Original subtitles

I got your back, Corbin. Don't run.

Get in front of me. Get in front of me. I got you. Well, nobody's coming to get

us, Mr. Brown. My peach cobbler won a recipe contest, and the Neelies are

coming. Oh, the Neelies? Yes. They're coming, the Neelies? Yes, the Neelies

coming. They're coming. They're coming.

Who are the Neelies?

Pat and Gina Neelies. They have a cooking show.

You know, down home with the Neelies?

Yes, yes.

They're coming to watch me make my award -winning peach cobbler, Mr. Brown.

Of course, some total strangers messing up my kitchen.

What kind of prize is that? No, the answer's no.

What is your problem? You afraid of all those television cameras?

Television? Yeah.

You didn't say we were going to be on TV.

Oh, we're not. I am.

What am I going to wear? What am I going to say?

What am I going to do about my hair?

You know what, Chloe? We got to make sure our clothes don't play.

Oh, well, then you need to stay upstairs.

Oh, hey.

Hey.

Good morning, everybody.

Your morning is midnight, you bet.

Well, if it was such a nice day, I'd have not decided to go for a walk.

you know you ain't supposed to be walking her without her leash.

And you should never walk around without your helmet.

Well, Miss Anna, guess what? Guess what, Miss Anna, guess what? We don't be on

TV nailing them coming over here.

Really? Yes. It's the Neelys, and it's not we, it's me.

The meal? The meal.

From the cooking show? Yeah!

Watch the whole thing.

Now you're going to be watching this.

I'm going to be a big -time chef on TV. I finally made it. My 15 minutes of

flame. Yeah, you do look like you're on fire.

It's my recipe that won.

Corbett, that cobbler recipe is a family recipe, and I'm family. I took that

recipe and made it my own.

I love Cora's peach cup. Thank you. I bet you do, because it's better than the

scraps you used to eat off the floor.

Now, if you would excuse me, I have people to snub.

Mr. Brown.

Snubbing you. You are snubbed.

Uh, excuse me.

Just because I'm stuck here without a ride does not mean I want to watch what

you want to watch.

Well, I don't want to watch what you want to watch.

If you're so smart, why are you still watching cartoons?

You see a sponge in shorts?

I see a lonely theurgy searching for understanding.

I see a little boy who's still going to be living with his parents at 35.

What's wrong with that? Mr. Reggie does.

All right!

Please, no autographs. Please, please!

The flashes are too much. No autographs. What is that?

Oh, that's my red carpet. Please, please, a laptop.

No autographs. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Who wants your autograph?

Right now, just the traffic court.

But when they see me on that cooking show, ooh, they're going to be calling

by my first name, kind of like Prince and Beyonce and Paris Hilton Jacob.

Well, Mr. Brown, That's more than... That's going to take way too long to

explain to him.

Let me explain this to you right now. I'm about to be famous, and famous

only talk to other famous people.

So I ain't got time to stand around here and talk to you infamous people.

I got to go.

Yes.

Um, Mr.

Brown... Girl, I know you just didn't work on my red carpet with them glittery

shoes.

Back up off my red carpet. This space is delegated for me.

Now,

what were you going to say? And don't look at me. I don't like it when you

at me. It makes me nervous for the cameras.

Look straight.

You too. Walk on.

Now, speak.

Matter of fact, call my agent. Let them talk to you.

Go ahead. Say what's on your mind.

Can I? Okay.

When Will and Thastu work on... Step over here, my light.

Now, speak.

When Will... I'll let Sasha work on Saturdays. You're supposed to watch us.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm going to do like a lot of Hollywood parents do their kids.

Okay. I'm going to ignore you. Pardon me while I lose.

All rise.

Well,

now what are we going to do all day?

We could play a game. I don't want to play a game with you.

That's because you always lose.

No, it's because you always rub it in. You're a sore loser.

You're a mean winner.

You think I like being better and smarter than my big sister?

You think this is fun for me?

Yeah.

You're right. It is pretty cool.

Edna and Colonel.

Hey, Colonel. We were out on the battle. We just thought we'd stop by to say

hello. Oh, okay. Look at you.

Don't you look lovely. Oh, don't you look lovely.

Thank you. Thank you. You two are surely dressed up to be going for a walk.

Yeah.

Edna, you almost look human.

No.

Are you all right, Brown?

Yes. I'm a star now.

I can afford to be rude.

Okay, I'm sorry to have to rush this visit, but you guys got to go.

Go to the back.

Go to the back.

Go to the back. Go to the back. Go to the back. Go to the back. Go to the

Go to the back. Go to the back.

Go to the back.

Go to the back. Go to the

back.

Thank you for being here and seeing me.

