Original subtitles

Five little words for love.

Oh, let me see. I got one. Okay.

F -R -E -A -K.

Perfect.

Woman, you can make a nursery rhyme sound nasty.

It's my gift.

I know who would know.

Sasha, where is Will? Oh, he went to the airport to pick up his friend.

Oh, really? To the airport to bring him here?

I'm sick of y 'all just dropping people off over here now. Where they flying in

from? Shanghai.

Shanghai? What?

Oh, I like Alabama.

They got good soul food there.

She's coming in town for a little sickle cell fundraiser.

She? Don't you start that mess again, Miss Edna.

Yes, she.

They're old friends. They were undergraduates. Oh, well, when I was in

I had a lot of grads under me.

Stop! being nasty. Stop being nasty. Stop being nasty.

You need to put your nasty on strike.

Lynn's traveled all over the world. She's a philanthropist.

She's a philanthropist?

Philanthropist, Mr. Brown.

Is that the people that go to church on Saturday?

It don't matter to me. Don't matter.

Just so she loved the Lord.

No, Mr. Brown. They give to worthy causes.

Well, let's just hope she doesn't think Will is a worthy cause.

Miss Edna, it's not like that.

Will said that she was like one of the boys.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, Will. Hey, Will.

This is Lynn.

Uh, Lynn, they tell me you come from Shanghai.

Shanghai.

She's so bougie.

Well, you still have the same great taste in women.

So I see you are even more beautiful than Will described. Oh, thank you,

you're even more beautiful than Will described, too.

She just cleans up well, that's all.

Don't downplay it. You know, You remind me of myself when I was your age about

five or six years ago. You were lying.

Back in the day, the men used to crawl to me. All of them, whether they were

married or single.

Well, thank you. I owe my gray jeans to my mother.

Girl, you're too old for your mama to be buying your jeans.

Actually, it's like looking in the mirror.

Looking in the mirror.

Well, Edna, maybe you need to clean your mirror.

Clean your mirror.

Some men like seasoned women.

Well, maybe you might have a little too much season.

Or maybe you might be out of season.

To everything, there is a season.

And you're out of season. Goodbye.

I don't have to listen to this.

I'm going to go up in my room and appreciate myself.

Oh, Edna, you are so nasty.

Look, look.

Stop being nasty. Stop.

She reminds me of Charlotte from New Orleans.

Did Will Licious ever tell you about the time he went to Mardi Gras?

No, Will Licious didn't.

Wow, Will Licious. Will Licious.

You took me back on that. That was a long time ago.

Will Licious. Okay, okay. So I spilled.

halter that's right that's right men threw a lot of beads at me that day yeah

they was throwing stuff at us why are they throwing beads at us because you

don't know no oh see see when you have

Don't even try it now. Will used to be wild, too.

You remember the kissing marathon?

Girl,

your man has some serious skills.

Wow, wow, wow, the kissing marathon.

That's great. So you two dated?

No, we never called it dating.

Lynn, exactly how long are you going to be in town?

As long as Will needs me. As long as Will needs... Wow.

Well, what I really need is for you to, you know, give me a nice little generous

donation.

Generous donation?

Wow. How generous are we talking, Will?

Whatever she wants to give.

I don't think Sasha wants to talk about business. Oh, no, baby.

Sasha wants to talk about some business.

Well, I've got to get some rest before dinner tonight.

Will, could you take me to my hotel?

I've arranged for us to have a limo pick us up and take us to this very

beautiful new Thai restaurant. It is going to be fabulous. So see you

okay?

All right.

Be right back, babe. Hold up.

Lynn, you got that, baby. Just turn the knob, okay?

Turn the knob.

Ha -ha!

Woo! Willicious!

You two dated?

Well, you know, I mean, not officially. We're just friends.

Just friends or just friends with benefits?

Baby, it was college. I mean, you know, we all had benefits.

Bill, you coming?

Sure, I'll be right there, Lynn.

You better not forget what's waiting for you at home. Come on now, how could I

forget what's waiting for me at home, huh?

You ain't getting no benefits.

Night one.

Her cheapo.

And her booty.

And I want my magazine. I told y 'all, stay away from my fashion magazines.

is high fashion. From Europe.

And I don't know why you're obsessing with being young again.

That's because she old now.

Mr. Brown.

Did you see that woman at will?

