Original subtitles

You going to brew it or screw it?

Her name is Jasmine and she likes to take it slow.

Check it out.

Would you look who's standing in our office?

Oh, no way. I can't believe it's that guy!

- You have no idea who that is, do you? - Yes, I do.

But you say it first and I'll tell you if you're right.

It's David Hutton, the tech billionaire.

That's David Hutton?

I mean, yeah, that's David Hutton. You are correct.

Should we go talk to him?

I'm not sure how to address him. Is he a sir?

I don't think all British people are called sir.

What about Sir Mix-a-Lot?

For the last time, Sir Mix-a-Lot is not British.

- Wonder what he's doing here. - I don't know.

- He's probably meeting with somebody really important. - David!

(Studio laughter Mai Tai!

- What are you doing here? - I'm just in town to meet some

- start-up investors. - You dog, you're going to get

- even richer, aren't you? - I just can't help myself.

David, meet my friends. This is Milo and this is...

Gibbs. I'm a big fan of your wealth.

- That makes two of us. - (Laughs) Two of us!

- Ah, that is rich. - And so am I.

- What?! (Laughs) - You're not coming across the

way you think you are.

Hey, so how do you guys know each other?

We met over vacation.

I was learning to surf and I got run over by a jet ski.

- Guess who was driving it. - Yeah, well, in my defence,

I was drunk at the time.

Anyway, he took me back to his yacht, stopped the bleeding, and we talked.

Turns out we have a ton in common.

Both: Child of divorce!

So, listen, I got a little time before my meeting.

You want to go grab breakfast?

Yeah, absolutely. There's a great diner around the corner.

Actually, I know this fantastic place on Martha's Vineyard.

Helicopter's on the roof, what do you say?

You don't have to ask me twice.

He didn't ask you once.

Shall we?

- Nice to meet you guys. - Anything you need, you call me.

I'm pretty hooked up!

Wow. Well played.

Wow, look at that. David Hutton is worth $17 billion.

If you had that kind of money, would you still be friends with me?

I would not. Would you be friends with me?

- I barely like you now. - Guys, tonight is the night.

- I'm going to propose to Amy. - There you go.

- How you going to do it? - Well, I've been giving this a

lot of thought. Amy comes home every day from

work, sits on the sofa and has a glass of chardonnay.

So I'm going to say, "Would you like a second glass of wine?"

And when she says, "You know a second glass always gives me a"

headache," I'm going to say, "Good, then how about a big tall

glass of will you marry me?" (Studio laughter)

- Huh. - You don't like it. - No, no, no. It's good.

It's just...

Neal, I say this as your friend.

It's terrible.

Neal, buddy, this is supposed to be the most romantic moment of your life.

- You got to try harder than that. - Okay, what do you have in mind?

- Well, where did you guys meet? - Actually, in this building,

on the elevator. Oh, I'll never forget it.

Amy looked so beautiful. There was an N'Sync song playing.

It was magical.

- Great, I can work with that. - What do you mean?

I'm going to help you recreate that magic.

All you got to do is get Amy here tomorrow and I'll handle the rest.

By the time I'm done, Amy's going to marry you so hard,

you won't able to sit down for a week.

Oh, nice outfit. Looks like something my mom would wear to bed.

Really? Your mom sleeps in an authentic 1975 Rangers jersey?

Yeah, she does.

I mean, it was dark, but I'm pretty sure.

I'm suggesting I slept with your mom.

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

David bought us each one of these because we're going to the

game tonight. He's a huge Rangers fan.

I feel like maybe he's a huge Tyler fan.

- What are you talking about? - Tyler, David Hutton is gay.

- It's a very well-known fact. - I know he's gay.

So what? He knows I'm not gay.

I don't know you're not gay.

Are you suggesting that a gay man and a straight man can't be friends?

No, what we're saying is... and how can I say this without

hurting your feelings? Why would someone as rich and

powerful and fun as David Hutton waste his time with someone like

you if it wasn't about sex?

