Original subtitles

Carla, there's something back there that you need.

What are you doing?

Don't you move until you clean that plate.

Carla, how you sit up there talking to me like I'm a four -year -old kid? Ain't

nobody no four -year -old kid. You're not going to sit up there and treat me

like a four -year -old kid. Well, you acting like a four -year -old kid.

A four -year -old kid been done ate his food by now. Clean the plate.

Why don't we just feed this to the dog? We don't have a dog.

Hey, don't you even...

because I'm whistling in our native tongue.

Leave Miss Edna alone.

I just told her to come to the bar.

And eat your food, Mr. Brown. Okay, Cora. Oh, Lord.

Did you come to borrow the hat, Miss Edna?

Yes, I want to borrow that one with the veil.

Oh, okay.

Okay. You don't need no veil. What you need is a ski mask. You can't walk

looking like that in the public. I am not in the booth.

I have a funeral to attend.

Oh, your own fetal juice?

So tell me again, who passed away?

Well, it was one of the colonel's last living platoon buddies. The memorial is

tomorrow. Oh, so how's the colonel doing?

Well, as good as can be expected.

You know what?

He the last one, right?

He next.

Mr. Burr, why don't you say something like that?

Cora, think about it. If ain't no more left, who is next?

Colonel the next one. The colonel is in great shape.

He'll be around for a long time.

Not if he keep waking up to your ugly self.

Mr. Burke, did you see Miss Edna's in mourning?

What am I thinking? I'm so sorry, Edna. Here, Edna, I offer you this cake of my

sympathetic sympathetism.

I'm sorry.

From the bottom of my heart.

Got it. Here.

Colonel, get up over the water and wash that down. Go on.

You're closer.

And I'm also stronger.

Hello,

my beautiful daughter. How are you, honey? Funchy, boo -boo.

Say hi to John.

I don't talk to strangers.

Everybody, it's Tanya and her John.

His name is John.

Come in, John. Come in.

So, say hi. That's Sasha.

And that is Will.

demon seed.

Good to meet you all.

Come on in.

So John is an architect.

Yeah, he like ran into me on the corner.

So how do you two know each other?

We don't. I said he just ran into me on the corner in his Range Rover.

I wasn't paying attention. Sometimes I can be such a goofball. Oh, such a

goofball with a Range Rover.

So, where you from?

Bankhead.

But I grew up in Britain.

He talk good, don't he?

So, I think, since I hit Tanya, the least I could do was bring her home.

Home?

She don't live here.

Alone, alone, alone. I live here with my family, right, family? My daughter, my

son.

I guess.

Whatever you say, Tanya.

Welcome home, Mother.

I'd better be going. I have a plethora of meetings tomorrow.

It was very nice meeting everybody.

Nice meeting you, too. Same to you, John, from Berkeley.

And I'll see you Saturday night?

You sure will.

Bye!

Oh, God, I can never, ever see this guy again!

What are you talking about? He seemed nice. God, he said ple...

I can't hang out with guys that talk like that.

Oh,

Sasha, you speak bougie.

Come on. Come on, tell me what to say. Tell me what to say. No, Tanya, I don't

get involved in people's relationships.

Well, that's not true. Remember with Renee and... Listen, Sasha, come on, if

works out... then, you know, maybe he might take me off to Brixton, like this

English country, and then I'll be out of your hair forever.

Charm school begins tomorrow.

What are

you doing, Brown?

I was enjoying the sounds of nature until you interrupted me.

Nature, you?

Yes, me.

Oh, my God, that's disgusting.

Sometimes nature can be silent but deadly.

Well, I'm just going to stay up wind.

Yeah, do that, because that can tear your sinus cavities up.

Hello,

Colonel, yes, what is it? You just standing there looking at me.

I thought I'd go for a walk. Edna thinks I'm having a hard time dealing with

Marvin's death.

You sleep with a zombie every night. How you having a problem dealing with that?

I just need a friend, Brown.

Oh, but Colonel, I'm here.

But since Cora's not home, I thought I'd come out here.

You ain't got to do me no favors. Most of my friends still living.

He was a good father, good husband, good Marine.

Hell, that man was good at everything.

Except staying alive.

They want me to say something about his service.

What is it? to say. He kicked the bucket. He lived, he died, and stuff in

between. That's it.

That's what I'm saying, Brown. I don't know what to say.

Well, you know, when I want to get out of something, what I usually do is I

play dumb. I just... I just play dumb. So you want to get out of something

day, huh?

