Original subtitles

No, I do not believe Johnny Depp is technically a hobo.

But I do believe he's been embraced by the hobo community.

What about Mickey Rourke?

That guy is a whole nother level of filth.

True, he's almost legally a landfill.

"A new opportunity for love is right in front of you."

Sorry, Neal, I just don't think of you that way.

Huh.

- Oh! - Oh!

Sorry.

[Laughs] Are you okay?

Aah. Oh, man, I hope you have collision insurance.

Excuse me, I believe I was in the turn lane.

Well, your blinker wasn't on.

So you were checking out my blinker?

Is Neal flirting successfully?

- It appears so. - He's in the zone.

I hope we don't have to get the lawyers involved.

Maybe we can just settle out of court.

Oh, oh, oh! Oh!

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!

Well, we should at least exchange information.

[Laughs] Bye.

No, no, no, no. Hey, get back in there. You were doing so well.

What do you mean?

Neal, when you guys were just bantering,

I didn't even recognize you.

That's how cool you were. That's a little insulting.

That's a lot insulting. Now get back in there.

Nope, nope, nope.

Starting to sweat.

Neal, don't you close that window.

Sorry, window's closed.

Neal, don't you walk away!

Neal! [Sighs]

He's in big trouble.

sync and corrections by bellows www.addic7ed.com

You had the ball, you were almost to the end zone,

and then on the 1-yard line,

you grabbed the knife and stabbed the ball.

- Hey, leave him alone. He did okay. - Thank you.

You are going to end up alone, because you did not do okay.

- Boom! - What's that?

Fortune bomb! I'm making Neal's fortune come true.

I went back to talk to Neal's girl.

- She's not my girl. - I'm speaking.

And I overheard her and her friends

discussing a party tonight,

so boom!

Boom!

You're gonna have to try something else,

- because no one knows what's happening. - I got all the info.

Some girl named Molly's having a party tonight, so Neal will show up

and be all, "oh, hey, what are you doing here?"

[High-pitched voice] Oh, hey,

I remember you from the restaurant.

Would you like to get a drink?

Well, bars are so loud.

Maybe come back to my place?

[Laughs]

[Deep voice] I'm the landlord!

No overnight guests!

[Normal voice] I just wanted to be a part of it.

Guys, forget all this.

I'm not gonna show up to a party I wasn't invited to.

You were invited. Your fortune said a new opportunity for love

is right in front of you, and there she was!

- It was just a fortune cookie! - Oh, come on, Neal.

You think they just give those to anyone who eats there?

Look, I'm just not ready, okay?

Neal, I know it's scary, but you need to get back out there.

Yes, listen to Milo.

He quit his job to write his novel... huge risk.

He has no income and nothing to say as a writer.

My hat's off to you.

Thank you?

By the way, what are you even doing here?

What? I thought we were all helping out our friend Neal.

You forgot you quit, didn't you?

- Until right now. - Mm-hmm.

Look at all these hipsters, huh?

That guy's wearing a cardigan over his cardigan.

- You okay? - No, no, I'm not okay.

Come on, now, okay? You already did great with this girl earlier.

That's because I didn't know I was flirting.

Now I'm all in my head.

I mean, what if she doesn't remember me?

What if she has a boyfriend?

What if she's gay?

What if I'm gay?

All right, just calm down, all right?

Remember, it's just about making a connection,

then it's all uphill from there.

Or downhill.

Hey [Clears throat] excuse me.

Do you know Molly?

Know her? We just met her.

She's amazing, right?

See, we're not the only strangers.

They just met Molly. [Cellphone chimes]

Gibbs... Photo shoot's running late.

He will text us when he gets here.

These people look so pretentious.

Is that guy wearing a kilt?

We should go.

Don't be so judgmental.

"Organic deviled pigeon eggs

from the Coop of Atticus and Clementine."

Stupid hipsters.

Hey, I'm hungry.

How come there's no food at this party?

Tyler, come on, we're looking for that girl from the restaurant.