Okay, guys, David and I are just buddies.

We do buddy stuff together. Over the break, we rappelled

- down the back of Machu Picchu. - And were you buddies wearing

- matching jerseys? - No.

For your information, we weren't wearing shirts at all.

So, burn.

Testing com two, testing com two.

The farmer is in the barn. Do you have eyes on the cow? Over.

Negative. Still out to pasture.

Guys, do we really have to refer to my future wife as the cow?

Affirmative. Code names are locked.

Hey, by the way, are you guys pretending to talk into your sleeve too?

Totally.

This is so cool. (Studio laughter)

Hey, what's going on? Did you organise something?

Why didn't you include me? Where should I stand?

- How do I look? - We're helping Neal propose.

Stand wherever you want. And to be honest, you look a

- little hung over. - No, I'm just tired.

I watched the sun come up with David.

(Studio laughter) From a blimp.

But I want to help. I got an idea.

- I'll be right back. - The cow is on the move.

- Repeat, the cow is on the move. - Get that heifer in the barn.

(Studio laughter) Oh, hey, Amy.

What brings you to our little corner of heaven?

Hi, Milo. Yeah, I'm just meeting Neal for lunch.

What are you doing down here?

- Nothing. - Okay.

Allow me.

I had a spin class that I missed, so I'm going to take the stairs.

Broken arrow, we have a broken arrow.

Be calm. Remember your training.

No, Amy.

Sorry, you can't take the stairs.

Why? Why not?

Because... there is something I need to share with you.

- Alright. - (Sigh) Give me your hand.

There's a reason that I'm down here in the lobby.

(Studio laughter) What, what is it?

Um... ooh. I'm an alcoholic.

(Studio laughter) And I come down here to drink

mouthwash with the shoeshine guy.

- Milo, that... - I know, I know.

I know, I know. But god, it just feels so good

to be able to say it out loud. (Ding)

But, you know, every day is a gift, so your elevator's here.

(Studio laughter) Oh my god.

Amy, there's something I want to ask you.

- Is that Lance Bass? - Yes, I am.

(Upbeat pop music)

All: Congratulations! - She said no.

(Flashbulb pops) Congratulations!

I got rice.

What do you mean, she said no?

Are you sure she wasn't starting to say "No problem"

and you cut her off?

Well, I don't see you trying anything.

Neal, what exactly happened?

- Now? - Not yet.

- Amy, my love... - Now?

Dammit, Bass, I will let you know.

Amy, will you make me the happiest man in the world?

- Now. - Dang, my power just went off

on my keyboard.

Will you marry me?

- I can't. - Got it back.

(Tinny music) (Vocalising)

Hey, Lance, can you give us a second?

- Where am I supposed to go? - What do you mean, you can't?

Neal, I love you so much. I just... I can't marry you.

I'm just, I'm not ready to be... an old pair of sweatpants.

It's not you. I'm so sorry.

This is the worst day of my life.

It was me, wasn't it? I missed my cue.

Ah, it wasn't you. Don't beat yourself up.

You know, the acoustics are terrible in there.

I'm sure they are. Take care now.

And my keyboard tech is on a ski trip.

Hey, this isn't about you. You need a pep talk, call your manager.

(Mocking) "Call your manager." That's what you sound like.

(Studio laughter) I think I need to be alone.

Old sweatpants. What does that even mean?

- Who says that? - Well, clearly Amy does, huh?

- I mean, that's who said it. - What's the matter with you?

Me? What's the matter with you?

What are you both looking at me for?

Why don't you look at each other?

You're both as guilty as I am. You ever think about that?

Huh? Well, think about.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

- What did you do? - Nothing. Much.

It was about a week ago.

Hey, Milo.

- Hey, Amy, lunch with Neal? - Yep, Chinese food Thursdays.

- It's one of our things. - I love that you guys have things.

So cute.

