Original subtitles

Okay.

I miss you, too.

I don't want to hang up.

Okay, I'm going to hang up first.

I thought you were going to hang up.

Okay, you hang up.

Hello.

Hello.

happy today.

Did you get my blue pills?

No. I'm just excited because tomorrow is Valentine's Day.

And my will really goes all out for me on Valentine's Day.

Oh, shoot.

I thought you were going to buff out the lime jello and the speaker wire.

Okay, I appreciate it.

Okay. And a little turned on, right?

Right? No, nothing like that.

Okay, maybe just a little.

Okay,

let's just say that my man knows how to make his lady feel special.

I just got off the phone with my honey.

Oh, you did?

Yeah, and he thinks Valentine's Day.

Sucks!

Because,

you know what?

Valentine's Day is supposed to be for lovers, right?

And it is.

Tell me this, what did you do for Sasha last year?

Well, actually, I took her to this nice little bed and breakfast.

Oh, my God.

Oh, and then we rented a jet ski.

You know what I'm saying? It's real dangerous on the water.

So what did she do for you?

I don't even remember.

Exactly. Because it's always about them on the holiday.

Oh, you know what? I forgot.

She got me this.

Really? A kitty, if you tickle it on its belly, it purrs. What?

What you supposed to do? Can I see that for a second?

It's cute. Yeah, you do it. You do it. Come on, man.

You crazy.

Nobody's here, and I'm still embarrassed.

You know what?

Come to think of it,

Sasha never gives me what I want.

You know Renee got a lot of problems, but at least my baby got taste.

Oh, Anthony is really going to like this.

I know we'll love this, Miss Kitty.

Meow, meow.

You think so, huh?

Oh, I wonder what he's going to give me.

Oh, I really, really would love it if he boycott Valentine's Day. You know what?

Let's change the game and teach these ladies a lesson. Are you with me?

Are you with me?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah. I'm with it. OK, baby.

Come on now. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with it. All right.

We're going to tell them that we deserve to be treated.

Special. Yes,

we will. That's right. And you know what? What?

We're going to tell them to their faces.

No, we won't.

No, we're not saying we will.

And you know why?

Because we scared of them?

No, man.

Because we are men.

Get your chest up.

Feel it.

Get some of that man air.

You went too deep. You went too deep.

Miss Cora, are you sure you want to put all that candy in there?

What are you trying to say?

Just because Reggie and I aren't skinny like everybody else, we can't enjoy

Valentine candy?

Uh, you're putting Reggie's candy in Will's bag.

Oh.

Never mind, none of that I'll say.

I don't see the big deal with Valentine's Day anyway.

Here, Brianna.

Open!

I knew somebody would give me something. Thank you, Lucky. Uh, not.

Make sure Simone gets this.

Fine. I mean, who wants flowers and cheesy cards anyway?

Girls who have boyfriends?

Yeah, I thought you didn't care about Valentine's Day.

I lied.

You're a friend.

You'll always have Groundhog's Day.

You can be lonely over and over and over again.

Yes, that's perfect.

Okay.

Cora, I did it!

That's great!

That's great! You did what?

Renee and I are going to take the guys to a hockey in a limo.

Oh, really?

I'm excited about that.

I know!

Oh,

I could call Simone and we could make it a triple date.

She's my future boo.

How do I love Dee?

Let me tell the way.

One.

Two.

And we did that for either.

Look, I'm glad nobody's around.

I'm wanting to tell you something.

Who, me?

Yes, I'm talking to you.

Look, I'm just, I don't know how to say it. I'm just going to say it.

Just come right out and say it.

I think I love you.

Sometimes I have to tell you. The blue button is for cold water and the red

button is for hot. No!

I think Renee got it bad.

Mm -mm, she didn't get it from me.

No, she told me the three words.

What? Get away, Brown!

No, I love you.

Oh, Mr. Brown, I didn't know you felt that way.

No, not that.

She told me she loved me. It's written all over her face, look.

See?

I'm too old to be a sugar grin daddy.

What am I doing? Oh, yeah. You know, I think you're right.

I did not see this coming.

I knew she got it bad. First, there's them stars in the air like this at me.

Then them late night phone calls. What you doing? I ain't doing nothing.

What you doing?