I was looking for you.

Oh, you ready for your kibble? Let me just... Why didn't you just call?

I did.

Well, I must be losing it.

Well, the funeral home called.

Marvin's people want to talk to you.

Okay. Well, I'll just take it inside where I can hear because, uh, Brown's

parents are a little loud.

You ain't gonna pick your pet, would you?

Etna. Yeah?

Breathe in deep. I'm gonna trim your nose hairs for you.

Listen, Brown. Huh?

The colonel could use a friend.

I thought she was man's best friend.

Was he serious for once?

It would really help the Colonel if when he gave the eulogy, he could look out

and see some familiar faces in the audience.

So, can you make it?

No, I don't like funerals. It's too many dead people. I don't like that.

I'm proud.

Okay, I'll be there.

Good, good. Now, don't tell him I invited you. You just act like you're

for support. You need to be declawed.

stupid book is crooked are you sure it's not your head there's nothing wrong

with the book it's fine then it must be the floor okay okay

all right all right

now you see a woman's walk is all about great which also exudes her confidence

your head is just flat

What's wrong with my laugh? Nothing if you're calling for Buffalo.

A woman's laugh says a lot about her. You should make it hearty, but yet

Like... You sound fake.

Just laugh. Just laugh. Just laugh until I tell you to stop. A little bit more.

A little bit more.

No, no, no, no. Look, guys. It's more like this.

What y 'all laughing at?

Tanya said something stupid, didn't she?

No.

Well, she got y 'all smoking that sticky yicky yicky, didn't she? Okay.

Curry, you didn't say Simon Says.

Y 'all out.

I'm gone.

Mr. Brown, no. We need a man's help, please. We need your help. Well, if we

a man's help, then we ain't got no help with him.

Crackhead got jokes.

Curry, I can't. I'm busy.

Mr. Brown, doing what?

Busy being busy, so I won't have to help y 'all. Curry, I'm...

Oh, come on, Mr. Brown. It'll be easy, right? Okay. Look, all you got to do is

stand there and be your normal, handsome self. All right, Sasha. You better

watch it. My nephew's going to get jealous.

Look at you.

Look at you.

All right, now, Tanya, come over here.

All right.

Now, say you spot this unusually handsome man across the room, right?

Unusual? Unusual? I don't know about that.

How would a lady try to grab his attention?

Show me what you got. If Tanya was walking up to me now, I'd be cautious if

was a man. How you

doing, baby?

How do you feel, big pop, if you want to go out on a date with Miss Tanya?

I got a dollar and I want my change back.

She still act like a lady, not a tramp.

Yes, a lady, not a tramp.

Lady? Tramp. So you know what? You guys, I'm trying to do the best I can here.

Well, your best ain't good enough.

Tanya, let me show you, okay? Right?

When a lady is trying to get a man's attention, what she does is something a

little more subtle.

Right? Right? She kind of uses something like a soft brush.

What you doing all this?

Girl, you just go head on and you lean back and you wait for that man to come

you. Yeah, you got to learn how to lean back.

Oh, y 'all, all I got to do is fly.

Barbara, I don't want none of that.

Keep your shirt on.

You know what, you guys? I don't think I can do this, okay? Y 'all going to make

me look like a fool.

No, you can do this. These methods can't fail.

No, you know what? I know a method that I can assure you won't fail. Okay,

what's that? Yeah, if I don't go. No.

my condolences to the Relieve family.

What's the Relieve, idiot?

How do you know? The family could have been Relieve, Egon.

What are you doing here, Brown?

Unlike Edna's bra, I'm here for support.

I'm just hanging around.

Well, good. You can take me out of here.

Oh, come on. I just want to... Wait.

What about Marvin?

What about Marvin? He can't go with us.

What about that speech you prepared?

Oh, you can use that paper to lie on the bottom of your cage. Come on.

Colonel, if you walk away from here, you'll be walking away from a friend.

You'll be walking away from a dead man that won't know nothing about what we

He don't know nothing. Hey!

Nothing. How about I just kill you and leave you here?

She's right, Brown. Marvin was a Marine. I can't leave.

No, that's the man I'm proud of. And you're the man he's proud of.

But I didn't prepare a speech.

Oh, that ain't nothing.

You know what? Half the people don't know him here anyway.

People go to funerals all the time. They don't even know the person. I know a

lady who go to funerals just to be as a hobby.

You don't have to know nobody.

I'm going to tell you. I'm going to show you what you do.

What's your friend name? Ronnie? Bobby? Ricky? Mike? His name is Marvin.

