Original subtitles

Right, right. Like you accidentally slept with her sister.

What are you watching, Sasha?

A grown -up show.

Here you go.

Oh, I already saw it. I knew he wasn't the mother.

Okay.

Ta -da!

I just finished ironing your Adventure Scouts uniform.

Thanks, Sasha.

Am I supposed to wear this or fly it?

I don't do that.

I'm guessing too much starch.

Okay, smarty pants, I'll fix it.

Or I could just not go.

Uncle Brian, you're crazy.

I'm telling you, Mr. Freddy was the best dressed man on TV.

He was not.

Okay, who was?

Everybody else.

You don't know nothing about dressing anyway. You still think everything

match. Yeah.

No.

How you doing, man?

What's up?

Hey, baby doll. Hey.

You ready to go on your camping trip?

I may have to miss it. Why?

Because I'm not going to be there.

I thought you liked being an adventure scout.

I love being a scout.

It's the adventure part I can do without. You know, I'm a city kid.

Yep, I bet you the closest you ever come to camping was them three nights y 'all

slept in your mama's car, wasn't it?

Mmm, hot dogs grilled over an open lighter.

I'm not going.

Oh, come on, honey. It can't be that bad.

But bad things happen to people in the woods. And I don't want to come face to

face with Jason.

Oh, no, no. Well, Paul, it ain't that bad. I'm telling you, I used to take

camping all the time. And it was great.

Really? Yes. Well, except for that time the wolves tried to drag him off. But we

got him back.

That's because you tried to store the meat in my sleeping bag.

You live and you learn.

Yeah. I always learned what not to do when I was two.

Look, I'll teach you how to camp.

Well, come, let me tell you something.

You got great ancestry in your blood now.

Yes, my great -great -aunt on my cousin's daddy's side was part Indian.

Yes, I'm slightly Indian.

Her name was one who cooks with grease, and her husband was called Chief Running

Man.

Every summer, they would take me camping, along with their friends, the

people. The village people?

The point is, they taught me everything I need to know about camping and how to

spell Y -M -C -A.

Yes, what I'm going to do is I'm going to teach you how to camp brown style.

Or we could just buy you a book on camping.

Books are worthless. No, no.

Well, that is Brianna's motto.

How about we do a trial run in the backyard?

Okay, good. I'll bring snacks.

No, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. You're not supposed to bring snacks on a camping

trip. All right? We're supposed to live off the land, eat fish from the stream.

Okay, I got a quick question.

When's the last time you seen a stream anywhere near our garage?

Huh? Okay, well, hey, we can roast some squirrel.

Or we can die of starvation. Or even worse.

A fervation. Why you get a dumb idea we gonna do it out in the back?

Fervation? Yes, fervation. That's not even a word. What's fervation?

It's when your throat dries.

Hey,

Simone. I'm thinking about getting braces. What do you think?

Why? Your legs are fine. I mean, you're a little pigeon -toed, but... Simone, I

meant on my teeth.

What do you want in your smoothie?

A T -bone steak.

Baby's got me starving.

Speaking of babies, you know your Mommy and Me class is at 8 tonight, not 1240.

Yeah, you know that big hand, little hand thing always confuses me.

I'm sure you're there.

All they do is serve these really fattening cookies. I swear, the girls in

get bigger and bigger every time I see them.

Oh, my God!

It's clam chowder.

You're still going with me, right?

Of course.

That's what friends are for.

Hey!

What's up, my man?

Come on, have a seat, have a seat, have a seat.

Look at this. It's exciting.

The keys to an enjoyable camping trip is having all the right equipment.

Okay? Check it out. Look over here.

We got our fishing poles so we can catch fish, right?

We got a little bug jar right here, so we can catch bugs.

And, uh, we got sleeping bags, so we can catch disease.

I'd rather have a phone to catch a cab.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Joaquin, come on, come on, come on, come on, come

on. This is gonna be fun.

As long as you remember, safety first, and keep your bag as light as possible.

doing. I'm trying to teach Wacom how to count. That's right.

I'll teach you what to do, and he'll teach you what not to do.

