Original subtitles

Come on, Colonel, wake up! You better not die!

Colonel, step away from the light!

Come on, Colonel!

Come on, you're going to be late for school!

Sasha, emergency, help!

Colonel, you better not die!

What's going on?

I can't revive the Colonel.

Okay, well, did you try mouth -to -mouth? I tried hand -to -mouth. I put

hands up to my mouth. I say, Sasha!

Come on, Colonel, get up!

Colonel, sit up, okay? Guys, what are you up to?

Turner always trying to compete with me. I told him, you can't handle me. So he

said, let's try to see who can hold their breath the longest. So he tried to

hold his breath, and he passed out. You little old weak lung punk.

Sasha, there you are.

Sasha, can you drop me by the community center? I have to teach my drawing class

tomorrow, and I need to set up the room today.

Drawing? Miss Daisy, you barely can draw a deep breath.

Let it out. Spit it.

Actually,

In my day, I was considered a very accomplished artist.

Oh, I've seen some of your work.

Oh! On the caves in Egypt.

Was that you drawing it? You used to draw them things like that.

Miss Daisy.

Miss Daisy, can you get ready? We're in a hurry, okay? I'll get my purse. All

right.

Wait a minute, Brown.

Let's go. Oh, no, no, no. I hear you don't. Okay, I've got too much work to

and you can do that. Pass out whatever in the living room. Okay, go. Turn it.

Go.

Gosh,

have you seen my green blouse? I need it for school today. I'm really hungry.

No, Brianna, I haven't, honey. Can't you find it yourself?

No. I'm hungry.

Hey, babe.

Baby, could you please make the kids some eggs? No way. Wool's eggs taste

feet. No offense.

It ain't nothing.

Look, baby, what happened to my shirt, man? It's like the pocket's ripped. This

button's missing. It's torn right here. What happened?

You really don't remember?

No.

Oh.

Well,

what about my suits? You get my suits off the cleaners? Did you really just

me that? Sasha, my blouse.

Honey, can't you wear another blouse?

Yeah, if I want to look stupid.

Never mind. You don't care.

Oh, Joaquin!

Baby, what is that?

Breakfast? No, no, no, it's not.

Look, I'm going to make you some eggs, okay?

Will, please, honey, can you take something off my hand? Oh, sure.

You better give me my coffee. Well, you know what? Can you take care of that for

me? I got to find another shirt.

Sasha, come here. Colonel passed out again. Oh, you weak.

Baby, everyone misses a pop fly every now and then.

Really? Yeah.

Did you, Will?

Nah, but that's because I'm a freaking nature.

Look, all you got to remember next time is to get under the ball.

And when you catch it, I promise you everyone's going to forget about today.

Really? Yeah.

No. You know, she's just saying that to make you feel better.

No, she's not.

Is who?

Is not.

Is who?

Shut up. You shut up. No, you shut up. Both of you shut up.

It's true. No, it's not.

It's true.

It's true.

Somebody's having a rough day, huh? Yeah, baby, somebody is stressed out.

I got just what you need.

The doctor is in the house. No, Will, the doctor is out.

Okay, I am tired.

Honey, I worked a double last night. I got home in just enough time to get the

kids ready for school.

Then I had to pick up Brianna early for her dentist appointment.

had to take joaquin to his baseball game i am exhausted huh how about that

all righty then you know what you are just working

my last nerve sitting down on the couch acting like you're doing something i

know you ain't doing nothing that's cool you know what that's hello

hi hey oh karen what's up girl

and nobody is helping me.

Yeah, so I'm going to have to get with you guys later.

All right, have fun.

Bye.

You know what?

Maybe you should go.

Baby, I can't, OK? I've got too much stuff to do, and I've got to. I know,

right? I'll take care of dinner, and I'll help the kids with their homework,

You just go. You're always taking care of us. You go out and, you know, take

care of yourself for a change.

Oh, baby, I'm so happy I married you. I know. Instead of listening to my mama.

Uh, thanks, I guess.

But look, go, okay?

Enjoy yourself.

And don't worry about us.

I got this.

All right? And this isn't a guilt trip thing either. I really mean to...

play trying to hurry up boom give me 15 god oh man this is this is tore up oh

you gotta go to the boom yard you know what i'm gonna stop playing with you you

marking your dominoes marking dominoes what are you talking about bro you can't

mark dominoes you keep putting these dots on the inside you don't supposed to

mark them like that you got too many oh let's see here

No, no, no, no, no, no. You can't beat me, Brown.

Have either of you seen my easel?

Uh, no, and I for one am not looking for it.

You need it.

I'm not trying to play it.

Well, I need it for my art class.

Are you sure you two don't want to reconsider and come? I still have two

Yeah, little spots.

Miss Daisy, are you sure we're not going to be the only two spots in there?

