Original subtitles

Are you finished with that?

No, honey, I just have a few. Wait.

Can I get you anything else?

Well, I'm thinking about that.

Boy, you're going to be stabbed.

Don't come back. Don't make me bite you. Go in the car. Don't make me bite you.

Why are you being so helpful all of a sudden? Yeah. Ethan Oswald's coming

and this house needs to look presentable.

Why don't you bust Edna? She dirty. Put her in there.

Why don't we read wallpaper brown?

And who is Ethan Oswald?

He's a Dash kid. Oh.

Really?

Dash stands for doing advanced science and history.

Ethan's the president, and I'm trying to get in.

It's almost as cool as the Glee Club.

That ain't cool. The Glee Club?

I'll take this.

Last call, everyone.

Last call.

gonna get me some coffee.

Um, are you feeling okay, honey?

What do you ask?

Well, I was just wondering why you can't get your own coffee.

Ooh, fun.

Love you, sweetie.

Oh, that ain't funny.

Is this the Brown House?

I know. It's blue -trimmed and yellow house. That's what it is. Oh, Mr. Brown,

don't be rude.

I'm not being rude. What you selling? Excuse me. How can we help you?

Neha? Cleo, my Leo.

Neha! Hello, my Leo.

Neha.

This better be a picture from another movie.

This is Neha, my ex from Korea. We are... We... We were engaged to be

Welcome to America!

So how did you find me?

I searched through lots of files and records.

Whoa, whoa, you had access to military records?

No, honey, I googled you.

Oh!

Oh, oh! I'm sorry.

Ni hao. Ni hao. This is Cora and Brown. They're my neighbors. Oh, hello. Nice to

meet you. I'm Leroy S.

Brown. The S is for samurai.

I'm not Japanese.

Are you sure?

Is he okay?

Well, the test results are still out.

Oh, and this is Edna.

Ni hao.

That's all I am is Edna?

She's a shaved Mongolian square.

I'm sorry.

This is Edna Barnes, and we live together, and she's a... An endangered

She's protected by the Wildlife Society.

What part of Korea are you from?

And when are you going back?

Seoul, Korea.

Oh, you're a soul sister.

That's why I found Cleo.

My Leo.

Yeah.

Yeah, anyhow, now we lost touch after a village burned down.

Oh, sorry about that, by the way.

So, um, where do you plan on staying?

Not sure.

All the hotels are booked up.

Something about a freak -a -nick.

Freak -a -nick.

Can you recommend someplace nice?

Well, um...

Oh, you don't have to stay in the hotel.

Oh, I don't? No, no. You know, they got a nice motel down at the end of the

block. Yeah, you can stay there. They even have hourly rates.

Yeah, that and I can tell you your time is up.

Do you mind if she stays?

I don't care where she stays as long as she doesn't stay with us.

Oh, well, Nehi, you can stay here.

What? I can't believe you just said that. I can't believe you just said you

should stay here, Nehi.

Nehi, um...

I'm going to go in the kitchen and we'll get some coffee. I'll make a fresh pot,

okay? Oh, no, let's go this way.

You're about to have a monocle twerk.

Mr. Brown, you too.

No, I'm about to stay and watch Cleo get Deebo.

You're about to be all up on me like this.

And you're breathing on me. It's like cooking the side of my face.

You're about to get tore up, bro.

You must be losing your mind.

What? She's just a friend.

She is a mail -order bride that you never told me about.

Edna, she's part of my past.

So she just happened to track you down after all these years? She's always been

persistent. One time we were walking through the jungle together and I got

by a snake, and she... I probably shouldn't be telling this story.

You two were engaged.

There's something special about you for her to come back.

Are you still interested in her?

Oh, Edna.

Now, why would I like a woman like that?

Cleo, I brought you some coffee.

I remember you like it the way I do.

Black and strong.

It's a pretty cool volcano set you got here, Joaquin.

Yes. Yes.

I just got to the ninth level on Monster Quest IV.

I got to level 18.

You know, I'd make a really good dash kid. My dad's a doctor and my mom's a

nurse. My dad's a rocket scientist and my mom's an astronaut.

Man, you're funny.

Wait, you're serious?

Yes, they work for NASA.

Sort of.

You know, Joaquin, not everybody's cut out to be a dad's kid.

Then how did that kid with one leg get in?

He skipped the top of the waiting list.