Then she's going to have her kids calling me daddy.

Yep, and them neighbors are calling you daddy, too. No, I can't do that.

And her baby, one baby, is kind of crazy.

No, don't look at me.

No, I don't want to look at you.

Lord,

that girl is sprung on me.

She trying to get me to do one of them French kiss things.

I can't kiss French. I'm American.

Come on, man. Look, I'm right, man. You just too...

Stubborn to thin.

God, you stubborn. You bullheaded, man.

That's why brothers can't get along.

No, that's why we can't get along.

Ask him. Ask him. Ask me what?

Who's faster, Superman or the Flash? Don't lie.

Is this seriously what grown men talk about when their women aren't around?

Please, you do other stuff.

Like what?

Like, uh...

Give each other edge -ups. Yes.

So this is what I have to look forward to?

Nah, little dude. Ain't no edging that up.

What is that, beans?

Hey!

Hey!

So what have you been doing?

Don't answer that. Keep your dignity.

Oh, look. It's two and a half men.

It's okay.

The lonely ones always lash out.

You're just going to let him get away with that?

Uh... Hey, Joaquin. Stop saying truthful things about your sister

that make her feel bad.

What?

Yeah, I was just joking.

Why couldn't I have been adopted by a normal...

I'm going to hang out with Reggie and his mom. Miss Samuel wants to go see her

first cousin.

Oh, that should be fun.

Well, not really. Reggie said she wants to go dance on his grave.

See you later. Bye, guys.

Uh, hey.

What do, uh, what do you and Renee have planned for us?

Nothing special.

See, I told you, nothing.

Maybe that boycott's a good idea.

your little rebellion?

You guys are making a big mistake.

What you mean, Joaquin?

I have information that could change Valentine's Day forever.

Well, speak on it.

Are you serious?

Hold up. You expect us to pay you? We are grown men.

Okay, can you believe this? I don't pay kids.

Well... Hold up.

I'll get that back to you.

Sasha got you guys hot tickets and a limo.

They did?

Yeah. They wanted to surprise you.

I'm surprised?

You're surprised? I'm really surprised.

Hey, um, don't you guys make any plans for tomorrow night, okay?

Okay.

And by the way, losers, Superman would win easily.

Thank you.

Nurse's Day 10, happy Valentine's Day!

Oh no, sorry, we don't fix broken hearts.

Oh, broken legs.

Hi,

this is Renee.

What?

Oh, what?

Oh, hell no, I don't owe that.

There she is, there she is. What am I gonna do?

Being this irresistible has always been my cross to bear.

Just talk to her.

Okay, but you're real charmer. I am? Yeah, so don't look her in the eye. I

how should I go back to her? Should I go gangsta or should I just... Be

sensitive, okay?

Sensitive. And then you tell her that you're older to be her great -great

-grandfather. And she'll puke in her mouth and then she'll be fine.

I'm going to see if you can still tell that same joke while you're in the

unemployment line.

Don't come talk...

Pray my strength, I'm about to go in and talk to her. All right, macaroni and

tuna.

Look here, Renee, we got to talk about this.

Now, I know I'm a hunk of chocolate love, but this ain't going to work.

You can't talk to me like that.

Wait a minute. I know this is a hard pill to swallow, but look here.

I come from a different world, and you're just looking for somebody to give

a good time. I don't want to talk about this at work.

Okay, well, where do you want to talk about it at?

Okay, you know where you would go to hell.

Okay, you're not going to talk to me like this. I'm not trying to look eye

contact, but you're not going to just talk to me. Oh, okay, so now there's no

interest.

You ain't no Merle or McCool or nothing, but you're okay now. Don't get twisted.

Oh, okay, okay.

Don't let me find you on the streets.

Don't let me find you on the streets.

Okay, look here, Renee. We got to work together.

You ain't been... Would you get out of here?

Okay, Renee, I'm trying to tell you... Get away!

I'm talking about my relationship.

But that didn't go too well.

Yeah, I heard.

We all did.

Okay, I don't care what y 'all think. I ain't no player.

And I don't crush a lot.

Dear, I think she trying to hurt me.

You know what?

You know they say hell had no fury like a woman scorched.

Yeah, you gotta go talk to her so she won't get her brothers and her cousins.

You know they done killed somebody. Wait, what if she kills me?