Who are these lovely people?

What the what?

These are nobody. This is just a man and his dog. You get your shots, old

yellow?

Ow, she clawed me. She clawed me.

Down, down.

Sorry. I have to rest.

I can't believe it. I love you. I love you. Thank you.

I'm Edna. Hi, Miss Edna.

I love your show. How you doing, darling?

Watch your claws.

Just call me.

If you call a fetch, she'll go get anything. Watch this. Go get it. It's a

old biscuit.

Fetch, girl.

Go get it.

Good girl. Good girl.

You'll have to excuse him. He's what we call stupid.

I'm Colonel Jackson.

I fought in two wars.

Hi, Colonel.

Hi, Colonel.

Like you already.

And if you don't leave now, you're going to be fighting in another war.

You know, when I found out you two was coming, I was so excited.

Come on, let me show you guys my special gourmet kitchen. Yes, I got to stop.

Let me get your paws out the thing before you kill somebody.

She's just been horseshoed. Come on.

Okay. Where do you think you're going? We want to the gourmet kitchen. You're

going that way. Get out. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Oh, psychedelic behind the... Wait, where's the trainer? Ain't it supposed

a trainer when his animal's on set? Somebody get this animal... Brown,

not on national TV.

She attacked me.

Excuse me, we're trying to film a TV show here.

Wait, do you know anything about TV? Where is she talking to me from? Do you

know anything about TV?

The what?

You really want to go there with me?

No, not really.

If somebody cover up the lights, he's strobing.

to me like that in that kind of tone with a nasty attitude.

What is strobing?

It means you dress bad.

Well, you must be lobing because you look bad.

Let's take it again. Here we go, guys.

Action, Gina.

Hello, I'm Gina Neely. And I'm Pat Neely. And we're in the home of Cora

and she's going to show us how to make her delicious peach cobbler. Right,

You ain't freezing up. Corbyn, Corbyn! You embarrassing me. You stop acting

that. Mr. Brown, stop yelling. I'm standing right here. You're standing

here on TV and messing up.

God,

somebody please control this dude.

There's a wildebeest attacking me. She just bit my shirt.

Cor, are you all right?

I'm just a little nervous.

Well, honey, just be yourself and relax. Uh -uh, uh -uh, uh -uh. Don't be

yourself. Be somebody good.

Be like, uh...

Thelma from Good Times.

Yeah, she was a real good actress. She should have got a Grammy.

Leave me alone, Mr. Graham. You ain't got to be all... Learn how to do it. Act

up. Act right.

Cora, Cora.

Hey, uh,

here's a little something to take the edge on.

Oh, you know I don't drink.

Am I doing that bad?

No, no, no, no, no, honey. You're doing fine. You're doing just fine. Isn't she,

Colonel?

You're a natural.

Wait a minute. Since Carver can't get us stuff together, you think we can make

my world -famous cobbler?

No.

Wait a minute.

You got a cobbler recipe?

Yes, I got the original.

That thing Carver making is bootleg.

It's faking in that necklace she got on. It is not? Yes, it is. It might as

well. She made hers at the church bake sale, and it sold out.

Yeah, it sold out. That's because it wasn't but two of them made, and it was

people there. So what you talking about? It's freaking out.

Why don't you get out? Go take your horse out of the pasture. Get out of

Get to stepping.

Come on. Come on, bro.

Get your horse.

Come on, baby. Come on. We don't have to stay.

Let's just pick it up from where we left off.

Okay, we were about to make my peach coffee.

We were not. Yes, we were.

Hey, wait, Kim.

Why don't we make both recipes and see which one turns out the best?

I got a better idea.

How about I work with Cora and you work with Chef Brown R .D. over there?

That sounds like a good deal to me.

That's a good idea, guys. A little competition.

All right, let's go. Let's get y 'all ready for two cobblers.

Yeah, it's about to be on up in here.

That's right. No, you with Cora. Uh -uh, you don't get none.

Yes. Cora, I'm going to be famous like Amos with my camera.

Give him a good time.

letter word, bimbo.

I'll sure be glad when they finish in the kitchen. I'm starving.

Yeah, how can they do a cooking show in there when we're starving in here?

Double word score, midget.

Three letter word, dim.

Triple word score for immature.

I can't believe this.

No.

No pigs flying.

What was wrong?

You won.

Oh, my God. I had nothing prepared.

But, um, I would love to say... This is horrible.

Face it, little bro.

I'm not as dumb as you thought.

Yes, you are.

We're going to do this again. We're going to do it right. Where? I win. Like

normal.

Back to the show. Now, everybody knows the crust makes the cobbler. No, Cora

makes the cobbler. That's a good one, Cora.