Don't you mean he hopped?

He's my cousin.

Whoa. What was that?

Who, Brianna?

Oh, that's just my sister, also known as the family pet.

You know, Joaquin, there might be a spot open after all.

Really? Because I'd make a really good dash kid.

Got anything to eat?

Sure, man. Anything for you.

So, if you were a dash kid, how would you get to the meetings?

my parents or my sister might bring me.

Your sister?

Hey, if you're lucky, you might get to be an ultra -galactic supreme, dash kid.

I'm ready.

Hey, I think your sister dropped this. Can you make sure she gets it?

No problem.

Here you go. Well, oh, thanks. Well, I gotta go. My parents and I are following

the path of a shooting star.

Wow.

We're having meatloaf.

gonna be a dash kid yes doesn't get any better than this yes

uh

carver i need you to what the knee high uh same thing uh

look did you come out here to see colonel so you can try to get your uh

blue card yeah see i know why you come out here People come to America all the

time to get married so they can try to get that blue card and try to get

Americanated. That's not why I'm here.

Well, why are you here?

We got engaged because we were in love.

Oh.

Very much in love. You must not know who he about to marry. Edna will claw both

of y 'all eyes out.

She'll cut that throat with her claws, y 'all better understand that.

Hey, look what I found.

Oh.

We dance to this all night long. Yes, all morning long.

I have a surprise for you. Oh, lay it on me.

Well, you have to wait till tomorrow.

I'm cooking dinner for everyone.

Bring your Edna.

Who?

You still got it. Yes, I still got it. I brought in over the Browns for a

second, huh?

More like a quickie.

Edna, Edna, that is not what you think. I think that you think I'm stupid.

No, really, Edna. He just came to drop something off.

Oh, and you just happened to come and pick up where you left off.

No, no, no, no, Edna.

She's cooking dinner for everyone tomorrow.

Oh, dinner. Yeah.

I've got plans.

Well, then Cleo can come along.

Actually, I'm available.

We'll see you both at eight. Yes.

Let's go.

Well, it's a date at eight.

Let's go.

A dinner date.

For everybody.

Woman of my dreams.

We should be together.

Be my lady?

I

can't

find it. It doesn't make any sense.

What are you looking for? It says press any key to continue, and I can't find

any key.

We need to stop.

Just be pretty -ish.

Ethan, what are you doing here?

I was walking around the neighborhood looking for a meteor shower.

But it's the afternoon.

Those are the rare ones.

Speaking of heavenly bodies...

And I'm busy.

You're funny.

Funny looking.

Come on, Ethan. Let's go check out my telescope.

Why?

So we can see the meteor shower.

It's the afternoon.

It's dark and dorkier.

That's not nice. That's the point.

Maybe I should just go.

Stay put.

Ethan, can you give us a second?

Brianna, you have to be nice to Ethan.

No, I don't. I want him to like me.

Aw, the little geek needs a friend.

It's important, Brianna.

Give me one good reason why you won't do this for me.

Milkshakes in my shampoo.

Ketchup in my nail polish.

asked for one.

Fine.

I'll do your homework for two weeks.

You can't do my homework.

Can you? Yeah, no, you know what? Forget it. I'm not being nice to your little

friend.

I'll tell Will and Sasha that you've been sneaking out at night.

Ha! Ha! They already caught me.

My blackmail game's slipping.

Brianna, you have to be nice to Ethan.

Why?

group for special kids.

This is special.

Joaquin, why didn't you just tell me that before?

Oh, I was hoping you'd help me because I'm your brother.

Get real.

Joaquin, I gotta get home.

Ethan, you should stay for dinner.

Will you eat?

I'm so sorry if I was rude to you earlier.

You can be what ever you want to be.

Give me a hug.

Aw.

Okay,

it's over now.

Brown, what am I gonna do? I think Neha came back here to rekindle our fire.

Ain't that hot? village got burnt down the last time?

Seriously, Brown.

I'm gonna bury Edna one day.

Yes, yes, okay.

Well, you know, clearly, it states in the Bible, in the Bible days, that he

findeth a wife findeth a good thing.

And since you and Edna ain't married, I guess you just got a swamp thing.

Brown, I need your help.

I need to put her down easy.

Shut up, Colonel. You gonna put her down?

Are you going to use the people, doctor? I'm talking about me. I mean, Edna is

the only one that makes my heart skip a beat.