All right, Daisy, I don't want to go.

And I don't want to go more than him. Well, what are you two afraid of?

Afraid? Daisy, I have you to know I drew quite a bit when I was a young Marine.

Colonel, the only thing you drew in the Marines was friendly fire.

Daisy, I don't need no art lessons. I've been drawing all my life.

Get your money. And, Brown, the only thing you draw with these loud clothes

attention. I tell you what, you touch me again, you're going to draw back

another. Oh, yeah, right. I bet you can't beat me fighting. You can do that.

Let's go outside and play. I bet you can't run a bullet. I bet you can't beat

fighting. Stop it, stop it, stop it. You can't beat me fighting.

Stop.

I think you should try to redirect this negative energy into something positive.

He got me a fine.

Fine, Daisy. I'm positive that Brown can't beat me in anything.

Sign me up. Well, if he gonna sign me up, sign me up for two art classes.

Art class? Here I come. Show me the Monet. Go show us the Monet. Show me the

Monet. Show us the Monet. Show it to me. Yeah.

We ain't going nowhere. Forget about that.

You know what time it is?

Slammer time.

Huh?

Shh, shh, shh. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

There's people in the house. Oh, there's people.

Yeah. Shh.

There's people.

Okay.

Well, how much did you have to drink?

Oh, baby, I only had a splash of liquor.

Whole bunch of ladies drink way too much for free.

You're so smart.

That's why you're a smart and sexy doctor.

Eat your heart out, haters.

Go social.

Go social.

Go social.

All right. Okay,

Mrs. Roboto.

A little drunk behind upstairs.

Oh, baby.

You know that's what you said to me on our honeymoon, right?

Back upstairs and recreate that magic.

Come on, baby. Go ahead.

Recreate the magic.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, goodness.

Baby, baby, baby. Baby, how'd you get home?

Baby.

What? Huh? What? Huh? How'd you get home?

Uh, Karen.

Karen. Karen called me a cab.

You know, and I didn't appreciate when she said that.

Because you know, look at me. You think I look hot in this dress?

I don't think I look like a cab check.

You look great. You look great, baby. Come on. What? Come on. All right. You

look great. Oh, baby. All right.

I'm going to need to thank Karen for helping to get you home. Thank Karen?

What you going to be thanking Karen for, boy? You need to be thanking me.

Not in this state.

Now I put my foot in these eggs.

And that's exactly how they taste.

Morning,

everybody. Hey, baby.

Look, guys, I'm sorry about last night, okay?

So are we.

Want some eggs?

Oh, baby, those eggs smell like some feet.

Rihanna, baby, could you please keep it down?

I'm setting the table for you.

Okay, well, my head feels like it's splitting in two. Can you hold it down?

Fine.

See, that's what happens when you hit the sh... streets like that.

Baby, I feel like the street jumped up and hit me, okay?

Yeah, I figured as much.

That's why I made you this.

Baby, what's that?

This got me through college.

A little tomato juice, red pepper, seltzer, and one raw egg.

I call it the rejuvenator.

Well, it smells like the regurgitator, okay? I can't smell that.

Get it away, please. I'm sure it's not any worse than what you were drinking

last night.

All right, watch it, Brianna.

Joaquin, Joaquin had a dentist appointment this morning. Oh, don't

it. Come on in. I rescheduled it already.

I'm sure she couldn't have driven him in her condition anyway.

My condition?

Yeah, you just got home a few hours ago.

You hung over.

If I came home like that, you'd have a fit.

Brianna. I am an adult, Brianna.

Well, you could have fooled me.

Actually, you didn't fool me.

You're just like every other adult I know. You better watch your mouth,

girl. You pretend to be this Miss Goody Two -Shoes around all of them, but

you're just like my mama. You're nothing but a drunk.

All right, Brianna, that's enough.

Brianna, how dare you talk to me like that? Huh?

I swear, if you ever speak to me like that again, I am just gonna... No!

Don't hit her, please. Don't hit her. Um...

We'll be good. We'll be good. We'll be quiet. I promise. Sweetheart,

I would never lay a hand on Brianna, okay? I was just talking to her and...

Joaquin! Joaquin! Brianna!

All

right,

class. Now, notice the subtle contours of this piece.

And how magnificently it's colored.

Well, I prefer to term African American myself, but thank you. Thank you. You're

welcome. She's referring to the pain, you idiot.

You're both late.

Oh, you can just call me Vincent P. Van Bro. The P is for painting the town

brand. Thank you.

We're late because Van Pissing Bro had to Van Gogh. Well, sit down. I saved you

a place. Just... Don't touch your palate. Okay. Oh, Colonel, look, they

horses. I bet you want to race. Let's race.

Your horse wants some sugar? Get, get sugar.

Now, class, before we begin, I know you've all been wondering where you've

me before.