- Oh, you think so? - Yeah, you're so comfortable together.

Your relationship is like a cosy

old pair of sweatpants. (Studio laughter)

You couldn't have said they were like peas in a pod?

Or bugs in a rug? What's wrong with you?

I meant it as a compliment. You know I'm bad with analogies.

It's my one weakness as a writer.

Nothing you say to a woman with the word "sweatpants" in it

- is a compliment. - What about "Great sweatpants?"

You're right, doesn't work.

- You've got to fix this. - Whoa, whoa.

- What is that? - Oh, this new thing?

David got it for me. It's a friendship bracelet.

- Um, it's a Cartier watch. - It's a time-telling

- friendship bracelet. - And he just bought it for you.

- You don't find that a little strange? - No

He's just spontaneous. Like a few nights ago, we took

his yacht to this place called the Island of Fire.

Everybody was partying like crazy.

So he took you to a rave on Fire Island?

No! I don't know, maybe.

Yeah, pretty sure it was a rave on Fire Island.

- But nothing's going on. - Except for you leading him on.

I am not!

Oh, really? You're just letting him whisk

you around on his helicopter? Accepting lavish gifts?

What have you given him? Shy smile, friendly one-armed

hug, fleeting glance of your pale ankles?

Admit it, Tyler. You're straight baiting.

Straight baiting? Bullshit.

- What is that? - It's what you're doing.

This guy's hanging out with you because you've been giving him signals.

He thinks he's got a shot with you.

Does he have a shot with you?

- Because we're cool either way. - In some ways, we'd just be relieved.

Okay, I am not straight

baiting him, and I hate to ruin your repressed fantasies,

- but David and I are just friends. - Just friends.

I'd be a much better friend to David than you.

- Why, 'cause you're cooler? - Yes.

- And more fun? - Right.

- And you have awesome hats? - I wasn't even thinking about

the hat thing, but that's true too.

And you're better at sports. Why am I doing this?

(Studio laughter)

Anyway, guys, none of that matters, alright?

What matters is Neal right now. That should be our main focus.

(Helicopter blades whirring) Is that what I think it is?

Yes. David invited me to go sailing

this afternoon with his yacht racing team.

But I'm staying here for our friend.

Even though I don't see how it takes three of us to support Neal.

(Studio laughter)

(Helicopter blades whirring) Oh, just go already.

Okay, I'll be thinking of ways to help Neal!

(Knocking) Who is it?

It's Milo.

Hey, Amy, we need to talk about a conversation that you and I

- had about a week or so ago. - Actually, it's not really a great time.

I'm sort of working through some stuff.

Right, yeah, totally feeling that. Here's the thing.

About a week or so ago, you and I had a conversation and I feel

- like maybe you misunderstood... - Milo, I'm just not in the

mood for one of your drunken rants.

Can you stop talking and help me with this?

No, I'm not going to help you leave Neal.

Well, I'm going to leave whether you help me or not.

So please just get over yourself and give me a hand.

Old sweatpants. Old sweatpants.

Amy: Wait. Zipper's stuck.

Milo: Don't pull it so hard. Just tug it back and forth real gentle-like.

- Oh, like this. - Yeah, there you go. (Studio laughter)

Okay, now sit down on it. Yeah, that's right.

- Just stuff it all in there. - It doesn't fit!

Aha! I knew it!

Oh, Neal, no, this is not what it looks like.

This is exactly what it looks like.

She's using my suitcase and you're helping her.

Neal, no... Oh, yeah, that's true.

- What are you even doing here? - Look, man, last week I was

talking to Amy and telling her how jealous I am of what you

guys have, and I may have, with the best of intentions, compared

your relationship to old sweatpants.

You said that. This is all your fault.

- J'accuse! - It was supposed to be a compliment.

Neal, please, I would never

make a huge life decision based on some random thing someone said.

Especially your drunk friend.

Oh, thank god. Not my fault.

