Original subtitles

No, no, no. Come on, Mr. Brown. I want my money back.

Ain't no refunds. It's a church fundraiser.

It's false advertising.

It wasn't no false advertisement. You did get to see Usher in concert, didn't

you? Usher? Mr.

Brown, that was Elder Jenkins playing the spoon.

Well, he is a Usher, ain't he?

Mr. Brown, get that boy back his money. I don't think it's right, Carter.

I mean, y 'all seen how Elder Jenkins was gliding down that aisle like that?

Boogalooing and gliding like that? Then you see him... Then he stopped, popped,

locked it, and dropped it. Just like that. You know that was what he did. Mr.

Brown, he slipped on his drool, and I think he threw his hip out.

Whatever that was, funny. Now, you see when his hip popped out, it looked like

he was doing that leg dance the kids be doing. Like that, when your feet and

your leg is wiggling. It's just like that. That wasn't funny.

You know it was funny. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

That part was fun to watch. All right, you keep our butts. All right, you see,

that was funny. Mr. Brown, instead of laughing, you need to come up with a new

idea to raise money for the new sanctuary.

We're busting out of the seams every Sunday.

I'm to have the churches busting out they seams.

That's why we need a new church.

They just big.

I'm telling you, we're the only church I know with a mass choir with only five

people in the choir.

That's just too much mass.

That's a lot of mass. Listen, you should make an exercise DVD and then sell it

at the fundraiser.

That's a stupid idea anyway.

Well, I think it's a great idea.

Just like I said, we're going to make a video. That's a great idea.

I hope you like shoot it and package it. And then we'll have a new church in no

time. You don't even go to our church. What you talking about? Mr. Brown.

So what are you going to call it, Derek? What you going to call it?

Uh, what do we call it?

Shake with the Savior, David.

Shake with the Savior, David.

Uh -uh. Too much? Yes, too much. Yes, too much. What about a body by Jehovah?

Oh, oh, oh.

P90 Exodus.

You know what? No.

Which we should call it? Ah!

Are you having a stroke? No, I just had a Tiffany.

What? Yeah, Tiffany.

That's when you think of something real bright and light in your head.

Yes, why don't we call it Jumpin' Jacks for Jesus. That's what we call it.

Yeah. Yes, that's kind of catchy, Mr. Brown. I know, I know, I'm good like

Yeah, yeah, and then we can put my six -pack abs on the cover.

All right. Nope, the devil is alive. We're going to put my six -pack abs on

cover.

It's a keg.

Don't hate. It's under this. It's just under wraps.

It's wrapped in bacon filet mignon. I don't eat fish.

All right. Can anybody tell me what year the Cuban Missile Crisis took place?

Tommy.

What year do you think, Ms. Simmons?

I don't think I know.

Well, I don't think I know either.

I have something to wipe those smiles right off your faces. Your test scores.

Pass those back.

Hey, hey, hey, hold on. What's this?

I don't deserve no F?

Oh, you're right. But that's the lowest grade I can give you.

Oh, how you doing, young lady? How can I help you?

Rose doesn't need any help. She needs a menu.

Man, shut up, Tommy. Excuse me, you don't tell anyone to shut up in my

Yeah, don't tell anyone to shut up. Shut up, Tommy.

And what is your name?

I'm Rose Watkins. They just transferred me to this class.

So Madam Miss Taylor's class wasn't big enough for you?

You got one more time, Tommy. One more time.

Welcome, Rose. I'm Miss Simmons. Have a seat.

She gonna need more than one.

All right, class. Now, who can tell me what year the Cuban Missile Crisis took

place? Anybody?

Somebody? Scream.

Now, come on now. This is ridiculous. We've been going over this for a week

Anybody?

1962.

Very good, Rose.

Oh, hold on. Hold on now. I figured she'd know that because that's how much

weighs.

That's it.

Principal's off.

Now, why are you going to do that? He said he never wanted to see me again. So

why did I go back to school? Now.

But watch my backpack, homie. I got snacks in there.

