Original subtitles

So how did Bernice find out that her husband was having an affair?

Her best friend told her.

What? Now, that's a good friend.

She just up and said, girl, I'm sleeping with your husband.

Now, that's a bad friend.

What you two in here cackling about?

Cora Edlerton told you her real age? She's 300.

No, I told her your real waist size.

Well, you should have told her your waist, the skin.

Why is it, Colonel, don't you need to go home? Go do something. Bye.

Busted Brown.

Who are you? Ain't nobody called me Busted Brown since swim class in high

school. Well, that was the last time we saw each other. I saw a bit more of you

than I care to remember.

I'm Ernie. Ernie Wilson.

Shut up!

You done got old.

Well, you haven't changed.

Well, you know, I haven't. You've been wearing that same tight ugly shirt since

high school.

You know, I never liked you in the first place.

Hi.

My name is Edna. Oh, well.

Nice to meet you, Mrs. Brown.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's wise. The only time I touch him is when I twat flies off his head.

Hi,

I'm Mr.

Brown's daughter, Cora.

Cora? Yes, sir.

Cora.

Cora. Mr. Wilson.

Get your hands off my daughter, dirty old man. Find your dirty... old woman.

Edna, get him. That's a dirty old woman.

No offense, Miss Edna, but I came for Cora.

You did?

Why? Yes.

Why?

Well, I'm Cora's father.

What? My dad?

There has to be a mistake. Yes, this is a mistake. You coming around here trying

to pass yourself off as my baby daddy.

That didn't sound right. It is no mistake.

You know what? I know how we can get to the bottom of this. Give me the phone,

Carl. Give me the phone, Carl. Okay. I know how we can get to the bottom of

this. I'm going to call my dear. I'm going to call her mom and ask her number

555 -5555 -0.

Hello? My dear?

Yeah, this is Brant.

Mm -hmm.

I want to ask you something.

Stop cussing.

Do you know this dude named... What's your name again? Ernie. Ernie Wilson.

You know this dude named Ernie Wilson?

In the back seat of a Chevy.

You don't have to go all into detail. I don't want to know that.

Now, yes.

Bye.

Well, what'd she say?

My dear, say Ernie could be Corbett's dad and don't call her no more.

I don't believe it. I don't believe him either. I think this man right here is a

liar. L -I... What?

Well, if you really think you're Corbett's father, what took you so long

get him? Yes, why?

Well, uh, you see, when my wife passed, I was going through therapy, and I

realized I had... A whole lot of repressed memories, and one of them was

Medea and I in the backseat of a car.

Shut up. You depressed your feelings?

Yeah. You got to show me that, because I can't depress mine. I've been thinking

about the throat.

I see. That's it.

That's how a sweet person like Cora could be related to a troll like you.

And don't you got an ugly anonymous class to go to? Go by. Go walk outside

the field. Mr. Brown, don't be like that. What's she being like? Well,

all right, Cora. It's a family matter.

That means you should go.

She's talking to you.

No, I think she's talking to you. No, I'm calling real daddy. You're not going

to sit up here in my face. Oh, would you two just stop it for a minute?

Wait! Why don't you just take a blood test so we can get to the bottom of it?

That's a stupid idea.

You know what? I got a better idea. I know.

I should go.

Yeah, right this way, please.

See ya, fake daddy.

Sasha's at the hospital. I'm sure we can get her to let us in.

I told you, I'm not giving no blood. I'm allergic to needles.

Well, I give blood to the Red Cross every year.

Me too.

Wow.

Wow. I do that too. Wow.

You ain't the only one got... Wow. Me and Cora got a lot in common. See how we

hold our hands?

Wow. You ain't the only one got something in common with her.

You better stop. And I heard you were a tiger in the bed last night. You better

hope her husband Randy don't find out.

Oh, this is Randy from geriatrics and not Andy from pediatrics.

My bad.

Hey. It wasn't me. I didn't do it. I didn't.

Well, then who parked your 83 Civic in handicap parking?

Oh, yeah, I did do that. But you know what? It's not fair.

Why do they get all the best faces?

It's not like they're crip.

Okay, so they are. So what?

Nurse's station, please hold.

I have fallen arches. Does that count? No.

Well, it should.

Okay.

Who?

Let me see. Hold on.

There's some guy named Ron Michaels on the phone for you.

Some guy?

Yeah. He's our chief surgeon.

Oh.

I'm sorry, let me act excited about that.

Thank you.

Hello, this is Sasha.

Yeah. Wait, tonight?

Well, of course.