Yes. I used to look like that.

Really? You a liar.

Weird. What year, what day, and what month? You are lying.

Maybe my face could use a little nip and tuck.

No, your face could use a little ski and mask.

But cosmetic surgery is so extreme.

Oh, I think all my actress friends must have done it. They look so young on

television. Daisy, that's because those are reruns.

I don't know, a little light bulb would enable me to wear my shirt up to here.

And my blouse is down to here.

And if I had to look at that, my eyes would be shut down to here.

Hey, guys, check out my badonkadonk.

Girl,

that's a badonkadonk. What are you doing? What in the world are you

Well, I heard you ladies were trying to get a little bit of work done.

This is a body suit from the plastic surgeon. It helps you imagine what

going to look like after treatment.

Hey, you guys want to try it?

I'm trying to get rid of some of mine.

Well, that's what this is for.

What is that?

Ladies, let me introduce you to the Fat Masher 3000.

And how does that work?

Well, you roll it back and forth.

and it mashes your fat and gets rid of your cellulite. London, you don't have

any fat.

Girl, if we put a dress on that rolling pin, it'll look like your twin sister.

Thank you.

Hey, Edna, come sit down. Come on, it'll be fun. I'll demonstrate.

The last time I did this, there were two salads and a bottle of tequila.

Stop being nasty. Stop it. You know I'm just kidding.

You just roll it like that?

That's it. Girl, if we rode that old car, we'd have to roll from here to

Shanghai. You go to Shanghai.

Stop cussing.

Mr. Brown, London is just demonstrating how to get rid of cellulite.

Oh, I can do that.

That feels good.

Edna, leave.

It feels good, Mr. Brown. Why don't you try it? Here, here.

Sit down next to me.

Ever since you came here, you've been trying to get me to get next to you.

You got lusting me for your heart. Stop lusting after my flush.

He who lusted after the flush shall be flushed.

Amen.

Okay.

So which one, babe?

The hard leather or the soft leather?

I don't know.

Which ones would Lynn like?

Oh, okay.

Sounds like somebody's a little jealous. I'm not.

You are, too. I am not. You are, too. Stop, Will. I'm not. Oh, look at you.

is cute.

I've never seen you behave like this before.

But you know what? It's all right. I actually think it's kind of hot.

And you look beautiful. It's a beautiful dress.

I've got nothing to say.

Oh, you know what? That must be Lynn.

So is... Whoa, look at you.

What's up?

Lynn Legs, I tell you. You're looking mighty handsome yourself.

Thank you very much. Look at that red tie, red dress we're matching.

All right.

It actually matches my dress.

Hello, Sasha.

Hello, Lynn.

Thank you. I was in such a rush.

Will, would you be a dear and hook my dress for me? Oh, yeah. Woo, I got it.

I'm going to hook you, girl. I'm going to hook the hooker.

You know what? I'm going to go upstairs and finish getting dressed, all right?

Okay. You two be nice.

I'm just getting used to wearing clothes again.

Excuse me?

I recently spent a month in a nudist colony in Peru.

It was so...

ring. We did everything. All natural.

Everything? Cooking,

sunbathing, lunch, dancing.

Lynn, you went line dancing in the nude? Yeah. Girl, that is disgusting.

Disgusting. People in this country are so inhibited.

Lynn, honey, I don't appreciate the way you pushing up on my man.

Is that what you think?

Yeah. Yes, that is what I think, and it's disrespectful.

Oh, Sasha. I am so sorry. I would never do anything to disrespect you.

I'm not interested in Will.

I'm interested in you.

Woo! Will! Will, baby!

You ready? Sasha, we're all adults here. Relax.

Haven't you ever... No!

Have you ever tried... Never.

What about doing... Uh -uh.

Oh, come on. Live a little.

Lynn, you were with Will. He's a... A man.

I love men.

Women.

Everybody. I just want to experience as much as I can.

Haven't you ever wanted to live life to the fullest?

Lynn, my life is full.

I've got a husband, a job, I'm adopting two kids.

I even joined a book club.

Oh.

Life on the edge.

Haven't you ever wanted to take a walk on the wild side?

No. No, Lynn. I like my side just fine.

Will, you coming?

Yeah, babe. What's up? I'm all ready now.

What are you guys talking about? Talking about me? No.

Girl talk? I think we were starting to bond.

No. No, no bondage. No bonding.

