Original subtitles

We playing chess, not checkers, idiot.

Okay, that's a king, and a king need a crab.

Crab!

Hello, you young men.

Hey, Cora. She talking to me. Hey, Cora.

So what time does Miss Edna's flight get in?

Oh, probably dark, because you know bats don't like the daylight.

Well, I for one will be happy to see Edna return.

Then I can watch the fights again.

Oh, you miss her so much you couldn't watch your boxing matches?

Boxing? I was talking about her and Brown.

Come on, Will. Pretty, please?

Sasha, one is enough.

All right? Stop begging.

Look, it won't take long. I promise.

Don't y 'all have a room?

Get a room. Go somewhere.

Look, I don't have to beg for that.

Okay, I'm asking Will to help out with the clinic fundraising.

Well, that sounds like a worthy call.

Why you don't want to help?

Because of what happened last year.

That was a misunderstanding.

Yeah, right.

They wanted me to dunk.

But you love basketball.

They weren't dunking basketball.

They were dunking me.

In a big old giant tank of water.

You should have seen him. They threw that bottle and hit that thing. He went

under that water. He just... He was a piece of hell.

I had to stand up, you idiot.

He stood up and water was around his waist. He thought he was drowning.

Captain, how many times did they dunk you? Forty -six.

And then I ran out of quarters.

But, baby, you raised a lot of money.

Oh, come on, Will. Look, I promise you, this year, if they ask you to do

anything undignified, you can just say no, okay?

Fine. I'll go to that planning meeting today.

But you owe me.

Why don't you put that on my tab, baby?

If you keep cheating like that, you're gonna make me mad.

I'm going to beat up and punch you. I'm just trying to be safe. You're going to

make me go gospel gangsta.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, you're going to make me be military mad on you.

Just cross the line, Tricky.

Happy this evening?

Yeah. No.

How was your trip to the island?

Perfect. Hot music, hot sand, and hot men.

Sounds desolate.

Sounds decadent. Sounds dirty.

Sounds more like nasty.

Get the red thing back.

Bam. Oh, look at that. You brought a paw back.

Mr.

Brown, stop it. Where did you get that?

From him.

What the?

And we're getting married.

Edna, this is such a shock.

You're really engaged?

You can't be serious.

You know what they say.

What? There's a sucker born every minute?

Shut up, Weevil.

Love at first sight.

I'm about to be Mrs.

Charles Walkerson.

And this beautiful woman will be sharing my home.

She moving?

For real?

Let's celebrate.

Food and drinks on me. I'm going to get the moving boxes. Wait.

Edna, you really are moving now, aren't you? Don't play with my intelligence.

Yes, she is.

Yes. Being without her would probably kill me.

Yeah, and being with her might kill you. Oh, come on.

What the colonel is referring to? Is all her husband died in the line of duty.

Edna told me all about her past, but don't worry, my heart is in fine shape.

But Ed, you must have bad eyes and a strong stomach.

Mr. Brown.

I think we all should just be happy. No, we all should be happy and in a pack.

I'm going to get some trash bags and we just help her roll up out of here. No,

wait, wait, wait. I'm not ready to leave yet.

See, I told you, you're just a dream crush.

Look how I used to play.

I just, look.

I'm not the kind of man who judges people based on their past. I mean,

how many men could this lovely woman have slept with anyway?

Oh, hey, let's get the phone book and see.

Now we got A through L.

He's exaggerating. Well, you got Alvin. Yeah, you got Brent.

Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Mike.

Mr. Brown.

Yeah.

Hey, ladies.

Hi.

How you doing?

You seemed really cheery. I assume that the charity meeting went okay?

It was great.

You know, London, they could probably use a celebrity volunteer.

Give my time away for free.

You couldn't pay me to do that.

That almost made sense.

Well, thank you.

So what do they have you doing this year, handsome?

Are you washing cars? Is it a bingo night?

Nope. Calendars.

Well, of course, I would buy a few, and I'm sure Cora could use a few at the

school, and... Oh, no, sweetheart, we're not, uh, selling calendars.

I'm in the calendar.

Excuse me?

Yeah, see, they're taking pictures of all the male residents and, uh, calling

Resident Huddy.

Cute, huh?

Oh, yeah, that's cute.

Will, honey, are you sure you want to do this?

Oh, yeah. Actually, it's already done. We took the pictures this afternoon.

You're okay with that, right?

Well, sure. I mean, it's for charity.

And it's not like you're naked, right?

