judge a man's character by how he

interacts at home. Let's go judge them.

It'll be fun.

Okay. Okay.

Fine. Okay, great, great.

Dinner at my house tonight. You can meet my beautiful wife, Sasha.

We'll talk. We'll play cards.

Okay, no cards. No cards. But I'll see you later. All right? Yes, tonight then.

And tell Susan that I said hi. Right, right. Sasha.

Whatever. All right.

Great. This is terrible.

Well, just calm down. I shall be home tomorrow.

That'll be too late.

Nephew, you ain't gonna never get that job.

I'm surprised they offered it to you anyway.

They know you done killed somebody.

Boy, they'll give a job to anybody.

I'm telling you, Brie Brie. Fender is a word.

Thought you had me fooled.

I like what you did with your hair, baby.

Oh, okay.

I'm tapping out. What's the safe word, baby?

Go ahead and tap out.

Tap out, nephew.

What's the safe word?

Sasha?

Will?

You might want to get that checked out. You might have a deviated septum.

Oh, please. My ma gave me this laugh.

Well, your ma need to get it back from you.

I'm glad it skipped Sasha.

I can't believe you two are cousins.

And it's hard to believe Cosette Sasha married a cupcake like you.

Girl, you're more country than a Friday night frog festival.

Thank you.

Now look, what I need to do is call Dr. Griggs and cancel.

Why? Well, I can make dinner and they can still come over tonight.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Dr. Griggs and his wife specifically are coming to have

dinner with me and Sasha.

Now I'll never be a cardiologist.

Can't never have nothing.

Don't worry, Cupcake. I mean, Will.

Everything will be fine.

Let me go say something bad about this boy's mama to take his mind off.

Will, your mama's an alcoholic.

Do you want to watch The Color Purple again?

No.

He's just upset. He made a very important dinner date, and if Sasha

there, he'll have to cancel.

We need Sasha.

Waxo.

Waxo.

You look great, Sasha.

Oh, thank you, baby.

Well, maybe one more tweaky -tweaky.

Come on, baby.

Hey,

Sasha. Hey, Brie.

What did you do?

I gave Dorothy Gina makeovers.

Why?

Oh, I thought I would help Will.

Come on. Don't you think I did a good job?

Besides, it can't be too hard to make like Sasha.

Just think, stood up. Well, I think Will should just tell Dr. Griggs the truth.

What's the worst that could happen?

He could lose out on his fellowship, and then we'll have to live here forever.

Okay, I'll help, but I don't like it. Okay, this is good, and I have your back

completely, Miss Cora.

Well, we could be like sisters united.

What? Yeah, we could do this. Come on, team on three.

One. Two.

Gotta go.

Three. Well,

I guess it's just you and me.

Wait, I know you didn't ask just me.

I know I said I'd call you back, Jeremy, but I can't do that if you keep calling

me every five minutes.

Boys, this is the price of being popular.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

You know, guys keep hitting on me, asking me for my number, and a little

guy in shades following me into the nail salon.

What?

What, a 10 -year -old can't get a pedicure?

call Simone so we can get started and finish studying. Is that cool?

Oh, looky there.

Guess you're not the only popular girl in town.

Hello?

Hello?

No, I can't come to the party.

Don't cancel because of me.

Great, thank you.

Um, I'll see you in a few minutes.

Oh, wait, excuse me. Why is he calling you on my phone?

Oh, voicemail fool. You know how it is.

Um, I'll call you later. See you at the party?

Oh, but I wasn't invited.

Oh.

Too bad.

If anyone else calls, uh, well, you know what to do.

Did she leave?

Mind your own business.

Let's just start with the soup spoon.

What kind of soups we eating?

We're not having soups.

Well, then why we got a soup spoon?

Because it goes with the setting.

Oh, jeez, my way.

You know what? This etiquette and stuff is too highfalutin' for me.

Hello. Uh, wow.

Dr. Gregg, I'm so sorry you didn't get my message.

I'm sorry you had to make that long drive, but unfortunately my wife, she,

Oh, Susan!

Sasha. Sasha?

Sasha? Hello.

Oh, my!

I love a woman with a sense of humor. Here you go, Will.

Oh. Hi, Sasha.

Good to see you. How are you doing?

I'll be right back. I'll just go check on something real quick.

Okay.

What were you thinking?

I had to. You were whining.

I wasn't whining.

Stop whining like a little girl.