Yeah,

yeah. That's good. That's good. I mean, you know my beautiful wife?

One of my best friends. I mean, you know, it's been my dream to get the two

you together.

Mine too.

Will, oh my God, baby, I'm not feeling too good.

No, I think I need to stay home.

Oh, well, you know what? We'll just bring you something back from the

restaurant. No, because you have to take care of me.

I was looking forward to a nice dinner.

Linda. You know, girl, I am so sorry.

You know what?

Here's a couple of bucks.

There is a waffle place up the street. Get it scattered, smothered, and

okay?

Girl, get anything you want. Go crazy.

We're going to see you tomorrow for that benefit. How about it? Okay?

All right. We're ready for our treatment.

Ladies, the injections aren't going to hurt a bit. Wait.

Injection? I thought we were getting facials.

We're getting faces.

New faces.

I like my face. You can count me out.

Oh, please.

Well, suit yourself.

Ladies, are you ready?

Ready. Ready.

Nurse Gentry, we're ready.

You guys, this is going to make you very, very happy.

lifelike. Thank you.

What the? What in the? What's wrong with?

Y 'all look like hear no evil, speak no evil, and just plain

no evil.

What did y 'all do that for?

So, how long after the treatment does the swelling go down?

Well, the swelling is the treatment.

because I'm beautiful.

Girl, your lips look like a patent of a purse.

What in the world?

Really?

Super awesome.

That wasn't a... Never mind.

Uh, Dave, I thought you was gonna do something. I don't... Everything still

looks the same.

I wouldn't want to inject something into my face.

Oh!

What's the look of that?

Girl, you got black girl lips. She got a black girl booty.

It's a myth.

What a night, huh?

And to raise so much money for Chickletail the way we did. Is that

what? And Lynn.

Lynn, wasn't she amazing? The way she greeted the Zambians in their native

language?

Well, honey, Zambians speak English.

Oh, sorry.

Impressive anyway. That woman can do anything.

Or anyone.

So Lynn's not who you think she is.

What do you mean?

I mean that she made a pass at me.

Ha! What?

Will, I'm serious.

Oh, okay.

That doesn't make any sense.

Lynn wouldn't do that to you. She knows you're not into that type of thing.

Are you?

Will. All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Please? Will! I'm feeling okay.

Okay, I'm just teasing. You know what? This jealousy thing has really got you

overreacting. Will, I'm telling you the truth. When you went upstairs last

night, she came on to me.

You a liar.

Lynn is just a free spirit. She's always been that way. You just don't get her.

No, she wanted to get me.

Are you serious? Yes, Will. What do you want? God.

Wow, you really are serious.

Why didn't you say anything?

Because I knew how much that event meant to you, and I didn't want to spoil it.

Hey, great night, huh?

Uh, Lynn, we need to talk.

Oh, Sasha told you.

Of course she told me. She's my wife. How could you do that?

Oh, same old Will.

Excuse me?

You were just... Always too uptight to really let go.

What do you mean, let go?

I have a wonderful life, and so does Sasha.

But your life could be so much better.

Don't you want to spice things up?

Lynn, we are spicy.

Lynn,

we're supposed to be friends. How could you do something like that to my wife?

Oh, Will, I wasn't trying to steal her. I was just trying to have some fun, like

you and I used to do back in college.

Lynn, we're not in college.

All right? I'm a grown man and I'm a married man.

You don't seem to understand that not everyone shares your lifestyle.

Look, this is how I live. I don't like rules.

Well, some people do.

Look, I just came to say goodbye.

So I guess I'll be going.

I really didn't mean to cause any trouble.

Yes, you did.

Okay, yeah.

I get it.

Goodbye, Lynn.

No goodbye kiss?

No. Bye.

Honey, do you wish I was more fun?

Oh, baby, if I wanted to have more fun, I wouldn't have married you.

I'm teasing.

And I can see why she's tripping. I mean, you're hot.

But I'll call you first.

I feel so much better. You look much better, too, Miss Anderson.

You guys want something to drink? Yeah, I'll take a walk. Me, too.

That was a good walk. I miss my lips.

I don't ever want to see those cosmetic injections again.

So what did you do with the stuff?

I put it in the bathroom.

Look what I did.

I just stuck a little bit in there and it just swelled up.

I don't know.

You look horrible.

This hurt.