Original subtitles

It'll be better when my colonel gets back.

Edna, the zoo has a recall letter.

They want you back.

Here's your mail, Cora. That's for Sasha.

Thank you. Edna, Edna, you got something on your face.

Something on your face. Edna, wipe your face. Where?

Right there. Look, it's in the middle.

Now move to the side.

You don't see that, Cora?

Turn this way. Look over here.

I tell you what, Corbin, we can see it. Turn that way and look at me on the

count of three. Turn this way. One, two, three. What the... That's ugly. Girl,

that's all you got on your face.

Fixing stones will break my bones.

Woman, at your age, any sudden movement will break your bones.

If you had a neck, I'd break it. If you wasn't so nasty, you wouldn't be giving

everybody stuff.

You're just nasty.

Well, she started. Well, that's enough. That's enough.

Now, I mean it. Y 'all act worse than those kids at school.

Now, sit down. I mean it, Mr. Brown.

Corey, you ain't going to keep hollering at me. Sit down, Mr. Brown. You ain't

going to keep hollering at me. You're going to sit down. Sit down, Miss Edna.

Now, we're going to talk nice to each other. It's a beautiful day today,

It's a beautiful day. Right.

Mr. Brown, can you please say something nice to Miss Edna?

Edna, you look radiant.

That was good.

That was good. Okay, Miss Edna.

Can you say something nice to Mr. Brown?

You look electrifying.

All right.

Let's say thank you, Mr. Brown. Thank you, Mr. Brown.

To Miss Edna.

Thank you, Edna.

Miss Edna, let's say you're welcome.

You're welcome, Cora.

To Mr.

Brown.

You're welcome.

You ain't got to welcome me to nothing. This is my house, and I know I'm

welcome. I'm welcome, I'm welcome, I'm welcome.

Hold on.

Let's play something else, Miss Edna.

Your eyes are brown.

Like a movement.

For the last time, Brianna, the answer is no. But that's not fair.

E30 is the hottest rapper around.

E30?

You gonna crack something.

Brianna, all E30 does in his songs is degrade women and glorify violence.

But he does it so cool.

Edna. Miss Edna. I'm gonna punch you. And slap you.

I don't even listen to the lyrics. I just like his beats.

Please, I'll just die if I don't go.

Oh, my baby. Well, good thing I'm a nurse because I'm gonna save your life.

life is a wreck.

And so is your room, so go clean it up.

Rihanna, my final answer is no.

You just don't understand.

No, Rihanna, you don't understand.

That's right, Cora. Don't it seem just like yesterday when we were arguing

you going to the concert?

I said, you can't go to that concert, Cora. It's going to be too many people.

Nuh -uh. That's because it was yesterday, Mr. Brown. I told you, you're

going to that circular concert.

It was gospel music. It wasn't no gospel music. How is it going to be gospel

music?

And you see them kids dancing, doing like, I can't do nothing. You ain't

to this.

Okay, Evelyn.

Oh, it was nice talking to you. Talk to you later.

Love you.

Can't stand that woman.

She doesn't run around.

Well, why do you talk to her?

Because she's my best friend.

Let me get that.

Okay.

Evelyn. Evelyn, darling.

We were just talking on the phone. I know.

I called you from my car phone in my new Benz.

I wanted to surprise you.

Surprise.

I wish you'd let me know you were coming.

Oh, this is the big house you were telling me about.

Oh, it's nice.

Not as big as I thought, but nice.

I'm Cora Simmons.

Evelyn West, Edna's best friend.

I'm sure she's talked about me. No, never heard of you.

Well, I'm only in town for one day. My husband Larry, the doctor, he had a

meeting down in Macon. So I just figured, what the Hades, I popped in the

Mercedes, took the car down.

Oh, it was a wonderful drive up here. The sun, the air, and then, ooh, cows!

Oh, you remember my husband Larry, don't you? Oh, yes, yes.

He was my boyfriend, Larry.

Oh, so long ago. I forgot all about that.

I'm so glad we were able to get past all that.

I was a bit of a hoochie.

Kind of horrible.

Really? Minus the horrible.

Where is this husband of yours you've been bragging about?

Oh, I, um... I think he's lying down.

Yeah, in the cemetery.

What Cora means is that he owns cemeteries all over the country, and on

lunchtime, he likes to visit with them.

Oh, is that what Cora means?

Cora don't need a translator.

Well, we talked on the phone a few minutes ago. You said he was here, so I

popped on by to meet him.