Of course not.

Kept my stethoscope on.

Yeah, but don't worry.

I also wore a really big smile.

I'm just kidding. I mean, you did insist I do the charity thing. Of course, I'm

okay with it.

So, uh, what's it like to be married to, uh, resident hottie?

I wish they would have held a bake sale instead.

My buns make big money.

As long as they have those rolls.

Oh, still, Miss Edna, he was supposed to be here. He was supposed to be at the

courthouse at 2 o 'clock. Charles is never runs late.

Do you have any sense ahead for the border?

Oh, stop it, Colonel.

Miss Edna, you're getting married so soon.

Cora, are you sure this is a good idea? I'm happy.

Well, this house won't be the same without you, Miss Edna. It's sure not.

won't be the same without you, Edna.

It'll be more respectable.

You about to leave now, Edna?

Say it's not so. Yes.

Charles is coming to pick me up in a few minutes. Well, I'm glad I called you.

Edna, you can't go right now. You just can't go. Oh, Brown House.

Not until you pay your rent.

Is that all you have to say to me?

Oh, you're not getting your security deposit back either.

Well, she's not. I'm not giving that back to her.

Miss Edna, I'm sorry. Have you tried calling him?

Over ten times.

He's not answering. I'm beginning to worry, Cora.

Coward. Actually afraid to die.

I'm sure he'll be here soon.

I hope you ain't came to his senses, because I already started fumigating

room.

No, wait. I haven't left yet. What if I want to get in there?

Oh, here. Put this on. It'll match your dress.

It'll help cover face.

Just calm down, all right? It'll be okay.

Cora, do you think he's getting cold feet?

Well, if he is, he better put on socks on him and keep him moving.

He can forget about all this nonsense.

Lord, please let that be him. Answer prayer, Lord. Let it be him.

Oh, girl.

Thank you!

The Lord answered my prayer.

You're wonderful.

I thought you'd change your mind. Oh, you.

Kidding. I would never abandon you. I plan to spend my life with you.

Hi. Oh, this is Muffin. Hi.

Muffin. That's me.

I'm surprised.

Is this your daughter?

My daughter? No, this is my girlfriend.

What the...

Now, that was rude.

Well, it looked like you won't be needing any baggage.

Charlie here's got plenty of it.

I could use some privacy.

Okay. Come on, Colonel. Let's go to the kitchen. Come on. All right. Hey, carry

on, Charlie.

Oh, look like you already did.

That's why you two like each other so much. Because you're both nasty.

Stop being nasty.

Never mind.

Yes,

and you're going to love her.

No, I'm not.

We'll be out in a minute, muffin.

We will not be out in a minute, muffin.

You have some explaining to do.

Now. We promised we would be honest, so I'm being honest.

I didn't want you to meet her for the first time when you moved in.

She lives with you?

Of course.

But why are you so upset?

Didn't you expect me to have a past?

A past?

It's the present that I'm upset about. Oh, come on.

Where's the woman I fell in love with?

Oh, she outside in that tight blue dress.

Ralph, this is not a good time.

Well, don't get mad at me. He don't want having a good time.

Edna, I promise I will love and cherish you for the rest of my life.

Do you love her, too?

You've never loved more than one man?

Okay, Charles, right?

You don't want her to answer that. You don't want... See, sometimes men think

they have the truth, but they don't want to know the truth.

They can't handle the truth.

One of the reasons I failed for you is because...

You're the kind of woman who plays by her own rules.

Yeah, but I didn't think we were going to be playing doubles.

How old is you two?

Both of you lucky if they even let you on the court.

Do you love her?

Yes, Charles, but... I know it's a lot to take in now, but just think

about it. Get on my knees.

Think about us.

Baby, I don't want to lose you. He don't want to lose you.

Wait a minute, Charles, where you going?

You got nothing but you forgot old Krusty here.

Yeah. Uh -oh, I might need a bigger mirror.

Matthew,

what did I tell you about playing with guns in the house? I was stretching,

Uncle Brown, just... you know, getting ready to go work out. No, you were just

making a fool out of yourself and you was doing a great job.

The calendar proofs are here.

Oh, I can't wait to see my little calendar man.

Nephew!

Nephew, Arthur's got a full moon.

That's Will's full moon.

Good thing I'm wearing briefs.

Honey, how could you do this? It looked like it was easy for him. He looked like

he just turned it around and tooted it up and just cheesed.

Sweetheart, it's just the angle. It's fine.