And so does pork rind. But I don't see you running down the aisle with them.

Oh, you idiot.

Wow.

Dinner is served.

Yes. Oh, that smells great.

I don't say that about my food.

That's because your food always just smells.

Well,

we don't know what you're here for. Come in here and grab him stuff.

Mr. Brown, you can't treat Ethan like that.

He's special.

You are so in.

Kids, how about you sit at the kids' table?

Okay, I'll check on you later.

No, you won't have to check on him later because you'll be sitting right beside

him. Go to the kids' table.

No, I'm not a kid. Why do I have to sit at the kids' table?

All right. For everybody who's ever watched Soul Train, raise your hand.

What? Soul train. The hippest trip around.

Let's sit with the kids. That's what I thought.

Uh, Nilo, you don't have to go. You cooked food.

Me, hi.

Same thing.

Okay, Mr. Branson. Lead us in grace.

Okay. Everybody hold hands and bow your heads and let's pray.

Praise the Lord.

Yes, praise him.

Uh, Lord.

Bless those people whose village was burned down by Colonel Neal.

And Lord, help her get her blue coat, because we all know that's the only

she came down here in America to try to get that. In Jesus' name, amen.

Amen. Amen.

Amen.

Okay, let's dig in. Okay, what you got?

Collard greens and yams. Fried chicken and catfish.

What?

Black eyed peas, mac and cheese.

And cornbread.

Sir,

this food is from your country?

No, this food is more like from the country.

You're so funny and brown, my clown.

Okay, you know, you got one more time to put your hands on me like that.

Knee high.

It's so wide.

I tell you, that looks incredible.

Oh, Mr. Brown, I'll make you a plate. Yeah, fix me a plate, Cora.

You're going to fix my plate?

Well, I guess I will. Here you go, Cleo.

I've been waiting to do this for a long time. Oh, thank you. That right there,

that's a good woman.

Those greens are full of salt.

Those yams are too sweet, full of sugar. And you better not touch that fried

food.

Uh, Colonel.

It's a big old pot of barley and nothing in there you can have. Go get it.

I have an announcement to make.

Well, I have something to say also.

No, Cleo, don't do it. No, no, no, no, no, no. You can't... I'm not going to

move Edna.

What? What the... I got your note. What note?

Are there any more black -eyed peaslips?

Somebody's going to get a black eye up in here.

Woman of my dreams, we should be together.

Be my lady.

What?

What?

Round one. Let's get this thing going. Hey, someone's stealing my line. I wrote

that note to Brianna.

He wrote that note for Brianna. What? So you didn't write to know. How do you

explain you and Mr.

Kneehide dancing in the kitchen?

What? Round two.

No, no, no. That was just a little innocent thing.

Very innocent. I can't believe you.

Wait, Miss Anna, wait.

Edna! Edna!

Edna! Let's get it on!

Cleo! Cleo! Cleo!

Mm -hmm.

Boy, I thought you don't stick your fingers up enough.

Didn't that feel in a home frame?

You can read and write at a college level.

I thought you were special.

I think you're special, too.

Oh, get away from me. I thought you rode the short bus and had a helmet. You

lied to me.

from them college greens.

Joaquin, you... There you go. Thank you, Joaquin.

You mean this whole time you're only gonna make me a dash kid because you

my sister?

Yeah. I thought you were smart.

I think it's time for you to go.

What about being a dash kid?

Is everybody in the club like you?

Of course.

Then no thanks.

You're lost.

You know, I could have shown you the Milky Way.

First of all, I like Snickers.

Secondly, nobody uses my little brother but me.

Yeah, indeed.

Get out.

Eve, can you believe this?

Damn, that ain't even real catfish.

That's eel.

Eel?

First place, shoot. Sorry for all the confusion.

I just wanted to see an old friend.

Is that what you're here for? Well, I'm opening a new restaurant in Atlanta.

Mihai's Soul Food.

Mihai's Soul Food.

And you guys are invited to eat there any time you like. Well, we may show up,

but it's off limits.

For the Colonel.

Oh, but then don't be like that. No, it's his bad heart, and he can't take

that rich food. And he knows that.

And she's right.

And that's why I love her.

She not only gives me what I need, but what I want.

Oh, I'm so happy for you both.

You two go together like eel and sweet potatoes.