Original subtitles

Oh, something in here smells so good.

Cora made her world -famous eggs derelict.

That's Benedict, Mr. Brown. I don't care what the name is. Cora, this is good.

It's excellent.

Ha, really?

Oh, yes, Cora. I get so egg -cited when I eat them.

Oh, Cora, and I tell you, I'm not egg -exaggerating.

Mr. Brown, those were egg substitutes.

I knew there was something wrong with these eggs. I know it. I don't want no

more of that.

You're sticking to your diet? Yes, I am. Oh, I am so proud of you. Well, thank

you. I have to get in that dress.

Joanne's wedding is in two weeks.

Mr. Brown, I have something else for you. And I want you to eat all of this

down. Don't throw it away now. Oh, I look like the three bears. What is that,

porridge? Mr. Brown, just eat it. Well, why don't you change my diaper too,

Cord? You just make me feel so old. Well, you are old.

You don't want old. You want to still live around here with your daddy. Like

mate, all the rest of your friends married and gone on.

Mr. Brown.

Okay, now look, what I can't understand is why your girlfriend sent you the

wrong size dress.

Well, it wasn't the wrong size dress six months ago.

Now it just fits a little snug.

Cur, maybe you was the wrong size six months ago.

Six months now.

Mr. Brown, don't be fun. Why don't you just call her and tell her to send you

the right size?

No, I can't do that. That would be so embarrassing.

What are you doing? Eat those bricks.

What would be embarrassing, Cora, is if you showed up at that wedding with a two

-lid dress on like this, and you come in there and just... I can't breathe.

Mr. Brown, sometimes I think you don't like me. No, I love you, Cora. I just

tell you the truth. If you tell the truth, you shame the devil.

Not a devil shame.

Mr. Brown, I'm going to stick to this diet. I'm just trying to be healthy.

That's all I'm trying to do. Mm -hmm, mm -hmm. Good for you, Cora. Now, you

still going on your walks every morning? I am. I'm... Up to two miles.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. You up to two miles?

Yes. But, Carla, you know, if you really want to be healthy, you want to get a

good workout?

Yeah. When you walk, you need to walk with something in your hands. Oh, yeah,

yeah, yeah. That's true. Really? Yeah, like some of those two -pound barbells

something? Oh, no, no, no, no. Uh -uh, uh -uh. Right here.

Bam. That's what you need right there.

Chocolate balls? Mr. Brown, what am I supposed to do with this? Sell them.

The homeowners association is having a contest, and the house that sells the

most candy went on a free trip to Mexico.

Oh, Mr. Brown, Cora's on a diet, okay? The last thing she needs are boxes of

candy lying around the house. Right. Well, duh.

If she sell them, they won't be laying around the house.

You a teacher and she a nurse?

Ooh, this world is in trouble.

I'm glad that you all volunteered to come to this most auspicious occasion

this meeting that I have set forth henceforth and forevermore.

Volunteered? You'd threaten to raise my rent if I didn't.

Mine, too.

And you told me that I was going to meet a famous actor.

Well, Edna looked like James Earl Jones.

So what is it all about, Brown?

Look, the homeowners association is having a contest.

And the house that sells the most candy bars gets an all -expense -paid trip

to... Bam!

Mexico! Viva!

Well, I hope you don't expect us to help you win that little trip.

Weezy Jefferson.

Not me win the trip. We win the trip. Us.

Everybody.

Look, hold it.

Colonel.

Maybe you can get some of that good old tropical sun.

And it'll help you get rid of some of those liver spots you got all over.

Oh, and Daisy, maybe you can find some of the surviving members of the Titanic.

Oh, I'd love that.

Oh, and Edna, I just got one thing to say to you.

Hot caliente Mexican meal.

All over the beach.

Just in thongs and everything.

I don't know about this, Brown.

I've never sold anything in my life.

You never sold nothing in your life.

You a liar.

Never mind. Step away from that joke. Step away from the joke.

Oh, good workout.

Yes. Oh, Cora, I am impressed.

Baby, I'm impressed with me.

than I can say about some people.

me something to eat, please.

No problem, okay?

You want a nice green salad?