Don't they have to feed their complicated mustaches?

Stupid hipsters.

Focus! Neal flirting with that girl

was the first sign of life he's shown since Amy.

He's like a little, fragile flower

growing through a crack in a sidewalk.

- We got to protect that flower. - Okay.

Excuse me, do you know if this is Molly's party?

Sure is.

Uh, there's the birthday girl right there.

Okay, so, Neal's girl has to be around here somewhere.

Wait, did you hear that?

That's the sound of my stomach starting to eat itself.

[Sighs]

Fine. Will a cookie make you feel better?

Two cookies would.

[Cellphone ringing]

Oh, it's Tyler.

Hey, man.

Oh, two cookies, huh? Look at you.

So, where are you guys?

We're at the party. So are we.

- Tell him I say hi. - Neal says hi.

Oh, tell him what's up from me.

Tyler says w... What am I doing?

Um, we are standing next to a blonde wearing hipster glasses.

Oh, so am I.

Well, he's more of a strawberry blond, but...

I don't see you.

Wave... wave your hands in the air.

You mean like I just don't care?

Hey, I'm talking to Milo and Neal.

Oh, tell 'em I said hey.

Gibbs says hey.

Tell him that we say nothing.

All right, look out the window. What are you seeing?

I see the statue of liberty.

No, milo, that's just a poster.

Look out the actual window.

Are you implying I can't tell the difference

between a poster and a real window?

What do you think... I'm Wile E. Coyote?

Well, I'm seeing the Brooklyn bridge out the window.

What? How's that possible?

- Milo? - Yep?

Milo and Tyler: We're at two different parties.

Okay, we're at 400 Pearl street.

Well, we're at 4 Pearl street.

Well, you're at the wrong address.

No, I asked. They said that this was Molly's party. So did we.

How can two girls named Molly both be having a party at the same night?

Maybe they're twins.

Yep, I heard that right when I said it.

That was dumb.

All right, I'm gonna figure this out. I'll call you back.

Hey, excuse me.

Do you know where Molly is?

I think it's just in the punch.

Molly.

You know...

Ecstasy.

[Chuckling] Yeah.

Uh, it's really strong, so only take a sip.

[Chuckling nervously]

What'd he say?

Oh, I think I just saw Neal's girl.

Okay, go make sure she doesn't leave

before those guys get here.

[Cellphone rings]

Milo?

I'm at a Molly party.

I know. So are we.

No, no, no, I mean, I got dosed.

Well, that's no problem.

Just grab some butter and go to town.

Not toast, you idiot!

I got dosed!

This is a party where everyone's taking Molly.

I-it's in the punch.

I had almost two glasses before I realized it.

Milo, you can't just show up at a stranger's party

and start drinking stuff without checking it.

[Muffled] Rookie move!

I've never taken ecstasy.

All right, here's what's gonna happen.

You're gonna want to brush a stranger's hair.

That's okay.

You're gonna be tempted to change into a pair of Crocs.

That's not okay.

Okay, what else?

All right, now, this is really important.

Kirble monkey frothing pope.

Oh, my God, what?!

I-I can't even understand words anymore!

[Laughing] No, man, I was just messing with you.

You thought I said something real.

Neal?

I think I lost Neal. Neal?!

I'll call you back.

[Laughing] Call you back.

Wait, why was that funny?

"Pot cookies"?

What the hell happened to having a regular party?

Why do we all got to be "Breaking Bad"?!

Hey, has anybody seen my friend Neal?

He kind of gives off like a... Like a vice-principal vibe.

He's, um, he's...

[Techno music playing]

Oh, it's the best song ever!

You guys feel this?! You guys feel this?!

Oh, make some room, make some room!

Oh, wow!

Oh, that's the good stuff.

That is the good... I must brush.

Your hair has really beautiful energy.

Oh, my God.

I know what my book is all about.

Hey, I think I saw your friend.

Oh, no time for that now!