Duh, you'll just be dead. You won't know nothing about it. Hey, um,

you know where you take a nap every day?

Bobby the patient, his bedpan overflowed and spilled everywhere.

Where I sleep?

Where I put my head?

Yeah. I'm gonna kill him. I'm killing him.

What's she talking about me?

She gonna get you, man.

What's she trying to kill me?

It's over for you. I'm too young to die.

I got so much love to give.

Oh, good.

What'd you find?

Man, you know the stores are all picked over, but we got lucky and we found

these. Ah, that's right.

Cards. Good idea. Women love Valentine's Day cards.

Uh, happy birthday.

You fish -eyed fool?

This one's in Spanish.

That's cool.

Well, uh, you can read Spanish. What's that say, Joaquin?

Happy birthday.

You fish -eyed fool.

That was all I could find.

Okay, uh, I guess it's plan B. The personal touch.

Bam!

What's that, huh? Check it out.

A butt.

An old butt. Oh, man, that's hard.

Where's my stuff?

What did you make?

I made Renee's face out of macaroni.

What? Yeah, this is nice.

According to my kindergarten teacher, it sticks better if you use glue.

Thank you.

What are we going to do now?

Did you guys at least find some candy?

Oh, I got a half a box of Red Hots in the car.

Okay, so what did you plan on doing for Renee before our boycott?

A full box of Red Hot.

Ah, finally got you.

You know you ain't got to kill me over this.

This ain't worth it.

Look, don't even try to beg now. No, I'm going to take it, I'm going to cut it

up in little pieces, and I'm mailing it back to you.

in the bathrooms with the windows closed again?

No.

Well, yes, but that ain't got nothing to do with you trying to snuff me out.

Ain't nobody trying to snuff you out.

I heard you saying, okay, I'm going to cut you and then we're going to do

Yeah, I was talking about this.

Okay, what about you was talking on that thing and you said... You're a bill

collector.

Okay.

Okay, well, do this mean you ain't in love with me?

just put it to you this way look at you i mean look at you and look at me look

at i mean you ain't got to be so ugly about it where would you get a dumb

stupid idiotic so unrealistic idea like that

No, no, the game doesn't even start for another few hours. Okay, well, that's

weird, because Will said the same thing.

Huh. You know what? He should be ready by now. Will!

Will, are you almost ready?

Oh!

It's just for any kid. You coming in?

I have a message.

For the two most beautiful women in the world, from the two luckiest guys in the

world.

Okay, Brianna, what's this about? You'll have to read it to find out.

Or you can tip me.

I've got a tip for you. Don't mix brown liquor and marshmallows. How about that?

Ladies. Yeah.

Your keys to happiness await.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Good evening, ladies.

Your Valentine's evening awaits.

I'll get the jello and the speaker wire.

Maybe this is so perfect.

Well, sweetheart, you always said you wanted to go to Hawaii.

I did.

So since I couldn't take you to Hawaii, I brought Hawaii to us.

be made since we ain't never been nowhere or done nothing.

Enjoy.

This is so perfect.

How did you guys come up with this? It was my idea.

Actually, Brianna is the mastermind behind it all. Oh, Brianna, that's so

Oh, thank you, Panica.

Yeah, I got tired of feeling sorry for myself on Valentine's Day, and so I

decided to do something for someone else, and it feels pretty good.

Brianna, what are you talking about? We paid you.

And that makes it better.

So I say we eat, and then we change clothes and get ready for that limo

going to take us to the game.

And how do you know about the limo and the game?

I have to live through you guys until I'm old enough to have my own life.

No. Yes.

Really? How's your name on it?

Really? Yeah.

Oh.

Happy Valentine's Day to the best sister in the world.

Lonely girls need love, too.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

I got you, lonely girl. I can't help it.

So bad. to the lime jello and a speaker wire.

Oh, yeah.

We share in the same limo.

We don't have to do it in the limo. Y 'all need to step your game up. Lime is

everything.

Just come with me. I'm watching.

Here it comes. Here it comes.

I told you. I told you I wasn't going to let you get away.

Is that supposed to scare me?

stupid do you think i am real stupid you got us yep you got it my bad come on

i knew you were trying to get me back but i thought it'd be better than that

got us we're bad you're good