Crisis averted. I mean, my crisis.

- You guys go ahead. - Then why did you say no?

Because, Neal, I have never been on my own.

I mean, I went from my parents' house to my college dorm to

living with you and... marriage? I'm just... I'm so not ready to

settle down like that.

(Studio laughter)

- Oh. I'll... yeah. - We don't have to get married.

- We can wait. - But you want to, Neal, and I don't.

And I just don't think it would be fair for either of us to stay together.

Hey, sorry. Have you guys seen my keys?

(Studio laughter) So this is really goodbye?

Walked in, talked with Amy, we did the suitcase thing...

Got 'em. Okay, thanks.

Just chat it up. (Studio laughter)

- I'm really going to miss you. - I'm going to miss you too.

Actually, these aren't mine. (Studio laughter)

So, Mai Tai, check out that view.

- Was I right? - Oh, wow.

You know, I've said it before, I'll say it again.

- You are rich. - Yeah, it's a nice place.

I've had some pretty incredible nights here.

And I'm hoping that tonight I might have another one.

- What does that mean? - Come on, you're a bright boy.

You figure it out. What does that mean?

(Studio laughter) I'll be right back.

Make yourself comfortable. But not too comfortable.

(Slap) (Studio laughter)

They're right. I'm straight baiting him.

- What did you say? - I said it's great waiting...

- for you to come back. - At ease, soldier.

Hey, by the way, how's that watch working out for you?

Oh, you mean my friendship watch?

Is that what you're calling it?

(Studio laughter)

Hah. That's better.

Wow. That is a very short robe.

Well, why groom at all if you don't show it off?

So, Tyler, I think playtime's over.

David, yeah, let me stop you right there.

I've had a great time with you, and I'm very flattered that you

would think of me in this way, and you know what?

It's my fault. I've been straight baiting you.

- I don't know what that means. - It means that I've been

leading you on with my charm and my pale ankles.

But, David, I'm not interested in anything physical.

- And neither am I. - And I don't want to hurt your

feelings... wait, what? (Studio laughter)

Tyler, this is all very sweet of you, but I just don't think

- of you that way. - You don't?

- Not at all. - Are you sure?

(Studio laughter) I mean...

Yes. Look, we're friends, Tyler, and

no offense, but I'm just not into pretty boys.

I like to party with men, rugged men.

Oh, you should see me when I don't moisturise.

(Studio laughter) So you're telling me that

you're not gay, but you want me to want you?

- Kind of. - That is some messed-up shit.

(Studio laughter) Anyway, Tyler, I'm expecting

someone shortly, so if you don't mind...

- You have a date? - Well, he doesn't know that.

It's a sort of seduction. It's all part of the rush.

(Knocking) Here he is now.

So I'll see you soon? (Studio laughter)

Ah! (Studio laughter)

I brought dip. That is a short robe.

(Studio laughter)

What did you think was going to happen?

All I know is when a billionaire calls and invites

you to a swordfight, you go. (Studio laughter)

I don't know, I thought we were going to a fencing match.

At least he was attracted to you.

Apparently he finds my beauty disgusting.

Guys, it's super interesting that Gibbs is dating a

billionaire, but you do realise that Amy left me and is never coming back.

You're right.

I'm sorry, Neal. You know, as hard as this is,

you got to appreciate the fact that you and Amy even found love.

I mean, I haven't even gotten that far.

And, by the way, being single is not so tragic.

- You get to do whatever you want whenever you want to. - Absolutely.

Like attend a private erotic swordfight.

Shut it. Know what, buddy?

Sometimes life throws you something unexpected.

Like a private erotic swordfight.

I'm sorry, you just keep walking right into these.

Neal, I know this is hard, but you're going to get through this

and we're going to help you.

That's right.

All for one and one for all.

What?

I hate you guys.

I don't have to take this.

I have better places to be, because I happen to be invited

to a guys' night out with Mr. Lance Bass.

Bam!

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