What's in the backpack?

Oh, this is everything you'll need for home.

This is camping gear. Yes, that's what we call it.

It looks heavy.

No, this is not heavy.

That's deceiving to your eyes. This is light as a feather. See if I take

Wait a minute.

Wait, nephew.

I'm following...

Colonel, I'm stuck on the shelf.

Stop. Grab me. I got you. Get my arm. You can't pull me by my leg. My arm.

All right.

Wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'm good.

Okay.

I'm good. I'm good.

Where in the world did you get all this stuff from?

Oh, this old...

My father accumulated from years and years of camping, yes.

Why is the price tag still on it?

Stay in the child's place. Back up. Back 20 feet. Give me 50 feet. Back up.

There we go.

Now look, all we're going to need, Joaquin, is this handy little camping

You don't need no camping, man. Let me tell you what it is. Hey, I took this

camping one time. He got stung in the face by a bee. And he ran around like

this. I need to go to the hospital.

I need to go to the hospital.

Uncle Brian, that's not funny. I'm allergic to bees.

Well, I'm allergic to a bunch of excuses.

So what? Your tongue was swollen. You couldn't breathe.

Excuses? Excuses. Oh.

You know, Joaquin, here.

Help me with the tenner. You going to help Uncle Brian? We're going to get our

living quarters together.

No, I'm going to build my own. own living quarters. Well, fine. Get your

living quarters then. I am. All right. Well, last one done is a rotten egg.

I'm not going to sit here and play these childish games and competition with

you. I'm not going to do it. You need this to get going?

Yeah, yeah. Put that in right there. Here it is right there. Go get it. All

right. Go.

Come on. Come on.

Wow.

You look nice, Brianna.

Thank you.

Woo -hoo.

Don't get too excited.

Honey, what's wrong?

The most popular girl in school invited me to a party and she's on her way to

pick me up right now.

The nerve of some people.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Weren't you supposed to hang out with Simone

I was.

I didn't want to hold her hand tonight.

I want to party. I didn't get pregnant.

Okay, Brianna. Have a seat, honey.

Let's have a moment.

Um.

You know, I don't exactly agree with Simone being pregnant.

But you have to remember that she is your friend.

I know, but why do I have to suffer?

Well, that's all in how you look at it.

I don't think that being there for your friend is suffering at all.

Think about it.

That must be Jocelyn.

Looks like you thought about it.

Simone! Hey, Mrs.

Still grown.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, Brianna.

Hey. You sure are dressed really nice for watching Joaquin.

Wait a minute.

What? Is that my dress?

Yes. It's your dress.

You look so cute in it. Thank you. So cute.

So.

supposed to be in class well i thought i'd come over and help my bff babysit

where's lover boy anyway

aren't

you gonna get that take what omg am i hearing bells again

ready for the party bruchetta

What is she doing here?

Who?

Um, babysitting?

having cancer and i was like okay i really need you to wash my cheerleading

uniform you know some people are just so selfish i mean am i wrong that's what i

said anyway see you in school tomorrow my new bss

something like that what go to a party you lied to me and you chose to hang out

with jocelyn and her clones instead of me that's not true how can you say it's

not true you went without me they didn't think you would look right if you were

there okay why am i not good enough because i'm pregnant

not even like that yes it is i thought we were better than that We are better

than that. You can save it, Brianna.

I see how it is.

You don't know how it is?

Do you really think my life is supposed to stop just because you got pregnant?

You're not my only friend, Simone.

Well, how about I make it easier for you? From now on, I'm not your friend at

all.

Sleeping bag down.

Got our favorite pillows.

Our tent is looking good.

Man, this is home sweet home.

This is so cool.

Yeah, I know.

Uncle Brian, a teepee, really?

Yeah, a teepee, really. This is how the Native Americans communed with the

natures.

Well, come on. Do what I do. Watch.

which way the wind is blowing?

No, this is telling us that our fingers are wet.

That's camping humor.

That's not even funny.

It is. No, it's not. Oh, you're just jealous.

Look, where's the food?

Here it is.

Look at that. Beans and freeze -dried eggs.