So where is he?

Yeah, I would like to see him, too. Where is he, Miss Adler?

I need some batteries for this to keep going dead.

Edna, go upstairs and get some batteries out your nasty drawer.

He's back.

What are

you

doing?

Huh?

What are you doing?

can't hear you.

What are you doing?

Working out.

You know, they say if you listen to workout music, it helps you burn

I think you have to work out while listening to the workout music.

What?

You have to work out?

While you listen to the workout music.

What?

Ew. Well, then I'll get all sweaty.

Well, guess I'm going to have to listen to that new E30 song later. It's the

best.

What do you know about E30?

Do you like E30?

Yeah. Slapper.

Puncher.

I love E30.

But I want to go to his concert and Sasha's not going to let me go.

I'll just call that little E -boy right up and get you some tickets and

backstage passes.

London.

Wait. You know him?

Yeah. That song's about me.

Slapper. Bruncher.

Hi, E.

Hi, E. Wait. Bye.

Sasha said I can't go, remember?

You know what?

That's her job. It's to be a parent and tell you not to do things.

But your job is to not listen.

So we should probably not tell her that we're going to the concert.

Yeah, exactly.

You know, that's how I rolled at your age. And look at me.

Well, thanks, London, so much.

I'm going to tell all my friends we're coming. Thanks. All right.

Oh, this role model stuff is super cool.

You know, she's just nasty.

Because she's nasty, Cora.

What's a Cora? Get her, Cora. Jump on the plumbing. Get her until you're dead.

Cora got nasty on me, Cora. Evelyn, didn't you just get in the way? The

that woman. What kind of friend shows up and visits?

Why in the world would you tell her you were married? I had to.

Evelyn and I have been competing for as long as I can remember.

I get a new dress, she wants a new dress. I get a new car, she wants a new

You grow a goatee, did she grow a goatee?

And to top it off, she stole my boyfriend, Larry.

So I told her I was married. I didn't think she was going to show up.

Well, you have to be honest with her.

The truth will set you free.

Yes, set us free, make us free.

I don't want to be free.

I want to be married in bondage.

At least until she leaves.

Oh, I should have just asked the colonel. Well, the colonel's not here,

sure not going to volunteer for that.

And Lyon won't help me then.

Well, there are no men here.

I beg your pardon.

Maybe, maybe I'll settle for Brown.

Maybe you won't. The devil is a lie.

Please, please, Brown.

Please. Just until she leaves. No, Edna.

Edna, I'm just getting a high. I'm thinking about it. She's only going to

here a few more hours. Come on, just pretend you're my husband.

Edna. Until she leaves. I can't do it. No, Edna, get your hands off. Please.

your paws off of me. Please, Brown.

Edna, look.

I'm not going to sacrifice my religion just so you can tell a lie. I'm not

to do it. I'll give you double my rate this month.

Oh, well, baby, you should have said that earlier.

No, no, no.

None of that. Just... I think I'm going to have a stroke.

We went to London and Paris.

Girl, talk about living.

Get him in here.

Darling,

would you come in here, please?

Sweetheart? Puddin'? Oh, my.

Edna, you two look like you could do some real damage.

He could do some damage on a piece of cake.

Edna just, I like to call her Ma.

So, where did you two meet?

Paris.

Bed and breakfast in Paris, Texas.

Yeah.

How long ago?

Two years ago.

What you mean is two years ago we were living in sin, deep in sin, and Edna

wanted to get her life right, so we've been living sin free. She was getting

right with Jesus.

Oh, yeah.

Two years. You two make a handsome couple.

I tell Edna that all the time, especially her mustache when she did it.

Oh, that's Larry.

Excuse me.

Hi, honey.

Uh -huh. I'm sitting here with Edna and her loving husband now.

Uh -huh.

Oh, that's okay.

Oh, fine.

Fine. That's fine.

Yeah, I'll see you then.

Bye -bye.

Oh.

Oh, excuse us.

Oh,

that was Larry.

He can't come.

Oh. Really? Yes, he has to stay overnight in Macon to put out some

He can't make it.

Oh! Well, I guess I'll be your house guest tonight.

Now, no, you can't stay here. Now, no.

Why not?

Because the, uh, bugs.

Yeah. You got bugs bad.

Yeah, they take your shoes and everything.

Yeah. Climb all in your hair. You don't want eyeballs messing around.

Now, I got one right there. I got it. Is this one? Yeah, I got one right there.

I got it. That's another one. I got one.