All right, all of y 'all laugh and you'll be in the same class with Tommy

year.

Pick one.

Okay. Welcome, everyone, to our Building Fun fundraiser. We're building a better

building and a better you at the same time. We're even providing free water.

Uh, the, uh, cups are $2.

Well, honey, Jesus paid my debt.

Yeah, but he didn't pay for those cups.

Stealing is a sin.

All right, everybody, let's get pumped.

Ah, ah, okay.

Uh, did you prep them before we came out? Cut, cut.

If I'm going to do this, you got to prep the people.

Give it ready for me.

What kind of show is this if you're going to have me to be the star?

Do it like I want it to be done. I'm the star.

Thank you.

And action.

Welcome. Let's get pumped up for Jesus, everybody.

Yes.

All right, listen up.

Is this test me on? Test my mic. Is this on?

That last soul food dinner you had.

If you answer yes to this, well, welcome to, say it with me.

Jumping Jacks for Jesus.

That's right.

And I, yes, get it on camera.

I know what you're thinking.

You do? Yes, I do know what you're thinking. Oh, then follow Lord, forgive

Because my doctor told me I need to do push -ups three times a day.

Sweaty Betty, you need to be doing push -backs four times a day. Just push back

and leave that food alone.

Get a tight on me.

Now, right here.

All right, listen up.

I wasn't always built like this. I know it's hard to believe when you look at

me. Especially from the side, I'm just sculptured.

But I used to be built like you.

I used to be built like you.

No, I would never build nothing like you.

But you know what got me right?

What got me right? Well, say it with me.

Jumping jacks for Jesus.

christ -like look at me look at me look at me i'm on my main dance floor look at

me if you don't believe me i got somebody to testify brother could you

for the people hey testify yes i didn't always look like this

that's right he used to look like this

Baby fat. No, baby, he was just fat.

Yes, he went from pitiful to beautiful.

He went from big bone to being toned.

He went from looking like a big bowl of ice cream to a lean, mean, praying

machine. You know why? It's all because of Jumpin' Jacks for Jesus.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. When you get through with Jumpin' Jacks for

Jesus, I'm telling you.

It's the church building fund.

That's right. You know why?

Because of John and Jasper Jesus.

Now, I tell y 'all what. Pretend like I'm Moses, and I want y 'all to follow

Now, I tell you what. Just walk in place for me.

Now, just pretend like your fat is Goliath and you David.

Jump roping is a good exercise.

Oh, these ain't for jump roping. These for getting Wilma up off the floor.

Was she fail? No, Carl.

She got stuck doing a sit -up.

And I mean one sit -up. Just one. How you get stuck in mid -air?

You got to be thick to get stuck in mid -air, Carl.

What you looking at me for? It ain't my fault. I bet you the last time she did a

crunch was when she sat on a bag of chips.

You can't be pushing them too hard. You have to take it slow. It's not boot

camp. What? It's going to be lose your booty camp.

I'm telling you, Park, this video is going to be good. Really? Yes. Have your

daddy ever let you down?

Have I let you down today?

What's this breakfast, have I let you down?

Am I letting you down now? I guess not, Mr. Parker. Oh, come on. You scared me.

Well.

You'll see the video for yourself. You're doing good.

All right. I have to finish up some things first. I'll come by and see you

later. All right. Okay, cool.

Hurry up. I might need your extra hand so I can help get Wilma off that floor.

We might need to get a crane or a front end loader.

Yeah, or a back end loader.

Hi, Ms. Simmons.

Hi, Ms. Simmons. Tommy, you better have a good explanation for coming out of my

classroom.

I do.

And I'm going to give it to you just as soon as I think of it. What in the cup?

classroom, it's gonna be me and you, boy.

Rose?

Are you okay?

Rose, did that boy touch you?

Miss Simmons, I'm fine.

Do we need to get you some help? I'm okay. I don't need any help.

Well, I'm calling the principal.

No, I'm gonna call the police. Miss Simmons, wait. Stop.

I don't need any help.

What?