You a liar. Look like you deliberately did that. They said turn this way. I bet

you you was... Why you touching like that?

Mr.

Brown, this is not the time.

Don't get mad at me. You don't want to run his butt out on the picture.

Sasha, I didn't know how these were going to come out. I'm just as surprised

you are. Oh, you are, huh?

Well, are you aware that everyone is going to see this?

Well... Not really. I mean, you know, there is a staple in the way. You know

what? That's not funny.

Sasha, it's not that bad.

It's just the way the photo was taken.

Oh, you mean overexposed?

Well, look, you're going to have to do something about that photo before it

comes out in that calendar.

I'm sorry. Hold on.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Hi, hi, hi. Yeah, yeah.

My wife and I were just about to call you.

About the proofs. Right.

Right. Yeah.

That's what I said.

Really?

That's great.

That's great.

Okay. Bye -bye.

Okay, okay. So they're going to do something about the photo? Yeah. Thank

goodness.

bad. Maybe I'm just tripping, as the kids say.

You're not still thinking of marrying him, are you?

Look, I know this may sound crazy, but I'm not getting any younger. Or smarter.

Well, what do I have, huh?

What do you have?

You have all of us. I need more than that, Cora.

I need love. What if I never get that again?

Oh, Edna, you need someone who will give you all of his love and devotion.

And when you find him, you won't have to worry about sharing him with someone.

If he were there, I would have already found him.

Well, maybe you did.

Just haven't recognized him.

Oh, I'm just so tired of looking.

Oh, Miss Edna, what if I made a mistake?

I'm going with Charles.

I'd rather share my happiness than to have none at all.

Edna, just think about this. Cora, it's okay.

I love him.

Oh, Edna.

You've made me the happiest man alive.

Uh -uh, she made me the happiest man.

Edna, here goes some of your stuff.

Okay, I'll have you to bring the rest. I'm coming with the rest of it.

Miss Edna, are you sure?

Do you want to do this? Cora, it's the best thing for me.

I don't know what to say.

Well, then don't say anything.

Unless one of my gentlemen call his phone. Then you give him my new address,

tell him where I live.

Oh, that won't be necessary.

As of now, Edna is a one -man woman.

Oh, really?

You're getting married.

And so are you.

And so are you.

Look, I know it'll take some getting used to, but soon you will feel right at

home.

Yeah, if you want to live in a time shirt, it's a good idea.

Charles, I can't live with this double standard.

You can't live here in no single standard either.

That's the nasty stuff.

Let me get back out there and smoke.

Charles, I love you, but I won't live like this.

It will work. Just try.

Goodbye, Charles.

You sure you won't change your mind?

Goodbye, Charles.

Bye, muffin.

Okay, wait.

Charles, I'll trade you muffins for this big pot of corn.

Someone at the door.

Okay, now why were you trying to get Will's autograph?

Huh? I was just trying to get in the house.

Okay, you know this is out of control, right? Hey, hey, it's not my fault.

Are you still mad at me?

Oh, well, I don't know. Let me check my calendar.

Why don't you call me next Christmas?

Sweetheart, it's just a photo.

There are 11 other guys in here. Yeah, and he's not even the hottest one.

Yeah.

London, could you excuse us?

Sure.

I'll be upstairs with Mr. February.

I really wish you had talked to me first, Will. All right, sweetheart, I'm

sorry. But it just all happened so fast.

And, hey, you were the one who insisted I do this, all right?

Look, come on.

Aren't you at least a little proud of your husband?

Huh? Oh, the chick's digging me?

I mean, I know I love it when men pay attention to you.

Really? Of course.

Well,

I guess it's all right since it was for charity.

All right, that's what I thought.

And the clinic is going to make a bundle.

You have any idea how many orders they've taken already?

7 ,426.

And how do you know that?

Well, it seems that the calendars are so popular that the clinic decided to do

one featuring the nurses.

Oh, great idea.

Yeah, I'm off to my photo shoot right now.

I'm sorry, what? I'm going to see you later, baby.

Oh, I'm serious.

Sasha!

Yes, mister.

Look at these guns.

Ain't nothing but guns, baby.

I don't see nothing but a bullet head.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm practicing in case they want to do a calendar on old men gone wild.

You in the calendar?

Nobody wants to see this every day.

You a liar.

Look, I ain't got time to fight with you today. I don't feel like it. Don't

start. I know.

I know I probably would have missed you yapping.

Me too.

I'm going to finish practicing.