Annie: Are you okay?

Oh, I-I think I had some bad punch.

I'm just hiding out here until I feel better.

I'm hiding because I don't like parties.

- So why are you at one? - Because otherwise, I'd be at home

watching "Pitch perfect" and bingeing on hot pockets.

That's what I'd be doing.

- Really? - Really.

But I'd doing it

in just my oversized "Doctor Who" t-shirt.

Oh, my God, me too!

Wha... Wow. [Chuckles]

I was gonna throw up, but...

Now maybe I'll wait.

[Chuckles] Gosh.

That made me feel so pretty.

[Sighs]

Wasn't Neal's girl. Wasn't even a girl.

Stupid hipsters.

Gibbs, I've been looking for you.

What's the matter?

I'll tell you what's the matter.

You and I don't own

a dessert-themed restaurant together...

Yet!

What?

You and me, co-owners.

We'd call it "Sweet friends."

No!

"Gibbs and Tyler's mouth explosion."

Are you high?

Bingo!

Tyler!

We're supposed to be bringing Neal back from the dead, remember?!

I got it! We'll call it "Taste Budz" with a "z"!

Okay, that's not bad.

Is Neal even here yet?

I feel like I know the answer.

But I can't make my mouth tell you.

[Sighs]

Oh! That's the girl!

That's definitely her!

Okay, okay, goodbye, Gibbs!

Oh, wait, now I remember.

Neal's lost at that other party.

I'd better tell Gibbs with my mind just to be safe.

What are you doing?

Never mind. I don't care.

Oh, what's wrong, Mopey Deschanel?

This party's so derivative...

Music, snacks.

Come on.

You know what I think?

I think this whole dreary hipster,

sad-sack thing isn't you.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Don't you?

'Cause I can see the fun in you being held down

like a witch in a bucket.

Tell me I'm wrong.

You are so weird.

May I?

Oh.

There you are.

Look at you.

Now admit it. Sometimes you have fun.

I bet you like Katy Perry unironically.

I do.

Of course you do! We all do!

How did you know?

I don't know.

I think I may be some sort of angel.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

You're a genius, man!

I know, and that's just the title.

Damn.

I just thought of the first nine chapters.

Hey, does anybody have one of those, um,

the... the... the scribbly goo-stick thing?

A...Pen?

A pen, yeah!

You get me, man!

[Cheers and applause]

My friend told me about you.

Could you help me with a problem?

A problem is just a solution lost in the rain.

Okay, what?

Come, sit. [Pats couch]

Well, see, my boyfriend, Brock, and I...

Whoa, whoa. I've heard enough.

Brock? No, no. Run from the Brock.

So you're saying I should leave my boyfriend

because of his name?

That's the first sensible thing I've heard you say

in all the time I've known you.

Tyler, Neal's girl is leaving. We need a plan.

Gibbs, I think you're gonna need to go this alone.

What are you talking about?

I'm needed here.

I mean, look at them.

They're all helpless, wandering, adrift.

I heard some of them talking about playing kickball later.

I can't let that happen!

Well, screw this! I'll figure it out!

Such a beautiful, angry man.

And then he never called me again!

Geez, Annie, you've been with some real weirdos.

I'm bad at spotting them!

Wait, are you one? Tell me the truth.

I'm pretty sure I'm a good guy.

In fact, I'm so nice, it's a problem.

Not to me.

Listen...

Do you ever...

Eat breakfast?

I have. [Chuckles]

Would you like to breakfast with me sometime?

[Sighs] I'd like that.

- No, wait. - No?

No, I think you're pretty great, and sometime is too far away.

Um, how about tomorrow morning?

There's a little diner on 51st and Lex.

Tell you what, if you get through tonight, it's a date.

How are you feeling?

A little shaky but... Better.

Well, ecstasy will do that to you.

- Ecstasy? - It's in the punch.

Is that why I'm brushing my feet?

I hope so.

It feels so good! [Cellphone ringing]

Excuse me for a sec.