Yes, I would be delighted to oversee this year's blood drive. Yeah, it'd be

great. Yeah, it's going to be a hit.

Okay.

All right. My pleasure.

Thank you for the opportunity.

Okay. Bye -bye.

Renee, you're in charge of the blood drive.

What? No, I have things to do, Sasha.

Yeah, like run a blood drive. Woo -hoo.

After you move your car.

Look, a blood drive is a waste of time. Not for people who are bleeding to

death. Oh, and that's on me?

You know what?

Maybe I should get someone who's just a little more competent.

Oh, please. Don't even try and try and put a little okey -doke on me. I'm

Look, I do what I want to do. Well, you're not running a blood drive, are

Yes, I am.

Did you know that last year only eight people showed up?

Yeah, that's because the coordinator was boring.

I was the coordinator?

I know.

Look, all of the donors got a free bowl of tapioca.

Sorry, I stand corrected.

It was boring and gross.

I'm going to be so much better than that. Yeah, right.

Did you just laugh at me?

That wasn't a laugh.

This is a laugh.

I see how we're doing. Okay, I see. Don't touch me.

I'm going to show you. Sasha!

Quick!

There's a fight!

There's a fight in the cafeteria!

Okay, what? You want me to call security?

No, no. I'm taking bets.

Do you have Andy in pediatrics or Randy in geriatrics?

Does Randy have his prosthetic leg?

Well, he did.

Okay, I got 20 on me. Yeah.

fighting for oh who knows yeah i heard that andy is sleeping with randy's candy

and take his partner spot oh that is so horrible um who's winning andy

randy's already bleeding

favorite movie?

Soul Plane. What?

No, I'm just kidding.

Glory. Oh, mine too.

Okay, favorite singer?

Male or female?

Both.

Little Richard.

No,

Natalie Cole and Nat King Cole.

Father and daughter, just like you and me.

Oh, well, let's not jump to conclusions.

Oh, come on now.

I don't need no blood test to tell me.

It's clear I am your father.

Well, no, right now we're just two people with a lot in common.

Hello. Hey, Miss Edna.

Excuse me, am I interrupting?

No, Miss Edna, I was just leaving.

Well, I'll call you with the results, okay?

Okay, daughter.

Daughter?

Does that mean... No, it doesn't mean anything.

Even if Ernie is my biological father, Mr. Brown will always be my dad.

Cora, you're not making any sense.

Oh, no.

Maybe Brown is your daddy.

Oh, Miss Edna, now, don't make fun right now.

Mr. Brown has been pretty low since Ernie showed up.

Boy, Cora, you really love that big weasel, don't you?

Yes, I do.

He may be a weasel, but he's my weasel.

What about Ernie? Well, Ernie's a wonderful man.

Well, if he turned out to be your father, would you feel the same way?

Ernie is funny. He's caring and smart.

Any girl would be proud to have him as a father.

Laura. Hey.

Have you seen Brown?

Oh, not in the last few hours. Why? I just saw him take a suitcase and put it

his car.

A suitcase?

Why would he have a suitcase?

Laura.

What's this?

What's what?

What is it?

Dear Clara, my one and only daughter, so I thought with an attitude.

I have decided it's best for me to run away from home.

That way you can have the deity you always deserve.

Oh, no, wait.

That sounds too mature. Are you sure Brown wrote that letter? Yes, I'm sure.

wrote it with a purple crayon.

And just to show you how much I love you, you can have them homemade cookies.

cleverly hid inside the cookie jar.

Oh, I'm sorry. I ate them.

I'm going to miss you.

And, uh,

and.

P .S. Edna, get out.

Go home. Get to stepping.

Why would he run away?

Here we go.

Anderson plus two.

You can head right over to the D section.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sasha, I cannot let you in VIP.

Your name is not on this guest list.

If you don't let me in, your name won't be on any of our paychecks.

Oh, I just found it right here.

I'm the very pushy head nurse.

Go right ahead.

Who let you in VIP?

What is going on in here? And who are all these people?

They're black donors. Oh, really? Yeah. And how'd you find them all? I put up a

flyer at the check -cashing place.

Hey, hey, hey. No, no, no, no, no. You can't go to room 301. There's a one

minimum.

People always try to break the rules.

Speaking of breaking the rules, Renee, you know you could lose your job over

this? What, for being successful?

No, for breaking too many codes.

Well, I think they should fire my supervisor.

Yeah, copy that. Renee, I'm looking for a Bloody Mary.

You are not serving alcohol in here.

Oh, please, don't get your granny panties all in a bunch.

A Bloody Mary is the money that donates the most blood.