Cora, your joke was crusty. That's what's crusty.

That was a good one, Brown.

Thank you so much. How much flour are you using, Brown?

Well, usually I... Cut.

Cut. Cut.

Will someone please get Fred?

Mr.

Rector, how am I looking? Is this my good side?

You're looking like you're looking.

Thank you so much. All right, so we'll go from Pat's line about the flower, and

cue Pat.

So how much flower do you use? Well, I usually like to use a little just enough

to get me by.

Don't do that again.

Sorry, sorry about that.

Next. What I like to use is peaches. I like to get my peaches ready, yes.

Peaches and herbs.

How many peaches do you use?

Well, I usually like to use a mess of them.

Yes, a whole mess. Hold it, Brown. Hold it. Hold it, Brown. Listen.

You have got to give the exact measurements for the audience.

For what?

Because it's a cooking show?

Right here, I use 15 Oz cans.

You see that? 15 Oz. Right there, that's what it is.

Oz. Cora, how many peaches do you use?

Oh, I use 10 whole fresh peaches, but I slice them up. Yeah, well, usually what

I like to use is 10 half fresh peaches. Yes, I like to slice them up.

If you use them up like this, you've got to do some peaches.

You add a little water and you add just some flour.

That way you can get that thing going. And see, I make my crust and my stuff.

Get you in the water and put it in there. And I like to put nutmeg and a

vanilla flavor up in there too.

Just like that.

And then you add a little sugar.

Just like that.

And some butter. I like to just slap my butt like that in there. You're making a

mess and stop copying me. There ain't nobody copying out for you. You know

you're doing.

Fresh pie. We ain't got no fresh pie. We ain't got no fresh pie.

Carpenter, get out of my face. Get out of my face.

We keep a little love in the kitchen. Stop being nasty.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

What you got to do is you got to poke holes in it and stab it like this so you

get the crust.

good and crusty, and you will have your pie breathing like this. See how my pie

is breathing?

That looks like a winner already, Cora. Well, thank you. And for my last

finishing touches, you'd sprinkle a little sugar on. Yeah, for my last

I sprinkle a little sugar on mine, too.

A spoonful?

No, a whole tubful. That's the way. See, hers ain't going to be sweet.

You got to have yours ghetto sweet. This is what you call it, ghetto sweet.

They sprinkle a little love. I sprinkle a lot of love on mine.

See, my pie's in love.

They pie's just love.

Like the Lord. Thank you, Lord.

Okay, and cut.

So, guys, let's get the pies in the oven. We're on hold until the pies are

Make sure my pie get put in there right.

What's your name, Joey?

Joey? Good job, Brown.

Oh, thank you. I knew me being an extra on Soul Train would pay off after a

while.

You did a nice job, Cora.

I wasn't as much fun as Mr. Brown.

Carver, don't worry. Nobody ever is.

But you know what?

Carver, I'm a star. I'm about to get my own cooking show.

Slow your roll, man. Slow your roll.

Carver, I don't care how much fun you have. Cooking for television is always

about the food. But you know what?

I think you got a winner. I hope so.

Thank you.

I have a winner, but she ain't got no water.

And no chair.

You ain't no winner.

We stars. Look at us. We stars. Do like stars.

Get you some water. Let me get my baby. I don't want my baby to die of

starvation.

Okay.

Double word score for imbecile.

Triple word score for dwarf.

You know what that means.

just a game.

No, it's not. I'm supposed to be the smart one.

It's what I do.

Okay, Joaquin, stop crying.

I can't.

Just stop crying. I knew it. You cheated.

Okay, yeah, I cheated.

I just wanted to teach you about being a sore winner.

Only losers care about that.

Time to get the pie right and find out who's the best. Before we do that, I

something I need to say.

Haven't you said enough?

No, no, no. This needs to be said.

What camera am I on here?

This camera right here?

There's no competition.

We're a team.

And there's no I in team when there's no competition.

When we all should be competitive.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Mr. Brown.

Great.

Great message, Mr. Brown. Thank you, thank you. Great message. I'm exhausted.

pulled everything I had in.

It's time.

Oh, yes.

Oh, I got to show y 'all how to bake now.

Okay, Corby. Oh, mine out here first.

Oh, goodness.

Oh, Corby, look how golden brown mine is.

Mr. Brown, here's yours.

Well, Cara, I guess you won.

I won!

I won!

I won! I won! I won! I won!

You know, it's like Mr. Brown said.

There are really no winners.

It's all about family.

What you talking about? I won.

Hey, Brown, I knew what you did.

That was cool.

It's all about family.

We hope you had a great time.

And remember, you're always welcome down.