Oh, Marvin.

See, all you got to do, you just come up here while people just scurrying

around. And you say, excuse me. Excuse me.

Just like that. You ain't got, you can just talk about anything.

And then you just bust out and you say, ah, can I get an amen?

Whoop, whoop. Like that.

Maybe his family would prefer for him to prepare a real speech.

Well, you know, I can do that.

I'll do that.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Colonel ought to be ashamed for bringing you out in the daylight.

Get in the bed.

Get your behind in the bed.

He canceled.

No, I did.

Yeah, right. Why would you cancel when a guy you said was perfect?

Brianna, I'm telling you, I know how people are.

You know, he'll just hang out with me for a second, and then he'll figure out

I'm not good enough for him.

Well, if you really think that, then you're not good enough.

I used to think like that when I was little.

When you was little? Yeah.

Girl, please, I got a rash older than you.

And besides, this is not about any of you little high school crushes, okay?

is real life here. I know, but I don't see how being old changes anything.

First of all, Miss Thing, I'm not old. I'm seasoned.

Well, Will and Sasha told me that I have to believe in something before anyone

else will.

I know I'm not perfect, but I think I'm pretty great.

And I dare anybody try to tell me that I'm not.

And you need to think the same thing.

Wow, do you think I should go?

Yes.

Will you do my hair?

Yeah, but you might not want to mention that rash thing.

I'll see you inside.

Thank you.

You can go up.

Just don't trip over that bump right there.

I'm trying to hit him.

That'll be embarrassing if he trips.

He will.

He'll be a mess.

Didn't I just say don't trip and you're going to go up there? You should have

hit your head on that corner.

Good evening.

My name is... My name is... Colonel

Jackson.

Say it. Uh... Uh... Oh, Lord.

Next time somebody die, make sure he write a speech.

This fool will get killed in a freestyle contest.

Get in the move and let me do it.

See, you should have jumped up there just like that. Move!

Go on and sit down.

You ain't no Marine.

You're weak.

Uh, fellow countrymen, women, children, men and girls,

bury him.

Yes, we do.

Colonel asked me to say a few things today on behalf of the deceased.

Deceased moron. Well, excuse me.

Well, this moron here was struck down in the prime of his life.

Well, it wasn't exactly his prime because he was a little old.

But that ain't the point.

Colonel shared with me a few things about this brother while we were in the

back, and Colonel was sipping on some yak, listening to an R &B track that

was wickety, wickety, wickety whack.

Yes, yes, that's how you freestyle right there.

Yeah,

that ain't what I'm saying.

But this gentleman was not only a Marine, but he was a devoted...

Yes. He loved his wife.

Yes. Tell him to give an amen.

Amen. Oh, y 'all weak.

Tell him to give an amen.

Amen. He loved his children.

Yes. He loved his girlfriend's children.

Oh. Would somebody sit this jackal down?

Sit this jackal down.

Brown, Brown, respect the dead. I am respecting the dead.

Now, listen.

Listen up. Let me tell you a story about this man.

This brother here did more.

before 6 a .m. than most of you ever did all day, which was amazing because he

never got up before 12 noon.

Now, this brother here was all that he could be.

Now he's gone on to that upper room of the great platoon.

Can I give an amen?

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, you're getting on my nerves.

Can't you see I'm saying something?

That's his wife.

things about this man's wife brown brown they call her buck open you

can't do

that that's his wife edna you got one more time to get up in my face

grieving over the loss of a dearly departed Tom Murphy.

Who the hell is Tom Murphy?

The diseased.

This isn't March.

No!

That was yesterday.

What? Who?

Y 'all, just tip back. Put your finger up and tip back.

Tip back, Colonel. Put your finger up. Edna, you put both of us.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present to you the new, improved Hood to

Hollywood.

I'm okay. I'm okay. Are you okay? I am okay. I got this.

Okay. Okay. Got it.

Pardon my clumsiness, you know. This shoe's stifling my feet.

It's stifling. It's stifling my feet.

All right. So what's up? You ready to go? I mean, shall we?

I'm sure.

I'm kind of proud of you.

Thank you. Oh, let me get your picture. Let me get your picture. Come on.

Yeah, I'm about to check him out.

Do a background check.

Okay,

so what are we doing?

Oh, I thought we hit up the rib shack, we sneak into a movie, and you might

to change your shoes because we walking.

Walking? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait.

What ever happened to this English thing that you had going on?

He said he was from Vancouver.