Rose, are you protecting him? Honey, you don't have to do that. He didn't do

anything I didn't want him to do.

Wait a minute now.

I'm confused.

I like Tommy.

So you think he likes you, too?

He does.

Well, call me old -fashioned. When a boy likes you, he's nice to you. He doesn't

talk to you like you're a dog.

This is Tommy being Tommy. He's just playing.

No, he's being disrespectful to you.

And you shouldn't let anybody treat you like that.

You don't know what it's like for a girl like me.

A girl like you? What do you mean, a big girl?

Do I look like a size 4 to you?

I definitely understand.

Come on, Miss Simmons.

It's not like I'm winning any beauty contest.

But beauty is... I know.

Beauty's on the inside.

Yeah. Well, in that case, I should put my x -ray in the yearbook.

You're beautiful, but it's what you think of yourself that matters.

Tommy likes me.

And that's all that matters.

I can tell by the way you're holding hands, skipping down the hallway.

He doesn't want anybody to know.

That's because he's using you.

Man, call it what you want, Miss Simmons.

Look, wait, Rose. Wait, look. Are you in a hurry?

No. Why?

I would like for you to go somewhere with me.

And if I refuse?

Well, I'll just call the principal and tell him about our little conversation

had. After you.

Now tie it to the right. Come on.

Now tie it to the left.

Come on. Tie it to the right. Come on now. Now tie it to the left.

Now tie it in the middle. Come on. Now tie it in the middle. Come on now.

Pass the plate.

Pass the plate.

Pass the plate.

Pass it. I said, pass the plate.

Pass the plate.

Pass the plate. You put too much money. Get your money. Get your money.

Get your money. Get your money. Get your check. Now, put it in your pocket. Put

it in your pocket. I tell you what, the devil on your trail.

Ruffles here.

Everybody, ruffles. Here comes the devil.

Now, ruffles here.

Everybody, ruffles here.

See, sometimes the devil, he'll try to trick you. He'll put a donut in your

But what you got to do is you got to jump over that monster. Now, jump.

Now, jump.

Now kneel and pray. Now kneel and pray. Everybody, kneel and pray. Lord, kneel

and pray. Pray that demon, kneel.

I got a bad demon, kneel.

I want him gone, kneel and pray. Now reach, now reach, now reach, now reach.

I want y 'all to reach.

And touch that roof. I want you to reach up there like it's a cookie up there.

Now reach. You don't like cookies.

Reach like it's cake.

Everybody like cake.

Get that cake.

Get that cake. And take five.

Get y 'all some water.

Wait a minute.

Wait. Wait.

Don't wait.

It's water, not steak.

How you doing? Good? I'm good.

Yo, this thing is going to be so great.

When this video is done, we're going to make so much money. Yes. We can even

take it national.

Yeah. Or international.

Local even.

We can build a big church.

Who cares about the church? We're going to be rich.

You better be careful. You know what the Bible says?

It's easy for a rich man to poke a camel in the eye with a stick pen than a rich

man to get into heaven.

Probably one of them disciples.

That's not even in the Bible. It is somewhere.

Okay, everybody, let's get back to work. Five minutes is up. I don't want no

break. We barely got to sit down.

Even God rested.

Well, God didn't have no cellular in his thighs.

That's cellulite.

I'm glad you can see that, too.

Hey, Rose.

Jumpin' Jacks. Okay.

You brought me to Jumpin' Jacks. Really?

I mean, whatever happened to beauty's on the inside?

Beauty is on the inside. Then if you feel that way, why try and change me?

not trying to change you. I think you're precious. Then why am I here? Well,

because she wanted you to. Mr.

Brown. Okay, cool.

Because I wanted you to learn how to start loving yourself.

Like I do, it makes a big difference.

I have someone who likes me just the way I am. Well, you don't need someone to

make you feel good about yourself. At least I have someone. Now, wait a

Now, watch your tone with me. You're not going to be working with me. We're

grown. Rose, we need to talk.

I don't want to talk, Ms. Simmons, and I definitely don't belong here.

Rose, please.