Yeah. Oh, there she is.

Oh, there she goes.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before she packed out, she ordered a two -piece

catfish and a summons notarize.

Handle that.

You're all so fired.

Okay, come on.

At some point it does.

Uh, what the what?

Hey, Mr. B, what's going on? Man, is this a Jew joint or a house filler?

Well, it don't matter because I just ran away from home. I'm just here to get my

check. All right, we got a new policy.

No one gets paid unless they donate some blood.

I tell you what, if I don't get my check, I'm going to be donating your

Oh, looks like an O positive to me.

Uh, O, I'm positive. I'm not donating no blood today for sure.

Come on, Mr. Brown.

Don't be a dud.

Give me some blood.

Come on, Derek. Don't be a jerk. And y 'all give me my money for my work.

Hello, Brown.

Ah, who left the gate open?

Shut up before I take another pint of blood out of you.

How much did it take, Cora?

Felt like they cut off my arm. Help me.

Here you go.

Here you are, Mr. Brown.

What's this?

That's the result from a DNA test.

Sasha ran the test when you passed out.

Oh, Cora, am I your daddy?

Mr. Brown. Cora, don't tell me I don't want...

Need no DNA test to tell me something I already know.

You've been the person who's taken care of me and loved me through thick and

thin.

Oh, girl, you mean that? Yes, I mean that, Mr. Brown. You know, there's a

saying, you like people for who they are, but you love them for what they're

not.

You know, I don't understand nothing you just said.

You said you love people for what they're not and who they is, and if you

they want you. Mr. Brown, it just means that... That's dumb.

Well, this just means that there's a lot of you to love.

Oh, thank you.

You know, Cora, you're going to always be my daughter. I don't care what they

say. Yeah.

I don't need no CNN, no TLC, no TBS, and no TBYCU, or ICU,

and no TNA to tell me you're my daughter.

I don't need to know. I don't need it. I'll get the door. You're my daughter.

Hey, Ernie, come on in. Thank you, Cora.

Ernie, I got something to show you.

Right here.

Hold on. Let me see first.

Yes! You are not the father! Right there! Bam! On you! On you! On you! I

it! I knew it!

99 .999!

Boom! Blow him up!

Boom!

You're not the daddy. 99... What is you? Not the daddy.

Well, that's a shame.

Because I was going to leave you everything I got.

Like what?

Like eight shopping malls and 14 apartment buildings. Shut up! What?

Wait, you're Ernie Wilson, the real estate mogul? You've heard of me?

Yes, I've heard of you. Everybody know you. You're one of the richest guys here

in Atlanta.

Uh, in the country.

Oh, all right.

Uh, Cora Brown, I'm sorry to put y 'all through this.

Oh, hold it right there, daddy.

Are you stankin' rich or filthy rich?

Filth is stanky.

Good day.

Wait, wait, hold up. We both can be the dead.

You ain't got to go nowhere. We can share junk custody.

You take Amanda through Friday and bring her back. You ain't about to bring her

back.

What you stand for? Come help me get your deed in. What?

See ya.

Same time next year. Tell your friends.

No, don't tell anyone. This was a once -in -a -lifetime event.

Party hooper.

Hey, how am I going to explain this to Dr. Michaels?

You tell him the truth.

Oh, what?

Did I let you have a party in the hospital?

No, it wasn't a party. It was a blood drive.

Oh, yeah, like he's really going to believe me.

He'll believe you when you tell him we collected 188 pints of blood.

That's 180 more than last year.

Yep. Renee, this is fantastic.

I know.

going on? Party's over?

Derek, it wasn't a party. It was a blood drive.

Oh, in that case, blood drive at the friend house.

Hey,

they still didn't give.

Oh, don't worry.

They will.

That's right. Two pints.

Hey, same time next year.

And don't forget to tell your friend.

What happens to once in a lifetime?

Maybe we can bend the rules sometime.

Renee, it's for a good cause. It's okay.

I knew it!

You are a rebel at heart. That's right, Renee. I am a rebel.

Do that.

Renee,

you're not going to help me?

No, I can't. Derek is my ride.

Yeah, my car got towed out of the handicap zone. Can you believe some

So, uh, you and Madea, huh?

Yep.

You and Madea, huh?

Yeah.

So, are you still having them late -night sweats and, uh, having

Yeah.

You?

Yeah, especially late night.

How'd she get you in the car?

Gin. How's she get you?

Bacon.

Yes, she start putting bacon in the back of the seat and say, Brown, she know I

like bacon.

Can I have one of your apartment complexes?

No. Get off of me.