So where's the can opener, Joaquin?

Uh, I didn't bring it.

He forgot it.

You forgot it.

Okay, Joaquin, the camping manual specifically listed can opener is one of

things we were supposed to bring, remember?

Don't even worry about it, okay? Because I got an extra one.

We don't need no camping manual. Look, early men didn't use no camping manual,

and they sure didn't have no can opener.

What you got to do is you got to learn to live off the land.

Got to learn to fish and hunt. Now, back up. I'm going to show you all how to

fish. See, you got to be able to throw that out there good and strong, Waco.

Get it out there so you can catch fish.

There it comes.

Oh, there it comes, Waco.

Yes, come on in here. Look at it, Waco. It's a big one.

Look at this, Waco.

Dinner is served.

What type of fish are these?

Bluegill? No, blue light special.

99 cent a pound. Yes, that's what they...

Wait, wait, wait.

How you gonna do that, huh? We didn't chop any firewood.

You gonna burn the grass?

No, no, no, no. The only people burning grass is your mama and Uncle Joe.

I got better ways of starting a fire.

What we gonna use is we gonna use this right here.

Boom! Look at that.

Genuine fire -starting grill.

There are no space heaters in the woods.

Yeah, Mr. Brown. Y 'all got to learn to use what you got.

Use what's around you. Now, right now, the only thing around us is a plug.

here.

Well, come on. I bet you Will don't have one of these.

Satellite. You want to watch some TV?

Yeah. Come on in.

How's the reception in there?

The picture's amazing.

It's HD.

HD as in hot, dummy.

being invited to a party, and then accused me of being a whack friend.

Well, you and Simone did have plans tonight.

Well, I didn't feel like going to another Mommy and Me class.

And then Jocelyn came by and... And you decided to go with her instead.

I see.

What do you mean, I see?

I'm not wrong.

Honey, I never said that you were.

Yeah, but...

You said I see like you knew I was wrong and you just didn't want to come out

and say it. Well, that's not what I meant.

I was thinking the Jocelyn girl.

Isn't she the same one that took up for you when those three girls wanted to

fight? No.

That was Simone.

My bad.

Jocelyn, I got it.

I got it. She's the girl that...

Stayed with you when you locked yourself in the girls' bathroom that time and

the... No.

That was Simone, too.

My bad again.

Well, I guess that this Jocelyn girl... Okay, I get it.

I get it. Good.

Now make sure Simone knows that.

Shh. Walker!

This right here is my favorite camping tradition.

Shh, be quiet, be quiet. Watch this.

He's going to get you back. You ain't have to do that. That was for you.

Sorry, Joaquin.

Camping's not scary. This is fun.

We should do this every weekend.

What about doing nothing every weekend? I can't do everything weekend. I got

church.

Whatever.

I'm just glad I got you back.

I'm hungry. See if there's any more hot dogs over here in the cooler.

Here's this hot dog.

You think?

So, you ready for that real kick?

Indians invented breakdancing right there.

Break it down.

Yes. Yes.

Found your keys.

Thanks.

No, wait.

I owe you an apology.

Yes, you do.

I should have been honest with you.

I'm tired of doing all this baby stuff with you, and I just wanted to do

something fun.

Did you have fun?

No.

I was bored out of my mind without you.

Aww.

I'm glad you had a terrible time.

I'm sorry, too.

What are you sorry for?

For dragging you around through all this baby stuff.

I don't always mind. You're my girl.

It's not like you have to go to all of them with me.

I'm a big girl.

I'm about to be a really big girl.

And I can't go to parties.

And nobody's going to want to be around.

And then I'll tell you the ones that I can make and the ones I can't. But I'll

probably make most of them.

Thanks, Brianna.

You're welcome. Love it.

So, sit down and tell me about that terrible time you had at that party.

Ugh, it was the worst time ever.

That's just a good girl slipping her hair.

He's gonna be good. I'm gonna pull Frank on everybody.

Well, what's new?

Camping is not all about pranks, okay?

It's about learning about nature and learning a little bit about yourself.

Where's Mr.

Brown?

Um, he's a little tied up.