Duh, I've seen you stay at my house, Mr. Brown.

Okay, go ahead. Teach us, teach us, teach us. You have probably seen me on

silver screen.

No, I've seen you through... The door screen, but is that the same thing?

But I have always had the passion for art.

I feel so comfortable with the Rembrandts, the Michelangelos, all the

Daisy, Daisy, were some of those your ancient homeboys?

Did y 'all just sit around and braid each other's hair and try to discover

Today we're in for a big treat.

Today we are going to study the human...

Body. Well, some of us are going to have to sit a little bit longer than others.

I've got the body of a Greek god, Colonel.

Brown, with that stomach, you need to be eating more Greek salad.

Now, what I need right now is a volunteer.

Pick me.

No, no, no, pick me. No, no, I said it first. I said it second, and two is

bigger than one. All right, all right, just set it down. You don't even know

what I want yet.

I'll tell you what, Colonel, let's race for it. Get on your own. All right,

let's go.

Look,

whatever it is, I can do it better than Brown.

All right, Colonel, if you insist.

You make me sick.

Hold your breath and pass out again.

Colonel, if you're ready. Oh, if they're ready.

I can't even stand and look at that. I'm not going to draw something like that.

Oh, come on, Brown. Man up. It's just art.

Focus, Brown. Focus.

Can we go back to drawing fruit? At least they had personality.

Watch it, Brown.

Look, see, at least fruit didn't talk.

Let's do fruit.

Daisy, look, can you cut on the heater? I'm about to catch a cold.

I'm surprised you can catch anything with them little chicken legs.

Hey, drag them together and see if you can start a fire. Right. These things

just draw.

Okay, I'm drunk.

That idiot can't even draw a straight line.

Okay, a little bit of hair, like peach fuzz on the top.

There go the colonel right there. Bam.

Who'll give me 30?

Well, Brown, Brown, look, if you can do any better than that, why don't you just

waddle on up here?

Well, maybe I will.

Ladies and gentlemen, do you want me? If you want me, say I want you.

Thank you. I heard you all, and I'm here to please you. Welcome to the gun show.

You want to study the human body?

I give you the human body.

your place, please.

Look at that. Draw that thing.

Mr. Brown, go back to your place, please. We have to cover one more thing

we leave today. I'm tired of coming down. I don't want to draw anything.

I'm tired. I'm tired. We're good about that. Well, settle down. We're now going

to cover the female form. Oh, oh.

Oh,

there you are.

We've been waiting for you. What the devil are we drawing? Apples?

I'm going to be closer to the teacher.

Excuse me, sir. Can I sit here? Excuse me. I don't want to get up in here, too.

I'm sitting close.

I'm sitting closer, too. I'll be closer here. I'm closer. Yes.

All right, now get your sketch pad.

I got it.

Now remember, the better man wins.

I am going to win.

Wait a minute.

Isn't she supposed to be our model?

No, no, no, no. I am.

Give an upset our horses.

In my birthday suit.

I hope you iron it first.

Well, if I look like you want. No, I'm telling you, you want to see how I look.

You're the first prize winner.

Hey, guys.

I take it you're still mad at me, huh?

Are we talking to her yet?

You can if you want to.

Look, I can only imagine what the two of you are thinking right now.

If you knew, you'd probably ground me.

Guys, I know you're upset.

But you also know that I would never, ever do anything to hurt either of you.

When my mom used to get like that, she would beat Brianna. Baby, I am not

All right, but I am also not perfect. I am human.

But I need you to be perfect.

You can't be like everybody else. It was scary seeing you like that.

And you and Will are supposed to take care of us.

Joaquin and I can't go through this again, Sasha.

Honey, I know that. Okay? And you're not going to go through it again.

We felt safe here.

For the first time in our lives.

Baby, you are safe.

Okay? And I am so sorry that I scared you the other night. But you know that

can always trust me.

Promise? I promise.

I promise that I will always be there for the two of you.

Whether or not it's your graduation, whether it's your wedding.

Honey, when you have little Joaquin and Rihanna, I am going to be there.

You're going to be old.

And I also promise that I will never, ever scare either of you again.

Are you sure?

Yes.

I believe you.

Brianna?

I want to.

Fair enough.

I guess I'm just gonna have to show you.

You guys get any room on that swing for me?

Apology accepted.

Come on kids, we're running late. We gotta... Oh gosh, there you are. Okay,

we're running late and I know you guys are hungry, so I'm gonna just make some

breakfast. There's no need.

We already made it.

What?

Wait, what are we having for breakfast?

Cake and ice cream.

Cake and ice cream.

You forgot the candy?

Don't you should have brought some candy?

No, Joaquin, honey, that sounds perfect.

Come on. And this is Cora's recipe, not yours.

Oh, yeah. Thank you, Brianna, for reminding me. She doesn't burn it.