What if this blows up in my face? It won't.

The food is done. All you have to do is make it through dinner.

What if she screws up?

All she has to do is come in here and ask me.

Ooh? What about who screwed what?

You!

Well, y 'all ain't got to talk to me like that.

You just go. Get on in there.

I don't need that. Give me this.

Ain't nobody told me y 'all was eating.

Ain't y 'all using the good china?

Hi, hi, I'm Sue.

Hey. Uncle Brown.

Hey, y 'all having salad and chicken stanchio -scanchio?

Oh, yeah, yes. You know, I love some good chicken stanchio -scanchio. I

always... Mr. Brown, how about you go take the trash out? Please. Now?

Yes, now.

Why now? What am I going to take out some trash for?

Cora, now I'm about to eat the chicken stanchio -scanchio. No, please, Uncle

Brown, go now.

Who are you talking to like that?

Huh? You think I'm scared of you because you done killed somebody?

Nephew, you don't talk to me like that in front of you. Gee, that's what you

did. You cut his throat. What you give me this?

I'll whoop you in front of you.

I'm going to take the trash out.

Sasha, have you read any good books lately?

Why, yes.

Matter of fact, I have a cue and an encyclopedia in the pickup.

I use it as a booster set.

This is the time I take out trash. And when I got to take out trash, there

even that much trash. That's how I could have threw this out here.

Hey, Mr. Brown.

What the what?

How did you get back there when you were sitting at the... Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown,

please, okay? I just had the worst flight.

Let's just say that it's good to be home. Uh -uh, uh -uh. Get your hands off

me. Don't touch me.

Now, look. Will is my nephew.

No means no.

I ain't gonna be part of this elusive affair.

Now, I know you want my body, but...

Control yourself.

Mr. Brown, stop playing. What are you talking about?

You the one playing and you nephew wrecker. Stop being nasty.

Stop being nasty.

I told y 'all, my body is my tip. What the what?

Uh, Whitney Houston, we have a problem.

Uncle,

what are you talking about, Uncle Brown? Uncle Brown.

Dr. Griggs was just talking about what kind of fine cardiologists that make.

I'm home.

What's going on?

You got to ask Sasha.

Sasha?

Sasha May?

Dorothy Jean?

I thought that was your wife.

Me too.

How dare you try to fool me?

Don't make me stick in front of the company cupcake.

Just fess up, Will. Yes, nephew, you should just fess up. About what?

Okay, this isn't my wife.

It's her cousin.

Really?

Stop being nasty. Not like nobody trying to... No, see, it's not like that.

See, um... Well...

When I invited you to dinner, I thought that my wife Sasha would be back in

time, but she was at a nurse's conference speaking.

You know, she kind of got delayed. And since her cousin, Dortha, looks so much

like her, and, you know, I thought that, you know, maybe... You would pass her

off as your wife in hopes that I would just grant you the fellowship.

Exactly. That's got to be the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life.

Dr. Griggs, I'm sorry I was dishonest with you.

Okay, why are we laughing?

Because we look ignorant.

Our lovers look stupid.

Well, the last person to lie, to manipulate me, I

ended up marrying.

And we're still waiting for that baby.

You got manipudipped.

Hoodwinks. Bamboozled.

Let us strike.

Well, how about I just give you the fellowship?

Really?

No.

But we'll talk about it. Oh, great. We'll talk about it.

Uh, did you know he killed a man?

Did he tell you about the time he killed this guy?

He walked in the hospital and never returned back.

That man just... Did he come in alive?

Did he leave dead? He dead. You don't say stuff. Would you go? Would you? Yes.

Thank you very much.

Okay, here's the thing.

I kind of told my mom that I was tutoring you guys.

But I want to go to a party. So if she calls... Wait, hold up.

Do you think we would really lie like that?

Well, not for you.

We only lie for our friends.

And you haven't been a very good one lately.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, we gave you this fat makeover. And you just turned your back on us.

I know. I know. I'm the worst.

So will you do it?

No!

Not after what you made us do.

Stay home, study, and pass the exam.

Wait.

Wait, you guys pass the exam?

Yeah. And without your help.

So I guess in a way I kind of helped.

That should be worth something.

You know what, Tracy?

You're right. You're totally right. And so I'm going to help keep you from

chipping an ale.

Chipping a nail.

How am I going to chip a nail?

Let me see your hands, girl.

Let me see. Stick them out.