Original subtitles

I like you too, Jason.

Okay, bye.

You didn't hang up either!

Okay, on the count of three. Ready?

One, two, two and a half.

Okay, you hang up first.

Oh, you!

Your happiness is making me uncomfortable.

You idiot! Now I have to call him back!

I hate you, Joaquin!

That's more like it.

Get off the phone, Brianna. We have to get to the TV station.

Okay, Joaquin, honey, get dressed.

I am dressed.

Sweetheart, calm down.

Honey, I am in charge of this year's telethon, and it has to be a success.

But everything's going to be fine.

All right, the Center for the Kids will get the renovations in no time.

Okay, well, last year they raised over $80 ,000.

Now, the hospital said that they would match anything over $100 ,000.

We can do this.

That's right. We can definitely do it. Of course.

I mean, how can it fail?

Okay? Especially since I'm going to grace the stage with my talent.

It's going to be a disaster.

Hey.

Will, not because of you.

Mac Tite's people haven't called yet.

Who is Mac Tite? He was on America's Best Dance Crew, and he killed.

I bet you he don't know nothing about no Shabba -Doo.

Shabba -Doo?

Isn't that the cartoon dog?

Don't worry, sweetie. He was way before your time.

Mine, too.

Please. You know you had a job when breaking was out.

This is good as it gets.

Telethon, here I come.

Wow.

Well, thank you.

You look nice,

Miss Kara.

Well, thank you. Well, hopefully I sound as good as I look.

This is my first time singing on TV.

No, it's just a local accent. This channel?

Or you don't have to be so nervous.

Well, why would you say I'm nervous?

Because your dress is inside out.

What are you laughing at? You should be getting dressed.

What is wrong with what I have on?

Maybe I should add a song to my act.

No!

What?

Where is Mr.

Brown? Wow. Do you think he's still upset over not being in the program?

No, I'm sure he's over that by now.

Mr. Brown, it's time to go.

Come on.

I'm coming. I don't even know where I'm going since I'm not in the show. You in

the show, he in the show, everybody in the family in the show except me.

I don't know what the problem is. Mr. Brown, he talks about this, and you said

you'd help out in any way that you could. Yes, that's when I thought I was

to be a feature part of the show before the family just kicked me out. Y 'all

don't care nothing about me, but I help y 'all with y 'all little stanky show.

That's okay. I don't care.

By the way, Wacom, I like your outfit.

I better go change.

I can't believe nobody didn't help me with these bags.

Come on, Carver. I wish somebody gave me a hand.

Oh, you need a hand? Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Carver Simmons.

Give it up for her. Give it up. I mean with the bags, Mr. Blanton. Oh, you're

going to give me a raptured spleen. And you would take the lightest thing. It's

the one I wanted to get.

So awesome.

And there is our host, John Doerr.

Hey. Hey, John. Hey, it's Doe. Why is it spelled Doerr? The aura is silent.

The what?

The aura.

The what? The aura is silent. Oh, I'm sorry. I couldn't hear it.

Let me go get ready. The aura is silent.

Wouldn't that be do?

No, Doe. Oh, like foe.

No,

Doe.

The Georgia Tech revival one, you know.

Standing in front of your TV, the third zombie on the left.

Mac Tite is in the building.

Mac Tite!

We are so happy you could join us, Mr. Tite.

Okay. You know what, how about I introduce you to Mr.

Dope.

Dope. Now will somebody take Mac Tite to his dressing room?

Wonderful. Anyway, anyway, who else do we have on the show? Oh, I'm so excited

you asked. We have a singer, an amazing ventriloquist, and a... A

clown.

Is your daddy out here?

You keep on, you're going to get clowns. You don't know who I am. I'm just

playing with you. That's sharp, man. You know Rubik's Cube want their colors

back.

No, no, no, real talk. All the comedians out of work and you want to make jokes.

You look like an undertaker.