Yeah, as long as it come with a nice dark steak and a baked potato. Ever

Cora went on this health kick, it's no fat, low fat, no sugar, low sugar, no

carbohydrates, no nothing. She had the nerve to bring me something in that

night called no food.

Mr. Brown, it's tofu.

And that's what it tastes like, a bunch of toes.

Well, how do you know what toes taste like?

No, no, ma.

Oh, this is a rough night.

Why is it so rough tonight?

All I ask you to do is sell the candy. Sell the candy.

Well, what are you doing? You look like a fool.

What are you going to do with 18 boxes?

Huh? What are you going to do with 18 boxes?

I need 23 boxes, 25, 30 boxes.

I'll tell you what you can do with them.

I'll tell you what.

If you don't sell no more boxes... Baby,

tell him.

How many boxes you sell? I sold 22 boxes.

No, no, no, no good answer.

I need 50 boxes, 60 boxes.

Look, I'll tell you what.

You get him back on the streets and you sell him my buses. Do you understand?

You sell him my buses, you understand what I'm saying?

I want you to get out of the bus and you go back.

Why are you talking like that?

Because I'm the godfather, baby.

Tell you what, it's hard out here for a godfather of chocolate.

You got the Glico.

You got the Girl Scouts.

Everybody want to kill me over this chocolate.

Well, Brown, who amongst us sold the most?

I'm glad you asked.

Papi!

little thing.

I sold 44.

Bring me some more.

Now, see, Miss Daisy here, she has raised the bar.

Raised the bar. Be high. You want to raise the bar? You go sell some more

candies, baby.

So go back out there and sell some more candies.

I'm not going out there. It's too late.

Now, Edna, what if Harrison Ford had thought like that?

He'd have never invented the car.

He'd have messed up everything.

I'm the godfather of chocolate. I'm supposed to be trying to get people to

cooperate around here and sell chocolate.

Daisy, why don't you let us in on your little secret?

Well, it's very simple.

I'm a trained actress, and I give my public a performance.

Watch this, watch this.

Candy for the blind.

Buy some candy for the blind.

Daisy, you're going right to hell.

Come on, that girl good.

She on her way to Mexico.

Hasta la vista, baby.

I'm gonna do it. That's it. That's the right attitude, okay?

Right attitude. The right attitude.

Okay. Okay, well, look, I've got to run an errand real quick. Is there anything

you need while I'm out?

A new dress?

No, I'm fine. I have to fix dinner.

Okay, all right. Well, I won't be long, okay? All right.

And Cora. I'm proud of you, okay?

Thanks, Sasha.

Stupid job, stupid dress.

Just one, just one.

No.

I've been working so hard.

I've been doing this.

Oh, this is going to be good.

According to this magazine, Finn is no longer in. Oh, my God. My life is

OK, London, that's what they're saying today.

OK, in a next month's issue, they're going to say we should all look like 90

-pound models.

What is wrong with that?

You better check yourself.

Look at this.

Look at this. OK, look at her butt.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah. That's good. Mm -hmm.

My butt is...

Looks like an upside -down question mark.

Awesome.

Now, look, London, look at her thighs.

Girl, I would give anything to have a pair of thighs like that.

I know. I can't believe you two are worried about how you look.

Look at you. You're perfect.

Oh, God, please. Whatever.

Yeah. Far from it.

You know, I need some junk in my trunk.

You know what I mean? I need to get rid of all this trunk and get a compact.

I wish I had her arms.

London, I wish I had her cheekbone. Me too.

I wish you both would just shut up.

What's that?

Nothing.

Every single time I look in the mirror, I just find something new I gotta work

on. It's so annoying.

Oh gosh, tell me about it. You know, as soon as I think I got it going on,

something just reaches up and bites me. I know!

I'm a size two.

And before I go home, I have to be a zero.

A zero?

Wow. Uh -huh. In the fashion world, I'm obese.

In the real world, you need to get a grip.

That's what you need to do. Cora, come on, okay?

Oh, you too, Sasha.

I'm sick of you two whining about your weight.

Little toothpick.

Well, we were just saying. Oh, yeah, you were saying.

How hard it is to be a size two.

Oh, I'm struggling just to lose two pounds.