Hello?

Neal, where the hell are you?

I'm at the party, man, and guess what.

Turns out... I'm on drugs.

What are you talking about?

Well, not on purpose. Hey, Gibbs, I met a girl.

You met a girl? Neal, I've been following the girl

from the restaurant all night!

Oh, I don't want to leave Annie just yet.

I think we got a real connection here.

Neal, you're high.

I wouldn't trust your instincts right now.

No, no, no, no, this is real.

She is great. You got to say hi.

This is my friend...

Oh, God.

Neal, what's going on?

[Chuckles] I think it's really starting to kick in, Gibbs.

I spent the whole night talking to a doll!

I'm really freaking out here.

Hey, hey, slow down.

No, I-it's true, and I thought she liked me, too,

but that smile... it was... It was just painted on.

Where's Milo? Where's Tyler?

Where are you? Where's Neal?!

Gibbs, talk to me.

I'm talking to you! Stop!

Neal! Neal!

It's okay. I know you're freaking out.

Just close your eyes.

Maybe think about your happy place.

[Screaming]

Hey!

You okay?!

Neal... I'd just forget this girl.

She seems kind of nuts.

[Siren wails]

[Siren chirps]

Wait, it's not what you think!

I've been following her all night!

I just wanted to introduce her to my little friend!

Oh. Wait.

[Gate clangs]

[Sighs]

[Cellphone ringing]

"Slide to answer."

[Ringing continues]

[Ringing continues]

[Ringing continues]

I did!

[Cellphone beeps]

You're amazing.

Hello?

Milo, I got arrested.

Tyler and Neal are high as kites.

I need you to come bail me out.

Listen, listen, listen. Listen.

I'm gonna dedicate my book to you.

Now, do I spell "Gibbs" with a "g" or a 4?

Oh. Oh, no.

Hi... me again.

What if Brock and I can...

But you can't.

For you, there is no more Brock. I'm sorry.

What's your name?

Nene.

- Come on. What's your name? - Nikki.

What's your name?

Nicole.

Feldstein.

It's nice to meet you, Nicole.

Hello, Brock.

Excuse me. I'm here to bail my friend out of jail.

Okay. What's your friend's name?

I do not know because I'm very high on drugs.

[Gate clangs]

So, while I'm running all over town trying to help Neal,

you all are busy tripping your asses off.

And now I'm in jail.

Well, I'm in jail, too, so I guess we're even.

I got tasered.

I did not know that.

[Gate clangs] What the hell happened to you?

I told the truth, Milo. I told the truth.

Oh, and a monster named Brock beat the shit out of me.

Then why did you get arrested?

A hipster's musket went off. The place got raided.

And they only got you?

I was the only one who tried to escape up the chimney.

You three have been bailed out.

By who?

Milo: Oh, Neal!

Thank you, man. We owe you one.

Well, guys, maybe next time just listen when I say,

"I'm not ready."

I'm sorry for all the trouble, officer.

I'll get 'em home safely.

Sir, are you on drugs yourself?

Absolutely not. Why do you ask?

Because you're holding my hand.

Milo, did you really start writing your novel

- at the party last night? - I did. I did.

That's amazing, man. It would be.

But when I read it this morning,

it was just a recipe for kale chips.

[Sighs] Stupid hipsters.

Oh, where did you get that cookie?

I found it in my pocket.

Oh, shit.

Oh, no, I didn't order this.

She did.

Annie! You're real!

I thought you were just a doll!

And I thought you were just adorable.

Where did you go last night?

I had to pee,

so I left a doll in my place so you wouldn't freak out.

That is so considerate. [Sighs]

Do you want to join me at the counter?

Guys, do you mind if I...

Get the hell out of here!

Gibbs, I think we got to give you credit.

If it wasn't for you, that would have lived and died with a fortune cookie.

Yeah, you must be feeling pretty good about yourself right now.

I got tasered last night.

sync and corrections by bellows www.addic7ed.com

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