It was a tight fan. How about we go over those intros, huh, Mr. Dodor? I don't

need to go over intros. This is what I do, baby. Okay.

The only thing I'm going to do is say, hey, coming to the stage, give it up

for... All right, give it up for Big Willie and Little Buddy.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

How do you know they're climbing for you?

Because only one of us is real, and the

other one is a dummy.

You're not too bright, but I wouldn't call you a dummy.

I was talking about you.

I know.

When you said one of us is real.

No, I'm the real one.

Well, I'm not the one arguing with a dummy.

All right, guys.

Let's hear it for Big Willie and Little Buddy.

The phone lines have been lighting up, and we are $57 ,000 closer

to making the Children's Center renovations a reality.

Right now, I'd like to recognize our tireless volunteers who are dedicating

their time to our efforts.

First up, we have none other than Colonel Jackson.

$200?

Now, I know homeless people who pledge more than that. Look, stop driving

all over the place, get off the welfare, and stop buying rims.

Oh, and thank you for your time.

Okay.

And here is my good...

friend and co -worker renee now you guys want to stay tuned because she'll be

performing a little later in the show so renee how's it going huh you want to

donate one thousand dollars oh that's so generous what's your name say that

again wow guys one thousand dollars who is that renee

ivana tinkle

funny. You know what? If you guys are going to call in here and play on the

phones like that, I am going to kill you in your throat.

Twice.

Even the kids are doing their part to help.

And now I'd like to introduce you to my wonderful, beautiful ladylike daughter,

Brianna.

You better tell her to keep her stanky little hands to herself, okay?

Jason left her for a reason. He wanted to go from ashy to classy.

How much money would you like to donate?

Back to you, John.

Coming up next, we got a wonderful praise dancer that's going to come out

and blow this thing wide open. She is awesome. She is unstoppable.

Give it up. Show your love for the wonderful Renee.

I want a saddle.

No, I don't have a horse.

You know, that dance was... Spiritual.

And touching.

Any shout -outs? Oh, yes, yes.

Hey, Pookie.

And to my kids. Thanks for watching my kids, Pookie.

Tony and Braxton.

All right.

Those are not your kids' names.

Are you laughing at my kids?

No. Are you laughing at my kids?

I will kill you and don't...

the r is silent well that's dumb and the d is not dumb see money and also for

anger management oh thank you very much for that beautiful dance all right y

'all mactite is up next but first this guy right here is so dark when you walk

in the kitchen skillets start giggling all right coming up next crispy the fire

swallower

Got me sweeping floors. I should be in the show.

Impressive, huh?

You okay?

Okay?

And Mac Tite ain't never been okay.

I can believe that.

You know what?

I'm feeling a little parched.

Why don't you go grab Mac Tite some water?

Oh, no. He didn't just say grab me some... Mac Tite better watch who he

to before you get ran over by this Mac Trump.

Can you please get back tight?

Some water.

Mr. Brown told me to tell you get your own water. Whatever.

Whatever you.

What you doing?

That's whack. I can do that.

That's all.

You got to come around.

Mr. Tite, I ain't eat you that hard. Stop acting like a little old girl.

Brown!

Brown!

Brown!

Brown!

It was too quiet over here, so they sent me to check on you.

Yeah, Colonel Allen, what they gonna send you to check on me for? I'm a grown

man. Ain't nobody got to check on me.

Brown, what'd you do to him?

I ain't do nothing. He sleep.

It help his back when he sleep on something hard.

You know, knock him out.

Colonel, well, if y 'all didn't want him knocked out, y 'all shouldn't have left

him back here with me.

And what we gonna do?

We? When did you become French?

Since I knocked out Monsieur Mac right here.

Colonel, you got to help me, please.

Well, what you want me to do?

Do like you used to do in the war.

Just turn around, walk away, and do nothing.

Just, just...

All right, I know what to do. Thank you, Colonel. You're a true friend.

Carter!