But, Cora, you're doing something. Oh, shut up, Sasha.

You know what?

I just ate a whole box of chocolates.

stuff in there.

Cora, it's okay. Are you all right?

No. I'm just a little frustrated.

Like all the weight I've ever lost, I've gained over and over again.

It's like I've been on a diet my whole life.

But you wouldn't know nothing about that, would you?

Cora, are you kidding me?

Honey, I had it bad, too.

How bad did you have it, Sasha?

You gained five pounds?

Yeah, no, try 50.

You lying.

Cora, no, I'm serious. It happened to me when I was in college.

You ever heard of the freshman 15?

Yeah. Mm -hmm.

Yeah, well, I packed that on my first semester.

And, honey, I just kept going and going right on through my junior year.

It was bad. I can't see that. Oh, honey, well, everybody else could.

What? How did you lose it?

Well, at first I tried a hundred diets that didn't work, and then I realized

that I needed to change my way of thinking.

What do you mean?

I mean that I realized that I wasn't eating because I was hungry.

I was eating because I was lonely. I was scared.

It's like food became my best friend.

Yeah, I know exactly how you feel.

That's how I am when I'm frustrated. I want to eat when I'm sad.

When I'm lonely, when I'm depressed.

I know, Corin. It's not like we can just stop eating.

I mean, that's just like a part of our culture. There's like a fast food joint

on every corner.

That is so true.

How true?

I know that.

But what am I going to do?

I don't know what to do next.

Okay, okay, okay. But you know what? The first thing you're going to do is take

better care of yourself.

All right. Now that you understand a little bit more about why you eat,

going to have to keep on watching what you eat.

Okay? All right.

All right.

You just, you make it sound so easy, Sasha, but it's not that easy. Cora,

not, honey. I'm not saying that it is.

Okay, but you're going to have to stop beating yourself up.

Okay? Right.

I mean, if you slip up, you've got to know that it's not the end of the world.

Cora, look at me.

Now, you remember when you told me that God does not expect perfection.

What he wants is progress.

Remember that?

Yeah.

I can give him that. You can.

I know you can.

Thanks, Sasha.

Need a hug?

Oh, good.

I'm glad you're here. Where's everybody else?

Hey, everybody, come down here!

What's going on, bro? I know these last two weeks have been very hard, and...

When that group of eight -year -olds took Colonel down, we just knew

was lost.

I tripped. Over the eight -year -old that took you down.

Well, anyway, all was not quite lost.

Daisy and Edna, y 'all did real good, did a good job.

But I guess y 'all wasn't good enough.

I'm just sad to say that.

What should I wear? Is the hotel right on the beach?

Okay, now, about the hotel situation.

Ta -da!

Like sit down or breathe.

I've been all right.

But it fits.

It fits.

You're beautiful.

Thank you. I made a lifestyle change. I've made progress.

I made a lifestyle change one time. Really? And then I realized I only like

Speaking of men.

Oh, Lord.

Why don't you go to the garage with me and help me get my luggage?

Oh, okay. Yeah, because I need to get my sidearm.

Watch it, Colonel.

That's what she told that last dude.

Mr. Brant, aren't you supposed to be packing?

No.

No? Why not?

Because I'm not going.

Why? All the hard work you done, you the one need to go to Mexico. You deserve

it. Here, I'm giving you my ticket. Bam!

Oh, Mr. Brant. Oh, Mr. Brant. Thank you so much. You're welcome, baby. You're

welcome. Oh, that is so sweet, everybody.

Thank you. I just want to thank you. Everyone.

Excuse me.

Oh, Cora, make sure you take your passport, because you look like you

over there, and they'll keep you.

My baby. Mr. Brown, that was so sweet. Thank you. It really was. Thank you,

thank you. You're a nice man, Mr. Brown. I know, I know.

And besides, with Cora gone, I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and

however much I want to eat.

I'm going to eat these chips under my bed.

I just...

got one hot Mexican.

And I got a tan.

You look like you've been laying in an oven.

What's all this mess?

Colonel, while you was gone, somebody broke in the house and left this food.

Mr. Brown, you know the worst part to the whole trip?

What? We all had to stay in the same room.

Did you know anything about that?