Oh,

there are no bugs.

You two must like it rough.

I'll just go get my things.

No, you come out. Wait, you... You can't... You can't stay here.

But Coach Lloyd backfired on you, huh?

She can't stay here. Go on out there and tell her she can't stay here. Tell her,

Corrie. Okay, we just calm down. Sit down. I'll take care of it.

Lovebird. Corrie, this ain't no lovebird. This a hate buzzard.

Can you hear me one more time? Hear what?

I'm going to forget you're a lady because you look like a dude.

Miss Evelyn, I'm glad you're staying. Oh, we have plenty of room.

Oh, yes, I'm going to prepare the guest room.

Yes, just gather your things.

They're going to sleep on the couch.

All right, okay, I'll see you in a minute.

Yes, that's wonderful.

Cora, that's just evil.

How are you going to tell her she can stay here? That ain't no guest room.

That's my room.

Cora, how can you tell her she can stay here?

To give you a chance to tell the truth. You can't go on living this lie. Oh,

yes, I can. I made peace with my lies a long time ago.

Well, how do you sleep at night?

Like this, in a coffin.

Like this.

Alone,

just like I'm asleep on this couch. Alone.

Slapper punches, slapper punches.

There was a bomb.

I know.

Sasha would have never let me go. I know.

London?

Please tell me that you have the power to turn on lights with your mind.

Nope, but I've been working on that one.

Where have you been? And how could you?

E30!

If not you, you're supposed to be irrational.

You're 15. Now go to your room.

Yes, ma 'am. And you are grounded until you're 16.

Yes, ma 'am.

Linda, how could you let her play you like that?

It was just a concert.

A concert I forbid Brianna to go to.

I got you a tank top.

Linda, don't you know better than that?

Huh? Well, obviously not.

Teenagers defy their parents. They're irresponsible.

So what's your excuse, London?

Look, anything could have happened to her.

Yeah, but she was with me.

Is that supposed to be comforting?

London, you walk around here like you don't have a care in the world because

your rich little daddy can bail you out of anything.

Well, Brianna doesn't have it like that.

Okay, she has to work hard for what she gets in this world.

I'm sorry.

I was just trying to be her friend.

Brianna's friends are her age.

And you need to grow up.

You know what?

Just because I'm rich doesn't mean that you know me, so don't act like you know

me. Okay? I wasn't going to let anything happen to Brianna. I love her just as

much as you do.

I just wanted to take her out and have some fun.

All you do is walk around here like, don't do this, don't do that.

You know what? You need to grow up and ease up.

Take a chill pill.

onesie to bear and stop moving around before you create a fire why are your

toenails on my side look at your toenails right your toenails quit

you're scratching me look we're only pretending to be married for one night

that's it and i want my money you better have my money too

make up one of my own.

And you chose him?

I was desperate.

Okay, in case y 'all didn't know, I'm laying right here.

Well, since we're being honest, Larry and I divorced five years ago.

Well, you were bragging about your husband, so I just decided to keep mine.

I ought to have a cold jump on her.

You were jealous of me?

The day we met. Oh, girl, girl.

I'll tell you what.

Since you two chicks done got this all sorted out, I'm going upstairs to take

a shower.

I gotta wash this nasty eggnog for me.

I just like the color purple. Shut up.

I still not understand.

I said enough, okay?

You go first.

Okay. I messed up.

And I'm really sorry.

I just wanted to be a role model.

But I won't ever do it again.

London, I know you won't.

Rihanna's gonna need a whole lot more than you to break out this time.

Well, I thought about what you said, and... London, I was upset.

Yeah, but...

You know what? You're right.

I've only traveled the world and partied everywhere.

And yeah, I'm rich and famous.

But what do I have to show for it?

A boatload of frequent flyer miles?

I fly private.

I mean, look at you.

You're a nurse.

You have kids.

You get a... I think it's called a paycheck.

You're... So grown up and raising a family. I mean, wow.

And all I have is this all -access pass to the hottest clubs in Hollywood.

And San Tropez.

And Miami.

And Monte Carlo.

But London, you recognize that, and that's a start.

Look, you're still young, okay? You're going to grow at your own pace, but

you're going to grow.

Right? So you don't hate me?

Of course I don't hate you. You're my girl.

Ah, you're my girl too.

Okay, so now that we're girls again, I've got something we can do together.

What is it?

Okay, why don't we think about all the chores that we hate doing? Okay. And

Brianna do them.

Awesome.

What are chores?