I'm gonna have to jump out, boy.

You make me start punching in your face.

Mr.

Brooks, what did you do?

Carter, him fell down.

What do you mean, him fell down? He done knocked that boy out.

Hush, ain't nobody ask you nothing.

Well, can you go out there and stall, Colonel?

Well, I don't have anything prepared, but, uh...

Yes.

You sell out.

Mr. Tate.

Mr. Tate.

I can't believe you, Mr. Brand. That's why Sasha wanted you out of the way.

Carmen, you act like you ain't never knocked nobody out. No, I ain't never

knocked nobody out at a time like this.

Well, what time did you knock somebody out at?

You done knocked somebody out. You can't judge me if you done throw the first

rock if you ain't never knocked nobody out. Mr. Brand, now how are we going to

raise $100 ,000? Now, you done knocked... Oh, you always messing

I said I'm sorry.

See, you done got me in trouble with everybody.

Boy, ain't that hurt. I ain't even hit you that hard. It didn't even go clunk,

it said clunk.

Make me sick.

So, uh, well, how many posse's we got in the house?

Hey!

Posse's, raise your hands!

Raise your love!

Posse's! You're making us lose money.

Look.

I didn't do that.

That's about... Colonel Jackson!

Joke's not going too good. He's up here sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling

bee.

Anyway, uh... Coming up next, I want y 'all to show some love as we try to get

this money back up because somebody took all the money behind those bad jokes

with M .I .A. Uh, give it up for Miss Cora Simmons!

Carla Simmons, maybe she could revive us.

Woo! Woo!

Yes, how you doing?

All right. All right.

Save us, save us, save us. We need some money up here. All right. What are you

going to sing for us? His eyes on the sparrow.

Say what?

His eyes on the sparrow.

Okay, his eyes on the sparrow. Yes, the sparrow. Okay. All right, ladies and

gentlemen. Kill him.

All right, Carla Simmons!

Why?

should I feel discouraged and why

should the shadows come why should my

heart feel lonely long for heaven

and home when Jesus is

my portion

to worry about him juggling bowling balls anymore.

Good luck to you. Hey, you forgot one.

Hope you already got kids.

Bye.

How many times you gonna change clothes?

I had this suit on all day.

type would not be performing tonight because because we found a better dancer

what are you doing i'm saving your show no you are making a fool

out of yourself well whatever i gotta do just call me captain save a show can i

make three wishes i wish you were gone i wish you were gone can you even dance

what yes i can dance i have you to know that i am leroy s brown

And the S is for so I know I can dance.

Yes, yeah, back it out.

DJ, hit it. Come on.

What are you doing?

I'm cutting a rug.

It stinks. You stink. Now get out of here and let Mac Tite show you how it's

done. All right, give it up for Mac 10.

Who's Mac Tite?

man whatever man you know i was in that thriller uh video from georgia tech

revival and you didn't even wear no mask i bet did you hey thanks for keeping

the stage warm for me old man what you know i'm getting sick of you talking

noise to me okay okay yeah i bet you are okay i know you just didn't touch me

now hit it what's taking

you so long i can do that

Yo, man, you in Mac Tite's way, old man. Mac Tite in his own way with them old

wiggity -wickity -whack moves.

Whack? Whack!

Now, why don't you put your feet where your mouth is?

Why about the kangaroo kick you right in your face? What I'm talking about, man.

I'm talking about a dance -off between Mac Tite and the old

man. I know you didn't just touch my chest as much as I've been working out.

Brown, you don't want to do that.

Mac Tide is a professional dancer.

Well, I'm a professional janitor.

That mean I'm about to sweep the floor up with this boy.

Bring it. Bring it. Come on. It's already brunt.

Get off my stage!

We are one dollar away from achieving our goal!

Uncle Brown, do the move. Get him with the move.

Get it!

Let's go.

doing what they did to get me here.

And I'd like to thank Academy for not being so political and letting the real

people win.