Ms. Simmons. Rose.

Carmen, you need to talk to her. All right, everybody, let's get back in

Come on, now. Come on. You want to shrink?

Look, I done lost 20 pounds already. I'm shrinking as we speak.

You want to be like this? Let's get the right, not tied to the right. Come on,

not tied to the left.

You know we shouldn't be in the same classroom again.

Stop being scared. School is out. I saw her leave the building.

Now come here. I'm going to show you something.

Why are you tripping?

I thought I heard something.

I didn't hear nothing.

Now come over here. You know what I want, right?

Yeah, I know what you want.

But why do you want it from me?

Come on, look, we gonna do this or not? I ain't got all day.

I want to, but... But nothing, look. Come on, don't worry, I'll have you home

before dinner.

What's that supposed to mean?

You know I'm playing with you. Come here.

Do you like me?

Yeah, I like you.

Now come over here so I can show you why I like you. Then why do you keep us a

secret? Look, girl, you're asking all these questions. I'm getting sick of

You going to do this or not?

I think not.

Fine, then. I was doing you a favor anyway. Trust me. You was doing me a

Yeah. I was the one settling.

The only reason why your dumb butt has been passing is because I've been doing

your homework.

Man, I know crustaceans who are smarter than you.

Oh, I forgot.

You don't know what it means.

Oh, you got jokes. Well, fine. I'm done with you. Completely done with you.

Anybody going to hang out with your big behind? The whole school is laughing at

you.

That's funny, because I only hear you.

Rose? Oh, Miss Simmons.

Did you see that?

I sure did. Rose, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Beating up on a poor, defenseless young boy like that.

Looked like he about to cry.

Ain't nobody about to cry.

Rose, you still don't have the right to put your hands on nobody, no matter how

weak they are.

I'm sorry.

All right, we're all going to take a little walk down to the principal's

Kids, get to where you're supposed to be.

Come on, come on, come on. Come on, come on.

Don't give up now, y 'all. Tony Romo's wasn't built in one day.

Come on, give me. Come on. Give me one more.

Give me two more.

Give me three more.

Come on. Now stop.

One more. Come on.

One for the father. Come on. One for the son.

Now this one for the Holy Ghost. Come on. Come on. What about our cool down?

Why don't you go stick your head in the fan and turn it on? That ought to cool

you down.

Look, everybody done a wonderful.

most splendiferous job.

Now, I'd like to thank everybody by giving them a free Jeff and Jack's for

DVD.

But I can't afford that. So, what we're going to do is just have you to give

yourself a hand.

Give yourself a hand.

So wonderful.

So lovely. Don't you, Drew?

Uh, we have a problem.

I got spinach in my teeth.

Oh, no. You should. The tape ran out.

I didn't get the last segment.

What do you mean you didn't get the last segment?

I mean, I didn't get the last segment.

Okay. I mean, I'm not going to say so.

We didn't see the last segment.

I mean, I didn't get the last segment. Come on.

Okay, listen up, everybody.

Derek is trying to explain it to me, the segment, something about it.

Explain it to me.

Ladies and gentlemen, we didn't get the last segment, so in order to finish the

DVD, we're going to have to reshoot it.

But I already put new tape in, so we're ready to go. Okay, reshoot, no problem.

Who with me?

Everybody with me?

Don't y 'all want to do some more jumping jacks for Jesus?

I want to jump down your thoughtful way through my time, but I don't have the

strength. Ooh, you church people can be so M -E -A -N.

Violent.

Wait, don't give up now. Come on, we're almost done.

Yeah, that's right. Don't y 'all want to help the church?

Yeah, don't y 'all want to help...

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Back up, back up. Mr. Brown, can you help me? I just pushed the card.

Action. I have no lust for you.

Run from sin, Dad.

Run from sin.

Mr. Brown, help me. Help me.

Now,

now, come on. Now, run from sin.

Everybody run.

Run from sin. Run, come on. Run from sin. Y 'all can run fast enough. Run

sin.

I just want to get myself.

I want to get myself.